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Thread: please help/sexual assault

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    Default please help/sexual assault

    I am in a different country working and I got asked to a CR with some other girls and they were all doing stuff I don't normally do at all, we were taking coke, ok, that's fine, I'm not crazy about mixing drugs and work but fine.

    I could not say no because I am in a different country and am in accomadation with the girls who were there and they basically threatened me into letting this guy lick my pussy and asshole and I was freaking out because if I left the CR the boss would have know something and they would have gotten fired and the girls would kicked the shit out of me back in the house that we are staying in. I was on my period and had a tampon in, does that make me any less likely to get an STD or something???

    I have washed myself over and over again

    please help i am freaking out

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    Default Re: please help/sexual assault

    Hugs! I'm so sorry to hear that you were forced into doing something you weren't comfortable with. If you are worried about your health, get an STD test at a local clinic or go to a GP (your health insurance may not cover it, but your health and peace of mind is worth it).

    If you are uncomfortable working with these girls and can't take their behaviour up with management then you need to remove yourself from the situation, from the club, before it happens again. I'm NOT saying you want it to, or that it was your fault. But, fear makes people do things they otherwise wouldn't. You were worried about your personal safety OTC, so you comprised your health and pushed your boundaries ITC to make sure they wouldn't hurt you.

    Is there another club in the area with accommodation that you can move to or work at? If not, can you stay at a backpacker's or even a shelter to get away from this group of girls? If not, avoid taking drugs or teaming up with these girls-work alone. You can still be civil with them both inside and outside of work, but you should avoid working along side them because it will probably lead to more situations like this. If it does happen again, remove yourself from the situation i.e. "I'm sorry guys, I'm just going to go to the little girl's room".

    Otherwise, is going home or moving to another city here an option?
    “Give a girl the right shoes and she can conquer the world” -Marilyn Monroe

    "True sexiness has many facets-confidence, strength, intelligence, and humor. It isn’t just about trying to look sexy; it’s an art and one becomes skillful in it when she realizes that there are all these conflicting elements that all come together to make something magical"-Dita Von Teese

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    Default Re: please help/sexual assault

    I feel like a pathetic idiot. That I did nothing to stop it. And I'm freaking out that I might have to pay for the rest of my life with some std or something worse. I have only ever onece had unprotected sex with someone who was not a loooong term boyfriend.

    I am going to get out of here as soon as possible.
    I just feel so pathetic

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    Default Re: please help/sexual assault

    Quote Originally Posted by guessst View Post
    I feel like a pathetic idiot.
    Whoa! Don't say that. You were in no way in control of this situation. It's a mistake, but you are neither pathetic or stupid. Whoever you were with should have 1) been upfront with you about what they do and 2) respected your boundaries and not put you in a situation like this.

    Find a way out, but do not ever fault yourself for this.
    Nope silly, its just a persona that entertains the masses, yourself included. - KS_Stevia

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    Default Re: please help/sexual assault

    I'm so sorry that you had to go through that. Can you find a way to leave? You shouldn't stay there if you are feeling unsafe.

    If all the man did was perform oral on you, you are less likely to get an STD from saliva. The chances are much more slim. But get tested just to be sure, and try to find a way to leave. No one should have to go through that.

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    Default Re: please help/sexual assault

    The moderator Optimist started a thread for help after assualt: https://www.stripperweb.com/forum/sh...Sexual-Assault

    A man once stuck his tongue inside my anus when I was dancing for him, I froze and had no idea what to do, so I finished the dance. It was shock. I reported him a couple of days later after leaving that shift early. A couple of years later a man fondled my vagina (I thought it was the girl I was dancing with initially) and same thing, I froze. It took time to move through feelings of dirty and ugly and shame, but they passed. Best of luck and keep reaching out for the support x
    Tiny tweaks----->BIG CHANGES

    Quote Originally Posted by Kirakonstantin View Post
    More fear-mongering? Really? Yes, this is not the 1990's anymore. Yes, things are changing. Either dance or don't. Freaking out and sowing fear isn't going to help anyone.




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    Default Re: please help/sexual assault

    Thank you so much for the support. I am really glad there is people for me to talk to about this, I feel like everyone in my life would think I "had it coming" with my job


    I feel kind of numb about what happened, I am just really worried about getting a disease or something

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    Default Re: please help/sexual assault

    Quote Originally Posted by guessst View Post
    I feel like everyone in my life would think I "had it coming" with my job
    ^You signed up to dance, naked on a stage in a club and privately for a paying customer FULL STOP! You did not sign up for sexual assault, regardless of what society may "think". We may expose ourselves to a higher risk of these things happening (at some clubs), but we in NO way ask for or deserve it.
    “Give a girl the right shoes and she can conquer the world” -Marilyn Monroe

    "True sexiness has many facets-confidence, strength, intelligence, and humor. It isn’t just about trying to look sexy; it’s an art and one becomes skillful in it when she realizes that there are all these conflicting elements that all come together to make something magical"-Dita Von Teese

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    Default Re: please help/sexual assault

    Oh I know that. 100%. I just feel like that would be the reaction I would get

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    Default Re: please help/sexual assault

    Were you foolish to take drugs at work? I think yes, you were, just b/c there is so much that can go wrong, as it did for you. W/ that out of the way:

    You DID NOT deserve what happened to you. The bitches & the customer(s) you were w/ in that room are no different in their mindset than a guy who slips smtg into your drink when you are not looking.

