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Thread: getting told "you're too smart to be a stripper"

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    Default getting told "you're too smart to be a stripper"

    Hey guys--

    So when I talk to customers, I tend to sit with them for 5-10 mins and talk to them-- I'm a very shy, introverted person naturally so the whole party girl, wanna dance thing doesn't work for me. I've tried it, it doesn't work. I get customers by sitting down, striking up a rapport and getting to know them-- and I get tipped a hell of a lot more that way. Most of my regulars are guys that like to talk and hangout, not just have my grind on them or stick my boobs in their face. I just ask them questions about their lives, try and make some connections, and think in my head how I'm going to turn the conversation toward them getting a dance in under 7 minutes.

    However, I am getting really fucking TIRED of being told repeatedly (we're talking at least 5 times a night) "you don't seem like a stripper" "you're too smart to be a stripper" "you're really smart/bright/intelligent why do you work here?" When a guy says something like that I usually just smile and ignore it, or if they are giving me a look that says I need to address I giggle and say "I owe over 40 grand in loans and this job is awesome cause I get to get naked and dance and talk to cool people all night!" but sometimes they won't drop it-- they just seem absolutely SHOCKED that I work at a strip club and have a working brain. I really don't understand it, because it's not like I'm sitting there discussing quadratic equations or giving my viewpoint on romantic literature, I'm just having a conversation. And most of the time I've been drinking and am trying to be flirty, so I'm really not my best....

    I know I'm intelligent-- I have a degree, my IQ is 140-- but at work I am not speaking the way I would speak were I meeting with a professional in my field, speaking with a colleague/professor or answering a question in a classroom... sometimes I even purposely try to dumb myself down when I'm at work and I still get this and it's just starting to get on my nerves. It's fucking insulting! I have no qualms about working at my club nor do I don't feel like the job is beneath me in any way. Some guys seem to be OK with it, but I can tell that other guys are intimated by me or the fact that I'm not a total idiot friend-zones me in a way. Or they say that I seem like the "kind of girl" they'd like to take out-- and I get that all the time any way, but I can tell with certain guys that it's related to the "not an idiot factor." I could go on and on about how you actually have to be really intelligent to make clean money in this business, but I know you all know that so I'll skip the rant.

    Anyway... my question is, do you get this at work? Do you feel like it hurts your money? What do you do?

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    God/dess shanna dior's Avatar
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    Default Re: getting told "you're too smart to be a stripper"

    Have you noticed any sort of pattern between the customers who comment on you being too smart and are unable to drop it? If you can identify that, you can figure out which customers to dumb yourself down for.

    But really, it's often a good idea to dumb yourself down as a general rule and smarter yourself up as needed. I'm a smart girl too and I don't think it's insulting to not act it at work -- it's being smart enough to know your audience and appeal to them accordingly, just like any other marketing.

    I also find that being more of a listener than a talker goes a long way in eliminating the 'too smart' comments and increasing your $$$. Even the customers who are there for a conversation mostly just want to hear themselves talk anyway, so lead the conversation with questions, supporting comments, etc., but there's no need to have something clever and smart to say in reply to everything the customer says.

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    Default Re: getting told "you're too smart to be a stripper"

    ^It's usually the intelligent customers, guys who work in the entertainment industry, lawyers, psychologists, writers... I love talking to engineers/finance guys because even though they are VERY intelligent I don't know shit about that industry so I know I come off as being a total ditz. But even when I'm talking to somebody who works in a field that I know I purposely don't speak to them like they were a colleague, I ask a lot of questions and act like I don't know/understand things that I do, I nod and tell them that that sounds "really complicated" and "wow that sounds like a lot of work/really difficult." I guess I just struggle with dumbing myself down but also not coming across as being really fake because customers seem to be able to smell that on me really easily. Even if I just fake laugh at something somebody says they will give me a weird look. When I'm speaking to a customer who's not intelligent this usually isn't an issue, it really comes up more with the smart guys.

    But thanks for the advice on listening, I will try that! I agree, they really just want to talk and have you serve as a mirror for them, reflecting something more attractive than what they normally see...

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    Default Re: getting told "you're too smart to be a stripper"

    I had this problem for a long time. I had the hardest time dumbing myself down until I figured out baby talking to men works well for me. I raise my pitch, talk slower, and sometimes slur words and use "um" and "like" a lot. I know it sounds silly, but try it. Ever since I've done it I don't get those comments anymore and it's been easier to sell. I usually do this with young men and older blue collar guys. I don't do this much with white collar guys, I try to sound more real to them because my age shows in my voice, and they are more comfortable around me because I am a little bit older and can relate to them more.

