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Thread: The Approach

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    Default The Approach

    Hey yall, I want to apologize for offending everyone in my earlier thread and that was not my intent. Sophia, kelly, lurking, Aurora, and yoda, and anyone else that I came across crass or rude to I want you to let know I do love yall. I will say my stance remains unchanged, but my presentation will.

    Having said that I do have another question regarding the approach. I myself am always the approacher vs the approachee, probably due to the notion I know exactly what she wants vs feeling in control, or at least the illusion there of.

    The question then is should I tell yall straight off the bat, "no thanks," before dances or services have been offered such as if you open with "you look like you could use some company." I know where it's going lead to, but shooting her down right away comes off as rude in my book. At the same time I know I won't be buying, and don't want to waste her time, but the approach anxiety and thought of rejection never goes away, no? Sure it becomes manageable over time, but not ever completely gone.

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    Default Re: The Approach

    In the club I go to, I am completely monogamous, and if some other girl approaches me, I simply say "Look, it would be really nice to talk to you, but I should probably let you know I came here to see Kristi, and I'm not going to buy dances from anyone else tonight". She generally appreciates me being upfront about it so as not to waste her time. What's wrong with that approach?

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    Default Re: The Approach

    I'm not looking for one girl, which would make it easier, I'm just not buying from the one who approached. I don't mind chatting, I just won't buy. If she approached, I see it as being on her to figure that out, otherwise I don't want her to tell her friends to put me on the rude/watch out for list. Maybe I'm old-fashioned, but I believe manners goes a long ways.

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    Default Re: The Approach

    Well, just chat with her. If you want to buy a drink, buy her a drink and chat with her, but otherwise just chat with her until she gets the message that you won't be spending and moves on. I don't see the problem. No need to be ill-mannered in any way. If you want to encourage her to move on, then just say "Look, it's nice talking with you but I have to let you know I won't be buying any dances from you tonight". Just tell her what she needs to know, she won't be offended.

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    Default Re: The Approach

    If it was me, and the guy knew there was no way he was getting a dance with me, I would prefer him to decline my offer for company. As long as he was nice and not rude about it (waving me away, holding up a hand as in "stop", laughing or saying "nah I'm good" in a smug way) it's fine. Rejection happens. If you really feel bad hand her a dollar or two (but don't grope or make her "work for" your rejection dollar).

    If you know you aren't interested, don't waste her time by talking with her.

    If you are turning her down just for the fact that she approached you, I think that's stupid and borderline rude behavior but hey it's your life.

    hot flirting tips 2k13: tell him, “I’m not like other girls,” then pull down the secret zipper at the back of your neck to reveal your true reptilian form


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    Default Re: The Approach

    Quote Originally Posted by banished avatar View Post
    I'm not looking for one girl, which would make it easier, I'm just not buying from the one who approached. I don't mind chatting, I just won't buy. If she approached, I see it as being on her to figure that out, otherwise I don't want her to tell her friends to put me on the rude/watch out for list. Maybe I'm old-fashioned, but I believe manners goes a long ways.
    Honestly I have never seen girls warn other girls away from a guy just for politely turning them away. Not saying it has never happened, but I don't think it's something you should waste any time worrying about. And really, I am more likely to label a guy a time waster (and possibly complain about him to my friends) if he sits and talks with me when he never intended on spending vs declining my company right off the bat.

    hot flirting tips 2k13: tell him, “I’m not like other girls,” then pull down the secret zipper at the back of your neck to reveal your true reptilian form


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    Default Re: The Approach

    I like the honesty, don't know about the "from you." Makes it sound like there's something wrong with her, obviously more likely shes not your type. I've used "shouldn't you go back to work?" or a number of get the hint. I'll try the more upfront, wanted to see what the ladies think.

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    Default Re: The Approach

    You're not saying there's anything wrong with her, you're just saying you don't want to buy dances from her. I really wouldn't worry, I'm sure she can cope.

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    Default Re: The Approach

    Quote Originally Posted by sierra. View Post
    If it was me, and the guy knew there was no way he was getting a dance with me, I would prefer him to decline my offer for company. As long as he was nice and not rude about it (waving me away, holding up a hand as in "stop", laughing or saying "nah I'm good" in a smug way) it's fine. Rejection happens. If you really feel bad hand her a dollar or two (but don't grope or make her "work for" your rejection dollar).

    If you know you aren't interested, don't waste her time by talking with her.

