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Thread: I need some help please

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    Default I need some help please

    Hi ladies this is my second time posting to the stripping section of this forum but i have been following it for two years almost. I don't want to be judged i really do need some advice. I began dancing in 2011 in a bikini bar. This is the only club that will hire me to my knowledge because I am a bigger girl and they hire a variety of dancers. I do fairly well on busy nights in fact my boss says i am the top earner. Here is my problem I quickly realized that i had become an Extras girl in a club that almost every customer wants extras. I have been doing this since 2011 basically getting many vip rooms but each time selling my soul for money. I am tired of this life. I just wanted to be a clean dancer and idk how to go back and say NO and still make money. It seems every guy i take back wants a sex favor and i just want to dance. I am trying to lose weight i am a size 16/18 and i would love to have the option of workung in a clean club. So i go to work every day and deal with these old scums who make me feel like a worthless hooker. And im safe but i still worry everu day about stds. I just dont want this anymore. I cant work a regular job right now since i have severe anxiety and no car. I take cabs to work. And to top it off im a single mom of two. I tried camming but did not do well enough to support myself. Is there a way to stop doing extras and still make good money without leaving the club? Just need sum advice. Idk how i let it get this bad. Thank u for listening.

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    Featured Member Aurora14's Avatar
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    Default Re: I need some help please

    1) If you are tired of doing extras, stop doing them. It will be hard to do and take a lot of will power, but you can do it. If the club is known for extras and you are known for them, be prepared to take a hit to your wallet. Try working on your conversation skills. I worked with a girl your size once, she was a master at conversation. She could talk her way to a hundred dollars BEFORE she even gave a customer a dance. It IS possible to make money without extras, it just takes some skill. Gain some backbone and learn to tell customers NO.

    2) I don't know where you're located, but if there is a local club with a dayshift you may be able to get on there while you work on the weight. Dayshift is usually more forgiving especially if you have experience. Just keep trying to loose weight and you could probably switch to nightshift if you want.

    It won't be easy to do either of these. You could give camming part time another try if you are up to it.

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    Default Re: I need some help please

    Quote Originally Posted by Bellabbw View Post
    Hi ladies this is my second time posting to the stripping section of this forum but i have been following it for two years almost. I don't want to be judged i really do need some advice. I began dancing in 2011 in a bikini bar. This is the only club that will hire me to my knowledge because I am a bigger girl and they hire a variety of dancers. I do fairly well on busy nights in fact my boss says i am the top earner. Here is my problem I quickly realized that i had become an Extras girl in a club that almost every customer wants extras. I have been doing this since 2011 basically getting many vip rooms but each time selling my soul for money. I am tired of this life. I just wanted to be a clean dancer and idk how to go back and say NO and still make money. It seems every guy i take back wants a sex favor and i just want to dance. I am trying to lose weight i am a size 16/18 and i would love to have the option of workung in a clean club. So i go to work every day and deal with these old scums who make me feel like a worthless hooker. And im safe but i still worry everu day about stds. I just dont want this anymore. I cant work a regular job right now since i have severe anxiety and no car. I take cabs to work. And to top it off im a single mom of two. I tried camming but did not do well enough to support myself. Is there a way to stop doing extras and still make good money without leaving the club? Just need sum advice. Idk how i let it get this bad. Thank u for listening.
    Extras girls are lazy strippers.

    Stripping is a hard job. Selling a fantasy is tough. Selling actual sex is a piece of cake. So yeah... while it may be simpler and probably more lucrative, I think you've realized that doing extras is not worth it to you. There are health risks, legal risks, and obviously a decent amount of psychological tumult that you are inviting into your life on a nightly basis.

    I encourage you to find the inner strength to be true to your boundaries. Build your confidence. Don't use extras as a crutch... you're better than that and you can make money clean. Push yourself to be a real stripper. Don't fall back to doing extras at the first sight of rejection or frustration. Strengthen your hustle. Believe in yourself.

