i feel lost, stuck, i need answers and i just don't know where to turn. if i could just get my ass the mainland i'd be ok, i'd have more options. i'm in a marriage that isn't going anywhere.but i stay because it allows me medical and he pays my bills. i have no money on own. dancing has come to a hault the clubs here either have there black girl quota or are just dead. i'm having a hard time finding a regular job. i still keep in touch with a real good sugar daddy of mine, he said that i could stay with him in georgia, but fuck who wants to be up under his ass all the damn time. i can't ask my mom to help me goto school, she has so much on her plate. my husband doesnt make enough money to afford us to live and pay for me to goto school. my sugar daddy on the other hand has more than enough for all of my wants and needs. i can say im honestly tired of doing extras for extra money. i have a few customers left that are still here that i can make more money off of them outsides the club than in. so from time to time i c them, husband has no clue. almost all of my friends and co-workers have moved on to the mainland are living so much better. it makes me feel like wtf am i still doing here. but moving for me is more than a notion. if i go i have to make sure that i can take of myself for atleast 3 months. if nothing else i gotta have a place to stay and i have to bring my car shipping a car to the mainland alone is 3 to 5,000 my god. my husband has a possibility of us moving duty stations, but him being army and with his job, it isn't going to have me near any place that i can make money dancing nor goto a decent cosmetology school. once he leaves hawaii he's gonna take a major pay cut. fuck, its not like he's a officer or something that we'd still be ok. somebodies bills arent going to be able to get paid. shit i have to make a decision and fast i just don't know if i just up and move i'm scared. i'm not even gonna lie. my family isn't very helpful shit i've always been in hawaii. it don't even know those people and when i meet them its always drama about what the older folks did before. i need advice.



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