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Thread: Letting go of a regular customer

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    Featured Member Tourdefranzia's Avatar
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    Default Letting go of a regular customer

    I've had several regular customers for months now. Two of these gentlemen are taking up an inordinate amount of my time in the club. I understand that spending time with strippers is an expensive hobby. But both of these gentlemen are taking longer to get around to buying dances and are pressuring me for time OTC (which I've been avoiding by being so very, very busy).

    I'm a very attentive dancer. This makes it easy for the customers to forget that I am merely playing a role for their benefit. So when these two particular gentlemen visit the club, they expect me to sit with them the whole time, even if they aren't spending.

    I'd like to cut the chord, so to speak, so that I may spend my time in greener pastures. I just don't know how to do that without hurting anyone's feelings. I'm to the point of finding another club to work in for a while, but I really like my home club.

    I guess my question is: have you ever been dumped by a dancer? How did she do it? Did the situation leave a bad taste in your mouth? How would you prefer you ATF to inform you that she needs to spend time with other gentlemen?

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    Default Re: Letting go of a regular customer

    If the are PRESSURING you....esp. for OTC time...... you should not feel so bad about cutting it off.
    mellymay.com

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    Default Re: Letting go of a regular customer

    Quote Originally Posted by Tourdefranzia View Post
    Did the situation leave a bad taste in your mouth?
    ^If a customer is acting this way with you, it's most likely that he has acted this way in the past with his last ATF. In that case, your customers have probably experienced being "dumped" before.

    I'm interested to see the blues chime in on this one though .
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    Default Re: Letting go of a regular customer

    Why can't you just tell them the truth? Let them know you need to focus on making more money. Even when I was a dance-buying customer, I understood that time was money to them. Even when I pulled the plug in buying dances, I still spent time in the clubs and quite often, after an hour or so at the beginning of her shift, either the dancer or I would proclaim it was time for me to leave because she had work to do.
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    Default Re: Letting go of a regular customer

    I've never been "dumped" by a dancer but that's because I've never treated one with the kind of disrespect you are describing here. All regulars have a shelf life. Sooner or later these knuckleheads think that they are more special than their money is and start getting cheap inside the club-buying fewer dances (or no dances) and expecting more of your time or asking for dinner dates or other OTC arrangements. The worst ones are the ones who claim "friend" status after buying dances a few times and think that you are supposed to sit with them when they visit the club and nurse a single drink for an hour or two.

    Don't leave your club and don't feel badly about simply ignoring these guys or telling them that you can't afford to work for free. Guys who act like this are not new to bad behavior. You aren't the first dancer that they have pulled this stuff with and you won't be the first dancer to dump them for it. They will find a new dancer to build up and then take advantage of-if not at your club then somewhere else.
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    Default Re: Letting go of a regular customer

    I couldn't tell if you'd hang out with them if they spent more, or if you're over them and just want out regardless of whether they buy more dances. If I were getting dumped, I'd want full transparency, the same way I am transparent if I've decided to hang out with a different dancer today. If you need them to pay you more, then be clear about that ("enjoy hanging out with you but this is the only way I support myself, etc.". If you want to break up, period, I'd say that too ("I think we should take a break" or however you'd like to couch it, but don't dangle the possibility of more money to buy you back). My advice is that playing games will generate worse feelings, so if you just want to dump him, don't tell him that it's a matter of money because he might call your bluff. I mean, say it in as nice a way as you can, but be clear, IMO. Unfortunately, that's just what would work best with me, if it happened to me I'd rather know it. If they're known to be volatile, then I imagine it could go badly on the spot, that's why escorts refuse to see customers by simply not returning contact instead of explaining and risking a blow-up.

    One of my SC buddies stepped way over the line, and the girl dumped him by ceasing to return his texts, and ignoring him next time at the club (although by the time we made our next trip he already knew she was done and had his sights on the next girl). That way of doing things definitely generated bad feelings on his side. I was bummed because I wanted to swoop in and take her, but after that there was no way I could invite her to the table with us. On the other hand, while there were definite bad feelings, there was no in-club drama.