    Consider changing clubs. Starting with a blank slate is very helpful. Old habits die hard and a change of scenery may be just what you need to start fresh. If you can't change clubs, it might be tougher to stop the extras... but I believe in you and everyone here knows that you are strong enough to follow through. You have to believe that too.

    I wish you the best of luck.
    Quote Originally Posted by Jay12 View Post
    ^What Sophia said.
    Quote Originally Posted by yoda57us View Post
    I wish there was an "auto-like" setting that I could just have applied to all of your posts Sophia....

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    Default Re: I need some help please

    Both of the above posters have given you great advice. I think you might be allowing customers extras because you are insecure about yourself. You have to derail that thinking. You are worth more than that and they do not deserve extras from you. Be confident. That's what men like more than anything. And if you give off an air of confidence they will be less likely to try shit. Customers can smell weakness and the bad ones may be gravitating toward you because they feel like they can easily push you around.

    I would say start at a new club, fresh start like the person above me suggested. You can work on losing weight but honestly you need to work on your self image more than your weight. Some of the top earners at my club are not attractive ladies, they just know how to hustle and ooze confidence. I sell the most dances when I'm having an amazing, $$$$$$ flowing night and just jumping from customer to customer getting dances because I'm confident. That's what guys want.

    Also, try watching youtube videos or get some advice from the girls at your club as to what you can do in lap dances to avoid the extras.

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    Default Re: I need some help please

    I'll take a bit of a different approach with my response ...

    In today's economy, typical customers at 'suburban' strip clubs have less money to spend than they used to ( because their paychecks have stayed the same while taxes, rent, energy costs, grocery bills etc. have gone up ). This has arguably created an environment where 'clean' dancer earnings potential in 'suburban' clubs is pretty disappointing. To persuade 'suburban' club customers to part with more money ( probably making them choose between buying private dances versus paying their rent on time ), 'extras' are increasingly expected.

    And, for better or worse, strip club review websites, bulletin boards etc. allow strip club customers to communicate to each other which particular dancers are willing to provide those 'extras', versus which ones will not ... meaning that customers no longer need to 'invest' money in a few private dances from a particular dancer in order to discover whether or not 'extras' are part of the equation. Thus the arguable reality is that 'clean' dancers working in 'suburban' clubs ... where many other dancers are willing to provide 'extras' and where many customers have come to expect 'extras', but who choose not to similarly provide the 'extras' those customers have come to expect ... will now face a disappointing level of earnings potential.

    'Upscale' clubs are able to appeal to a club customer base who typically has a higher earnings level than that of 'suburban' club customers. As such, they often won't expect as much 'bang' for their buck ... meaning that 'clean' dancers working in upscale clubs are likely to still have an acceptable earnings potential. However, upscale clubs also typically adhere to higher standards when hiring new dancers ... meaning that, despite stage performance skills, despite conversational skills, etc. some number of dancers just aren't going to 'measure up' to the hiring standards of upscale clubs.

    The unpleasant reality seems to be that the economy has fundamentally changed for suburban club customers. And that change flows downhill to suburban strip clubs and the dancers who work in those clubs. Many suburban club-owners have acknowledged to themselves that the only effective way for their club to continue to pay it's own rising taxes, utility bills etc. is to allow 'extras' to take place in the club. And as long as some dancers are offering 'extras', other 'clean' dancers attempting to pry money out of the same club customers are going to have an extremely difficult time achieving an acceptable earnings potential. \

    There are exceptions to every rule, of course, meaning that a stunningly beautiful but 'clean' dancer working in a suburban strip club may still be able to sell a good number of 'clean' private dances based on her stunning appearance ... meaning that a particular dancer who has managed to build up a base of regular customers over the years who do not expect 'extras' may continue to sell a good number of 'clean' private dances thanks to those regular customer 'relationships' etc.
    Last edited by Melonie; 01-14-2014 at 10:24 AM.

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    Default Re: I need some help please

    Quote Originally Posted by Sophia_Starina View Post
    Extras girls are lazy strippers.
    I wouldn't say that at all. It's like saying that it is easy to be skinny when you are anorexic. When you are in the body who is going though that situation, it is a living hell.

