I have a few dysfunctional family members. Mainly the older women of my family have been around my entire life but in my opinion, as I got older, I began to see them as crazy and sometimes bitches.
In my culture, talking back or doing anything remotely 'disrespectful' to elders is like committing a crime. So I mostly keep my mouth shut but sometimes I have to speak my truth.
I started to resent my mother during high school years.
She was far from a role model, never apologized for her mistakes, was somehow always right, and wasn't there for me when I needed a mom to guide me through hellish teen years.
Many days I could hear her having sex with her boyfriend who she dated for years. He never committed to her and ended up marring someone else. My dad wasn't around either because him and my mom didn't get along.
She called me an ungrateful bitch once and slapped me in my face right before I got on the bus to go to school. I remember her yelling at me and spanking me out of my sleep for dumb shit like leaving a dish in the sink. This bitch was like Mommy Dearest when I was growing up. And for a long time I hated her. I realized I needed to forgive people so I could have a better life so I put all this behind me and try to be a better parent to mine than she was to me.
For some reason she has no memory of being a f*cked up mom. (At least my dad apologized for not being around) and Today she got pissed because she said she never cursed at me or my siblings when we were little. I was like um yes you did....I mean serious f*cking meltdown trying to make me feel guilty for some sh*t she did...WTF?!?!
I really want a normal family. One that's loving, communicating, open-minded and most of all not crazy like mine.
Now I gotta try and block all this out before work....



Reply With Quote
that stuff really sticks with you, it fucks you up in your formative years..your mother should be the one person who loves you unconditionally, cares for you, gives you a shoulder to cry on and advice..when i think of what a mom should be its kind of a human embodiment of "home".


Bookmarks