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Thread: Girls, I need a few friends to get me through this

  1. #1
    Veteran Member HoolaTwister's Avatar
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    Default Girls, I need a few friends to get me through this

    So.... A few months back I made a thread because my boyfriend changed his number on me quite unexpectedly. I was DEVESTATED, to say the least and thought about him all the time. Especially what I did wrong, why me, am I a good person? etc etc. We have had a crazy off/on relationship for a very long time and I keep being dragged back every time. Well, as of a few weeks ago I took him back and I have this constant fear that he will leave me again or cheat or whatever. It sounds (and is) pathetic, I know. I am told I am attractive, cute, smart etc but that means nothing to me, especially when I am around him. He always nit picks at me about everything so that over the years it has eroded all my self confidence. I have seen the girls he has been with and am always surprised at how gross they all are. I am not exaggerating, not one girl is even close to average. And he takes me for granted?? I am so fed up you guys. I just want to leave and GO. Find a new and better life. I know I can do it but I need some encouragement to finally let this dirtbag go. To not give in and call when I am feeling low and hopeless.

    Any advice? Suggestions? Encouragement? I need it bad, I have nobody really close to talk to.

    Thanks <3

  2. #2
    Banned Aniela's Avatar
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    Default Re: Girls, I need a few friends to get me through this

    If this was your best friend in this position, what would you tell her to do & how would you advise her to go abt it? That is what you need to do.

    He takes you for granted, nitpicks, cheats,etc , b/c he is a piece of shit who does not know a good thing when he has it. You have seen the light showing you that you do not have to settle for his crap. So why the hell are you? He also knows what a piece of shit he is, that's why he constantly keeps talking down to you, trying to make you feel like you are worthless w/o him. Staying around for his games only enables him. Remember Satan's rationalisation at the end of the South Park movie right after Saddam got impaled? That's you & this guy.

    That you keep taking him back & refuse to leave is abt as intelligent as putting your hand on a hot stove, complaining when it hurts you, & then doing it again. You know you deserve better than this constant repetition of third-degree burns.

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    Veteran Member HoolaTwister's Avatar
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    Default Re: Girls, I need a few friends to get me through this

    Thanks girls! I know how horrible and pathetic I sound, I mean if this was my best friend I would kidnap her and take her away from a guy like this. And if she ever went back, I'd think she about done lost her mind! I know that this relationship has done such damage to me that I'd previously completely ignored. Every guy I have pushed away and people tell me I give off "stay away from me" vibes all the time. Ugggh.

    Right now I am broke, without a car and in a city I hate. I don't have any close friends either because this relationship has taken up so much of me. That's why it's easier to always go back to him but this time I have to pull myself together and resist the urge.

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    God/dess simone87's Avatar
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    Default Re: Girls, I need a few friends to get me through this

    i think this is something a lot of girls have gone through, myself included. my best friend is going through it right now with a guy who cheats on her, breaks up with her every few months, and generally treats her like shit. yet these are the guys we can't seem to let go of!!
    life is short. spend the most time you can being happy..whether that's in a healthy relationship, or single. but not in a crazy, ridiculous, miserable relationship where you are always paranoid and you aren't loved and respected. you are wasting precious time on this piece. there are many other men out there who will treat you the way you deserve. dont' waste another minute.
    if you are more miserable than you are happy when you are in a relationship, what is the damn point??

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    God/dess audrey_k's Avatar
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    Default Re: Girls, I need a few friends to get me through this

    My first boyfriend was like that. He was always putting me down, criticizing me and making rude comments. Like you guys we had a crazy on/off relationship before becoming "serious" where he said some really fucked up things to me. He lied to me for the first six months we were together and was still with his girlfriend and I took him back after that. I wasted four years of my life on him and only ended up dumping him because I found someone else. He was SUPER degrading sexually and used to make fun of me in front of my friends.

