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Thread: my mom found out i'm stripping... and says she wants nothing to do with me

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    Default my mom found out i'm stripping... and says she wants nothing to do with me

    My mom called me today and told me that she spoke to my brother who I've been staying with the past few weeks and he told her that he thinks I'm stripping again. She knew I stripped in the past and she said it "disgusted" her and that if I was doing it she wouldn't speak to me.

    We had a very short conversation in which I denied that I was doing it, she refused to believe me and we said a very tense good bye. I know she's pissed. She told me that I'm selfish and don't think about how my actions affect those around me.

    Well, I'm twenty-four-fucking-years-old so at this point in my life I feel like I should be free to do whatever the fuck I want to do and no it shouldn't be affecting you!

    I'm so pissed and upset right now. I don't understand why she has such an issue with this or why she feels the need to judge me and make me stripping somehow about her. As long as I'm OK with it that's what's important, IMHO. She wanted me to graduate from university more than anything and I did that. I don't intent to do this forever but right it's what I do need to do-- and what I want to do-- for the situation I am currently in...

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    Default Re: my mom found out i'm stripping... and says she wants nothing to do with me

    I might have told her how much it hurts that she doesn't consider how her self-righteous ignorance affects you ...

    Seriously, I am so sry for you. I take it your brother shares her views abt stripping & so that is why he spilt the beans?

    My parents haven't gone so far as to play this particular guilt card, but they don't have to. My own mother is convinced that I just HAD to be hooking b/c 'that is what those stripper whores do!' Even pole dancing outside of a SC environment is for 'nothing but selling sex' in her eyes. It makes me feel like absolute piss, too, b/c I know how I worked when I was dancing, & my passion for pole stayed w/ me & I am continuing w/ it, but I can't share that part of my life w/ her b/c she gets her ass so high up on her shoulders abt it.

    But there is not a bloody thing I can do to change their minds, b/c they are too wrapped up in their own perceptions & lack of actual experiences. This is def a situation where you can lead a horse('s ass) to water but you can't make them drink. Believe me, I know how hurtful & angering it is when your own family won't accept your own, personal experiences b/c they are too stuck on theirs, but you have to forge your own path in life. If they are so butthurt & self-centred that they can't accept that, & still love you for it, then they do not deserve to have you in their lives.

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    Default Re: my mom found out i'm stripping... and says she wants nothing to do with me

    What other people think of me is none of my business! I'm sorry that you aren't being supported in the way you would hope to be by your mother.
    Tiny tweaks----->BIG CHANGES

    Quote Originally Posted by Kirakonstantin View Post
    More fear-mongering? Really? Yes, this is not the 1990's anymore. Yes, things are changing. Either dance or don't. Freaking out and sowing fear isn't going to help anyone.




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    Default Re: my mom found out i'm stripping... and says she wants nothing to do with me

    Same thing happened to me last year. I was involved in the sex industry, my parents found out and had a total meltdown. They were just devastated and horrified.
    Last edited by amberlly; 01-14-2014 at 02:15 AM.

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    Default Re: my mom found out i'm stripping... and says she wants nothing to do with me

    Quote Originally Posted by audrey_k View Post
    Well, I'm twenty-four-fucking-years-old so at this point in my life I feel like I should be free to do whatever the fuck I want to do and no it shouldn't be affecting you!
    Well, from her perspective, she gave birth to you, raised you all those years and, in the process, invested a lot of her hopes and dreams in you. On a less fluffy note, I also have no doubt that she wants to be able to say, "My daughter does ABC." In fact, this was what was supposed to give her own life more meaning and make her supposed sacrifices all worthwhile. But instead feels like she has to hide what her daughter does from other people.

    But the reality is that grown adults need to follow their own paths, whether or not their parents are disappointed. Taking the alternative path is never easy, especially early on, and it often involves having a few (or more) tough conversations with those parents. But IME most parents eventually back off if the grown child in question makes it clear that her choices are not open for discussion.

    As for your brother, if I were you I would tell him to shut his fucking mouth or hit the bricks. Seriously, you were kind enough to put him up and he repays you by running his mouth to Mommy.

    Good luck!

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    Default Re: my mom found out i'm stripping... and says she wants nothing to do with me

    ^ I think that is so true. Sometimes I feel like parental disapproval doesnt stem from the job itself, but rather, the fact that you aren't doing something that is bragworthy.

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    Default Re: my mom found out i'm stripping... and says she wants nothing to do with me

    i SO get the whole "brag worthy" shit with parents...fortunately for me, my parents goal for me was to make money and totally support myself, and the idea of my stripping isn't half as bad as the idea of me at mcdonalds or some other "joe job". to them, minimum wage is the most embarrassing thing i think.
    i would hope that your mother would see that you are successful and that this is what you want to do and get over it and support you, but some people simply won't budge and are set in their ways. but hold strong! the thing that gets me is that parents don't want their daughters stripping but also don't want to support them as adults or pay for their school..you can't have it both ways! we are doing what we have to do to have a good life and survive.