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    Default Re: getting told "you're too smart to be a stripper"

    I get this ALL the time, and I hate it. I've been subscribing to the 'Talk less - earn more' theory being discussed in hustle hut, which has not only helped my money, but as also stopped people commenting on my intelligence so much.
    I don't spend any less time with them, but I do contribute less to the conversation and let them do most of the talking while I smile and nod. If they ask me questions I either coyly ask them to guess the answer (which helps me work out what type of girl they're looking for) or keep my answer basic and switch the conversation back to them.

    If they still say something about me being to intelligent to be a stripper, I take it like I would any compliment. I smile (or giggle if I really must) and say "Thank you, that's so nice of you to say. Do you fancy doing a shot, or shall we go straight for a dance?"

    I like to keep it reserved until they're paying me to sit and talk, and then I'm more than happy to delight them on a variety of subjects!

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    Default Re: getting told "you're too smart to be a stripper"

    Quote Originally Posted by audrey_k View Post
    ^It's usually the intelligent customers, guys who work in the entertainment industry, lawyers, psychologists, writers... I love talking to engineers/finance guys because even though they are VERY intelligent I don't know shit about that industry so I know I come off as being a total ditz. But even when I'm talking to somebody who works in a field that I know I purposely don't speak to them like they were a colleague, I ask a lot of questions and act like I don't know/understand things that I do, I nod and tell them that that sounds "really complicated" and "wow that sounds like a lot of work/really difficult." I guess I just struggle with dumbing myself down but also not coming across as being really fake because customers seem to be able to smell that on me really easily. Even if I just fake laugh at something somebody says they will give me a weird look. When I'm speaking to a customer who's not intelligent this usually isn't an issue, it really comes up more with the smart guys.

    But thanks for the advice on listening, I will try that! I agree, they really just want to talk and have you serve as a mirror for them, reflecting something more attractive than what they normally see...
    I used to get this and the surefire way to avoid it is to banish all discussion of work. Don't ask what they do for a living, they aren't there to discuss their occupational achievements, they are there to enjoy your occupational talents ! If they bring up work being stressful or hard, use that as a spin-off for "well it sounds like all work and no play....and your long overdue for some play; let me show you how to have fun." Or, "I can help you take your mind off of that....". You get the picture. Also, there is a sparse percentage of strip club purveyors that like a smart girl and will pay to have a "companion" for the evening. However, these people will usually approach you, since they tend to be very aware (i.e. not wasted and oblivious to their surroundings) and usually make good regulars, so focus your intelligence on being kinesthetically inclined, walk with confidence and remember timing is everything.
    "I can feel guilty about the past, apprehensive about the future, but only in the present can I act." - Abraham Maslow

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    Default Re: getting told "you're too smart to be a stripper"

    Quote Originally Posted by Tarasaurusrex View Post
    I used to get this and the surefire way to avoid it is to banish all discussion of work. Don't ask what they do for a living, they aren't there to discuss their occupational achievements, they are there to enjoy your occupational talents ! If they bring up work being stressful or hard, use that as a spin-off for "well it sounds like all work and no play....and your long overdue for some play; let me show you how to have fun." Or, "I can help you take your mind off of that....". You get the picture.
    This is awesome. I never ask customers what they do for a living or anything work-related because, especially during the day or right in the evening, many are there to escape from that. I also work around a lot of government buildings so many are a bit leery to talk about it in the first place and not even bringing it up puts them more at ease.

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    Default Re: getting told "you're too smart to be a stripper"

    I went through a phase where I got this ALL the time. Even my manager said I was intimidating the customers. And I wasn't even using big words or bragging about my intelligence.

    I think it was my own believe popping up that I used to have about strippers...That they were young girls working their way through school or college. And this isn't me. I guess in reality I am the atypical stripper.

    Buuuut, I try to focus on something else that is likely to steer the convo towards dancing. Now, I do my best to keep the convo less on work/career/education background. Sometimes I even lie about my educational background telling them I am in fact a young girl (lie about my age) and studying - what a 'typical' stripper would study.

    At the end of the day this has to deal with our idea of what a typical stripper is supposed to be. Like too smart, too beautiful, etc. And if you don't fit it then the cutovers will say something. Also there could be that a$$hole customer who doesn't have money and knows how to get under the skin of strippers and saying something annoying/offensive to run you off.

    If I was you I'd just ignore it, not take it personal, and this will eventually go away.