    If you are turning her down just for the fact that she approached you, I think that's stupid and borderline rude behavior but hey it's your life.
    Not saying I turn someone down for approaching, its that my guard is higher and most of the ones who do aren't my type. I may not buy one for myself unless she surprises me, but may for a friend to
    o.

    But thx on insight of time waster and decline
    Last edited by banished avatar; 02-17-2014 at 03:39 PM. Reason: thx

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    Default Re: The Approach

    Quote Originally Posted by banished avatar View Post
    I like the honesty, don't know about the "from you." Makes it sound like there's something wrong with her, obviously more likely shes not your type. I've used "shouldn't you go back to work?" or a number of get the hint. I'll try the more upfront, wanted to see what the ladies think.
    Being someone who tends to zero in on a specific type for the night, the dancers who aren't getting the hint are either finding there are fewer better options when they scan the floor, or are getting some mixed vibes. Once you realize that time spent with you is time they could be elsewhere, you'll see they would rather know upfront (without being a dick about it, of course). Trying to give them hints isn't doing them any favors - polite but direct really does work best.

    "Sorry, I'm looking for something different" or "I'm looking for something else tonight" is direct, and given how varied our tastes are, I've never had a bad consequence, other than someone who was very desperate. This is an ABSOLUTE btw once the last hour is in effect - direct is the only route that works, and frankly, most dancers will appreciate it, as their time becomes even more valuable.
    Last edited by gocanucks; 02-17-2014 at 03:57 PM.

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    Default Re: The Approach

    Quote Originally Posted by banished avatar View Post
    I've used "shouldn't you go back to work?" or a number of get the hint.
    I haaaaaate with the burning passion of a thousand suns any line referring me to "get back to work." It is so, so obnoxious. I AM working. Talking to "you" (general you) wasn't a lovely break for me, I'm not lounging around being lazy. I. Am. Working.

    I understand what this line is trying to say, that it is supposed to be a gentle hint that I'm not getting any money and should look elsewhere. I know that you are not trying to imply that I'm not working, but I swear this combination of words is like nails on chalk board to me.

    hot flirting tips 2k13: tell him, “I’m not like other girls,” then pull down the secret zipper at the back of your neck to reveal your true reptilian form


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    Default Re: The Approach

    Oh nooo, you have no idea how many times I've siad that, and I hope it was never to you. Omg another one I use is, "it was nice meeting you have a good night" or the excuse remover, "I have to ____"

    And as far as time waster, is that somebody that leads you on and/or is that someone you have trouble leaving? IE overly chatty without break to cut him off without appearing rude, etc?

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    Default Re: The Approach

    Quote Originally Posted by drake View Post
    You're not saying there's anything wrong with her, you're just saying you don't want to buy dances from her. I really wouldn't worry, I'm sure she can cope.
    Haha!Yes it certainly isn't rocket science. Like some girl is going to go cry because he said no thanks. Maybe girls are warning other girls of you because you are coming across as an ass so before you do just say No thanks. Very simple...

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    Default Re: The Approach

    I'm just amazed and amused the few times I wander in here how much emphasis and thought guys put into such silly things. It's a strip club, you go to have fun. It really isn't rocket science.

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    Default Re: The Approach

    Quote Originally Posted by michele11 View Post
    Haha!Yes it certainly isn't rocket science. Like some girl is going to go cry because he said no thanks. Maybe girls are warning other girls of you because you are coming across as an ass so before you do just say No thanks. Very simple...
    I guess another point to be made is, you've come in there to spend your hard-earned money, and any time you part with money it should be absolutely all about getting what you want. I'm sure the girl who works at the coffee shop near my flat wouldn't be offended if I said "No thanks, I won't have another cup of coffee". But if she does, well that's just too bad. It's my money and if she wants to work in the business of selling coffee she needs to be able to cope with the fact that customers will occasionally decline to buy it. So it really is a bit silly to worry about the dancer being offended.

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    Default Re: The Approach

    michelle, yes, exactly what I was trying to say, you put it a bit more succintly than I did.

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    Default Re: The Approach

    Quote Originally Posted by banished avatar View Post
    Oh nooo, you have no idea how many times I've siad that, and I hope it was never to you. Omg another one I use is, "it was nice meeting you have a good night" or the excuse remover, "I have to ____"

    And as far as time waster, is that somebody that leads you on and/or is that someone you have trouble leaving? IE overly chatty without break to cut him off without appearing rude, etc?
    Haha, don't feel too bad. Like I said, I know it isn't intended to sound rude, and I'm sure many girls out there don't give it a second thought. It's just a pet peeve I have, and even if you did unknowingly irritate someone with it they probably forgot about it as soon as they hit up the next guy.