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    Default Re: Letting go of a regular customer

    Do you go to their jobs, sit around all day keeping them from working?
    Yet, they feel it is fine to do it to you.

    Be a bit more aggressive in hustling them so that they spend less time in the club. They suggest time outside the club suggest a shopping trip. How you need new heels or have your eye on a nice piece of jewelry to remind them of how these relationships work. If they suggest sex be offended that you are not one of those girls. If they suggest dinner, say, no cause way to many men expect sex just because they bought dinner. How that just makes you resent men & wish to stay friendly with them.

    Honestly, if they just wanted sex why didn't they just call up a hooker. No, they came to a club to be paid attention to & chased after a bit even if it is for money. Make an outing so expensive they won't want to suggest it again. Act all excited next time they offer,"yes, yes, yes then we can stop by this jewelry store & you can get me that ring I've been lusting after for so long". Watch them back pedal hard then.. LOL

    I worked with a dancer once who had 10 cars bought for her & about 5 guys coming in & handing over their checks to her every week & she NEVER fucked any of them. Her game was tight.


    Good Luck,
    Sam

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    Default Re: Letting go of a regular customer

    Quote Originally Posted by Tourdefranzia View Post
    I've had several regular customers for months now. Two of these gentlemen are taking up an inordinate amount of my time in the club. I understand that spending time with strippers is an expensive hobby. But both of these gentlemen are taking longer to get around to buying dances and are pressuring me for time OTC (which I've been avoiding by being so very, very busy).

    I'm a very attentive dancer. This makes it easy for the customers to forget that I am merely playing a role for their benefit. So when these two particular gentlemen visit the club, they expect me to sit with them the whole time, even if they aren't spending.
    It happens. They enjoy spending time with you and are trying to stretch it out. This behavior could also be a sign that their cash is running low, thereby leading them to try see you as much as they can for as little as possible. IMHO when the cash starts coming out a lot slower and the pressure to go OTC intensifies, you are nearing the end of the line. I don't view them quite as harshly as Yoda does, but I do agree with the notion that they know exactly what they are doing and why you are there. The only question that remains is at what point they become more trouble than they are worth, but it sounds like that point has arrived.

    Quote Originally Posted by Tourdefranzia View Post
    I'd like to cut the chord, so to speak, so that I may spend my time in greener pastures. I just don't know how to do that without hurting anyone's feelings. I'm to the point of finding another club to work in for a while, but I really like my home club.
    Honestly, you don't have much control over how the guy feels about the loss of your attention, though you'd really be better off worrying about your own feelings instead. If they are needy types, then they will likely get butt hurt, but that's not your problem. Guys like this can and do react in any number of ways, including sulking, making a scene, suddenly spending a bunch of money on another girl to get you "jealous", whining, etc. I've even seen one guy cry. But remember that these are grown men who should know better. You are not responsible for how they feel.

    IMHO the best thing that you can do is to be straightforward with them about the fact that you can only spend a limited amount of time with them. I've also seen some girls simply ignore the guys until they get the hint. Each approach has its pros and cons of course, but in all honesty there is no really easy or super clean way of doing it. But for fuck sake don't leave a good club just because a couple of guys might whine about losing your attention.

    Quote Originally Posted by Tourdefranzia View Post
    I guess my question is: have you ever been dumped by a dancer? How did she do it? Did the situation leave a bad taste in your mouth? How would you prefer you ATF to inform you that she needs to spend time with other gentlemen?
    Yes and no. Never outright "dumped", but I have had a couple run hot and cold and I've also been in situations where planned visits with favorites turned into empty nights because high rollers monopolized them. It stinks when you want to visit a particular girl and things go sideways, but c'est la vie. If a guy who is your regular just doesn't get how this works and takes it all personally then that is his problem, not yours.