    To the OP, you need to try to find yourself some new customers and ditch the old ones. When the old ones do come in and expect the "usual" tell them up front that you are no longer going to be providing those services. Use whatever excuse you have to. Maybe tell them you are in a relationship or that you are into some kind of spiritual practice or that vice cops has been snooping around and you are worried about him getting arrested for solicitation (they don't give a shit about you, make it about him). Give them the opportunity to choose a different dancer if that is the case.

    Try to find younger customers to dance for. If you can find guys under 30 you are more likely to be met with less resistance about your weight. You may not sell them as many dances, but there are a LOT of men out there who secretly love a full figured woman. There are also some cultures that value curves more than others. Find that guy who will respect your boundaries, then use him as a launching point for your self confidence.

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    Default Re: I need some help please

    Thank you all so much for your advice. I agree with everything said here. I am going to start telling the guys who i know expect extras that i no longer provide those services. I know they probably wont do rooms with me after that but honestly those are not the guys i want to attract anyways. I will keep working on my weight loss and self confidence. I know guys say i am beautiful and i know i am a pretty girl i just felt like i am competing with these gorgeous girls all doing extras so i felt like i had no choice but to do them as well. You ladies have really motivated me to become a clean dancer and i am really going to make these changes starting tonight. We will see how it goes. But i really would like to change clubs eventually so weight loss will be key. Thank you all so much from the bottom of my heart!

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    Default Re: I need some help please

    The ladies above have given great advice, so I don't have anything to add apart from the fact that-if you have the courage to come out as a "extras girl" in a community like this, then you have the courage to change your behaviour, way of life and the way you view/feel about yourself.

    Keep us posted.
    Last edited by OliveJardin; 01-15-2014 at 12:37 AM.
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    Default Re: I need some help please

    1. The cops will bust you for prostitution. That extra money you made will now go towards bail, court fees & fines plus a lawyer. Did you save up for that? Don't be so naive to think you will never get busted or the club is watching out for you.

    2. HIV & other STDs. I worked once with a girl who did extras dirty cheap but out earned the rest of us. She was the ugliest girl in the club. If a custie of mine got a dance from her, well she never did dance but did $5 blow jobs. I never ever danced for that customer again. When the health department showed up, I laughed. She didn't have have HIV but full blown AIDS. Can you afford HIV meds that cost $1200 to $2000 a month?

    You say you can't make money without the extras. I say you can't afford to do extras.

    I danced in clubs for 12 years, never heard the term "extra girls" I straight up called them hookers to their faces. Nothing wrong with being a hooker, just don't do it in a club. Go out put an ad up on eros & make more money doing it without the club being your Pimp. Cause if you do get busted they are NOT going to pay for all the cost. And at least you could openly use condoms & lessen your risk for HIV & other STDs.

    Sam

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    Default Re: I need some help please

    Quote Originally Posted by Sam38g View Post
    1. The cops will bust you for prostitution. That extra money you made will now go towards bail, court fees & fines plus a lawyer. Did you save up for that? Don't be so naive to think you will never get busted or the club is watching out for you.

    2. HIV & other STDs. I worked once with a girl who did extras dirty cheap but out earned the rest of us. She was the ugliest girl in the club. If a custie of mine got a dance from her, well she never did dance but did $5 blow jobs. I never ever danced for that customer again. When the health department showed up, I laughed. She didn't have have HIV but full blown AIDS. Can you afford HIV meds that cost $1200 to $2000 a month?

    You say you can't make money without the extras. I say you can't afford to do extras.

    I danced in clubs for 12 years, never heard the term "extra girls" I straight up called them hookers to their faces. Nothing wrong with being a hooker, just don't do it in a club. Go out put an ad up on eros & make more money doing it without the club being your Pimp. Cause if you do get busted they are NOT going to pay for all the cost. And at least you could openly use condoms & lessen your risk for HIV & other STDs.

    Sam
    I agree with your sentiment.