    Those other excuses are perfectly fine. If you do the "I have to ____", just make sure you follow it with "It was nice meeting you" or "I hope you have a good night" to indicate that you don't plan on returning. You don't want to leave her sitting there thinking she's waiting for you.

    A time waster can be both of those things. Sometimes guys will lead you on, and others just talk and talk with no intention on spending, or they change the subject when you try and close the sale.

    hot flirting tips 2k13: tell him, “I’m not like other girls,” then pull down the secret zipper at the back of your neck to reveal your true reptilian form


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    Default Re: The Approach

    Being labeled a time-waster will get you talked about in back waaaaayy faster than being direct about what you want, FWIW.

    Also I find that if I tell the girl what or who I *do* like and hand a coupe dollars, she'll bring back who.what I was looking for and be really sweet about it.

    The opposite problem from this is, of course, the girl who parks on you and won't leave despite any polite attempt to get rid of her. Why do girls do this..?

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    Default Re: The Approach

    How about the response "I'm not ready for dancing, but you're more than welcomed to sit and and chat." This way if its slow or w/e you can take me up on it or part ways right there. No confusion.

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    Default Re: The Approach

    Quote Originally Posted by Almost Jaded View Post
    The opposite problem from this is, of course, the girl who parks on you and won't leave despite any polite attempt to get rid of her. Why do girls do this..?
    They are hoping for a pity dance...
    Quote Originally Posted by Katrine View Post
    yoda, I want you so bad it aches in the swimsuit area.
    Quote Originally Posted by Sophia_Starina View Post
    Sophia_Starina is a sensible stripper...Naked all the way.....
    Quote Originally Posted by tempest666 View Post
    Double team! 2 latinas with big tits!!

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    Default Re: The Approach

    Quote Originally Posted by Almost Jaded View Post
    Also I find that if I tell the girl what or who I *do* like and hand a coupe dollars, she'll bring back who.what I was looking for and be really sweet about it.
    Genius. Hi five. Always great to get on the good side of multiple dancers, and the one you wanted also increased the chances of a better time knowing another girl vouched for you.

    Will try it out. Thanks.

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    Default Re: The Approach

    From what I've seen, overboard mega-desperate stripper behavior is only a serious problem in a badly run club. They just try to maximize platform heels on the floor, rather than selectively hiring according to how big and busy the club is. Most women, strippers or not, know how to read how hot a guy thinks she is from his body language. We are not subtle. Most dancers will just keep walking if they see no sign of interest. The more thorough ones will quickly ask "would you like a dance?", just to double-check that I'm not just being shy, but they won't badger.

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    Default Re: The Approach

    Worried abt being talked abt & thus avoided by dancers? This is what I would 'report' guys for other dancers to avoid:

    - 'I just came in to watch/chat/drink' basically the indication that a guy is there expecting free company. They tend to be pretty smug when they deliver this line. Many dancers find this pretty annoying anyway (BS you just came in for a drink you cheap perv, you could do that at a regular bar!)

    - He is grabby right off the bat & refuses to tip, get a dance, or keep his grubby entitled mitts to himself.

    - Customers who, as sierra. listed, cop a 'tude when you approach, or literally stop you from sitting down by putting their hands up in front (or the gem of a custie who literally pulled the chair out from under me as I was sitting down).

    - Customers who call me or other dancers names. Regardless of where the conversation is going, that behaviour belongs on the playground, not the SC.

    - There are a couple other things I would warn other dancers of re: a customer's behaviour, but they are sm what off-topic.

    Rejection comes w/ the territory of this job. Dancers who get pissy/cry/get dramatic when you turn them down are either immature, desperate, or both. Most dancers will be infinitely more pissed off that you wasted their time instead of politely letting them know up front that you are not interested in them, for whatever reason.

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    Default Re: The Approach

    Thanks for the answers y'all. I guess my problem has to do with me, I can't get over not giving somebody a chance for their sales pitch, or how guys must feel getting shot down buying a girl a drink at a regular bar. It being a job probably makes it easier, its not you per se, its your dancer alter ego.

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    Default Re: The Approach

    Quote Originally Posted by Aniela View Post

    - Customers who call me or other dancers names. Regardless of where the conversation is going, that behaviour belongs on the playground, not the SC.
    Oh nooo don't tell me its me again. Sooo when you say names, do you mean derogatory or pet names? I call all my favorites "cute girl" or "fun girl" or whatever I like about them

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