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    Default Re: getting told "you're too smart to be a stripper"

    I don't usually have long convos about their work unless they really want to talk about that, but there's something about me that just makes customers totally unload all their stress/problems... I guess a lot of strippers get that but I feel like it's extreme for me. Guys will go on and on about stressed out they are at work while I'm dancing for them or they'll tell me things I honestly would never have wanted to know in the first place! Depressing stuff and fucked up shit, the two worst I ever got was a guy telling me how he was raped while in the military and a guy telling me how his wife was divorcing him because he had opened up about how he fantasized about his daughter while they were having sex in a couples therapy session. I ran as fast as I could in my heels from that pervert.

    But thanks for the advice! I have been using "like" and "uhmm" a lot when I speak and I notice it cuts down on these comments a lot. That and pretending I'm ditzy.. sometimes I'll act like I don't know what day it is (a group of guys will tell me they're just hanging out and I'll say "oh just enjoying a nice Sunday?" when it's actually Monday) because I'm just such a ditz and guys seem to think that's adorable. It's kind of depressing that having a brain really does make a woman less attractive!

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    Post Re: getting told "you're too smart to be a stripper"

    The guys who comment on it are probably intimidated by something you said. They didn't understand, you used a big word, or you impressed them by knowing something they didn't think you would. They want you to be a fantasy, and unfortunately, most of them fantasize about a woman who doesn't say much, least of all something intelligent. Some of my best customers love to talk and love that I am intelligent. But I miss out on the ones who want someone ditzy. I had a long-time regular "dump" me because he wanted to "keep it superficial."

    Another consideration is that many customers are trying to play some angle to get you outside of the club. When they can tell you are smart, they know that chance just went way down. They don't want to spend because they think there is no chance you will ever hook up outside of work. Of course they are right, haha. You may want to keep that in mind when chatting. Maybe acting flirtier and overly sexual (I suck at this actually) can take away their worries and assure them that you are really attracted to them and open to their weak-ass advances.

    I avoid the awkwardness by avoiding young customers. I also play stupid when I can tell that customers like less intelligent girls, or aren't that smart themselves. When they ask about me going to school I just tell them I studied philosophy for a while and then dropped out because I wanted to work more hours and make money. I have an advanced degree and usually tell customers that if I feel they will like it.

    I like the suggestion of talking less about myself. They can't think you are too smart if you don't say much. One girl that I work with is smart as hell, but rather than talk nerdy, she makes witty jokes and uses one-liners all the time. It's obvious she is sharp as a tack but she spins it into dirty jokes and snappy comments that keep them spending.

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    Default Re: getting told "you're too smart to be a stripper"

    Yet NONE of them are offering you a job in their office or money for you to put your clothes back on & be just smart.

    Men use this as a line, even though they are in a titty bar to be "men". If you read mags like Maxim & such they tell men to tell this to strippers in order to get more for less money to get laid instead of just dances. Cause the "you are to smart for this" line works much better then "I know you strip, but I respect you more than the other girls here with their boobs out".

    Yet you make more per hour than that lawyer does.
    My IQ is 158, but they came to see my tits & can careless really how smart I am.

    You are LETTING them be emotional vampires. They will just suck the life out of you without a thought or care to how it effects you. Hence they really don't care how smart you are, you need to leave once the money is gone & before the sob, sad story so I can get a pity fuck out of you crap starts. These guys are NOT your friend, they are your clients. You are NOT their therapist. You are sitting to long or need to figure out how to change the subject to fun, let me do a dance for you instead.


    It is a line they all use.

    Good Luck,
    Sam

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    Default Re: getting told "you're too smart to be a stripper"

    Quote Originally Posted by Sam38g View Post
    Yet NONE of them are offering you a job in their office or money for you to put your clothes back on & be just smart.

    Men use this as a line, even though they are in a titty bar to be "men". If you read mags like Maxim & such they tell men to tell this to strippers in order to get more for less money to get laid instead of just dances. Cause the "you are to smart for this" line works much better then "I know you strip, but I respect you more than the other girls here with their boobs out".

    Yet you make more per hour than that lawyer does.
    My IQ is 158, but they came to see my tits & can careless really how smart I am.

    You are LETTING them be emotional vampires. They will just suck the life out of you without a thought or care to how it effects you. Hence they really don't care how smart you are, you need to leave once the money is gone & before the sob, sad story so I can get a pity fuck out of you crap starts. These guys are NOT your friend, they are your clients. You are NOT their therapist. You are sitting to long or need to figure out how to change the subject to fun, let me do a dance for you instead.