    In any event, good luck!

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    Default Re: Letting go of a regular customer

    "Babe I really like you. A lot, you are one of my favourite people and I really wish I could hang out with you but I have to get to work. I haven't made (rent/car) this month and I need another 500 tonight. I'll come see you before you go. *kiss on the cheek* talk to you soon sweetie "

    I have been dealing with one dude that started wasting my time over a month ago. It took him like a two weeks to figure it iut, of coming in EVERY day and being ignored by me. Watching me work, until he realized he needs to only come in when he is going to spend money.

    Good luck because this is annoying as fuck!!

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    Default Re: Letting go of a regular customer

    ^Oh yes. Come up with a darling way of saying "pay me or we're through."

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    Default Re: Letting go of a regular customer

    I understand that you want to feel like a good person and you don't want to just stop an income stream, but why are you concerned about hurting their feelings? Are they the sort to go nuts and injure you or someone else over it?
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    Default Re: Letting go of a regular customer

    Quote Originally Posted by Tourdefranzia View Post
    I've had several regular customers for months now. Two of these gentlemen are taking up an inordinate amount of my time in the club. I understand that spending time with strippers is an expensive hobby. But both of these gentlemen are taking longer to get around to buying dances and are pressuring me for time OTC (which I've been avoiding by being so very, very busy).

    I'm a very attentive dancer. This makes it easy for the customers to forget that I am merely playing a role for their benefit. So when these two particular gentlemen visit the club, they expect me to sit with them the whole time, even if they aren't spending.

    I'd like to cut the chord, so to speak, so that I may spend my time in greener pastures. I just don't know how to do that without hurting anyone's feelings. I'm to the point of finding another club to work in for a while, but I really like my home club.

    I guess my question is: have you ever been dumped by a dancer? How did she do it? Did the situation leave a bad taste in your mouth? How would you prefer you ATF to inform you that she needs to spend time with other gentlemen?
    I have never been dumped by a dancer and it would be harsh if my ATF dumped me. But I know it is a business relationship and I would respect her choice. There was this one time when I was sitting drinking with her and some other guy said "Can I have a private dance?" And I said to her "I respect your need to make money." But she knocked him back because he wasn't willing to wait a little while for it. I appreciated that very much. I always try to respect her needs and wishes.

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    Default Re: Letting go of a regular customer

    I learn a lot by watching and paying attention. My fave is pretty damn professional. She has a mental timer on how much time she spends with me[and everyone no doubt] She also generally has at least two other regulars in the club at any given time. SO it is either " I will be RIGHT over as soon as I am done with this guy" Or "I have to run because I haven't seen this guy in ages" and sometimes it is just a long wait for her to come out after a stage set. She did let slip[in reference to someone else of course] that she has to be careful they don't get used to spending too much time with her. Sure if it is really dead she will hang with me, but it is irregular enough that I don't get used to it.

    I think that is the key, don't get in that position. Always limit the time. Does it suck that I do not get all the attention I want? Poor Poor me...........

    Even in the small club I frequent, us custy's only have a limited idea of who the other guys are, who spends money. If your timer goes off just say, " That guy across the bar was trying to get dances from me last time he was in, blah blah"

    As a group we are pretty self absorbed, so no we aint gonna like it, but hey, all it takes is more money, right.............

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    Default Re: Letting go of a regular customer

    Quote Originally Posted by maximvsv View Post
    I understand that you want to feel like a good person and you don't want to just stop an income stream, but why are you concerned about hurting their feelings?
    This is an excellent question! The income isn't really that important. I've always been able to find someone else to sell dances to, so I'm not worried about cutting off or greatly reduced income. Trust me, I know girls who depend on one or two customers to support them. I'm not one of them.

    I guess I'm just deeply invested in the idea that people go to strip clubs for the fun and escapism it provides. I don't want to be that girl who screws up a customer's fun by being too real.