    If you are truly in such fear for your safety should you cross them, you need to either find different accommodation & possibly a different club to work, or you need to leave the country. Do not continue to room w/ them unless you are mentally prepared to deal sm serious physical damage, b/c if they are so ok w/ cornering you as they did at the club, I highly doubt they will not find a way to do smtg similar at home. Would you really put it past them to bring home the shady customers they are servicing at work? From what you said in your post, I certainly wouldn't.

    Idk what country you are in, but I still think you should report what happened to mgmt. Maybe you will get lucky & discover you have unicorn mgrs who actually give a damn abt what goes on in their establishment.

    I am so sry this happened to you. Let me say again, You DID NOT deserve this. I know that 'dirty' feeling too, I have been assaulted at work as well, like so many girls. We do not sign away the rights to our bodies when we sign those dancer contracts. The customers (& in this case, coworkers) who corner us are sentient beings who know exactly WTbloodyF they are doing, & the fault lies w/ them.

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    Default Re: please help/sexual assault

    I very occasionally take drugs in my free time.. Like a few times a year.

    But I walked into the CR and they said I have to do coke with them. The guy already paid for me so if I walked out and refused mgmt would go in and go crazy and fire us all they said.. So I felt I had to.

    They were planning to meet the customer outside of work in a few days and tried to make me go but I said no.
    Anyway I have arranged to leave so.. That's fine. Now I just need to get tested and pray I didn't get anything

    Thank you for the support..

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    Default Re: please help/sexual assault

    Good on you for getting out of that situation! That can be SO hard to do. If your flatmates threatened you into doing this once, they'll do it again.

    I hope your test comes back clean. Oral-to-genital transmission for STIs is substantially lower than for other sexual contact, so try not to worry too much about it until you get tested and know for sure.

    None of this is your fault and anybody who thinks you "had it coming" is a monster. Men who exploit women - and women who help them do it - make me sick to my stomach. I get literally ill when I think that the people who should've had your back used threats to help this man abuse you.






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    Default Re: please help/sexual assault

    Quote Originally Posted by Sabihah View Post
    Good on you for getting out of that situation.
    ^This! You live and learn, unfortunately. Hopefully you will know to be more careful of your co workers in the future. It's sad, but a lot of girls in the industry aren't trustworthy and aren't "friends". Take care of your self and good luck with moving or trying out a new club .
    “Give a girl the right shoes and she can conquer the world” -Marilyn Monroe

    "True sexiness has many facets-confidence, strength, intelligence, and humor. It isn’t just about trying to look sexy; it’s an art and one becomes skillful in it when she realizes that there are all these conflicting elements that all come together to make something magical"-Dita Von Teese

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    Default Re: please help/sexual assault

    Quote Originally Posted by guessst View Post
    Thank you so much for the support. I am really glad there is people for me to talk to about this, I feel like everyone in my life would think I "had it coming" with my job

    Honey if it helps you, that is exactly how I feel at work sometimes too. Sometimes when a guy would grope me or do something inappropriate, I would freeze up and actually ask myself if I should tell the manager or not. I'd be scared because I saw other girls putting up with the same shit and making money, I thought they would be mad because if I got their customer kicked out they'd lose money. And I felt really, really nervous about venting to anyone outside of work because I felt like I didn't have the "right" to complain about sexual assault/harassment bc of the nature of our job.

    But what the other women have said here is true...stripping is a very distinct thing. It's basically flirting in exchange for money, and YOU are the one in charge. It is not harassment, it is not assault, and it is never coercion. Those things are not a required part of stripping. I have to tell myself this every shift, and it helps.

    You know what's funny? When I have been assaulted and harassed in real life I said the same thing to myself. That I didn't have the "right" to complain or press charges because I shouldn't have been on the bus, I shouldn't have been outside after dark, I should have realized someone was following me into my school building, I shouldn't have worn pants that tight. It doesn't matter if I'm taking my clothes off for money or I'm riding the bus to my college! I STILL feel guilty for my own victimization. These thoughts are NOT RIGHT. This is what victim blaming does to our minds, and it's not okay. I am very fortunate to have healed and moved on, and now when I am attacked in any way I handle it confidently, defensively and with self respect.

    I am terribly sorry this happened to you, really glad we both have this board, and hopeful that you will make a full recovery once you get out of this awful situation. Hugs.

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