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    Default dating customers

    How often do y'all do it? I know some who have rules about never dating one, but of those that do, who was he? Was he your biggest spender, a regular who became a friend? How about your current SO, would you be interested if you didn't know him and met him there?

    I imagine its like anywhere else.

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    Senior Member dirtydiamond's Avatar
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    Default Re: dating customers

    I've never done it. I can't imagine having a personal OTC relationship with someone I see as a customer. If i met my significant other in the club, we would not be together.

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    Default Re: dating customers

    I danced for years, had hundreds of customers (regulars, semi regulars, and the one shot deal)and it happened ONCE. He wasn't my best customer by a long shot but someone who I had a lot in common with. We became friends outside of the club (and I mean I didn't expect him to pay me for my time, etc), once I left the club I was dancing at. We were friends for ears, lost touch for 10 years, reconnected on Facebook in 2009, started dating then he dumped me. He pissed me off big time to the point that I decided to try to get fat to avoid men or use men to get back at him. Neither one happened really but it proved my point that there was a reason we never dated many years ago to begin with.

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    Default Re: dating customers

    i can't really talk, as im with a guy that i met at the club :p but if i hadn't been such a newbie, it never would have happened. and if he had been a "regular" in the club it never would have happened. i did it once before too, and it ended horribly. the guy was very young and cute but i later learned that he had been a regular and was just a dog..trying to add more notches to his belt in the strip club world.
    other than those two times, it hasn't happened again. im hardened now and don't see customers as anything remotely date-able.

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    Default Re: dating customers

    I had a short fling with a regular. I was on the rebound from an 8 year relationship and he was my biggest spender plus we had a lot in common. I wasn't looking for serious (rebound) and he was married. It ended and we lost touch. In almost a decade of dancing that is the only time. I adore most of my regulars; I just would not want to be involved with a guy that spends a lot of his free time at a club.
    Last edited by Warped; 02-23-2014 at 03:55 AM.

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    Default Re: dating customers

    From the other side of the coin...

    Dated/got engaged to a dancer, but we met in the "real world" and she wasn't stripping at the time, started again while we were together. Lasted 4 years.

    Met a cute little thing at a club as that relationship was ending. Spent some money on her - not a LOT, but a couple VIP's worth, and we hit it off. She insisted on giving me her real name & number (I actually protested & told her she shouldn't do that, LMAO). Long story short - we've been together 5 years, officially married just over a year.

    Without going into a whole lot of detail, I've dated - as in, more than a fling, 6+months together - 2 other dancers I met ITC and had flings with a couple others. It DOES happen, however it's uncommon. I can honestly say that most of those wouldn't have happened without an "in", i.e., already with a girl they knew and therefor I was "known" to these girls and not a guy that walked in off the street in their eyes.

    I know a lot of dancers very personally as in, long term close friends, and from what I've seen, maybe half of the dancers will date a customer under the right circumstances - but usually only once or twice and swear off it after that. I know 3 - including my wife - who have had successful relationships from this. Three out of hundreds, mind you. I know a select few who habitually date guys they meet and work, always swear they won't do it again, and do anyway, citing never going out and meeting guys OTC as the reason "it's the only place I meet anyone".

    Overall, if you're looking to meet or even just hook up with a girl, the strip club is FAR from your best bet. You're rarely meeting the real girl, you're meeting her work personality, and SHE knows that, and therefor knows that the person you like isn't really her, plus she's there to make money, bot look for a BF - he overall situation isn't conducive to dating. My experiences and others cited are in the interest of full disclosure - it's uncommon and largely unwise.

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    Default Re: dating customers

    I dated and was married for 8 years to a guy I met on my very first night dancing. We had instant extreme chemistry and everything moved very quickly.

    I highly doubt I would ever date a guy I met in the club again.
    Although I guess I can't say I "Never" would. I'm a very guarded person, and I guess if I REALLY hit it off with someone and they proved to be a decent person, who knows what could happen?

    But again, for me personally, I'm very wary of guys in general and the chances of anything like that happening are slim.

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    Default Re: dating customers

    From the other side also: I've dated a small number of dancers, but ended up friends-with-benefits with a good number, or sometimes not friends-with-benefits but this weird hybrid "pay her when I see her at the club but after-hours socialization/sex is free" relationship. A number of these relationships still last today, well after she's retired, and I really cherish them. The women in the latter two categories (friends-with-benefits and weird-hybrid) would probably all claim they don't date customers, and technically that may be true, depending on in what spirit you use the term "dating".

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    Default Re: dating customers

    I'm definitely the odd one out, as I've *only* ever dated customers. O.o
    They've all been long term regulars though.

    Until about 2011 I used to work between 4-7 days a week, so the prospect of dating someone I met maybe once or twice outside of the club seemed stranger than dating someone I had spent months or even years with in the club.

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    Duh Re: dating customers

    I actually tried dating a customer. he was an older guy but pretty good looking. He always seemed to know the right things to say and liked spending money. Turned out he was married.

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    Default Re: dating customers

    Quote Originally Posted by Almost Jaded View Post
    From the other side of the coin...

    Dated/got engaged to a dancer, but we met in the "real world" and she wasn't stripping at the time, started again while we were together. Lasted 4 years.

    Met a cute little thing at a club as that relationship was ending. Spent some money on her - not a LOT, but a couple VIP's worth, and we hit it off. She insisted on giving me her real name & number (I actually protested & told her she shouldn't do that, LMAO). Long story short - we've been together 5 years, officially married just over a year.

    Without going into a whole lot of detail, I've dated - as in, more than a fling, 6+months together - 2 other dancers I met ITC and had flings with a couple others. It DOES happen, however it's uncommon. I can honestly say that most of those wouldn't have happened without an "in", i.e., already with a girl they knew and therefor I was "known" to these girls and not a guy that walked in off the street in their eyes.

    I know a lot of dancers very personally as in, long term close friends, and from what I've seen, maybe half of the dancers will date a customer under the right circumstances - but usually only once or twice and swear off it after that. I know 3 - including my wife - who have had successful relationships from this. Three out of hundreds, mind you. I know a select few who habitually date guys they meet and work, always swear they won't do it again, and do anyway, citing never going out and meeting guys OTC as the reason "it's the only place I meet anyone".

    Overall, if you're looking to meet or even just hook up with a girl, the strip club is FAR from your best bet. You're rarely meeting the real girl, you're meeting her work personality, and SHE knows that, and therefor knows that the person you like isn't really her, plus she's there to make money, bot look for a BF - he overall situation isn't conducive to dating. My experiences and others cited are in the interest of full disclosure - it's uncommon and largely unwise.
    I would never go in looking for an exclusive relationship, its once you befriend them anything can happen. Funny though or not, it doesn't seem to be about the money but about the connection. Either built over time or straight away. Ironic too, it seems like she has to be able to trust you and that you're fine with her profession.

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    Default Re: dating customers

    I've only ever gone out on a date with two customers-- both of them took me to dinner just once. The first guy was someone I met when I first started dancing, like my first week. He was a complete liar and probably the most manipulative person I've ever met and he could see I was in a really bad place in my life and took advantage of that. We went to dinner and instead of driving me home he drove me out of LA and got really inappropriate with me physically, I had to call a friend to come get me. He was a friend of the owner of the club I was working at at the time and got banned after that. He hung out at the club a lot but never really did dances he would just tip on stage. If I was to run into someone like that now I wouldn't give them more than 3 seconds of my time, but I was young, naive, and very lost at the time.

    After that experience I vowed to never go out with a customer again, but I ended up having dinner with a guy I met at my club about a month ago. He spent a lot of money, like $3,000, when he came in and we spent most of the time talking. But after we went out I found out he had dated a couple other girls at the club and that really bothered me so I never called him back after we went out.

    The only other customer I've ever seen OTC was my best regular but we weren't going out on dates. He was married and we would just go out as friends, we would cuddle but nothing sexual ever happened. He would take me to lunch and shopping-- he never gave me cash, but he would buy me a lot of stuff when I was with him, clothes, jewelry, expensive books, pieces of art, etc. I enjoyed his company and it didn't happen very often so it worked for me

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    Default Re: dating customers

    I've gone out with a customer once. He wasn't spending money on me, but we had good chemistryand he was cute. We went on a few dinner dates, but never even got around to kissing due to me being a super slow relationship turtle, and his job required he travel quite a bit.
    Too bad. He was awesome. I am also awesome. we woulda been team double awesome...
    There is no reason to take it up the ass and then act all butthurt.
    -Sophia_Starina

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    Default Re: dating customers

    Quote Originally Posted by audrey_k View Post
    I've only ever gone out on a date with two customers-- both of them took me to dinner just once. The first guy was someone I met when I first started dancing, like my first week. He was a complete liar and probably the most manipulative person I've ever met and he could see I was in a really bad place in my life and took advantage of that. We went to dinner and instead of driving me home he drove me out of LA and got really inappropriate with me physically, I had to call a friend to come get me. He was a friend of the owner of the club I was working at at the time and got banned after that. He hung out at the club a lot but never really did dances he would just tip on stage. If I was to run into someone like that now I wouldn't give them more than 3 seconds of my time, but I was young, naive, and very lost at the time.