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    Default Re: my mom found out i'm stripping... and says she wants nothing to do with me

    Quote Originally Posted by audrey_k View Post
    She told me that I'm selfish and don't think about how my actions affect those around me.
    I will never fucking understand people who think this way. It's the same "BECAUSE IT IS" non-logic that's responsible for racism and sexism and every other kind of screwed up social problem that's responsible for so much poverty, illness, and death in the world. "My daughter is financially independent and no one is getting hurt, but stripping is still just wrong. BECAUSE IT IS." How awful it must be to be someone who's so afraid of challenging their own worldview that they can't even follow a logical line of thought to its conclusion.

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    Default Re: my mom found out i'm stripping... and says she wants nothing to do with me

    Yes, that's why he told her he doesn't approve either. He really pisses me off and trust me he woke up to a very nasty tongue-chewing-out when I got back at 5 am this morning from work. My brother is the epitome of spoiled child, he doesn't even know how to do his own laundry (he's in his 20s) and the only job he's ever had was for three weeks at a bagel shop and he quit because he didn't like having to wake up early. He's totally dependent on my parents but they consider him to be the perfect child, even though I've had a job since I was 15, got better grades, went to a better college... he's just never done anything "wild" so he's perfect in their eyes.

    I understand her not feeling like she can brag about me or whatever, although to be that needs sound way more selfish than what I'm doing, but honestly I JUST graduated from college like a month ago so she can brag all she wants about that. She knows I stripped in the past and she was furious about it then too. She knows me well and therefore she knows this isn't my life's career-- I have plenty of other interests outside of it and I'm looking for a vanilla job to supplement it. I love dancing and I don't see myself quitting any time soon but I do want to balance it with another job. I just hate that she's putting me in a position where I have to decide between something I love and my family. I'm just preying she just doesn't call my Dad and tell him because his reaction is going to be the same...

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    Default Re: my mom found out i'm stripping... and says she wants nothing to do with me

    Are you staying w/ your brother or is he staying w/ you? If it is the latter, if one of my siblings pulled this crap they would have til the end of the wk to find another place before I tossed their shit in the street, & I better be feeling damn generous not to torch it too.

    It is beyond pathetic of your family that they are putting you in the position where you have to make this choice. As extreme as this may sound I think you should tell them that if they cut you out now, over stripping, then they might as well nvr expect to hear from you again, even after you quit stripping for good. Their response will tell you for certain whether they deserve to be a part of your life going forward.

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    Default Re: my mom found out i'm stripping... and says she wants nothing to do with me

    ^His roommate moved out and he knew I needed a place to stay for a couple months and he needed someone to pay half the rent so I moved in.

    I'm honestly a little annoyed that they have this strong belief I must be stripping! I mean I have denied and they have no proof of it,..

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    Crossfingers Re: my mom found out i'm stripping... and says she wants nothing to do with me

    Aww this sucks!! My dad disowned me when he found out I was dancing. It was 3 months after he gave me a vehicle with a failing transmission and told me to put my stuff in it and get out on my 18th birthday. But I'm an only child and I really love my parents and it hurt me because I know he really loved me and was disappointed and felt like he'd "failed". He's very old school catholic and like I said - I'm his only child . There are two sides of everything and you have to realize you can't change how someone else feels - the only thing you can do is try to be compassionate.

    It's difficult but fighting will only waste your energy. It might be harder to see it from their perspective if you know they are only being judgmental and hating because of superficial reasons. (bragging rights to their friends etc) Maybe understand the prestige of her children is the only thing she's got to feel proud of in her life. I'm not saying what she is doing is right, because it's not - but that's how she is and you can only change how it affects you.

    My dad has been seeing a counselor for a long time and he eventually convinced my dad it wasn't his fault, and he shouldn't be ashamed and it's healthy to have communication with his only daughter. I am really thankful for that, and so maybe - there might be someone in your family that is more liberal minded? I have a really relaxed (drink/party) great aunt that I could've talked to if it had been my mother with a problem with my job. Maybe you have a bachelor for life uncle that is more relaxed? I think almost every family has the relaxed person that does what no one else would consider appropriate - but then again that person might be YOU! haha.

    The only way you could get away with hiding dancing from family is not living with family, I think. How inconvenient, though- since you would hope to depend on your family! If you can't find a mediator in your family - perhaps if they are religious you can speak with a pastor. I know this sounds crazy, but there were quite a few understanding priests when I was with the church (12+ years ago!) and the ones who are worth a damn understand there is "bad" and it's not anyone's job to judge, it's only their job to love. They certainly won't support you, but they might be able to help your family accept you and love you as you are. Depending on the area, you might get some hate - but I would ask if anyone you know is reglious. There ARE some accepting religious people.