    It is a line they all use.

    Good Luck,
    Sam

    Yep! That's exactly the vibe I get. Because when I look out at a typical strip club dancer base, I see the same ratio of idiots to non-idiots that I see in ANY profession. These men are either using it as some bullshit line, or they're projecting stereotypes that have no basis in reality. Fuck em.

    Audrey I usually handle this situation by saying something like, "Well they don't let you go to med school for free just cause you're smart...so why don't I show you some of my OTHER talents?"

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    Default Re: getting told "you're too smart to be a stripper"

    Audrey I think it was you who used the term "friendzoning" customers...I really relate to that. Why, I have no idea, but for some ungodly reason many men actually find intelligence unattractive. That blows my mind. But still, I try to work around it. While I have lost dances by being too far above some dude's level, on one hand I have learned how to cultivate a new persona that I never in a million years would have been able to. Even in high school theater I never got cast as the ditzy girl next door. Learning how to act cutesy and sexy has been a BIG challenge for me and I'm proud to be making progress. Any accomplishment is an accomplishment.

    And on the other hand, while being intelligent may lead to some challenges, is an enormous asset (as you know). Not only are you better at manipulating men out of their wallets, you are better at avoiding danger. I've had several sociopath customers that I was able to nip in the bud by identifying circumlocution and contradictory logic in their speech. Each time, I was quick to make it known that I'm not buying it and they left the club embarrassed. God knows what they were planning on trying on me.

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    Default Re: getting told "you're too smart to be a stripper"

    Remember no matter how smart or professional the guy that comes in is, he came to see TITS & ASS... He came to be a perv..
    Trust me when I say he is NOT going to tell his buddies "Those tits have a Harvard degree & the tits over there have been to Yale."

    Only person it matters to is you and you have nothing to prove to them. How do you know they are really a lawyer & such, maybe they are lying cause they think it will increase their chances of getting laid more?

    Are you able to go to their job, sit in their office & tell them your problems? No So why are you letting them do that to you? You are there to dance, to hustle to entertain. Put up some boundaries & keep it all work. This protects you mentally in the long run.

    Good Luck,
    Sam

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    Default Re: getting told "you're too smart to be a stripper"

    This is why I love to pretend I'm dumb or crazy instead of smart. Works like a charm.

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    Default Re: getting told "you're too smart to be a stripper"

    be dumb till youre in vip and then be natural. I find this gets me the most rooms plus the biggest tips.

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    Veteran Member lovelydancer's Avatar
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    Default Re: getting told "you're too smart to be a stripper"

    I get this line ALL THE TIME. I get it from 2 different types of customers;

    1) The guys that realize I'm smarter than the game they are trying to play. No jerkface - I won't give you attention for free, I won't put out any extras, I won't give you my number, I won't feed into your head game. I want your money, and I will act and say what I can/need to (legally) to get it. It's that simple. These guys never spend money.

    2) My regulars (or potentials). Most if not all of my regulars have said this line to me, and they spend consistent money because I'm not uneducated.

    The" being too smart for this" line overall doesn't bother me at all. Simply because I can't financially or emotionally afford to let any customer, or any part of this industry get me down or riled up.

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    Default Re: getting told "you're too smart to be a stripper"

    The average person's brain and ego cannot handle the FACT that a woman can be beautiful, smart, and make good money. So they need to justify it by being like OHHHH SHE'S DUMB, OK MAKES SENSE. Because if you come off as beautiful AND smart in a strip club, men (and women!) will resent it.

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    Default Re: getting told "you're too smart to be a stripper"

    be dumb till youre in vip and then be natural. I find this gets me the most rooms plus the biggest tips.

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    Default Re: getting told "you're too smart to be a stripper"