    Honestly, now that I look back on our relationship I can see that the reason he was the way he was was because he was SUPER insecure and self-obsessed. All he cared about was himself and he was so arrogant he never thought anything was his fault, but all arrogance stems from insecurity. He didn't want me to leave him and he knew exactly what my insecurities were. By making me feel like shit about myself he knew my self confidence would be so broken down I would be afraid to leave him.

    Honestly, it makes me really sad when I think back on all the time I wasted being with that asshole when I could have been doing something so much better with my time. And even to this today my relationship with him still impacts my current relationships. All I can say is that one of my biggest regrets is that I gave him so much of my time, my life and my love. He did not deserve it.

    And as scared as I was to break up with him, honestly, those were probably some of the most MISERABLE years of my life. Trust me, you will be MUCH happier without this guy. But if you end it with him you HAVE to make a commitment to yourself to completely cut him out of your life. Delete his number, his texts, any records of calls from him on your phone so you can't look his number up that way, delete him on Facebook, everything. Cause the things about guys like this is the moment they realize you're moving on they come sweeping back going on and on about how they've changed and everything is going to be different and you're so amazing and they love you so much and blah blah. That is EXACTLY what my ex did, as soon as I broke up with him he started sending me email after email, voicemail after voicemail, he even sent me flowers and showed up at my house was and it went on for months.

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    Veteran Member HoolaTwister's Avatar
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    Default Re: Girls, I need a few friends to get me through this

    Wow that sounds JUST like my (soon to be ex) boyfriend!! I've been realizing just how insecure he is and how he tries to make me feel bad because he knows I can do a lot better than him. I feel like I am just so stuck right now and don't know which way is out. What do I do? Uhhhhgg

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    Featured Member Cashmere Star's Avatar
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    Default Re: Girls, I need a few friends to get me through this

    Sheesh, I wish one of MY friends would kidnap me and take me away, but they all live in different states. I don't have a place to go. At least you don't live with your boyfriend!

    I think what you should do is tell him that you're breaking up (even if you're unsure, do it anyway) and then reconnect with your old friends even just a bit. My girlfriends definitely helped me get back up on my feet again and drop my ex emotionally (and I haven't spoken to them in a while so it was really great that they came to my aid).

    Oh and trash talking your bf definitely helps lol. Do it all you want with your friends (if they're not mutual friends with your bf that is). Constantly remind yourself how much your bf sucks.


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    Quote Originally Posted by charlie61 View Post
    What would "future you" want you to do right now?




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    God/dess audrey_k's Avatar
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    Default Re: Girls, I need a few friends to get me through this

    Quote Originally Posted by HoolaTwister View Post
    Wow that sounds JUST like my (soon to be ex) boyfriend!! I've been realizing just how insecure he is and how he tries to make me feel bad because he knows I can do a lot better than him. I feel like I am just so stuck right now and don't know which way is out. What do I do? Uhhhhgg
    I mean the point of my story was that you need to dump his ass. Sorry to be blunt, but I just don't see another option at this point.

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    Default Re: Girls, I need a few friends to get me through this

    What about attending a meeting? Like co-dependants anonymous? That way you would have a support group in your area, to meet with regularly and talk these things through.

    I have done group therapy and often the most beneficial part for me has been listening to others and being motivated by their success or getting my own stuff together so I can avoid falling into the same hole.

    What would make you happy? What else do you have going on in your life?

    I like to go on walks around the park, read books in the local bookstore and keep picking myself up each time I fall.

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  13. #10
    Senior Member lildevil_kittie's Avatar
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    Default Re: Girls, I need a few friends to get me through this

    You should Move on. He changed his phone number while still dating you?! And then nit picks at you?! If you're truly Questioning what he has previously done to you, Why get back with him if he treats you like Utter Shit? No one deserves to be treated like that. He is the one that has Insecure issues Not you. Move on Immediately

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    Default Re: Girls, I need a few friends to get me through this

    You've already identified the insecurity at the core of his behavior - that's the 1st big step after acknowledging that there's a problem & getting out of denial - which you've also already done. THAT'S ACTUALLY THE HARD PART. It' all downhill from here sweety - you just gotta stop looking down & caring yourself - just jump. You'll be fine.

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