Results 1 to 5 of 5

Thread: Marriage, School, Casual Sex, Religion, and More!

  1. #1
    Veteran Member Pearl_Sugar's Avatar
    Joined
    Jul 2012
    Location
    Las Vegas
    Posts
    402
    Thanks
    737
    Thanked 908 Times in 261 Posts
    My Mood
    Relaxed

    Dizzy Marriage, School, Casual Sex, Religion, and More!

    This is going to be a long one, oh boy.

    I knew my husband for about 10/11 years online before I married him. I watched him blossom into his adult life from a young life of drug and alcohol struggles, multiple personality disorder, irresponsibility, and obesity to a butterfly. And I love him dearly, we have a kickass gaming relationship and we just "get" each other. And then there's the offbeat side of our marriage: Since I got married at 20, I never casually dated. I never had to deal with love and loss, or rampant casual sex, or anything that young people seem to do. And I don't know if I've just got a keeper or if my marriage is unusual, but I've been given the golden "free pass." Because he has a hormonal imbalance from Klinefelters, and can't have kids, part of him feels that he can't provide, so I can have sex with whoever I want. Well, the thing is, he was providing, for the three years we've been around each other in person, we've had an awesome sex life. Until he lost his first job, gained weight (250-320+ now), flopped when he failed at becoming independent from his parents, and now feels like he can't provide at all. I'm trying to bring him back to health and support him, because I love him, but for now this has left me terribly sexually stifled.

    I have a free pass. A hall pass, rather. I can play the field. I can do whatever I like. I did have sex with his best friend a few times but he turned out to be an asshole so I stopped. But otherwise, I've only had one other real partner: my husband. I guess what I'm confused about is, should I take this pass? I have so many opportunities, opportunities that will grow and fulfill my sexual spirit. But everywhere I've read on the other side of the internet (y'know, the sexwork haters side), everywhere says that open relationships are a bad thing. :/ When his best friend and I were having fun he did spiral a few times and said it made him sad but he always shrugged it off, I'm just confused.

    And for those of you into dating others and having casual sex, how do you... trust yourself with someone? Like, with my husband, we grew our physical trust. I let him do anything and everything with my body because I knew he wouldn't go too far or harm me, how do you open yourself up to someone else? The idea of just running off and having fun casual sex that could push my limits is a huge turn on, but just... how? Dive right in? Bah. That weighs on me quite a bit. But at the end of the day, I still love my husband and care for him and cook his meals and lay to sleep with him at night.

    In other news,

    My husband is LDS/Mormon. He's not devout at ALL but he follows their belief in the afterlife and family values and stuff. Well, they've been trying to get me baptized over a year now, and I'm just not feeling it. I like "some" of their ideals, but I'm not giving up coffee, tea, and the occasional alcohol binge all because I want to be on the highest level of heaven. I work Sunday mornings and I can't go to church, and I kid you not, these crazy motherfuckers are trying to get in touch with my boss to CHANGE MY SCHEDULE. Oh my God, they're going to get me fired. I'm a barista at Safeway and all of them would just laugh me out the door. I was hired as a Sunday opener, I don't need help going to church. I don't want to wake up at 8am after fucking myself on the internet to please men just to go to church. They are driving me NUTS.

    Did I mention that I want a partner outside of my marriage? lol

    And lastly,

    I've been thinking a lot lately about my "exit plan" or my "way out" of camming. I toggle between going to school for another 7 years and becoming an independent pharmacist or saving up a ton of money from camming and opening up a Halfway House or a BnB (for traveling camgirls, lawl). School would require me to pay off 40k of loans before I go back. I'm 22 in a few months so I've got time, but just some things I've been thinking about.

    Whew. Thanks for letting me get all of that off of my plate. Advice is greatly needed.

