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Thread: New relationship and camming

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    Dizzy New relationship and camming

    Hey everyone this is the first time I've posted on here but I'm a long term lurker and have chatted in the instant chat a couple times. I couldn't find anything in the search relating to my question and its really important so I hope you guys could help me with an answer!

    I'm a camgirl in the UK and I've been camming for just under a year now and recently started my degree in september. While I've been at uni I've met someone and even though its been a short while things have become pretty serious to the point of talking about living together in the next academic year. But obviously I have a pretty big secret. I've jokingly questioned him before to see what kind of reaction he gives by saying "oh what would you do if i was a porn star etc." after laughing and joking about it he turned and said "in all seriousness I couldn't have anyone else looking at my girl" and I've heard him put down people in the adult industry a couple times saying they should use their brains to make money which I have to just sit and quietly take offence to. So from this I understood being honest about my profession would most likely be a deal breaker in the relationship which is silly.

    So my probably stupid decision I've made is to just carry on lying because I'm a student and have no other way to support myself financially. But the annoying thing is he always hints that I should get a job and when he works nights and I've been working and we get home tired and I say I'm tired to and he's like "I've been at work" i wish i could scream and say ive been working my ass off too haha. (Sorry getting off topic because I have no one to talk to).

    I should probably add that he's 28 and in the final year of his degree and I'm 18 and in my first. So my question I hope you can help me with is what do you tell people your job is? Is there any job lie that could justify and 18 year old student with a high income with flexible hours? My questions are probably stupid but I need help/advice from somewhere. Hope this all makes sense.


  2. #2
    Veteran Member smaddy's Avatar
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    Default Re: New relationship and camming

    I wouldn't tell someone that I cam until the relationship is very serious. If you are talking about moving in together then honesty is important. If this man could possibly be the man you want to marry and spend the rest of your life with, then being upfront and honest is the only way to go. No relationship or marriage that was every built on dishonesty ever worked out well.

    When I brought up the idea of caming to my husband he was very turned off at first. A lot of people don't understand what it is and what it entails. After talking about it together and researching he's okay with it. It's actually really helped out our sex life haha. It was difficult for him to handle it at first but he's fully comfortable with it now. Only took him a couple weeks, haha.

    You have no idea how he will react until you tell him, but you do know his personality. Is he the kind of person who would try to get back at you if your relationship ever went sour? That is one of the biggest fears I have with telling people. I finally told a good friend of mine this past week, I'm really glad I did. But it did take going back and forth "joking" about it passively and her telling me her opinions before I disclosed that I started caming.

    You could always say "My friend ___ has been doing this thing online for a couple years now." then explain caming, the money involved, that it's not this horrible awful thing, and say "I'm seriously considering doing this. Would you be on board?" Give him some time to think about it and see his reaction. My husband himself needed a bit of coaxing and he was in no way on board with it on first so don't be completely turned off by his reaction to your pornstar comment. Sometimes people need a little time to open their minds to things and consider them. Their first reaction is usually fueled by what the general consensus is (ie. what the media portrays, the environment they grew up in). When they take the time to consider it for themselves that can all change.

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  4. #3
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    Default Re: New relationship and camming

    lying will only make things worse. for a time, omitting the truth is fine, but when your lies start affecting each other, it's time to come clean.

    sex work is a touchy subject. hopefully he'll be open minded enough to listen to your reasoning. whatever you choose to do, i hope things go well. best wishes.

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    Default Re: New relationship and camming

    Well, here are three threads that might help you make a decision of whether or not to tell him:
    https://www.stripperweb.com/forum/sh...you-re-camming
    https://www.stripperweb.com/forum/sh...boyfriend-know
    https://www.stripperweb.com/forum/sh...p-as-a-CamGirl

    And here is a thread all about telling people what you do, and the many cover stories we all use https://www.stripperweb.com/forum/sh...ou-tell-people


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    Default Re: New relationship and camming

    Thanks so much guys! Will have a look through those threads and I think you're all right lying never turns out well for anyone and the longer I lie the worse it will probably get and also he should be able to accept me for who I am and what I do. I don't think he's the kind of person who would tell people after we broke up he really respects privacy and is not malicious. It's just hard for me because my ex boyfriend who I was with for 3 years completely accepted my camming and we could have a laugh and joke about it. But hopefully he could come to accept it one day

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    Default Re: New relationship and camming

    My ex and I split about a year ago and the final straw was me camming. I will say that I don't regret my choice is the slightest though. In fact, camming gave me the means to DTB and live happily where I want to Since then I've met an amazing guy who supports me endeavors completely and even helps out a bit when he can. Dating and camming is a daunting task. I wish people were more open, but most of society has their heads stuck up their ass about it. The right guy won't care or, even better, will help out. I do have to add this though: If he isn't ok with it now, he probably wont be ok with it in the future and it's doubtful his views will improve much. he may come to some form of acceptance, but it's unlikely he will truly ever be supportive. I hope it works out for you though! stay strong

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    Default Re: New relationship and camming

    I like to tell them right away (like date 3 or after if I like them), but NO site and NO stage name, so I can weed out the idiots.

