I'm pretty toasted right now so please excuse me.
I thought I was done dancing forever, but I'm back now. I worked tonight, I talked with some customers, I danced around, I drank too much merlot. It was fun. I probably didn't make as much as I could have, but I've realized that just because you can make a certain amount of money, it doesn't mean you should.
Yeah, that sounds bad. If my former stripper self could read this she'd be like "NO. THE FUCK YOU TALKIN' 'BOUT. YOU SQUEEZE EVERY PENNY OUT OF THEM CUSTOMERS." I used to hustle and go all out crazy, and feel angry and ashamed if I wasn't one of the top earners. That's why I let myself keep going into VIP rooms in Manhattan when I shouldn't have, I just kept thinking that the next customer surely wouldn't be so bad and somehow I should be able to make VIP money without that stuff happening, and I kept putting myself in those situations and blaming myself for what happened and I thought I should just be able to improve my selling skills...
But my point is, I got TOO obsessed with maximizing my earnings. I want to have long and healthy hair but did things to my hair that I hate, hate, hated (heat styling, extensions, etc) just because more customers would like it. I adapted into some persona that I mathematically calculated to have the most mass appeal to customers. And when you throw yourself into the fake persona that completely... it's hard not to forget you are still you. You're still a person and you are not a robot that's been meticulously created just to extract the absolute maximum amount of money from everyone that you can.
Yeah, you should always make an effort and work hard when you dance, just don't forget you're a human being. Pay attention to your feelings. Put your own needs before the customers'. Know where you personally are comfortable drawing the line between "temporary changes to your persona that will help your earnings" and "the real you." Everyone has their stripper self, but also, you are always you, and you deserve to work in a way that doesn't make you feel like a starving wolf.
I'm really over comparing my earnings to other girls', doing things to my body that I don't really want to do at all just because some joe schmoe I don't even like will find it cute, and the obsessed voice in my head that screams "LAPDANCE LAPDANCE LAPDANCE" every time I am trying to have a conversation with a customer. I want to like going to work. And now I think I may have found the balance where I do.
(sorry if this is already a thread. i wouldn't begin to know what to search for to find it.)



Reply With Quote
Bookmarks