  2. #2
    Featured Member Charlotteslut's Avatar
    Joined
    Nov 2011
    Posts
    784
    Thanks
    1,409
    Thanked 2,723 Times in 581 Posts
    My Mood
    Psychedelic

    Default Re: Marriage, School, Casual Sex, Religion, and More!

    Okay so, you are dealing with quite a bit here. Sorry things are rough for you bb

    My advice:

    Feeling comfortable with new lovers~

    I've had open and poly relationships. There's a misconception that if you have an open relationship you kind of just...jump into bed with people. Sometimes that happens, but in the poly relationship I have now we took things slowly. Even if you are just looking for a FWB, a good person is going to let you take your time if you need it. If you feel they are pushing your boundaries, or you feel pressured at all, you end things right away. I would recommend trying to find other poly people, as they are more likely to "get" this dynamic.

    The Mormon Church~

    Just...avoid them. So much crazy. If your husband believes, that's his choice. But that's his religion, not yours. Cut all church people out of your life/break off contact with them.

    I'm just going to leave this here:

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Critici...ter-day_Saints

  3. #3
    Veteran Member Pearl_Sugar's Avatar
    Joined
    Jul 2012
    Location
    Las Vegas
    Posts
    402
    Thanks
    737
    Thanked 908 Times in 261 Posts
    My Mood
    Relaxed

    Default Re: Marriage, School, Casual Sex, Religion, and More!

    Ahh Charlotte, you're amazing. Along the lines of a second partner, I think I would rather get cozy and sexual for like a week instead of jump into crazy rampant sex, as fun as it sounds haha.

    As for the Mormon church: I was brought up Baptist but never strong into religion. I'm a believer on a sane level. lol. Really getting Baptized would be more for him and our "eternal future" if you believe in that sort of thing. That, and he wants to see the inside of the Temple at Salt Lake when we get married in the temple. Also, having the missionaries not harass us on a daily level would be great. It's almost like bill collectors. You promise a payment so that they'll leave you the fuck alone lol

  4. #4
    Member jessajames's Avatar
    Joined
    Dec 2013
    Location
    the moon
    Posts
    66
    Thanks
    217
    Thanked 99 Times in 41 Posts
    My Mood
    Cheeky

    Default Re: Marriage, School, Casual Sex, Religion, and More!

    Hey lovebug. I didn't realize all you are dealing with or how young you are to be dealing with them. Like Charlotte said, poly relationships are slower and more about sharing your love with others instead of being restricted to loving only one. More love can't be a bad thing right? I personally believe in polyamory however I have never been able to honestly practice it as my ex is older and has no concept or intention of anything outside of vanilla norm monogamy. I do believe it is a beautiful thing, like I said before there is never enough love to go around anyway! Now as for an open relationship; to me these have always been more of a "don't ask don't tell" type of thing; but thats just been my life and my partner choices. And that can be liberating as well. It isn't human nature to stay with only one person forever; you are going to be attracted to others and as long as you're safe why not act on those natural impulses? I think it all depends on what you are comfortable with. If you want to experience some strange then do it! You only live once and it sounds like you guys are open enough to discuss either path. As for LDS well... I was in a school run by them for years so my experience with them is clouded at best. Find your own path; you are still young and experimenting does not change your love for your husband or anyone else for that matter. It's ok to try new things!
    love love love;
    jessa james




  5. #5
    Banned
    Joined
    Dec 2008
    Location
    Vegas, Baby!
    Posts
    2,136
    Thanks
    2,464
    Thanked 1,174 Times in 619 Posts
    My Mood
    Fine

    Default Re: Marriage, School, Casual Sex, Religion, and More!

    Pearl - you're gonna be just fine.

Similar Threads

  1. Women initiating casual sex
    By OutofCuriosity in forum Life Support
    Replies: 10
    Last Post: 09-25-2011, 12:38 PM
  2. Casual Sex Fridays
    By lethalsoul in forum The Lounge
    Replies: 11
    Last Post: 01-08-2007, 09:41 AM

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •