
Originally Posted by
OliveJardin
In a nutshell, she cultivated you as a good regular and has now cut you off. Possibly because you stopped spending, became too demanding or possessive, or because you were pushing for OTC or "other" services ITC/OTC that she was not providing. Or, perhaps she didn't expect you to be "waiting" when she returned from sick leave. Additionally, if this dancer was actually ill, she probably wants to take it easy and may not have the energy to maintain regulars, at this time.
We were not there and cannot safety say that there wasn't anything between you. But, I will say that people in general can get along, enjoy each other's company, have a lot in common and have a genuine "connection" while maintaining a purely business relationship. This sounds like a business relationship for this industry.
Either way, if her friend is asking you to "leave her alone" it's probably best to take that advice. It would be unfortunate on both parts if you didn't and things got ugly.
I appreciate your possible conclusions, I've thought the same things too. So, I tried to test them out.
Money - I don't think it's money, unless she no longer found the previous monies to her liking, she was seeing no less than $500 going to her in the VIP every time I saw her in the club, and I was seeing her every night M-F. The only change from that arrangement was, probably after the first week, I declined pretty much anything physical, other than sitting in my lap or next to me, some kissing, hand holding (yea, I'm lame) and talking, which was a stark contrast to what happened before, money was still the same.
....
Possessive - We laid out some basic ground rules, again, if I'm being hustled somewhere in here, feel free to let me know. Part of that included her letting me know that her child and her work comes first. The only time where there might have been an issue was the following, typically when I was there, I would get drinks and chat it up a bit before we went up, during that time, I would constantly let her know that she didn't have to hang out with me before we went up. I understood she was using her time, and I wouldn't be bothered if she went to the back with someone else prior to me. In fact, we would point out customers and talk about them, sometimes she would approach them, or her them. She would go back with customers, and for some reason, one customer in particular that she went up got me bothered. I let her know, and said that I was just letting her know why I was being awkward in particular that night, and that it was an issue that I had to work out, because it was something contrary to what we had previously discussed. The simple solution to that was I would just not scan the club anymore, and keep my nose down so monkey doesn't see monkey doesn't care. It was only one customer in particular, and I still don't know why. I met her at work, it would be irrational for me to be possessive.
Demanding - This holds some weight. In the beginning - I usually arrived early, maybe 7 or 8 pm, then I started coming in with probably 20 minutes until close. I would stay there maybe an hour or an hour and a half after close, just hanging out with the employees and regulars. I don't know if I made it clear, but she was the one who pressed for hanging out in person and over phone outside of the club. I told her I would rather be professional. I let her know that if she really felt that way, she didn't really call me or text me that often. She reminded me that she broke/lost/stolen phone often, that she was bad with her phone in general, has a baby to take care of, and basically works the opposite shift as me. I said good points, I'm being insensitive. She said, I'll make an effort to get at you more often, which she did, and I let her know I appreciated it. I'm the ass who sends messages saying good night and good morning. So yea, I guess I wanted more of that.
Pushing for services - I typically got dances when I go to clubs, no extras. I don't always decline though if they offer it, but I don't ask for it. I wasn't pushing for anything "extra" that she offered. I actually began to decline extras for the most part from her, once I had made a mental and verbal decision to see if this could be anything more than a business relationship. I don't know why I did it, and she asked me later on why I did, because she noticed it too. I didn't have a good answer, other than...
Her: When we first met, we were doing....stuff, and now we don't?
Me: ? Sexual?
Her: Yea...
Me: Yea, I don't know why I stopped, other than that I made the decision to after I wanted to try out seeing if we could be more than business, and I found out I liked you.
Her: It wasn't anything else?
Me: No, I don't know, why? I haven't been paying you any less (Realized after saying that, that it might be a shitty thing to say, but yea, this whole experience was unnatural for me too. As a realist, this is still about money for her most likely, at the same time, she is a person and it might have made her rethink how I thought of her.)
Her: Just wondering.
Waiting - We were still texting/talking on phone while she was sick. She knew I would wait. I offered to pay for her bills, which she declined.
Being too sick to resume - I met up with her about a week or two after she started back up. She said she was fine? I'm not sure how much more demanding I would be as opposed to someone else, the most I wanted at that point was hand holding and conversation.
Friend - Her friend sent me a text saying, her baby's daddy got of prison, that I was ruining Jane's life, and that I should stop whatever it was I was doing to make her miserable. What I was doing, in all honesty, was blowing her up with texts. I'm not blowing her up with stuff like, I hate you and you better fucking respond. I'm saying what I normally do, which was basically a good morning/good night, some bullshit about what was happening in the news/life, letting her know I miss her and hoping she was alright and she had a good night at work. I've done that in the past, let her know that if she didn't like it to let me know, because I've been told that its crazy. Jane has told me that she had lost her phone, and it was ok because once she got her new phone, she didn't have her contacts, so we would get back in touch that way. She also said that if it was too much, she would let me know, and to stop worrying about how I was behaving, because she liked the attention.
Now, after she dropped off most recently, I did send her some texts saying that my past texts/calls and visits to the club on her schedule proved unfruitful. I texted her that if I did something wrong, she wanted to end it, she should let me know, because until I hear that, I'm going to assume that things are status quo between us and there is something wrong in your life that you may need help with. I told her I would try to reach her through her family/friends. I'm not trying to be super creep, I know where she lives, but I wasn't going to roll up. I'd rather just see if she was ok through her friends/family w/o revealing what she does, most believe she is a shot girl. Again, I said in case she was just avoiding me, she should probably let me know via text or something to leave her alone, before I did this. I contacted her cousin on Facebook, we talked for a little, and then a few hours later, Jane's friend texts me, saying she got my number out of Jane's phone and was doing this independent of Jane.
All of this is confusing to me because Jane and I had already talked about John (baby daddy).
Me: So what is this, where can it go?
Her: I don't know, I like you.
Me: What about John (baby daddy in prison)?
Her: No, I was done with him before he went to prison.
Me: It's ok, you guys have a kid together, I can't understand the bond since I don't have kids, but I would imagine that it is pretty powerful. I wouldn't be opposed to a short term relationship, or knowing that it could end when John gets released.
Her: John will always have a place if he wants it in John Jr's life, but as a physically abusive boyfriend (part of the reason for prison), a cheater, liar, and all around deadbeat, I'm done with him. (Her Facebook says the same things from her, with support from her family and friends stretching back from before John went to prison.) John Jr needs his dad, but John Jr doesn't need his dad and mom to be unhappy raising him.
Also, John is still in prison. So I don't know what Jane's friend is going on about. I might double check my source on that though, gov site is only as reliable as the frequency of the prison's reporting.
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