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Thread: Depression kicking my ass again

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    Default Depression kicking my ass again

    Esp since my roommate left for boot camp 2 wks ago. I am not just feeling his absence but I also had to work much harder at acting like I was ok b/c I didn't want to add to his stress b4 he left. If there is anyone I know who can handle Marine Corps boot camp it is him, but he is still one of my best friends & I am still a little worried for him.

    Spent most of ystrdy at a funeral for a distant relative, it was one of the less-depressing ones I have been to, I suppose b/c the deceased was not sm1 I was close to, but nothing starts your wk out on the right foot like a funeral. Then made fuzzy plans w/ a friend who pretty much said 'Ok, lemme finish a few things & I will get back to you when I am done.' I kept myself entertained for 3 hrs waiting to hear back from him then said Fk it since I had an hr+ drive back to NoVA. Getting stood up always brings up sm things for me that are less abt my insecurities than my actual fkups & I cried for a good bit of the drive home b/c I was hating myself so much.

    Came home to the xmas box my family sent me & I loved the gifts but at the same time I am having a hard time understanding why they bothered since -- I don't want to go into detail but I have pretty much completely internalised all the negative things they said were wrong w/ me when I was little, & the attitudes I know they maintain abt the fact that I was a dancer (aka cheap hooker/homewrecker/drug mule/whatever else they think was part of my job description)

    Also I know sm of this stress is probably hormone-related since I started my period ystrdy

    I kinda want to go out for a bit just b/c when my depression starts getting really bad I feel safer being around ppl, even if it's just a bar w/ a glass of juice, but I am terrified of going out NYE. Had too many times driving home stone cold sober & getting run off the road, or run into oncoming traffic, by drunken idiots. I have had zero motivation to eat so def don't want to have anything alcoholic *major lightweight* I just don't know what to do w/ myself. Abt to take on my greatest achievement of the last 18 hrs, a shower! Woooooooooo!!

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    God/dess miss.a.p1600's Avatar
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    Default Re: Depression kicking my ass again

    I know what you mean firsthand. Depression is a b*tch.

    Especially now that daylight savings time is over there is less daylight. This can drive a sane person insane. Also omega -3 and other. Vitamins help too.

    Remember your beliefs and faith.

    Good luck.

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    Default Re: Depression kicking my ass again

    One thing that helps me when I'm depressed is to force myself to do something I've been avoiding or putting off. (it's hard as hell, btw) But once I've done it, I feel SO much better. Get out walking in the sun, too. And do something nice for someone else. All of those things help put depression in its place (which is far away from you!)

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    Default Re: Depression kicking my ass again

    i feel ya girl, I've been battling ongoing depression now for 4 months now & it's so hard to shake. I almost want to get meds prescribed to me but I don't trust myself not to end up abusing them. I agree w/ the others though, do things you've been putting off & just take it easy. Do things that you really enjoy also. Hope this helps
    "Alot of people are afraid to say what they want, that's why they don't get what they want"~ Madonna




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    Default Re: Depression kicking my ass again

    I've dealt with it on & off for long periods at a time. Being an artist was not helpful lol. Living around a lot of low class people, like in Daytona, was not helpful.

    Sorry to hear you are feeling low. You have friends though!
    You must have chaos within you to give birth to a dancing star.
    Friedrich Nietzsche

    Free your mind, and your ass will follow.
    George Clinton

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    Default Re: Depression kicking my ass again

    Have you tried working out to relieve some of the depression? I have pretty severe depression issues, and I find that when I workout I don't feel as depressed on that particular day. You can always message me if you need someone to talk to.

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    Default Re: Depression kicking my ass again

    with me I noticed that a ton of my depression comes and goes with my diet- more so seems to get worse if my food intake has been more carb heavy and lacking certain vitamins ( there are some forms of my mood though tied to a whole different situation) but by large I find making sure my diet is good, enough sleep ( alot of thrown off circadian rhythms can cause havoc too ) helps a ton, or forcing myself to be more active or giving myself a goal or something to work to, like a project.
    Hatred does not cease by hatred but only by love; this is the eternal rule.

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    Default Re: Depression kicking my ass again

    If I still have no desire to eat tomor guess I will have to force smtg down -- my appetite tends to disappear in a hurry when I am depressed, & it quickly becomes a vicious cycle. Also started taking vitamins again today so hopefully that will help too.

    My sleep patterns are so messed up, I stayed up a couple nites ago for almost 30 hrs straight mainly in an attempt to reset my circadian rhythm & get on more of a daytime schedule. Tried this several times already but my body is just not having it. I think the weather was also making it worse, was ugly as anything today when it was sleeting b4 the snow started.

    But the 3+ inches of snow we got tonite certainly brightened my mood -- it's been yrs since I have seen more than a couple inches of snow twice a yr so I am like a little kid when it does come.

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    Default Re: Depression kicking my ass again

    Oh wow I had some really nasty shit happen about 8 years ago and it destroyed my appetite for years--at least 5 or 6 years I simply stopped eating whenever it hit me again. There were times when I felt I could easily have starved myself, had I felt so inclined. Weird because I always ate like a horse before that, and never gained much weight.
    You must have chaos within you to give birth to a dancing star.
    Friedrich Nietzsche

    Free your mind, and your ass will follow.
    George Clinton

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    Default Re: Depression kicking my ass again

    Quote Originally Posted by Djoser View Post
    Oh wow I had some really nasty shit happen about 8 years ago and it destroyed my appetite for years--at least 5 or 6 years I simply stopped eating whenever it hit me again. There were times when I felt I could easily have starved myself, had I felt so inclined. Weird because I always ate like a horse before that, and never gained much weight.
    ^ same here DJoser! Whenever I'm depressed or going thru some shit my appetite is non exsisitent. Usually bc of a break up or some other shit being hurdled at me at once but dam I look good after though with all my weight loss from the suppressed appetite LOL
    "Alot of people are afraid to say what they want, that's why they don't get what they want"~ Madonna




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    Default Re: Depression kicking my ass again

    yoga has helped me in the past but like someone else said it's kind of a day by day thing. some days i am totally fine and others i barely leave the bed or sofa. but the yoga helps to stop thinking and overanalying my shitty life situation for an hour or so which generally helps me feel in a better mood.

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