    I have voiced my opinion on the matter a while ago... I wrote about it in this thread.... https://www.stripperweb.com/forum/sh...23#post2500723 But since Bellabbw seems genuine enough, I toned it down. It doesn't change my opinion though. At the end of the day, extras don't belong in a strip club.
    Quote Originally Posted by Jay12 View Post
    ^What Sophia said.
    Quote Originally Posted by yoda57us View Post
    I wish there was an "auto-like" setting that I could just have applied to all of your posts Sophia....

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    Default Re: I need some help please

    Ok so here is how my night is going. I got two vip rooms
    1st guy asked me for a bj a
    And i said i dont do that. He kept offering tips and i said no so he settled fo r dances. 2nd guy was a regular
    Got mad i would no longer do extras. I told him we could still have fun but he said i burned my bridge with him. And got rude.. i walked out on him in vip. My boss was like being a jerk because i did not want to agree to extras!! He even said so should we refund him? Why am i being punished for wanting to be a clean dancer?

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    Default Re: I need some help please

    Ok so here is how my night is going. I got two vip rooms
    1st guy asked me for a bj a
    And i said i dont do that. He kept offering tips and i said no so he settled fo r dances. 2nd guy was a regular
    Got mad i would no longer do extras. I told him we could still have fun but he said i burned my bridge with him. And got rude.. i walked out on him in vip. My boss was like being a jerk because i did not want to agree to extras!! He even said so should we refund him? Why am i being punished for wanting to be a clean dancer?

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    Default Re: I need some help please

    Quote Originally Posted by Melonie View Post
    I'll take a bit of a different approach with my response ...

    In today's economy, typical customers at 'suburban' strip clubs have less money to spend than they used to ( because their paychecks have stayed the same while taxes, rent, energy costs, grocery bills etc. have gone up ). This has arguably created an environment where 'clean' dancer earnings potential in 'suburban' clubs is pretty disappointing. To persuade 'suburban' club customers to part with more money ( probably making them choose between buying private dances versus paying their rent on time ), 'extras' are increasingly expected.

    And, for better or worse, strip club review websites, bulletin boards etc. allow strip club customers to communicate to each other which particular dancers are willing to provide those 'extras', versus which ones will not ... meaning that customers no longer need to 'invest' money in a few private dances from a particular dancer in order to discover whether or not 'extras' are part of the equation. Thus the arguable reality is that 'clean' dancers working in 'suburban' clubs ... where many other dancers are willing to provide 'extras' and where many customers have come to expect 'extras', but who choose not to similarly provide the 'extras' those customers have come to expect ... will now face a disappointing level of earnings potential.

    'Upscale' clubs are able to appeal to a club customer base who typically has a higher earnings level than that of 'suburban' club customers. As such, they often won't expect as much 'bang' for their buck ... meaning that 'clean' dancers working in upscale clubs are likely to still have an acceptable earnings potential. However, upscale clubs also typically adhere to higher standards when hiring new dancers ... meaning that, despite stage performance skills, despite conversational skills, etc. some number of dancers just aren't going to 'measure up' to the hiring standards of upscale clubs.

    The unpleasant reality seems to be that the economy has fundamentally changed for suburban club customers. And that change flows downhill to suburban strip clubs and the dancers who work in those clubs. Many suburban club-owners have acknowledged to themselves that the only effective way for their club to continue to pay it's own rising taxes, utility bills etc. is to allow 'extras' to take place in the club. And as long as some dancers are offering 'extras', other 'clean' dancers attempting to pry money out of the same club customers are going to have an extremely difficult time achieving an acceptable earnings potential. \

    There are exceptions to every rule, of course, meaning that a stunningly beautiful but 'clean' dancer working in a suburban strip club may still be able to sell a good number of 'clean' private dances based on her stunning appearance ... meaning that a particular dancer who has managed to build up a base of regular customers over the years who do not expect 'extras' may continue to sell a good number of 'clean' private dances thanks to those regular customer 'relationships' etc.
    I really agree with you here. The stunning women are still thriving in this poor economy... But if you are not a 10 it isnt so easy to thrive right now. Makes it real hard to enjoy the job. Some of the top earners around here starve themselves...I can tell they dont work out ..They just dont eat... they talk about how they shouldnt have eaten anything before work etc....Idk..Just wish healthiness for all.