    This thread has been very helpful. I've got some ideas about how I'm going to approach this situation, and really appreciate all the feedback. Having regulars and working in a home club is a new experience for me. I used to travel regularly when I danced before due to no strip clubs in the town I lived in. I guess even an old pro can learn some new tricks!

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    Default Re: Letting go of a regular customer

    I would just try and think of a nice way of reminding them that you're there to make money, that this is a job for you. I have customers who tell me they just want to hangout for a while and I'll say something like "I would love to hangout out with you too, but you know the DJ/manager is gonna get really annoyed me with me if I don't do dances, so can we go and hangout back there?" Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. If they say no then say "OK, well I'll come back a little bit later then" and just don't come back or come back very sporadically for extremely short periods of time. They'll get the hint and either stop coming up to you or start spending money again.

    Honestly I don't feel bad for anybody that comes into a strip club and doesn't spend money. I wouldn't go to a nail salon and expect them to do my hair for free. I would go to a spa and expect a free massage. Some guy asked me last night if we could just hang out for "free" and my response was to laugh and walk away.
    Last edited by audrey_k; 01-15-2014 at 11:12 PM.

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    Default Re: Letting go of a regular customer

    Quote Originally Posted by Tourdefranzia View Post
    I guess my question is: have you ever been dumped by a dancer? How did she do it? Did the situation leave a bad taste in your mouth? How would you prefer you ATF to inform you that she needs to spend time with other gentlemen?
    Hmm no I've never really been dumped. I got into a fight with a dominatrix I was a semi-regular to and never wanted to see her again. She picked the fight, intending to ruin the relationship so I guess you could say she dumped me. Yeah it left a bad taste in my mouth I genuinely dislike her now.

    Since you are asking for blue advice....

    In terms of your problem I think Rick is right that they are likely running out of money. You probably need to have a Come to Jesus conversation where you make it clear this is work and you need a certainly hourly return. Just tell them you don't care if they buy dances or buy time but they are buying something steadily. Make it clear you may enjoy their company the same way they may enjoy the company of many of their clients (in whatever field they are in) but your relationship is client / dancer not friend / friend. I'd just be brutally honest that your job is to their fantasy girlfriend, you aren't really their girlfriend any more than William Shatner really commanded a star ship.

    I don't know how they will react but at the very least you are being honest and helpful to them. At some point in the future they may be thankful for you being that genuine. Similarly FWIW as far OTC, stop lying to them. If you want more money just say that. If you aren't going to meet them OTC just say that.

    So my advice FWIW is just stop the drama, treat them like a client and have a straightforward conversation about rates for your time and expectations.

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    Default Re: Letting go of a regular customer

    My experience is more limited because I've only had 1 ATF and we are friends and at this point I'm only seeing her OTC, but I think what some of the others have said sounds like it makes sense. It's funny how we have a hard time being honest when we're afraid of it causing something negative to happen, but that's really what you have to do.

    Just think of it from a customer's perspective. If we don't want a dance because we're waiting for someone or we're out of money, for my part it works just fine for me to just say so. I think it helps to realize that while you're trying to make a hint without being brutal, if you're not honestly expressing that this isn't what you want to do, you might be kind of leading them on and that's really not such a nice thing to do anyway.

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    Default Re: Letting go of a regular customer

    My experience is more limited because I've only had 1 ATF and we are friends and at this point I'm only seeing her OTC, but I think what some of the others have said sounds like it makes sense. It's funny how we have a hard time being honest when we're afraid of it causing something negative to happen, but that's really what you have to do.

    Just think of it from a customer's perspective. If we don't want a dance because we're waiting for someone or we're out of money, for my part it works just fine for me to just say so. I think it helps to realize that while you're trying to make a hint without being brutal, if you're not honestly expressing that this isn't what you want to do, you might be kind of leading them on and that's really not such a nice thing to do anyway.