    I also make sure to casually throw in that I have geoblock on and have my state blocked, they need an account set up, and that proxies don't work, even though I don't even use geoblock and none of that is true in my case lol. But I wouldn't want them to search for me, and who would waste their time searching for someone after being told their state is blocked and proxies don't work?

    If they pressure me for the site down the line, or if they ask too many questions down the line, I tell them I work for a cam site I don't even work on lol.

    I would NOT want to waste all that time with someone who is conservative, anti-sexwork, or just an idiot who can only handle believing media lies.

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    Default Re: New relationship and camming

    hmm well I'd avoid talking about porn stars anymore first of all, because camming is extremely different from the idea people have in their minds of porn stars...I just hope he won't associate camming with you being a porn star once you do tell him. I've always told people in the very beginning in order to weed those who wouldn't be okay with it out, and to avoid getting hurt myself further down the road...you don't want it to get to the point to where your heart would be smashed into bits if you aren't at that point already...that is the main reason I tell guys upfront, I don't want to get hurt later. Good luck with telling him...when you do tell him, just sit him down, tell him you respect him and want things to progress further but need to clarify what you do for work, and you should probably ask him if he would cam WITH you...I start camming with my boyfriend soon and I couldn't be more excited about it he is too...he is much more at ease with the idea of me camming knowing that he can do it with me.
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    Default Re: New relationship and camming

    How long have you been seeing him? A short while could be one week, one month?! I would tell him BEFORE you guys start living together for sure. He may be okay with it, he may not but let him show you through his action. It's truly a blessing to know either way. Life is too short to be with someone who isn't accepting.

    I personally don't like when men put down people in the adult industry. I'm sure they all have jerked off to porn-YES?! I can't stand well polished hypocrites!
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    Default Re: New relationship and camming

    Quote Originally Posted by LittleCat View Post
    I don't think he's the kind of person who would tell people after we broke up he really respects privacy and is not malicious.
    You seem to have a good head on your shoulders so I hope this doesn't come off as condescending, but everyone thinks that before it happens. I wouldn't necessarily use that as a reason not to tell him at all but as GR suggested I would not tell him your site or cam name. It's like sending nudes only a thousand times worse--think of aaaaaall the leaked pics that girls sent to their exes. Plenty of them were just as close as you are with your boyfriend. Now think of how much more tempting (and damaging) it would be to share something "scandalous" like sex work. Tread carefully.

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    Default Re: New relationship and camming

    Thanks so much for the advice guys. I think you are all right I should have just told him straight away but I was at a place in my life where I wasn't looking for something serious anyway but it just turned that way and as time goes on I know it will just be even worse when I tell him. You're right procrasturbator I don't trust anyone with what I do not even my oldest friends really. Only my sister and ex who has never tried to get his own back on me even though things ended badly which was my fault. The only reason I don't think he would be malicious is because he's not one of those people who even talks about our relationship now to even his friends, he really respects his privacy whereas I don't if I'm honest and am a gossip haha I just feel that he wouldn't there are no doubts. What's getting to me the most now is that I want a future with him but If I'm honest I don't want to stop camming and don't see why I should but if I told him I know it would be over. But I guess if he can't accept me for who I am and what I do its not the right relationship for me anyway. We've been seeing eachother since october and have been more serious since january.

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    Default Re: New relationship and camming

    Op I'm not actually sure why you used "porn stars" as a reference. The big major difference is that most porn stars have sex with other porn stars while being recorded. So I don't think it's just the "well I wouldn't want anyone else looking at someone I'm with". It's more so that he wouldn't want someone being physically intimate with someone he's with.

    So wait so he's almost 30 and you're 18? Yeah I wouldn't stop for him. Trust that he probably did some things when he was 18 for fun. What's even interesting is that you could be sure that he probably watches porn all the time yet for some reason it's ok to watch but not ok to be a woman in porn. Think about all of the porn he watched in the last 10 years.

    He may even be on one of the popular cam sites as a customer and you wouldn't even know it. This is the thing that annoys me. If he didn't look at porn, watch anything porn related or subscribed to anything pornographic I would say well it's not for him. I'm just not buying it.

    Now I also don't see anything wrong with him not wanting the sexuality of someone he's in a committed relationship with to be shared. This part I get.

    So for now I say have fun with him and enjoy things. He wants to get serious with an 18 year old that just started college in Sept.? He meets you in Oct. and is already pushing for something serious? This is all while he's on his way out of college? Hmm yeah not really feeling the set up. The age gap isn't really that big of an issue to me but I'm feeling a bit of selfishness on his part. I'm feeling a tad control about to rear it's head in a few years when he finally gets his career started.

    My worry is that you'll drop out due to pregnancy or have some issues when you "move in" that leave you a tad unbalanced. I don't think he's a bad guy I just think he's putting alot on your shoulders when you're just getting started with your life. Wait on moving in and stall as long as you can on this. I say put your survival and finances first. Since he can't pay for your college, nor your housing then he can't tell you what you should or shouldn't do for your survival.

    I think when he starts talking about the future really ask him what he wants between you two. Personally I think he's approaching 30 and is feeling the societal pressure of settling down+ Vday just passed us by and that tends to make people think of what direction their relationships are heading in.

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