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    Default Re: I need some help please

    I have always been a clean dancer myself, but one of the last wks I was dancing had a guy go to VIP w/ me. I did not even hint abt giving anything but dances & company, both b/c I didn't roll that way & b/c that just leads to trouble if you hint to the wrong person, but he had other ideas. I walked out on him & took his $$$ w/ me.

    One of the mgrs followed me to the DR & basically said the same thing your mgr did, abt refunding. I told him if he wants to refund from his own $$ that was his call to make, but they were both fking idiots if they thought I was going to refund a customer for smtg I was nvr selling in the first place. He threatened to suspend me, I was already on thin ice but knew I was almost done there anyway so I didn't give a shit.

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    Default Re: I need some help please

    Why am i being punished for wanting to be a clean dancer?
    but they were both fking idiots if they thought I was going to refund a customer for smtg I was nvr selling in the first place. He threatened to suspend me

    ... Because, in the mind of a greedy clubowner, by choosing to be a 'clean' dancer you are 'costing the club money' ... due to your reduced sales of private dances and VIP's from which the club extracts a reduced 'cut' in total dollar terms. Also, because you are likely to 'piss off' club customers who were expecting to receive 'extras', which in turn could cost the club even more money in lost door cover charges, lost drink sales etc. if that 'pissed off' customer fails to return to the club as often. Also, because you are occupying a 'slot' in the club's shift schedule that could be filled by an 'extras girl' who would provide higher private dance / VIP sales thus higher club 'cut' revenues.

    Keep in mind that the clubowner can always plead total ignorance of 'extras' going on in the club, thus the clubowner faces essentially zero negative impact if 'extras girls' are busted in the club. Thus the existence of 'extras' in the club means nothing to the clubowner. What DOES matter to the clubowner is how many private dances / VIP's a given dancer is able to sell, thus how many dollars of club 'cut' can be collected.

    Also, keep in mind that 'clean' dancers do face the risk of being ( bogusly ) busted right along with 'extras' girls. When the girl winds up in front of a local yokel judge and a jury made up of housewives, retirees, gov't workers, etc. who are being told by a well respected local cop that the 'clean' dancer broke the law, what hard proof can a 'clean' dancer offer that she didn't actually do whatever the local cop claims she did ? And without the higher earnings potential that 'extras girls' typically achieve, there is no way that a bogusly busted 'clean' dancer is going to be able to finance $5,000+ in legal fees to file an appeal in a higher court to get that local court conviction overturned.
    Last edited by Melonie; 01-15-2014 at 11:25 AM.

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    Default Re: I need some help please

    sounds like really the only option is to find a better club! there ARE clubs out there who don't encourage extras for punish their dancers for not doing them,( like mine...it got yelled at for barely brushing against a custy during a stage set getting a dollar bill.).but those kinds of clubs are a little picky about their dancers . you sound like a beautiful girl, so just really hammer down on losing weight and go in there with confidence and class.you deserve to be treated with respect and these club owners sound like scum of the earth!

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    Default Re: I need some help please

    ^^^ yes, but ... 'upscale' strip clubs that provide the opportunity for 'clean' dancers to achieve a good income potential comprise perhaps 10% of all clubs. Economically speaking, that roughly corresponds to the top 10% of American guys whose incomes are high enough to allow them to spend significant money in strip clubs without short-changing their monthly mortgage payment / car payment / utility bills / grocery bill etc. ( thus without expecting 'extras ). However, by implication, this means that 90% of all dancers will not be given the opportunity to work in such 'clean' upscale clubs.

