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Thread: At a loss

  1. #1
    Veteran Member SkyeSabrina's Avatar
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    Sad At a loss

    Since I've been working in the club for a year and a half, full time. Forty plus hours a week, every week. The longest break I've had was when I got sick back in December and couldn't work for five days. And I'm starting to hate going in to work.
    Don’t get me wrong, I love my job. I love the freedom it gives me to pursue other things in life and also to work on my mental health.
    I’m Bipolar II with PTSD and severe anxiety disorder.
    Not having a good day? Manic episode? Just go in tomorrow. The money will be there.
    But lately I just dread going in at all. And I've been suffering panic attacks before work. Not to mention I’m edgy as all get out and just feel like poo in general.
    I've changed my diet to organic and GMO free. I've started exercising every day, doing yoga a lot as well.
    I rarely drink and only smoke cigs at work.
    I have been med free for almost four years except for the occasional St Johns Wort and medicinal marijuana.
    I’m trying so hard to stay healthy.

    But lately, I feel so imprisoned by my own anxiety….. I hate even leaving my house to buy groceries or even checking the mail.
    Anytime my significant other and I make plans, I start to feel overwhelmed or angry at the idea of dealing with being in public and start crying.
    I feel pressured by my bf to see his family but I just can’t be around them….. I feel like this big elephant in the room because they know about my job.
    I feel like I’m being scrutinized or stared at anywhere I go (which is partly true because of my piercings and the fact that I live in the deep South).
    I am terrified of car rides because I feel like I’m going to die in a fireball of doom anytime its in motion.
    I am vigilant when it comes to locking my door because I don’t want someone to be in my house waiting for me with duct tape and chloroform when I come home.

    And stupidly enough, an anxiety about lap dances. Like I don’t even want to sell them because I’m too mentally exhausted to dodge both hands and sexual propositions. I don’t feel safe at work by any means because we now have no bouncer and I'm not allowed to carry my stun gun on my person inside the building.
    The reality of this set in when I was talking to a coworker and she mentioned offhandedly that she had almost been raped in the VIP room at our club about three years ago. Her stories were backed up. And since this is an extras heavy club, management did not back her up. I was horrified.
    Things are going downhill very fast at this club, but where I live unless you travel at least two hours out of your way there really are not any other clubs. And I've put so much time into getting my name known around here, cultivating regulars. It's a very small dive bar that I currently work at, very blue-collar with a mixed crowd.
    I want to take a break but I have too many expenses. I'm afraid if I don't take a break at least from this club, I'm going to quit dancing for good though.
    I am at a loss for what to do. I've considered camming and tried it a handful of times but found I don't have the patience to wade through trolls and freeloaders.

  2. #2
    Banned Aniela's Avatar
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    Default Re: At a loss

    Your post has burnout written all over it.

    Are you in a position where you can take a break from dancing, or at the very least cut back? I sympathise w/ feeling stuck b/c I def was the last yr I was dancing & the final six months I was having serious problems w/ anxiety. I nvr did drugs & very, VERY rarely drank at work(when working at non-byob clubs) but there were nites when I would sit in the parking lot & think, 'I don't think I can function sober' & know the only sane thing to do was turn right around & go home.

    Looking at your mention of 'too many expenses' can you not take a good hard look at those expenses & find smtg to trim, & maybe get a little help from your bf or family while you look for an alternative/supplement to dancing?

    My last bf outed me to his family(w/o getting the green light from me b/c he didn't think it was a big deal ) so I know what that 'elephant in the room' feeling is like. None of his family ever said anything to my face but he told me that certain relatives were, ahem, not too keen on having 'that dancer girl' spending so much time w/ him. I am afraid of having a repeat of that situation b/c my on&off bf told his mother & cousin that I was a dancer, again w/o clearing it w/ me first, & I'd met his mother once for all of 30 min & hadn't met the cousin yet. That boiled over eventually & now he knows to keep his mouth shut abt it, but I am kinda dreading the nxt time I see his immediate family, not knowing who else knows or doesn't know & fearing their perceptions of me are negatively influenced by my former job.

  3. #3
    God/dess simone87's Avatar
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    Default Re: At a loss

    40 hours a week stripping?? i work 20 ..anymore and i'd start to go literally crazy. i truly believe that stripping is not meant to be a full-time 40-hour-a-week gig, and most girls get into it because they want to avoid that. the stress, mental strain, physical strain, emotional crap..you'll burn out hard and fast

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  5. #4
    Veteran Member SkyeSabrina's Avatar
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    Default Re: At a loss

    I work forty hours because where I live there isn't much money flux, we literally live from military payday to military payday and on a good week I make 500 lately while still maintaining my boundaries. I'm a single mom and I'm homeschooling my son so I have to work at least four shifts a week to cover my living expenses. My boyfriend and I live together, he holds two jobs and works approx 60 hours a week, we manage to get by but just barely. I'm wondering if taking a break and then focusing on traveling would be worth it but without that nest egg saved up to do so, it seems pretty impossible.
    Whenever I try to cut back, it usually puts more of a financial strain on everything and I start to feel restless. My self-worth is very much tied into my ability to provide for my family.

  6. #5
    God/dess simone87's Avatar
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    Default Re: At a loss

    well considering you work 40 hours a week and make 500..couldn't you get a regular job? i made that before stripping with vanilla work. i mean if stripping is wreaking havoc on your mental state and the pay off isn't even better than regular work? doesn't seem worth it. idk if there are any better clubs within possible driving distance ( even if you have to get a motel for the night), but im sure you probably looked into that.

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  8. #6
    Veteran Member SkyeSabrina's Avatar
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    Default Re: At a loss

    I've tried getting normal jobs and it's very hard to work set hours when I spend the day time with my son to school him and be able to show up on time (there's on car between the two of us). And I find the jobs that are available to me to be much more degrading than stripping. There aren't many entry level jobs in this area, mostly factory work and things requiring a degree.
    I can afford a panic attack in a dressing room, I can't working food service or anything of that nature. It would result in a firing pretty quickly.
    I live halfway between Dallas and Lawton so between the two cities there should be something worthwhile. Everyone that has seen my stage shows asks me why I'm working at a dive and advise me to try going to Vegas or Dallas but I've heard that it's much different there. The idea of a big city makes me nervous but there's better earning potential.

    I planned on making content for sites like clips4sale if I decided to take a break that way I can try to go for some kind of passive income.

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    Featured Member Aurora14's Avatar
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    Default Re: At a loss

    First of all, I just think it's nuts that between you and your bf, you are working 100 hours a week and barely surviving, not really getting to enjoy life. Find a way to cut back on your expenses. Get rid of cable/satellite, eat out less... If you choose to keep dancing, you need to find a better club, that's for sure! I agree with Simone. You're basically making $12.50 an hour to be naked. You'd be better off finding vanilla work at that rate. I understand the need to work. I know some clubs require the hours. I used to work in a club that scheduled all girls at 40 hours. There is no way I was getting naked for the same payrate as my dayjob in the pharmacy (I worked both at the same time). I live in between 2 club towns (1 hour either way). I had to choose between easy money or easier hours. At my 40 hour a week club, I had several regulars that were engineers and engineering students. I gave them up and went to a club with less hours because I started having kids and couldn't work 80 hours a week anymore. Sometimes it is worth the extra drive. If your club is really super shitty, You may win and get better hours and better money.

    Second, If your anxiety is as bad as you have stated it is, you shouldn't be anywhere near a club. From the way you put it, I really think you need to look into some kind of medical help. When you can't even leave the house to get groceries or check the mail, there are deep issues that need to be worked on. You may think it's ok not being on medication, but sometimes, some people just need it. I'm the kind of person who believes that doctors definitely over prescribe medication. I worked in a pharmacy, I've seen it. But seriously, some people NEED it. I have a family member that has these kinds of problems and is being highly medicated for it. She was totally fine and normal. Stay at home mom with 2 kids. Started to have little bouts of fear and anxiety. Her husband broke his leg and she snapped. She just went into her basement and it took my family a week to get her out to a doctor. It's scary to watch and observe it. I'm not trying to scare you, just trying to point out how quickly a situation like yours can go bad. I could be totally wrong, I don't know you, I don't have any actual credentials. But a trained professional should be the one to make that call.

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  11. #8
    Veteran Member SkyeSabrina's Avatar
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    Default Re: At a loss

    Between us, yes we work 100 hours or so a week, but half of my boyfriend's hours are at a waiter salary, so he's working for tips mostly, just like I am. I pay for a sitter everytime that I work, I usually have to pay for a taxi to and from work, my groceries, bills, rent, gas and other household things. I'm considering changing to working only weekends at a club a few hours away. The club I'm working at currently has had a string of bad events happen lately (muggings, car vandalism, a customer was ran over down the street from the club at the beginning of the year). It may be part of the problem, associating all that with the club itself. We've had a lot of people that were regulars up there pass in the year I've been employed there.
    And I've been looking into places that offer free MHMR services, I'm just very hesitant about medicine, the last time i was on meds I could barely function.
    They had me on ridiculously high doses as a teenager.

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    Veteran Member xStitchesx's Avatar
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    Default Re: At a loss

    I'd also like to suggest a regular gig if stripping gives you so much anxiety. Is there a hospital nearby? Hospitals usually have positions with varying shifts. Maybe you could find something on a a shift that works well with your boyfriend's hours so that your child won't have to be alone.
    I hope you're able to at least find some therapy to help you talk out and vent your frustration. There are places that work on a sliding scale from free-whatever cost so that people without insurance or who can't pay can still get services.
    Good luck and virtual hugs if you want 'em

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  14. #10
    Featured Member Aurora14's Avatar
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    Default Re: At a loss

    I just thought of this thread: http://www.stripperweb.com/forum/sho...ns-are-limited

    There are a lot of good ideas in there. Also, check out the C4S thread in industry insight. http://www.stripperweb.com/forum/sho...ps4Sale-Thread You mentioned doing clips, it might workout for you. Income from clips is totally dependent on the effort you put into it though. When I started, I made about $200 a month filming 1 day a week and releasing 1 clip a day. (I wish I had more time to film, that would rock) If you treat it like a full time job, you can do very well: http://www.stripperweb.com/forum/sho...e-my-knowledge

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