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Thread: 'Breaking up' with a regular

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    Default 'Breaking up' with a regular

    Good evening!

    I'm a semi-regular (bi- or tri- weekly depending on what is going on in my personal life), and use this visit as my personal respite from the world. I love this club, the girls in it, the decor, the location, the specials, all of it! I have never been the one to have a "regular girl" because I honestly like the getting to know you small talk.

    Two months ago, a student/dancer approached me. I didn't find her particularly attractive, but she was a great conversationalist and she is studying what I do for a living, so we had plenty to talk about. This was fine the first night, but now she thinks I'm her whale and comes loaded with conversation topics, mostly questions regarding my line of work. I have tried flagging other dancers, but she stays planted! I don't really like getting back-to-back lap dances so she waits for me to come back from the lap dance, usually with my drink refilled and the dancer I got a dance with usually wanders off elsewhere when she sees my "regular" sitting there.

    I'm aware that I have no backbone. She is just too good to me (DAT hustle!) for me to dismiss her, not that I would even know how to do so without being abrupt and rude. I don't come to the club to talk about work, and I don't want her to monopolize my time. I can only go on a traditionally slow night, so she doesn't have much else to do and I don't give her much (maybe a single dance and tips when she's on stage or gets my drink). I also don't want to cut her off because I would love to have her company -- occasionally!

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    Default Re: 'Breaking up' with a regular

    “Never argue with an idiot. They will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience.”

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    Default Re: 'Breaking up' with a regular

    I think it's actually quite considerate of you to consider her feelings. Just be honest & say you want some variety.
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    Default Re: 'Breaking up' with a regular

    Just be honest and polite, she will appreciate it in the long run (especially the fact that you won't be wasting her time).

    A simple, "Hi, it's nice to see you again, but I'm just settling in atm" or "I'm not getting dances tonight, I'm just here to relax, have a drink and watch the stage show. I don't want to waste your time, you might as well go and some money instead elsewhere of sitting here with boring ol' me ", or "I feel like getting a dance from *insert name here* tonight". I hope you have a good night". Of course she will try to persuade you to do otherwise, but just be clear and polite and she will get the idea. It's always hard to let people down, but she's a big girl and it's part of the job.
    “Give a girl the right shoes and she can conquer the world” -Marilyn Monroe

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    Default Re: 'Breaking up' with a regular

    I am definitely a regular-type, and when I'm hankering for some variety, I am upfront. I like to be completely transparent, and warm & polite, but also direct. So, I'll do one of two things. If I'm sitting with my regular X, I'll tell her at the end of the night, "hey, I love hanging out with you, but want to get to know Y, okay if I hang out with her next trip?". Or, if I just arrived at the club, "hey, great to see you .... I'm hanging out with Y today, okay? I'll see you soon". I realize that by asking her if it's okay, I'm leaving open the door for her to tell me it's not okay -- but that has NEVER happened in 20 years of SCing. I think by giving the illusion that it's her choice, it softens the blow. Likewise, I typically monopolize my regular girl for hours; occasionally one of her whales will walk in, and the smart ones will say to me "I know you'll be here for a while, that guy over there is my regular and he'll be throwing $1000 at me, do you mind if I slip away for 30 minutes?" I realize the only right answer to that question is "no, I don't mind at all, see you in 30", but I like getting the question, psychologically it makes a big difference.

    In any case, I've found that being transparent is the best way to avoid drama and hurt feelings, and preserve some connection in case I'd like to sit with her again someday. At least, that's what's worked for me, like a charm.
    Last edited by Radius; 12-24-2013 at 10:30 AM.

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    Default Re: 'Breaking up' with a regular

    Ok,1-Merry Christmas and 2-You're being really polite and many guys who visit clubs aren't, which is why I think she's not picking up on the hints too fast. She's likely used to very rude and direct rejection. I'd just tell her you find it hot to enjoy variety. If she still camps out, find out what days she works and only come in on the other ones lol.
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    Quote Originally Posted by xStacey View Post
    Close contact, for an hour, for $40? And I guess I'll have to make conversation with them too?

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    Default Re: 'Breaking up' with a regular

    Being up front and honest has always worked for me, but I've never had a dancer who unabashedly monopolized my time that I did not want to. If you aren't giving her money to sit with you, maybe after one drink with you remind her that she is there to make money and the she should be circulating, and that you are going to go spend some time with so-and-so for a while.
    Another thing you could do, although it is risky, is suggest meeting outside the club to chat, telling her you no longer wish to talk about work at the club. If you are trying to drive her away that might do it, or it could backfire with her saying yes.
    The bottom line is that you are in control of your experience at the club, if you are doing things that do not satisfy you, change them. Just be firm, not rude.

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    Default Re: 'Breaking up' with a regular

    Just be honest and say you really enjoy dancing with her but you like variety. You can tell her you will come see her before you leave and get a dance from her if that's what you want, or you can say you will buy a dance from her next time and give her a nice stage tip. If you really want to get away from her and you aren't comfortable being upfront, say you need to go to the bathroom or get a drink and just approach the other dancer you like. If a guy gets up to go to the bathroom and doesn't come sit down next to me I assume that was his way of telling me he's not interested.

    Not wanting to dance with the same girl every time is not unusual... I've had some regulars who come in and will only dance with me, and I've had some regulars come in and say they want to dance with someone else that time or they want to dance with another girl and then with me... if I had a customer who was the later, I would suggest we do a double dance or hustle someone else or pay attention to someone else while on stage and they'd usually come running back to me. Just because someone's a regular doesn't mean they're your BF/GF and it's monogamous, it's a strip club man! This girl sounds new, so I'm guessing she's gravitating toward you because she's more comfortable with you than speaking to random customers or she's having trouble finding her hustle so her best bet is coming to you. You will honestly be helping her in the long run by pushing her back into the jungle... it'll force her to work on developing her hustle with other customers.

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    Default Re: 'Breaking up' with a regular

    Quote Originally Posted by audrey_k View Post
    Just be honest and say you really enjoy dancing with her but you like variety. You can tell her you will come see her before you leave and get a dance from her if that's what you want, or you can say you will buy a dance from her next time and give her a nice stage tip. If you really want to get away from her and you aren't comfortable being upfront, say you need to go to the bathroom or get a drink and just approach the other dancer you like. If a guy gets up to go to the bathroom and doesn't come sit down next to me I assume that was his way of telling me he's not interested.
    I'm a little surprised to see a dancer suggest the "need to go to the bathroom then find someone else" approach. First, because I think the context here is that she's his regular (and vice versa). The girl deserves better, I think -- it's his prerogative to change girls, but damn, that approach is cold. Secondly and more importantly, on lots of occasions, I've seen minor or major drama build up over "my regular customer heads to the bathroom and that bitch, who knew he was my regular, fucking grabs him for a dance." The girls might sort it out in the back nicely ("I didn't grab him, he came to me" "Oh, ok, sorry I got mad, he's the one being a little bitch, not you"), or not so nicely, but in either case they end up resenting each other and the customer. I'd rather just grow a spine, and out of respect for the fun time you did have together, be nice but really direct, and being direct actually generates the best outcomes -- and it feels great not to have to play games

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    Default Re: 'Breaking up' with a regular

    Quote Originally Posted by Radius View Post
    I'm a little surprised to see a dancer suggest the "need to go to the bathroom then find someone else" approach. First, because I think the context here is that she's his regular (and vice versa). The girl deserves better, I think -- it's his prerogative to change girls, but damn, that approach is cold. Secondly and more importantly, on lots of occasions, I've seen minor or major drama build up over "my regular customer heads to the bathroom and that bitch, who knew he was my regular, fucking grabs him for a dance." The girls might sort it out in the back nicely ("I didn't grab him, he came to me" "Oh, ok, sorry I got mad, he's the one being a little bitch, not you"), or not so nicely, but in either case they end up resenting each other and the customer. I'd rather just grow a spine, and out of respect for the fun time you did have together, be nice but really direct, and being direct actually generates the best outcomes -- and it feels great not to have to play games
    My first two suggestions were to be be honest. I think that is the best approach. But if he really can't do that, which I'm assuming he can't since he's posting about it, I honestly think the bathroom approach IS better than just wasting her time by sitting with her and thinking "fuck how can I get out of here?" If a customer does that to me it stings, yes, but honestly I'm grateful because at least now I can move on and make money with someone else. Sitting with someone who you do not want to dance with and wasting their time talking is the MEANEST thing you can possibly do to a striper. And honestly, some of the shit guys have said to me to turn me down is WAY meaner than just going to the bathroom. My favorite is still "look, I'm a tit man, a WOMAN type of man, I like to dance with GIRL...and uhm, you have the body of a 12 year old boy... so, no. Just no. Not in a million years." Would you rather have someone say that to you or just go to the bathroom?

    In regards to your second point, I'm sorry, but we're talking about a customer that is doing one dance! I don't see girls bitching at each other over guys going to the bathroom and then coming back and talking to other girls at my club-- if a guy goes to the bathroom and he doesn't come back and sit with the dancer he was with before, that mothefucker is fair game. Have I seen girls bitching at other girls for dancing with their regulars? Yes, of course, but I'm sorry, this is a STRIP CLUB-- guys can dance with whoever they want! And once again this poster does ONE dance! We're not talking about a VIP customer throwing 500, 600 $ down on a regular basis. If a girl is gonna get her panties in a wad over a girl talking to a customer who does one dance with her on occasion... well, that is some sad shit right there.

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    Default Re: 'Breaking up' with a regular

    Ouch ... they actually say "body of a 12 year old boy"? Obviously, no call for rudeness ... my ATF has gained a little weight recently and I can't believe the things some guys have been saying to her about it. Anyway, I guess I agree ... if you're so spineless you can't tell a stripper outright "I'm going to dance with so-and-so today", then being passive-aggressive might be better than being rude or just sitting there not buying dances. I just don't understand what's so scary about saying you want to spend time with others today, I guess.