    If you are able to move out - you can get some professional photos done and tell your family you are modeling. Nice pictures, nothing even borderline scandalous. This is how my mother professionally deals with my dancing. She tells people I am a model and has some nice pictures of me she can show to people. This would give your mother believable proof and something to talk about. In my situation, it also explains why I don't live near my family and am travelling often.

    I hope this gives you some ideas - it is super annoying to have family that thinks they are entitled to "approve or disapprove" of what you choose to do. We're all adults and have freedom to decide! Since you graduated college they should be proud regardless! They are definitely being ridiculous!!

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    Default Re: my mom found out i'm stripping... and says she wants nothing to do with me

    Sorry you have to deal with so many idjits right now.

    Family is family, so tell them off if it makes you feel better, but don't bother if it won't

    Life is long, they will get over it or they won't, nothing to do with you.

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    Default Re: my mom found out i'm stripping... and says she wants nothing to do with me

    ^yeah Sunday was a great day for me! Ended things with the on-off bf and then got this lovely phone call from my Mom about an hour later.

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    Default Re: my mom found out i'm stripping... and says she wants nothing to do with me

    Quote Originally Posted by rickdugan View Post
    Well, from her perspective, she gave birth to you, raised you all those years and, in the process, invested a lot of her hopes and dreams in you. On a less fluffy note, I also have no doubt that she wants to be able to say, "My daughter does ABC." In fact, this was what was supposed to give her own life more meaning and make her supposed sacrifices all worthwhile. But instead feels like she has to hide what her daughter does from other people.

    But the reality is that grown adults need to follow their own paths, whether or not their parents are disappointed. Taking the alternative path is never easy, especially early on, and it often involves having a few (or more) tough conversations with those parents. But IME most parents eventually back off if the grown child in question makes it clear that her choices are not open for discussion.

    As for your brother, if I were you I would tell him to shut his fucking mouth or hit the bricks. Seriously, you were kind enough to put him up and he repays you by running his mouth to Mommy.

    Good luck!
    Not to mention, maybe she is pursuing mom-approved dreams. And generally, the adult industry financially allows for that. Rather than slaving away at any dead end job, where you won't have time to study/prepare or even think of anything else besides work and bills, much less any disposable income to invest in it...

    Why not dance (safely), and use the extra time and money you'll have to pursue a real career?

    If smart and safe about it, the adult industry is actually a pretty good equalizer.

    That's what I told my parents. They'd never have been able to put me through college. I didn't want any debt.

    So I got into body rub, which paid my rent, and still had time to be a full time student, hold internships, stay actively involved in various organizations, etc.

    And now I have a great normal career - I still do body rubs here and there when I have the time because I enjoy it, and have no problem with making extra cash, lol.

    Point is, stripping =/= parent failure. It just means she's resourceful, and cares about her independence.

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    God/dess audrey_k's Avatar
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    Default Re: my mom found out i'm stripping... and says she wants nothing to do with me

    The reason I'm stripping right now is because a) I just graduated from college with almost $40,000 in student loans b) I am moving out of the country and needed to make a chunk of change to bring with me to settle in c) I am still looking for a job in my field and d) I love it. Right now all I'm doing is dancing because I'm moving in March and there was no point in looking for a second job. Once I get to England I'm going to dance full-time while I look for a job in my field and once I find one I'm going to cut down my dancing to two/three nights a week-- it will be supplemental income to pay for the lifestyle that I want to live and continue to pay off my student loans.

    And she knows all that. When she confronted me about it she said "I think it's pathetic that you couldn't come up with a better way to raise money for England and to pay off your loans. I'm assuming that's why you went back to it." And she still doesn't approve. My parents are not in a position to pay off my loans nor are they in a position to set me up in England, and I don't expect them to be, I mean I'm in my mid-twenties I SHOULD be financially dependent... so I understand she doesn't like it, but she knows my reasons for it and I don't know of another solution, neither does she, so she needs to get over it. I understand her anger when I was 19/20 and dancing, I was very young, lost, probably being taken advantage of/pressured a bit into things I didn't want to do at my club and she was still supporting me (before she kicked me out and cut me off emotionally and financially) but that is no longer the case.

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    Default Re: my mom found out i'm stripping... and says she wants nothing to do with me

    You're doing all you can to earn, repeat Earn$$$ towards your dreams rather than expecting to be spoonfed, which your parents can't afford to do anyway, & she thinks that's pathetic -- to hell w/ her then. Im sry to be so blunt but I am so bloody angry for you right now.

