Results 1 to 8 of 8

Thread: long distance relationships...

  1. #1
    Veteran Member lady_lazarus's Avatar
    Joined
    Apr 2011
    Location
    somewhere over the rainbow
    Posts
    234
    Thanks
    175
    Thanked 357 Times in 100 Posts

    Sad long distance relationships...

    ever been in one that has worked? My gf of 5 years is moving to LA and I'm in NY so its not like we can see each other on the weekend...its not practical for me to go with her since i'm in the middle of finishing school out here. She needs to go there for work. We both want to make it work but its going to be at least a year, more likely 2, before I can move to CA with her. I'm so sad because i really will miss her and i also am not a fan of living in NY all alone, no family here, no real friends either. If anyone has been in a long distance relationship, what worked? what didn't and why? any advice?

  2. #2
    Featured Member Odette's Avatar
    Joined
    May 2010
    Posts
    1,096
    Thanks
    517
    Thanked 1,272 Times in 520 Posts

    Default Re: long distance relationships...

    Aw That's rough. Yeah, I've been in a few. Ironically, I'm in Canada's equivalent of NYC and I'm not a fan of being here alone either! For some wierd reason big cities can end up being really lonely places full of antisocial people...wierd. Pretty much every relationship I had while in school/living here has been long distance. They were not easy, and they did not work out, but I think every situation was different, and I've learned that it takes a certain type of person to be successful at these relationships.

    For example if one or both parties are in that "young and free" phase of life...transient, exploring, going on adventures etc, I think it's less likely to work out as people are more concerned with living their life than committing to a relationship. However, if both parties have already had a few previous relationships and gotten most of their wild oats sown, and are more in the "I know what I want and Ima Get It" phase of life, chances of success are a lot higher! I think it's important to keep them involved in your life on a semi daily basis. Little things like texts, emails, snapchats, etc

    But: I say from experience, know when to call it quits if it doesn't work. Communicate when problems come up as soon as possible so they can't snowball (human perception is a powerful tool and it's power increases over distance) There's no point in making yourself miserable for happiness and love. Good luck I hope you guys make it work
    "We can't expect you to just know all the secrets of our top-secret-titty-club!" --Jenna Marbles

  3. The Following User Says Thank You to Odette For This Useful Post:


  4. #3
    God/dess simone87's Avatar
    Joined
    Feb 2012
    Location
    New England
    Posts
    5,171
    Thanks
    7,361
    Thanked 9,469 Times in 3,228 Posts
    My Mood
    Cheeky

    Default Re: long distance relationships...

    very few work out IMO. depends on the level of commitment and resolve to actually make the relationship work and keep it going. what worked for me when i had a very short long distance relationship : having a set time to talk on the phone every day, share little bits of your personal day to day life with each other and emotionally support one another. skype was fun. try and visit when you have a vacation/free time.
    what finally broke it down was lack of any kind of physical intimacy like sex or even cuddling :/, me feeling all alone, and us not sharing a life, just having two separate lives it just didn't feel "real" . it ended with them cheating and me losing interest

  5. #4
    God/dess Flickdreams's Avatar
    Joined
    Aug 2009
    Location
    Look behind you....
    Posts
    3,406
    Thanks
    5,155
    Thanked 4,132 Times in 1,638 Posts

    Default Re: long distance relationships...

    Not for me. We had the chats on the phone, saw each other on the weekends, it got so expensive and we were both very young. Looking back I suspect he cheated on me at least once It was very lonely.

    Besides keeping communication going and planning visits, I think it depends on the maturity and mindset of the couple aas to whether it will last. Best of luck.
    Tiny tweaks----->BIG CHANGES

    Quote Originally Posted by Kirakonstantin View Post
    More fear-mongering? Really? Yes, this is not the 1990's anymore. Yes, things are changing. Either dance or don't. Freaking out and sowing fear isn't going to help anyone.




  6. #5
    God/dess audrey_k's Avatar
    Joined
    May 2009
    Location
    London
    Posts
    3,542
    Thanks
    1,043
    Thanked 3,893 Times in 1,568 Posts

    Default Re: long distance relationships...