    After that experience I vowed to never go out with a customer again, but I ended up having dinner with a guy I met at my club about a month ago. He spent a lot of money, like $3,000, when he came in and we spent most of the time talking. But after we went out I found out he had dated a couple other girls at the club and that really bothered me so I never called him back after we went out.

    The only other customer I've ever seen OTC was my best regular but we weren't going out on dates. He was married and we would just go out as friends, we would cuddle but nothing sexual ever happened. He would take me to lunch and shopping-- he never gave me cash, but he would buy me a lot of stuff when I was with him, clothes, jewelry, expensive books, pieces of art, etc. I enjoyed his company and it didn't happen very often so it worked for me
    I'm sorry to hear you went through the first experience. Us guys keep getting advice that the dancers we meet isn't their real self but I hope y'all keep tellling in mind more importantly the customers you meet are the exact same way. Many unfortunately are willing to manipulate the young, naive ones.

    This got me thinking what are some of the red flags and how to spot them? First is know exactly what you want. Either completely separate personal from work or decide if you're open to meeting someone and in what capacity (friend, ltr, ons, etc). As far as guys to avoid...

    1. The customer. He,s your spender and income. This ones beaten to death.
    How to spot: you're only spending time w him when he pays.

    2. The tourist. The outer towner or he only comes in once. Be careful, if they push otc too much too fast they're only looking for the ons no matter what they say.
    HTS: actions speak louder than words, if they can't come back to see you they were never intending for any real relation.

    3. The player. A repeat custy as charming as the tourist, but again unable to have a real connection.
    HTS: unlike the tourist he comes back but he uses the same routine on multiple girls. He'll be fun but to see how real, play it slow and see how much he actually knows. The more he invests and the more specifics, the more real he likely is.

    There's likely more, but if they can't at least pass the above criteria, don't waste your time. Be safe y'all.

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    Default Re: dating customers

    Quote Originally Posted by ToeOfTheCamel View Post
    I've gone out with a customer once. He wasn't spending money on me, but we had good chemistryand he was cute. We went on a few dinner dates, but never even got around to kissing due to me being a super slow relationship turtle, and his job required he travel quite a bit.
    Too bad. He was awesome. I am also awesome. we woulda been team double awesome...
    Oh goodness, you would kill me. All my best relationships were slow burners, either starting as friends or taking it slow.

    And I agree, being awesome is awesome. As an awesome guy, i would know. But I guess that's what makes me so awesome.

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    Default Re: dating customers

    Quote Originally Posted by Almost Jaded View Post
    -snip-

    Met a cute little thing at a club as that relationship was ending. Spent some money on her - not a LOT, but a couple VIP's worth, and we hit it off. She insisted on giving me her real name & number (I actually protested & told her she shouldn't do that, LMAO). Long story short - we've been together 5 years, officially married just over a year.

    -snip-
    I'm the cute little thing in question. If I hadn't been such a newbie, I'm not sure I ever would have pursued AJ. I pushed pretty hard, but I had a "feeling" about him that just wouldn't go away. I don't regret it in the slightest, but I can say that if anything ever happens and AJ and I aren't together anymore (which is disgustingly unlikely, lol) I'd probably never do it again.

    Don't shit where you eat, as the saying goes. It's the same reason I'd never date a manager or a VIP host or anything like that. Just too much potential for drama and bullshit. Personally, I go to work to WORK. It's nice to build light friendships with the people you work with, but in a money-driven environment like a strip club, it just strikes me as a rather unintelligent thing to do.
    "The mood is important. You can't get a lady with force.
    ...sweet things alone are not enough. Seduce me with more fire."

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    Default Re: dating customers

    Quote Originally Posted by MissMynxx View Post
    If I hadn't been such a newbie, I'm not sure I ever would have pursued AJ.
    As I think about my own experiences, that last phrase stood out a bit. Whenever a relationship moved from stripper/customer to something else outside the club (dating, friends without or with benefits, etc), I think in every single case I felt pursued to some extent, or at the very least it was equal from both sides. Even before anything moved OTC, pursuit was the obvious factor (OTC, obviously there's a more obvious way to tell).

    Anyway, congrats to the two of you that it worked out!

