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Thread: Confession Time

  1. #1
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    Default Confession Time

    Here's my confession: I have prejudiced feelings towards other blacks.

    Looking back on my life, all the people who have hurt me have been black. They ruined my life. I was a size 5, good grades, on my way to law school. There was crabs in a barrel syndrome and a lot of fighting. So I became clinically depressed and picked up a psychosis. Now I'm unemployed, size 14, broke. I have a huge fear that they will do it again if I start hanging out with them again. Only this time I'll be older and it will be harder to turn things around.

    Occurrences:

    -Tormented and abused in grade school due to bad reputation by wannabe gangsters
    -Harassed for not listening to rap and r&b "you hate your race you bitch"
    -Asked why I'm so secretive and then when I open up I get judged
    -Jealousy and cattiness in college
    -Bullying in the workplace

    Political Thoughts I Find Annoying:

    -Reparations, Trans-Atlantic slavery as the only form of slavery, affirmative action, hate crimes, "hate speech" instead of free speech, black invention myths (peanut butter? come on now), the label African American instead of black American, confusing racism with prejudice, "self-hatred" as if you're one entity, racial profiling as racist, excusing sexist behavior

    I will never forget how I once went to a website called Sisternet. I was interested in pledging a black sorority. I wanted sisterhood. They said "post your controversial opinions here." Mine was "racism is virtually non-existent in America." I got told off. I asked for examples. One girl said she waited until 2 am to catch a cab. I said that's not racism, that's rational discrimination. They said "that's an oxy MORON." These are college educated women. They said I was being condescending. Why would I be condescending when they're employed, they're in a sorority I'm interested in joining, they're older, they have houses and cars, and for all I knew they could have been multimillionaires. They said "no you knew EXACTLY what you were doing." I cried and said "I don't understand. Every time I try to connect with my sisters, I end up feeling hurt." They said "sisters?? It's sisTAS." It just got really ugly.

    I used to care about racial uplift. I have read about 20 books on racism. I was the founder and president of the Black Student Union and the captain of the Step Team in high school. In college, I was in a black drama club, I was in gospel choir, I was a mentor to black children, I took at least five African American Studies classes, I went to forums on campus, I started a collegiate unity conference for black people that created chapters at several nearby colleges, and all my friends were black. I was hopeful and caring. Now I help Latinos.

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    Default Re: Confession Time

    Ahh, the curse of being an independent thinker............

    Don't worry, I am an old white guy, and if you get to know us old white guys well enough, you will hate us too.

    Attitudes are generational. Your parents were raised by their parents and their frame of reference comes from there.

    Things change slowly, the 60's and that upheaval happened quickly but people don't really adjust like that.


    Try to be amused by people's shortcomings, it is really the best you can do.

    hang out with some black republicans, they are wicked annoying too.............

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    Default Re: Confession Time

    LOL, thanks for being understanding about it

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    Veteran Member Sabihah's Avatar
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    Default Re: Confession Time

    It's totally understandable to feel resentment and aversion to any group of people that has treated you poorly for a long time, even if it's not really rational. I'm sure you know that there are lots of different individuals/cultures/backgrounds for every color of skin, but human brains are built to see patterns built from your personal experience. They're not built to account for things you *know* as much as for things you've experienced and the emotions tied to those experiences. It must be very hard to hold negative feelings for a group you belong to and would like to be accepted by.

    Most people don't separate the personal and the political. Disagreeing with them can feel, to them, less like a rational political discussion and more like a personal attack or a denial of their most painful experiences. I consider myself a feminist, but feminism is a very broad and varied ideology and I disagree with (or just don't see the evidence for) many of the cultural assumptions tied to it and the solutions offered. But when I'm talking to someone who holds the "feminist" label very dear, I usually just try to empathize with their (often very negative) experiences and try to offer support. I've never been raped by a boyfriend or another trusted male figure, for example - but some of them have and I don't know which ones. I don't know which ones have been date raped, sexually harassed at work, threatened/coerced into having a baby or an abortion, beaten by men, etc. Often the motivation behind a strong political stance is a very, very sad story. If you attack the political stance, they'll feel like you're trying to take away something that has protected them and helped them to cope. They retaliate, often being far more aggressive if they feel like you're someone who *should* agree with them because you're black/female/etc.

    There's not really anything you can do aside from assume that everyone's been hurt, and everyone's dealing with it in their own way - and sometimes their politics are a big part of dealing with it. I hope working with other marginalized groups is giving you a sense of community and accomplishment.






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    Default Re: Confession Time

    I have an aversion to black men because I live in a city where street harassment is a huge problem. I've been harassed, called abusive names, and followed by strangers on a near daily basis since I was 13ish. 95% of them (maybe more) are black. It's happened to me so much and for so many years, that I notice myself getting nervous when I see black men walking down the street towards me. Even when I travel to other cities where blacks are a small minority of the population, I find they make me uneasy. Especially when traveling alone! It's hard for me to hold a conversation with a black male because I am afraid they are going to turn the conversation towards how sexy I am. (And it happens frequently enough, I've had black business owners start hitting on me while I am in their store and etc.) It sucks.

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    Featured Member Cashmere Star's Avatar
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    Default Re: Confession Time

    Quote Originally Posted by Sabihah View Post
    They retaliate, often being far more aggressive if they feel like you're someone who *should* agree with them because you're black/female/etc.
    Agree 100%. It's different for you to be 'racist' against your own group because you have the insider experience, it's only stupid if you're an outsider who 'assumes' things about a certain group and discriminate based on that. As a non-black, I've never been mistreated or followed around by black people, but I've been mistreated and stalked by people from my own ethnicity. For some reason, once another person from my ethnicity finds out that I am also ___, they suddenly find it as a perfect excuse to criticize me and stalk me for not being 100% like them. Most violence and rape happens between people from their own groups, and I think it's because they're not trying to impress anyone. "I am black, you're black, I have no reason to look good to you, and even if I treat you like shit, you'll stick around no matter what!"
    I think a good analogy would be like dysfunctional siblings. A brother would try to look like a gentleman to other girls, but then call his own sister fat and yet expect filial loyalty from her. Your insider group doesn't try to impress you or try to look good for you as an outsider, thus you probably got a lot of flack. I think you're justified for how you feel. I got a lot of flack from liberals (who think they own women and minorities), a few other women, and some people from my own ethnicity because I don't always march to the same beat as they do. I am cool with most people from my own ethnicity, but there's a predominant religious subgroup in which I was raised, and I know that if I ever meet anyone from that specific group, there's a 99.9% chance that we'll never get along. And that's fine with me, I am not ashamed to admit that I dislike people from that specific group.


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