    My first serious boyfriend and I dated long-distance for a year... he was in NYC and I was in LA (I was 17 when we had our year apart). We broke up but we made it through the long distance and he moved back to LA and we dated for another year and a half and broke up.

    But, I would never do it again. It was really hard. I felt so lonely all the time and it was hard to see my friends with their bf/gfs, I would get jealous, depressed, miss him. We spoke on the phone every night for at least 30 minutes and just talked about our day and whatnot and I think that's what saved our relationship-- we still felt like we were involved in each other's lives. So many people grow apart in long distance relationships. But, the downside to that was I missed out on a lot of things in my life that year because my head was somewhere else 60% of the time. And I would stay home a lot because I just wanted to talk to him. I think the trick is to find some kind of balance.

  7. #6
    Senior Member Bone's Avatar
    Joined
    Oct 2013
    Location
    Northern IL
    Posts
    161
    Thanks
    34
    Thanked 99 Times in 56 Posts
    My Mood
    Cynical

    Default Re: long distance relationships...

    I'm coming up on 7 years in my current relationship/marriage. It started as St. Louis/Chicago so it wasn't to bad, we had lots of places to meet up in between and spent many weekends together before getting married and getting together. Unfortunately circumstances changed and I'm back to being in Chicago and she is currently in Australia, has been like this for almost a year now. So how do we deal? We talk every day, text, yahoo, phone, etc whenever we can. I spend a few weekends a month with her side of the family as well. We planned a 14 day vacation over Christmas and New Years. And yes we do play together and share whenever we can.

    What makes it work is I know how much I love her, how I was before she came into my life, and how things have been ever since. She is worth it and it is only a matter of time before I move there or she comes home. It is rough at times, no doubt, but it makes the time we get together so much more important.
    -It could be that the purpose of your life is only to serve as a warning to others!
    -It's always darkest just before it goes pitch black!
    -The secret to success is knowing who to blame for your failures!

  8. #7
    Banned
    Joined
    Jul 2005
    Posts
    11,037
    Thanks
    1,891
    Thanked 5,124 Times in 3,086 Posts

    Default Re: long distance relationships...

    I was in one when I was 18/19 and he was 21/22. We would see each other every couple of weeks (he lived about 5 hours away). It got to be too much and I ended it when I found out he was going out with other women (though he claimed he wasn't sleeping with them). The ironic thing is every few years he attempts to try to get me to date him even now. He has now been married 3 times with 4 kids so there's no way I would date him. Not that I would because he was a lousy boyfriend then and certainly would be now because he's still a broke ass.

    My brother was involved in a LDR for awhile in college with his then high school girlfriend. They did end up breaking up sophomore year in high school because it got rough. They did reconnect though once they both graduated and moved back home. A year later they moved in together, got engaged a year later and married a year after that. They have now been married almost 14 years and have a daughter.

  9. #8
    God/dess tempest666's Avatar
    Joined
    Sep 2008
    Location
    Hamburg, Pennsylvania
    Posts
    10,607
    Thanks
    2,705
    Thanked 13,685 Times in 4,414 Posts
    Blog Entries
    5
    My Mood
    In Love

    Default Re: long distance relationships...

    My brother did the long distance thing with his now wife while he was in Europe. During a family get-together that included a slideshow some pics popped up of him in Berlin and Munich in some compromising positions with some Frauleins. Looks like my Grandpa hadn't checked which USB he put in. Long story short, she dumped him for about a year then took him back. I don't have much faith in people in general.
    "Fake tits are like Kevlar. They don't guarantee your chances of survival but they sure as hell improve it."
    Tempest

Similar Threads

  1. Replies: 4
    Last Post: 02-17-2012, 05:48 PM
  2. Long distance relationships are bullshit
    By CallMeSky in forum Life Support
    Replies: 7
    Last Post: 07-30-2010, 07:33 PM
  3. long distance relationships
    By manchester in forum The Lounge
    Replies: 6
    Last Post: 09-04-2007, 06:39 PM
  4. Long distance relationships
    By Vyanka in forum The Lounge
    Replies: 15
    Last Post: 10-14-2004, 08:59 AM

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •