This is going to be a long one, oh boy.
I knew my husband for about 10/11 years online before I married him. I watched him blossom into his adult life from a young life of drug and alcohol struggles, multiple personality disorder, irresponsibility, and obesity to a butterfly. And I love him dearly, we have a kickass gaming relationship and we just "get" each other. And then there's the offbeat side of our marriage: Since I got married at 20, I never casually dated. I never had to deal with love and loss, or rampant casual sex, or anything that young people seem to do. And I don't know if I've just got a keeper or if my marriage is unusual, but I've been given the golden "free pass." Because he has a hormonal imbalance from Klinefelters, and can't have kids, part of him feels that he can't provide, so I can have sex with whoever I want. Well, the thing is, he was providing, for the three years we've been around each other in person, we've had an awesome sex life. Until he lost his first job, gained weight (250-320+ now), flopped when he failed at becoming independent from his parents, and now feels like he can't provide at all. I'm trying to bring him back to health and support him, because I love him, but for now this has left me terribly sexually stifled.
I have a free pass. A hall pass, rather. I can play the field. I can do whatever I like. I did have sex with his best friend a few times but he turned out to be an asshole so I stopped. But otherwise, I've only had one other real partner: my husband. I guess what I'm confused about is, should I take this pass? I have so many opportunities, opportunities that will grow and fulfill my sexual spirit. But everywhere I've read on the other side of the internet (y'know, the sexwork haters side), everywhere says that open relationships are a bad thing. :/ When his best friend and I were having fun he did spiral a few times and said it made him sad but he always shrugged it off, I'm just confused.
And for those of you into dating others and having casual sex, how do you... trust yourself with someone? Like, with my husband, we grew our physical trust. I let him do anything and everything with my body because I knew he wouldn't go too far or harm me, how do you open yourself up to someone else? The idea of just running off and having fun casual sex that could push my limits is a huge turn on, but just... how? Dive right in? Bah. That weighs on me quite a bit. But at the end of the day, I still love my husband and care for him and cook his meals and lay to sleep with him at night.
In other news,
My husband is LDS/Mormon. He's not devout at ALL but he follows their belief in the afterlife and family values and stuff. Well, they've been trying to get me baptized over a year now, and I'm just not feeling it. I like "some" of their ideals, but I'm not giving up coffee, tea, and the occasional alcohol binge all because I want to be on the highest level of heaven. I work Sunday mornings and I can't go to church, and I kid you not, these crazy motherfuckers are trying to get in touch with my boss to CHANGE MY SCHEDULE. Oh my God, they're going to get me fired. I'm a barista at Safeway and all of them would just laugh me out the door. I was hired as a Sunday opener, I don't need help going to church. I don't want to wake up at 8am after fucking myself on the internet to please men just to go to church. They are driving me NUTS.
Did I mention that I want a partner outside of my marriage? lol
And lastly,
I've been thinking a lot lately about my "exit plan" or my "way out" of camming. I toggle between going to school for another 7 years and becoming an independent pharmacist or saving up a ton of money from camming and opening up a Halfway House or a BnB (for traveling camgirls, lawl). School would require me to pay off 40k of loans before I go back. I'm 22 in a few months so I've got time, but just some things I've been thinking about.
Whew. Thanks for letting me get all of that off of my plate. Advice is greatly needed.



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Now as for an open relationship; to me these have always been more of a "don't ask don't tell" type of thing; but thats just been my life and my partner choices. And that can be liberating as well. It isn't human nature to stay with only one person forever; you are going to be attracted to others and as long as you're safe why not act on those natural impulses? I think it all depends on what you are comfortable with. If you want to experience some strange then do it! You only live once and it sounds like you guys are open enough to discuss either path. As for LDS well... I was in a school run by them for years so my experience with them is clouded at best. Find your own path; you are still young and experimenting does not change your love for your husband or anyone else for that matter. 

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