    UGh! I wish I could give you an answer. My friend and I were having a discussion about this today, and the fear that if we go back to dancing we would be more "sophisticated" than a lot of the customers. I have matured so much (even in reading some of my old sw posts!) in the last 5 years and had so many experiences that have reshaped me mentally. I feel like unless I get an older white collar client I wont even be able to hold a conversation with someone. I kind of had these problem before and I was just a silly young-in'. However, I completely disagree with "dumbing" yourself down... ok, you don't want to sound like one of those people who is an Ivy League Legacy kid throwing around SAT words and quoting some obscure french poet no one's ever heard of but if you are smart that is an asset that you should ALWAYS bring to the table. If you are pretty you would not make yourself appear ugly to not intimidate people. If you are funny you would not engage in dull conversation in order to "fit-in", if you are fantastic on the pole you would not leave your acrobatic moves at home out of fear that you have some type of athletic advantage over people. I think its appalling that brilliant women are deemed scary. Its 2014! However its important not to seem arrogant and yes there has to be a good response to the people that say dumb shit like this. I wish I could be of more help, just figured I would give my two cents- being Im in the same boat. Don't tell people your IQ. Just use it to overpower them, maybe try to stick to lighter hearted subjects like current events and sports and not politics or intellectual stuff....
    Last edited by Gia2608; 02-10-2014 at 04:51 PM. Reason: typo
    XoXo Gia
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    Default Re: getting told "you're too smart to be a stripper"

    UGh! I wish I could give you an answer. My friend and I were having a discussion about this today, and the fear that if we go back to dancing we would be more "sophisticated" than a lot of the customers. I have matured so much (even in reading some of my old sw posts!) in the last 5 years and had so many experiences that have reshaped me mentally. I feel like unless I get an older white collar client I wont even be able to hold a conversation with someone. I kind of had these problem before and I was just a silly young-in'. However, I completely disagree with "dumbing" yourself down... ok, you don't want to sound like one of those people who is an Ivy League Legacy kid throwing around SAT words and quoting some obscure french poet no one's ever heard of but if you are smart that is an asset that you should ALWAYS bring to the table. If you are pretty you would not make yourself appear ugly to not intimidate people. If you are funny you would not engage in dull conversation in order to "fit-in", if you are fantastic on the pole you would not leave your acrobatic moves at home out of fear that you have some type of athletic advantage over people. I think its appalling that brilliant women are deemed scary. Its 2014! However its important not to seem arrogant and yes there has to be a good response to the people that say dumb shit like this. I wish I could be of more help, just figured I would give my two cents- being Im in the same boat. Don't tell people your IQ. Just use it to overpower them, maybe try to stick to lighter hearted subjects like current events and sports and not politics or intellectual stuff....
    XoXo Gia
    Danielle Fishell (the Dish): "If the Super-Star thing doesn't work out, Gia makes a great stripper name"

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    Default Re: getting told "you're too smart to be a stripper"

    Quote Originally Posted by GlamourRouge View Post
    The average person's brain and ego cannot handle the FACT that a woman can be beautiful, smart, and make good money. So they need to justify it by being like OHHHH SHE'S DUMB, OK MAKES SENSE. Because if you come off as beautiful AND smart in a strip club, men (and women!) will resent it.
    AMEN AMEN AMEN!!! that's exactly what it is.
    also what sam said, that line is used by a lot of idiots because they somehow don't think we've heard every line in the book already?
    they think its flattering, but i actually get pretty fucking angry when that's said to me, and come back with something snippy and mean

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  38. #23
    Veteran Member jadey23's Avatar
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    Default Re: getting told "you're too smart to be a stripper"

    I get this a lot too... what I've found helps a lot for me is incorporating slang into the conversation (I'm not sure how much that works elsewhere, but in Cali there's much slang to be around lol). This way, I can still speak on a semi-intelligent topic while still seeming a little ratchet.
    Unsophisticated in the finest sense of the word.

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    Default Re: getting told "you're too smart to be a stripper"

    GR brings up a good point. If you can't play dumb convincingly, be a little crazy instead. It's hard for me to play dumb unless the customer I'm talking to is dumb himself, but smart and beautiful + a little nuts is still much less threatening than smart and beautiful with all your shit together. If a customer says I'm too smart to be there I usually just say "Thanks, I just love to party too much to get my shit together!" or something. They don't have to know how driven and successful we actually are.

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    Senior Member Tarasaurusrex's Avatar
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    Default Re: getting told "you're too smart to be a stripper"

    Quote Originally Posted by lol1337a View Post
    GR brings up a good point. If you can't play dumb convincingly, be a little crazy instead. It's hard for me to play dumb unless the customer I'm talking to is dumb himself, but smart and beautiful + a little nuts is still much less threatening than smart and beautiful with all your shit together. If a customer says I'm too smart to be there I usually just say "Thanks, I just love to party too much to get my shit together!" or something. They don't have to know how driven and successful we actually are.
    This is so true - guys love a crazy girl! LOL! So instead of "dumbing it down" be totally spontaneous and a mild head-case, guys flock to headcases like vultures.
    "I can feel guilty about the past, apprehensive about the future, but only in the present can I act." - Abraham Maslow

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