    The stunning women are still thriving in this poor economy... But if you are not a 10 it isnt so easy to thrive right now. Makes it real hard to enjoy the job.
    Certainly it's worth it to take a shot at being hired in such a 'clean' upscale club. But, for a fact, some 90% of all dancers won't have this available as a realistic option. There just aren't enough high earning club customers left who are willing and able to spend significant amounts of money without expecting 'extras' in exchange ... thus there aren't enough locations where a 'clean' strip club can actually still operate 'in the black'. It's a direct economic consequence that 90% of dancers who aren't going to get hired by upscale 'clean' clubs will increasingly face the choice of providing 'extras' in exchange for relatively acceptable earnings potential, or being a 'clean' dancer whose earnings potential might not be far above minimum wage ( and who may be prelssured to quit to make room for an 'extras girl who will generate more income for the club ).
    Last edited by Melonie; 01-15-2014 at 12:19 PM.

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    Default Re: I need some help please

    Quote Originally Posted by Bellabbw View Post
    Ok so here is how my night is going. I got two vip rooms
    1st guy asked me for a bj a
    And i said i dont do that. He kept offering tips and i said no so he settled fo r dances. 2nd guy was a regular
    Got mad i would no longer do extras. I told him we could still have fun but he said i burned my bridge with him. And got rude.. i walked out on him in vip. My boss was like being a jerk because i did not want to agree to extras!! He even said so should we refund him? Why am i being punished for wanting to be a clean dancer?
    This is exactly why I suggested changing clubs. The idealistic "assert yourself where you work and you'll feel better" advice is great in theory... but it's tricky in reality.

    1. The extras customers may give you a hard time.
    2. The club is obviously okay with that sort of activity.
    3. Both the club and the customers expect you to do that.

    It's difficult to un-ring a bell.

    That being said, given enough time, if you stay with this new path in the same club, you can redefine yourself. It may take a week or it may take a month... but you have to stick to your boundaries. Spend your energy on developing a hustle that is entertaining but leaves customers wanting more. Focus on developing new regulars that don't want extras. It's easier in a new club... but if you're up for the challenge, it can be done where you are. It just takes a strong will and a bit of time.
    Quote Originally Posted by Jay12 View Post
    ^What Sophia said.
    Quote Originally Posted by yoda57us View Post
    I wish there was an "auto-like" setting that I could just have applied to all of your posts Sophia....

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    Default Re: I need some help please

    If I were you, I would change clubs if I could. That way you'll get a fresh start, plus this club management doesn't seem to care much about the dancers, and all this seem to be taking a toll on your mental health.

    I believe a lot of your old customers are going to feel entitle and might get pushy or aggressive. You can still work at your current club, but you're gonna have to be very strong.

  28. #20
    Featured Member Tourdefranzia's Avatar
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    Default Re: I need some help please

    Quote Originally Posted by Bellabbw View Post
    Ok so here is how my night is going. I got two vip rooms
    1st guy asked me for a bj a
    And i said i dont do that. He kept offering tips and i said no so he settled fo r dances. 2nd guy was a regular
    Got mad i would no longer do extras. I told him we could still have fun but he said i burned my bridge with him. And got rude.. i walked out on him in vip. My boss was like being a jerk because i did not want to agree to extras!! He even said so should we refund him? Why am i being punished for wanting to be a clean dancer?
    Weren't you feeling terrible for being an extras girl? Your first customer respected your boundaries. The second customer treated you like a commodity or object. Your boss likely gets a cut of the club's earnings and won't go to jail for anything you do so he has nothing at all to lose should you get caught providing extras.

    You aren't being punished, you are seeing how people respond to a woman taking agency with her life and her body. I am so proud of you for standing firm. That had to have been really hard, and it is amazing that you made it through without giving in!

    Good Job! Keep up the good work!

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    Default Re: I need some help please

    Good for you for trying to make a change. I know it must be really hard, especially without support from management. Hopefully more of your customers are like the first one. I am sure many of them have gotten to know you and like you as a person. They may be ok with just dances even though they know more is available from other girls. I would play on their emotions and your relationship. Don't let them make you feel bad. They should feel bad if they try to make you continue.

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