And I still feel VERY BLUE.
I was reading another thread about depression around this time of year. With family or the lack of.
The thing is my family problems did get me down a bit but not that much. I'm in a happy and healthy relationship with a guy that I'm pretty sure is for the long haul. So what's my problem, you ask?
MONEY MONEY MONEY!! The holidays drained me. It was fun doing all that shopping but now I'm broker than broke! I'm talking less than 20 bux until payday. But then half my check goes to rent and ill be struggling to live on 200 or so for another 16 days. The recent holiday just reminded me of past holiday seasons working where I actually want to work. How I despise my tedious and draining vanilla job. How I should just forget about completing the masters in psychology because I will just end up an overworked and underpaid social worker anyway. So what's the point in going another 3-5 years for a phd? Seriously considering becoming a career stripper. Where I no longer need to be up at the buttcrack of dawn rushing to put on makeup to scrub toilets. The money to have fun, hell even just buy a new book or pair of shoes. I have tried the "normal" life but 80 or so percent of normal people HATE their jobs and their lives. That ish is for the birds. Not me. But this gerbil or hamster or whatever wheel that people get on, I want OFF!! I miss dancing and all that comes with it so desperately. Like maybe to the point of obsession. Maybe because I cant have it right now. IDK. I haven't worked in the clubs steadily for about 2 years. I worked a summer before. And before that I hadn't danced anywhere for longer than a month in 3 years. I live in Va, need I say more? I'm gorgeous. I am a hustler. Great conversationalist. Can't converse or hustle the 0 customers that is the trend in my area. So no money equals no better car to travel. Shitty job that can eat shit and suck it quasi-slavery that I just want to walk out of everydamnday. My hours are like a leash. Tight and annoying.
Excuse the long-winded rant ladies,please.
But I'm just tired of this horrible cyle that seems to have no end in sight. If I quit I have no money, period. But clubs in my area offer no money, either. The only way is to travel. To travel I need money for overhead. To travel I need a vacation, to take a vacation I would need money.
This sucks big time. I need to help my family,but I must help myself 1st. I see no end in sight minus the big end, meaning my notice. But 2 wk notice will only get me the money I earned for those 2 wks, nothing more.
I need some kind of pep talk or guidance or even [email protected]#* I don't know. I need money and fulfillment from my slave labor. I feel soooo stuck. In between a rock and a hard place seems too slack for my predicament.
I'm sure I have lost many readers by now, but I'm always long winded. Thanks to those who have continued to read my whole post.
I just really feel like I'm wasting my youth and time but can't see anyway out.




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