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    God/dess simone87's Avatar
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    Default Re: my mom found out i'm stripping... and says she wants nothing to do with me

    lots of parents seem to think stripping is the "easy way out" and "lazy" like dealing drugs or some shit..they all say " back in my day i got along just fine doing wyz" well, hate to break it to ya, but this aint the 70s anymore! shit has changed, the same little life-manula you used isnt necessarily going to fly post-recession

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    Default Re: my mom found out i'm stripping... and says she wants nothing to do with me

    Quote Originally Posted by audrey_k View Post
    When she confronted me about it she said "I think it's pathetic that you couldn't come up with a better way to raise money for England and to pay off your loans. I'm assuming that's why you went back to it." .
    what a fucking load of shit.
    pathetic would be EXPECTING someone to pay for you. Feeling entitled to the money or what have you. That is some pathetic shit.

    Working and paying for things on your own is admirable. Really. Having gotten a college education is rad and not always doable for many people, esp. considering the insanity that comes with loans & debt.

    Can you get out of your brother's place and move somewhere very temporarily?
    mellymay.com

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    Default Re: my mom found out i'm stripping... and says she wants nothing to do with me

    Quote Originally Posted by Flickdreams View Post
    What other people think of me is none of my business!
    The truth!

    Other people's opinions of you (or whatever else) are not your problem, and you can't change their mind. Not everyone is going to agree with you/your thoughts/your lifestyle/what you do, and there's nothing you can really do about it. So just don't care.

    Also:


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    Default Re: my mom found out i'm stripping... and says she wants nothing to do with me

    Quote Originally Posted by simone87 View Post
    lots of parents seem to think stripping is the "easy way out" and "lazy" like dealing drugs or some shit..they all say " back in my day i got along just fine doing wyz" well, hate to break it to ya, but this aint the 70s anymore! shit has changed, the same little life-manula you used isnt necessarily going to fly post-recession
    IKR! Sounds like the baby boombers being like "JUST GO TO SCHOOL, GET A DEGREE, A JOB WILL BE WAITING FOR YOU!!! And don't buy a smart phone because they are too expensive and no one in my generation would have done that!"

    I swear I hear both of those all the time and its embarrassing as hell because its old, outdated, non-applicable information.

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    Default Re: my mom found out i'm stripping... and says she wants nothing to do with me

    Thanks for the support guys

    I am staying with my brother until I leave, I just don't want to have to pay to stay somewhere else since when I screamed at him I told him I'm staying and I'm not paying rent for February ... he doesn't like it but I don't really a give a shit.

    I don't think there's much of a solution in this situation since I have no control over how she feels or how she choses to react, and I'm not going to back down. I just hope she can come to terms with it, because it will be sad to leave for the UK in a month with our relationship the way it is right now. God knows I probably won't see her for a long time once I'm there, it would be nice if we could part ways NOT hating each other.

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    Default Re: my mom found out i'm stripping... and says she wants nothing to do with me

    Quote Originally Posted by GlamourRouge View Post
    IKR! Sounds like the baby boombers being like "JUST GO TO SCHOOL, GET A DEGREE, A JOB WILL BE WAITING FOR YOU!!! And don't buy a smart phone because they are too expensive and no one in my generation would have done that!"

    I swear I hear both of those all the time and its embarrassing as hell because its old, outdated, non-applicable information.
    Y'know what needs to be done? Have boomers do a social experiment where they take their own advice. Just say that they graduated from high school and college, and list various part-time retail jobs taken during summer or whatever. And then apply for jobs in the field they majored in.

    They'll be lucky if they get a wrong number callback.

    Nope. In reality, nowadays, we're competing with many more people, billions of people abroad, and technology.

    So nowadays you basically need to cure AIDS just to get an unpaid internship as a receptionist.

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    Default Re: my mom found out i'm stripping... and says she wants nothing to do with me

    I'm so sorry this happened to you. It happens to most of us at some point or another. Maybe drop your mom a note that says something along the lines of "I accept you exactly the way you are. I hope someday you can feel the same way about me. If not, I'll always be your daughter even if you don't approve of my life choices."

    I wish I could give you a big hug right now.

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    Default Re: my mom found out i'm stripping... and says she wants nothing to do with me

    Quote Originally Posted by LibraSnake View Post
    Y'know what needs to be done? Have boomers do a social experiment where they take their own advice. Just say that they graduated from high school and college, and list various part-time retail jobs taken during summer or whatever. And then apply for jobs in the field they majored in.

    They'll be lucky if they get a wrong number callback.

    Nope. In reality, nowadays, we're competing with many more people, billions of people abroad, and technology.

    So nowadays you basically need to cure AIDS just to get an unpaid internship as a receptionist.
    They won't because they'll blame it on other factors like "I'm too old to be considered for a job!" and things like that. But seriously, their model for success is soooooooo outdated omg

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