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    Default Re: 'Breaking up' with a regular

    Yeah. Honestly, I've had much ruder things said to me, but they've always been said after I danced with them... either they flip about money or that I wouldn't do some form of extra for them. We have a very wide range of customers at my club, from illegal immigrants to young college students to traveling executives to entertainment industry millionaires/billionaires... you just never know who you're gonna get! And even though there's technically no drinking at my club, a lot of my customers are already drunk or they're high, so you just never know when Dr. Jekyl is gonna come out (one minute you're a goddess and the next you're a fucking bitch). That's not to say some of my customers aren't awesome, great guys, because there are a lot of them-- if there weren't I would have left a long time ago-- I just tend to remember the assholes more than the nice guys.

    I agree, the OP should be honest... but if he can't, he shouldn't just waste her time.

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    Default Re: 'Breaking up' with a regular

    Quote Originally Posted by credyownzjoo View Post
    I have tried flagging other dancers, but she stays planted! I don't really like getting back-to-back lap dances so she waits for me to come back from the lap dance, usually with my drink refilled and the dancer I got a dance with usually wanders off elsewhere when she sees my "regular" sitting there.
    -- You have the perfect opportunity right there AFAICS. I wd suggest that when the 'other' girl starts to wander off, (politely) grab her hand. I suspect she will get the point. She may look a bit puzzled or say "Gee, I thot you were X's regular;" if necessary you can just say, "I'd like to hang out w/ you for a while."

    Quote Originally Posted by credyownzjoo View Post
    I'm aware that I have no backbone.
    -- That's a good start. One thing the girls have taught me is to stay focussed on *my* needs. Yes, I respect the girls' needs, but their job is to get me to confuse their needs w/ mine: if I get a lot of dances from (a) girl(s) who don't really light my fire I've met their needs ($$$) but I wind up feeling bummed out. It's like letting a waiter talk me into ordering an expensive meal that I don't really like. This isn't exactly your situation, but you're letting her need to 'own' you trump your need for variety.

    Quote Originally Posted by credyownzjoo View Post
    She is just too good to me (DAT hustle!) for me to dismiss her, <snip> I would love to have her company -- occasionally!
    -- Hmm. I know that feeling. As several others have pointed out, you simply have to start growing a spine. What has helped me is remembering that if I lose sight of my own needs I can blow 1-2 days' takehome pay & wind up feeling kinda good. I start thinkin', "This ain't worth it to me" & don't wanna go back. Too much of this & everyone loses -- the girls get *no* money & I get *no* fun. When I remember to remember my own needs & yeah, I wanna be fair to the girl, too -- more often I blow 1-2 days' pay & wind up feeling really great. Then I'm thinkin', "Sh*t! I'm saving money so I can go back" -- & I have her schedule. I get more contact, she gets more $$$. We would both like it to be more, but we work w/ what we got.

    The moral of my story is that when I stay tuned into my needs, & communicate them, it really does work out better for all.

    Quote Originally Posted by credyownzjoo View Post
    not that I would even know how to do so without being abrupt and rude.
    -- Well, there have been many good suggestions. When I leave a girl, I usually just say, "Well, it's been nice talking w/ you, I'm gonna circulate a bit" or "'Scuse me, I'm gonna show X some respect onstage." (if we have anything 'in progress,' I let her know I'll be back.) You're trying to keep her while not letting her own you, a bit tricky. I really hope you can work it out by just being honest. You prolly don't need to say much, just spend more time w/ other girls. If someone you like is onstage, go tip her. @ the end of her set you can ask her to hang out, You can check in w/ your 'reg' & if there's a showdown just (as many have said) & tell her that you like her & you hope you can evolve your relationship, but she's gotta understand that you need variety (or perhaps community). Realize that you may lose her, & that will hurt. Realize also that letting her continue to run you will hurt more. IMO this is how we grow our spine: honesty (w/ ourselves & w/ her abt what we need) & realizing that we might get hurt either way, but @ least we can choose the lesser pain. But we also might create something wonderful.

    Dunno her & dunno the club, but these are the things my experience has taught me.

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    Default Re: 'Breaking up' with a regular

    I feel your pain OP. I also have trouble getting rid of girls I don't really want to do business with when they sit with me and won't leave. I really don't want to be rude and hurt anyone's feelings! But you just have to force yourself to say something. I will tell them "I'm waiting on someone", or "maybe later". They usually get the message. But if they do not, just say you have to go to the restroom and get up and do it (whether you really have to or not). She probably won't still be there when you come back out. If she is, just sit elsewhere.

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    Default Re: 'Breaking up' with a regular

    I have had a girl get rid of me as a regular unfortunately.

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    Default Re: 'Breaking up' with a regular

    She's not going to be happy no matter what. Not so sure she considers you a "whale" unless you have spent big money over a period of time. That said, if you are in "sales" it's tough to lose a customer. Just be as polite as you can but firm. Eventually she will get the point.

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