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    Default Re: dating customers

    I'm not opposed to dating customers in theory, but AJ makes an excellent point that dancers aren't their "real" selves when they're at work. So the guys I have chemistry with at the club aren't necessarily people I would get along with in real life. Also, I think I would be much more likely to consider dating a customer if I were on the rebound from a relationship. Which seems to be a recurring theme in this thread too. There are definitely customers I meet and could imagine dating, but there is always a voice in my head that reminds me that I'm at work being a professional flirt. Plus, we meet so many men in a night! Even if you decided to theoretically pick out one guy a week to go on a date with, you would get overwhelmed really quickly.

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    Default Re: dating customers

    Never happened to me and I can't even imagine how it would. The customer would have to say, "Hey, I know I've always paid to spend time with you while you're acting like your work persona but now I'd like you to do that for me for free." I can't see how that would ever sound enticing to me.

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    Default Re: dating customers

    Quote Originally Posted by lurkingtitties View Post
    I'm not opposed to dating customers in theory, but AJ makes an excellent point that dancers aren't their "real" selves when they're at work. So the guys I have chemistry with at the club aren't necessarily people I would get along with in real life. Also, I think I would be much more likely to consider dating a customer if I were on the rebound from a relationship. Which seems to be a recurring theme in this thread too. There are definitely customers I meet and could imagine dating, but there is always a voice in my head that reminds me that I'm at work being a professional flirt. Plus, we meet so many men in a night! Even if you decided to theoretically pick out one guy a week to go on a date with, you would get overwhelmed really quickly.
    Id add running theme is NEW, theveterans seem to be immune or smartened to it and id add the custies you're meeting aren't their real selves just as likely the dancers aren't their real selves.

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    Default Re: dating customers

    Back in the day, I very casually dated two guys I met in the club. Neither were big spenders, or regulars...I think only one of them bought *a* lapdance and I would have gotten his # regardless. I was single and they were cute and sweet, why not? I think I dated them for a month or so but neither turned out to be "boyfriend material." Nothing was wrong with them but the chemistry wasn't quite right. I don't think I could ever date a regular or someone that spent a lot of $ on me...I tend to be the aggressor and go after the guys I want because my taste is very specific. It doesn't really matter where I meet them.

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    Default Re: dating customers

    Quote Originally Posted by MarvelGirl View Post
    Never happened to me and I can't even imagine how it would. The customer would have to say, "Hey, I know I've always paid to spend time with you while you're acting like your work persona but now I'd like you to do that for me for free." I can't see how that would ever work
    For me, when they'd drop the "I'd like to date you" line, I'd make it clear that they had to get to know me within the club first. And the only way to feasibly do that was to come in frequently enough, and spend enough money on me during those frequent visits to actually get to know me. Then, after about a year (though there was one guy I dated after about 6 months) of them doing this, I'd be down for coffee.

    Edited to simplify: I guess I'm just twisted, in the sense that I used to gauge a person's interest in me through their willingness to spend time-and consequently money, on me in the club.

    I have had maybe a handful of relationships with people I didn't meet ITC, most of them were guys i had known prior to stripping, and they were all disastrous. Once I disclosed my profession they perceived me as either only good for sex, someone they needed to 'save', or, someone they could mooch off of.
    Last edited by MyButter; 03-26-2014 at 06:44 PM.

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    Default Re: dating customers

    Quote Originally Posted by MyButter View Post
    For me, when they'd drop the "I'd like to date you" line, I'd make it clear that they had to get to know me within the club first. And the only way to feasibly do that was to come in frequently enough, and spend enough money on me during those frequent visits to actually get to know me. Then, after about a year (though there was one guy I dated after about 6 months) of them doing this, I'd be down for coffee.

    Pre-stripping, and even while I was stripping with guys I knew before I started stripping,I had been screwed over by enough guys who just wanted sex, or wanted to use me for something, that I adopted a "oh you're genuinely interested? Prove it" attitude.
    For me, it's not possible for anyone to get to know me while I'm working. I have a work persona that is very different than my real personality. So, someone wanting to be friends with or date my work persona is meaningless to me. They don't know me and frankly, if they like the act I put on at work, we probably aren't even slightly compatible anyways.

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    Default Re: dating customers

    ^ Well that makes sense. I've never really possessed a stripper persona, so perhaps that's where my fault lies.

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    ^^
    I kind of have to. I'm very quiet and reserved in my normal life. My husband jokes that I'm probably the most prudish stripper on the planet.

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