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    Default Re: Letting go of a regular customer

    I've never danced in a club but I surely go through the same issue when it comes to cam. Guy becomes your regular and he's rather consistent spender, well above others and then here comes the pushing for meetings, phone, dinner etc. Even skype I tend to despise it even though I offer the feature. Most guys that want to do skype even though it's timed always push to go over that time slot. Now in a private when they can't keep going with their wallet they shut that the private down with no issues at all.

    What I realized is that the more "free time" I spend with any of these men the less they value me. That's the truth. Being nice and giving more for some reason is regarded as " She has low self worth".

    Now I test guys. If I do skype and I say " ooh time is up, if that selfish fuck keeps talking like he didn't hear me he's going on my mental shit list". I will also demand monies for overage. If he doesn't want to pay up that will be the last time he skypes with me. The next time he suggests a skype I'll make sure to cut the time early or I'll put a featured timer on loud so when the time is over that shit GONGS in his ear. Yup.

    Just the other night this guy booked for skype. Now he knows it for a specific time about 1 hour. He decides to tell me "again after 7 or more times in the past " how these other models he knows don't put a time limit. lol I said "well it must be nice that other men pay their bills enough so they can afford to give YOU free time". He got quiet . Oops did I blow your fantasy that you were the only man in existence to them? Yes I'll blow your fantasy when you fuck with my reality.

    ^That guy is a bag of passive aggressive statements.

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    Default Re: Letting go of a regular customer

    Quote Originally Posted by Divorced View Post
    My experience is more limited because I've only had 1 ATF and we are friends and at this point I'm only seeing her OTC, but I think what some of the others have said sounds like it makes sense. It's funny how we have a hard time being honest when we're afraid of it causing something negative to happen, but that's really what you have to do.

    Just think of it from a customer's perspective. If we don't want a dance because we're waiting for someone or we're out of money, for my part it works just fine for me to just say so. I think it helps to realize that while you're trying to make a hint without being brutal, if you're not honestly expressing that this isn't what you want to do, you might be kind of leading them on and that's really not such a nice thing to do anyway.
    She's a stripper in a strip club. How could she possibly be leading them on?

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    Default Re: Letting go of a regular customer

    Quote Originally Posted by audrey_k View Post
    She's a stripper in a strip club. How could she possibly be leading them on?
    I mean that she's letting them think that their behavior is okay with her when it isn't.

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    Default Re: Letting go of a regular customer

    Quote Originally Posted by audrey_k View Post
    She's a stripper in a strip club. How could she possibly be leading them on?
    Strippers can easily lead men on. You are at work, the inexperienced customers are often having a real emotional and sexual experience. The whole job for a clean dancer working a regular is pressing emotional and sexual buttons to get them to give them to give you large amounts of money. The best paying regulars are often the ones who are most emotionally and sexually confused. Tourdefranzia was saying she knew the guys were confused and she was trying to decide whether to "cut the cord". I was suggesting calling a time out in play time and just having an honest conversation. The OTC sounds like definitely leading them on where she doesn't really want to do it and they think they are winning her trust.

    Heck there is another thread right now in customer conversation where a blue who was being scammed isn't really clear about what was going on.

    IMHO regarding the big 5 for sex workers: strippers, cam girls, escorts, massage and dominatrix I'd say that strippers are probably 2nd on the list on most emotionally intense (dominatrixes are first). With a dominatrix there is quite much less of a short term mercenary relationship they want a lower amount per hour on a relationship that might last for years. Dominatrix can and do have slaves as adjuncts to their heterosexual normal relationships and are generally femdom (or femsub) in real life. So in some sense there really is a possibility for a longer term relationship with a dominatrix that goes beyond the dungeon (their equivalent of the club) in a way there just generally isn't with a stripper. Finally a lot fewer men have the buttons that dominatrixes can push and there are many many fewer of them. So yeah, IMHO strippers are the kind of sex worker most likely to lead someone on.

