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Thread: Oh gawd.

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    Senior Member xGeminix's Avatar
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    Default Oh gawd.

    I have an issue... I literally need to cut the strings to my mother with regards to money, at least till I get financially ahead. I drop so much money on her for crap, and I am getting stressed out that I can't ever get ahead in life. It's in the thousands at this point, and she never gave me money in the past 5 years now, nor has she help me with anything. My New Years resolution is to save every dollar I make, because on this little 15 day break from the Army I drop like 700-800 on her, always asking if I am hungry, then I pay for the bill, this and that... it adds up, and my sister's birthday she needed money for the motel (understandable), buffets, and crap. Then she wants me to go out with her, GOING OUT TO CLUBS IS NOT CHEAP (nor is it fun....)

    She's a freaken drunk too, and it's bothering me, and I can't say a word about it or she gets offended. She has no control over her life, she spends money like water...

    She wants me to pull out a loan in my name under some plan so I could buy a house, and she tells me she will pay the bill every month. It's great in theory, but it's also scary because you never know if she will get fired, and I can't have a bill in the thousands right now for another house (100k.... which IS WAY TOO MUCH!!!). I already learn my lesson the first time around about this (and it leaves me miserable... and that was 7k).But she is paying high rent, high car payment, medical insurance, so that has me worried. Essentially, I don't know how to help her, and I need to get away from her.

    I need to say no to her.

    -------------
    if I didn't have a family I would have at least 20k at this point, instead of 1k.

    That's the Gospel truth.

    I'm tired of helping them out of situations.... I want savings.

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    Default Re: Oh gawd.

    Seriously, on the legal forums I frequent, we see this often and it never ends well. Never finance anything for someone that you can't afford to pay off and give as a gift. I'm sorry your mom thinks it's ok to ask this of you, as it's not.
    Just say no.

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    God/dess simone87's Avatar
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    Default Re: Oh gawd.

    as a mother myself..thats just really sad and pathetic that a mother would ask that of her child and mooch off her daughter! no offense to your mom but that's disgusting.
    its hard to say no to family, but you gotta do it! stay strong

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    Default Re: Oh gawd.

    Mom sounds like an alcoholic. Anything you give her will just make things worse.

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    God/dess rickdugan's Avatar
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    Default Re: Oh gawd.

    Quote Originally Posted by xGeminix View Post
    She wants me to pull out a loan in my name under some plan so I could buy a house, and she tells me she will pay the bill every month. It's great in theory, but it's also scary because you never know if she will get fired, and I can't have a bill in the thousands right now for another house (100k.... which IS WAY TOO MUCH!!!).
    If she is sick of paying high rent and she has a good job, then why doesn't she just buy her own house? I'm guessing that she can't because her credit is in the toilet, which is often the case for people who cannot control their spending habits. Now there is nothing wrong per se in buying a small house and letting her live in it (indeed a house can be an excellent long-term investment), but you should not buy anything that you cannot afford to float completely on your own.

    But if you cannot afford a decent house on your own right now, then IMHO you should absolutely refuse. I recently saw a situation very similar to this in my extended family go very bad. I have a distant relative who convinced her kids to buy a house that they could never afford on their own under the theory that the whole family would live in it and contribute, but when she and their father could not keep up with their end of the mortgage payments the house was foreclosed on. And like your mother, she too had a decent job but just could not control her outside spending. Now the credit ratings of three of her sons is utterly trashed and they have lost a shitload of money (initial down payment and stupidly high mortgage payments) with absolutely nothing to show for any of it.

    Quote Originally Posted by xGeminix View Post
    I need to say no to her.
    IMHO yes you do, and this goes not only for the house idea, but also in giving her any more money (which you were pondering in another thread). She is a grown adult and needs to learn to live within her means. If she cannot afford her apartment, then she needs to get a cheaper one. Same with her car and medical insurance. If you let her keep sucking you in, you will some day end up broke with her. Frankly, she should be ashamed of herself for putting you in this position at all.

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