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Thread: so i like this guy....

  1. #1
    Member jessajames's Avatar
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    Crossfingers so i like this guy....

    i'm new to having to let someone i like know what i do for a living; my ex found out by being a psycho but we were always on and off even so that is a long dysfunctional story for another time. thank god it's over! ANYWAY how do you ladies let the new men in your lives know that you either dance or cam or make videos? i never thought i'd ever be at a loss for words or nervous to tell someone. i don't plan on telling him or anyone i date for that matter unless it ever got serious but still, what do you guys suggest?
    thank you ahead of time by the way
    xo

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    love love love;
    jessa james




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  3. #2
    Veteran Member Sabihah's Avatar
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    Default Re: so i like this guy....

    Meh, I'm kind of just right out there with it as soon as I know there's a chance I want to keep seeing a guy long-term. If it's a deal-breaker, I don't want to get to the point where I'm madly in love with someone who thinks less of me for what I do to earn a living. It's never been an issue for me, but I only date very sex-positive guys (and I avoid jealous men like the plague).

    It would suck to be rejected over it, but is the alternative better? Some guys consider this sort of work - especially camming - to be cheating. I don't agree with that, but that's why I define my terms and set boundaries early. Better to lay it all out on the table and go home alone than to be fighting with an actual boyfriend who just realized you've been "cheating" from day one.






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  5. #3
    God/dess simone87's Avatar
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    Default Re: so i like this guy....

    it depends on whether or not you are afraid of being "outted" or not, and whether or not he's part of your social group . i'm very open with the fact that im a sex worker, all my friends and my family know what i do, so somebody getting angry and outting me would have absolutely no effect on me. but if you are under cover, there's the concern that they may just open their big mouths so you want to get to know them better.
    some girls say that you shouldn't tell a guy off the bat because then that's all they will see..a "cam girl" , a "stripper", a "whore" without knowing you first.
    im of the opinion that just letting them know before hand is the best idea, don't get all attached and day dreamy about them when they could be gone in a hot min as soon as they find out.

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    Banned Aniela's Avatar
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    Default Re: so i like this guy....

    I am of the 'Keep It to Yourself' school of thought, at least for the beginning, for the reasons simone87 listed. If you cannot afford to be outed in the event the guy either freaks or just plain gets a case of the ass, that alone should be enough reason to keep it quiet at least until you can determine whether he has long-term potential.

    My unofficial personal policy is to actually be more open abt my dancing history w/ ppl I do not intend to get close to. Thus I have a few friends back in TX who, even tho they know I was a dancer(was still dancing when I met them), they do not know my real name or really much abt me that I would not tell a customer ITC. For ppl that I actually want to forge deeper friendships/relationships w/, I wait a good goddamn long time to feel them out before I decide whether to drop the S-bomb on them.

    Even tho this really should not be such a big thing, the reality is that to so many ppl, it is a big thing, so I would not tell a potential love interest right away. Just focus on getting to know him, & let him get to know you, & keep the relationship in perspective until I had a better idea of where it could go.

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    God/dess audrey_k's Avatar
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    Default Re: so i like this guy....

    The last guy I dated that I told I was dancing to I told him on our third date. When he asked me what I did on our first date I told him I had just finished school, then on the third I just said something like "look, I'm not into keeping secrets, it's really important for me to be honest and you seem like a cool guy so I'm gonna be real with you, I work at a strip club." He was kind of surprised but I explained why I liked working at my club and how it just worked for me in my life and he was cool with it. Until he wasn't a few months later! But that's a whole other story.

    I don't think you have to tell someone as soon as I told him though, I just don't like keeping things from people and we became VERY close very fast, like after our first date we were blowing up each other's phones all day long and I didn't like lying to him about where I was at night. And I knew that he was the kind of guy who would be more upset about me not telling him, and essentially lying to him, than he would be about me working at the club.

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    God/dess xxxGothBarbie's Avatar
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    Default Re: so i like this guy....

    I just started dating this guy & I haven't disclosed that I am a dancer to him bc for starters, it's none of his buisness, secondly I'm not sure I even wanna get serious with him or not, and lastly I don't want to possibly ruin a good thing early on. I have told him that I bartend for a catering service so that covers me for being gone at night etc. I have told him that I danced years ago & that's as far as that subject went. I'm all for keeping it to yourself about this job. To each their own though Good luck!
    "Alot of people are afraid to say what they want, that's why they don't get what they want"~ Madonna




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  12. #7
    Member jessajames's Avatar
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    Default Re: so i like this guy....

    Goth Barbie! I read your thread actually right after I posted mine! It was actually really helpful
    love love love;
    jessa james




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  14. #8
    God/dess xxxGothBarbie's Avatar
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    Default Re: so i like this guy....

    Quote Originally Posted by jessajames View Post
    Goth Barbie! I read your thread actually right after I posted mine! It was actually really helpful
    ^ which one love?
    "Alot of people are afraid to say what they want, that's why they don't get what they want"~ Madonna




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    God/dess audrey_k's Avatar
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    Default Re: so i like this guy....

    Quote Originally Posted by simone87 View Post
    it depends on whether or not you are afraid of being "outted" or not, and whether or not he's part of your social group . i'm very open with the fact that im a sex worker, all my friends and my family know what i do, so somebody getting angry and outting me would have absolutely no effect on me. but if you are under cover, there's the concern that they may just open their big mouths so you want to get to know them better.
    This is a good point! In the situation I was talking about we had no friends in common, he was in town from another country for a business/family thing so this wasn't an issue. I would be more hesitant to tell someone who I had a bunch of friends in common.

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  17. #10
    Member jessajames's Avatar
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    Default Re: so i like this guy....

    ^^ the one about the guy who didnt text back but made plans then did and you guys got together... :X now i feel like a thread nerd haha
    love love love;
    jessa james




  18. #11
    God/dess xxxGothBarbie's Avatar
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    Default Re: so i like this guy....

    Quote Originally Posted by jessajames View Post
    ^^ the one about the guy who didnt text back but made plans then did and you guys got together... :X now i feel like a thread nerd haha
    oh yeahh! We're actually seeing each other at the moment , he's turned out to be a nice guy so far. He texts every day now that I've moved up here. He's been taking me to dinner & showing me around town. There's even talk of him taking me up to Tahoe with him soon to go snow boarding. We're going out on Friday, I'm stoked :p Just go with the flow is my best advice. I over analyze things waaay too much & I need to just chill LoL
    "Alot of people are afraid to say what they want, that's why they don't get what they want"~ Madonna




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