    Heck I had a camgirl (foreign) whom I was playing with regularly who was trying to get me to believe she wanted a relationship as part of her sell more privates. If I were: less experienced, more lonely that would have helped. But if it were a stripper not a camgirl so she I'd be touching, smelling and tasting her skin and lips while she was telling me all this, then on top of all that you make her American so she has less cultural barriers. Yeah it would have worked: sending her plane tickets then a request for money to help with legal problems for the visa, then other incidental expenses that interfere then.... At some point I catch on but... Why is it hard to believe that a stripper can lead a guy on?

    Now I don't know for sure and I"m not really sure how she reacts if I go from enjoying the fantasy of this totally hot early 20s chick desperate in love with me to actually believing her and doing stuff. Think about the top earners and their relationship with their regular VIP customers. Are you sure those guys really know it is a game?

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    Default Re: Letting go of a regular customer

    Quote Originally Posted by audrey_k View Post
    She's a stripper in a strip club. How could she possibly be leading them on?
    Look, I apologize if this is lashing out, but... Come on, leading on men is a basis of the profession for strippers. Isn't the whole idea that you want them to forget that they're paying you to act like you are turned on by them?

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    Default Re: Letting go of a regular customer

    Quote Originally Posted by knightwish View Post
    Strippers can easily lead men on. You are at work, the inexperienced customers are often having a real emotional and sexual experience.
    Exactly! My job is making men feel an intense, emotional connection to me-- and I'm really good at making that connection feel real. But at the end of the day we're at a fucking strip club, that's why they're PAYING me for my time and we're dancing on a couch and not lying in bed together. It's a fucking JOB and any guy who doesn't get that is just fucking STUPID.

    There is no excuse for a guy to go to a strip club and expect a woman to hangout with him for free. It's insulting and disgusting behavior and it annoys the fuck out of me.

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    Default Re: Letting go of a regular customer

    Quote Originally Posted by audrey_k View Post
    Exactly! My job is making men feel an intense, emotional connection to me-- and I'm really good at making that connection feel real. But at the end of the day we're at a fucking strip club, that's why they're PAYING me for my time and we're dancing on a couch and not lying in bed together. It's a fucking JOB and any guy who doesn't get that is just fucking STUPID.
    They aren't stupid they are inexperienced and human. You make the connection feel real enough and sure sometimes the men get confused. I remember there was a thread on the dancer a few years back about guys saying "I like you so I can't get dances from you" and the dancers were commenting how ridiculous that is. I don't think it is ridiculous at all, it makes perfect sense to me. That's men protecting their boundaries in the same way dancers don't want to have sex with customers to protect their boundaries. Pretending to have a night of wonderful romance with a stripper is fun. Actually having a one sided night of wonderful romance with a stripper is going to be deeply painful. The things strippers do to customers are many of the same things that women in real relationships do to get men to love and make deep sacrifices for them. And often strippers are far better at these seduction techniques than real women.

    I'm experienced enough to know that if I start to feel real emotion:
    a) To check them
    b) To not see the woman until they pass

    But if some guy kept feeding those emotions, then he wouldn't be simulating falling in love he might really be in love. You certainly accept that if you were doing the naughty in the VIP room you could really pregnant or really get an STD or really start to feel demeaned even though it was nothing but a commercial transaction simulating a sexual relationship. Why don't you think the same sort of thing can happen to a man? For guys sex isn't nearly as emotional, but romance often is vastly more emotional. Men are designed to seek the love, affection and approval of women. How do you think the men in your real life relationships came to care about your welfare?

    Quote Originally Posted by audrey_k View Post
    There is no excuse for a guy to go to a strip club and expect a woman to hangout with him for free. It's insulting and disgusting behavior and it annoys the fuck out of me.
    Look I don't know either the dancer or the two guys. But if they are starting to think this is not a client / vendor relationship but a friendship, then that's the excuse. I agree with you the best way to handle it is to reestablish boundaries that they are customers not friends. But these guys aren't mind readers. The conversation has to happen first.
    Last edited by knightwish; 01-28-2014 at 08:33 AM.

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