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Thread: "Are you an alcoholic?"

  1. #1
    Member onlythelonely's Avatar
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    Default "Are you an alcoholic?"

    *customer mode...activated*

    I went to a club (a different one than the one I bartend) few weeks ago to have some fun. After I tipped the dancer on stage a few singles and she finishes the show, she quickly comes to my table to thank me. I thought I'd tip her a few more bucks just to chit chat for like 30 seconds, but right as I was starting to talk to her the waitress comes and ask us if we wanted something. I was NOT intending to get anything but that dancer cut me off and told me (in a somewhat demanding tone): "_______, buy me a long island". I told the waitress to wait a moment and I proceeded to ask the dancer: "You can't demand me to buy you a long island, especially if I haven't offered you a drink. Second, are you an alcoholic? That's the only legit reason I could find to justify you interrumpting me. And demanding an expensive cocktail" That dancer became upset, and I just simply left that table and I went off to tip some other dancer (who later joined me and did NOT demand me to get her a cocktail but whom I offered to have some of the draft beer I ordered before she joined me, she certainly helped me finish the pitcher). That other dancer got a good chunk of money from me (no VIP, not my thing anyways, but a few "rainy sets" featuring many Abe Lincoln's clones).

    I can't stand dancers who do that sh!t!!!!!

    When I was a dancer, I never demanded a customer to buy me drinks, and when they offered me a drink I would order food or something without alcohol instead (usually cheaper too).

    When a dancer demands a drink or ask customers for drinks without said customer offering one, makes me wonder if that dancer is an alcoholic. I'm almost sure I'm not the only customer who wonders if dancers who do that sh!t are either alcoholics or simply assume that a customer is there to get them drunk to later &^%^-& them on VIP.

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    Featured Member MarvelGirl's Avatar
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    Default Re: "Are you an alcoholic?"

    I don't know why you're over thinking it so much, especially if you were a dancer at one time. Yeah, she was rude. Some dancers are rude, you never met one while working? It doesn't necessarily mean she's an alcoholic. Also, in some clubs, dancers have an incentive to sell drinks.

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    Default Re: "Are you an alcoholic?"

    In my opinion, asking her if she was an alcoholic over 1 drink is much more rude than what she did. Couldn't you have just said no and excused yourself? Customers and dancers have asked me for pills/etc and I don't ask them if they're drug addicts. I just say no and talk to someone else.

    It was rude of her, sure. But a lot of dancers are pushy and aggressive. It's how most make their money, they're programmed this way. Both of you were wrong.


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    Default Re: "Are you an alcoholic?"

    I have to agree with what Marvel and Lena said. Since you are a former dancer and currently a bartender at a club, I'm a little confused by the fact that this behavior surprises you so much. It is certainly not uncommon for a dancer to expect a drink if she sits with a customer and some of them will indeed ask upfront. Also, I cannot remember the last time a dancer that I bought drinks for didn't ask for an expensive cocktail. IME there aren't too many dancers out there willing to pull up a mug and dive into a customer's pitcher of draft beer, lol.

    Idk, but I think that asking her if she was an alcoholic was kind of harsh. The reality is that many dancers do desire or even need some liquid fortification in order to do the job. I'm not saying that it is right, but it most certainly is the reality and has been for the 15+ years that I have been clubbing regularly. If you want to hold out for the girls who neither want nor expect an offer of an alcoholic drink, then that is your prerogative, but IMHO you will be slicing out a fair number of otherwise entertaining girls from the selection pool if you do so.

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    Default Re: "Are you an alcoholic?"

    A couple of questions:

    1. Did you know the dancer at all? If you didn't, realize how it looks to the person receiving that question - you don't know them, they're being pushy, but that's a very personal statement you just made. The first statement you made was fine, but the second (alcoholic) was a personal one. If you did know them, then you just insulted them - being rude doesn't justify being equally rude in response.
    2. You have danced, so does it surprise you that other dancers do that? You mention you hate it when others do it, so I think your reaction is more of a button being pushed.

    She was pushy to ask so quickly, but the alcoholic response wasn't necessary - the moment you make it personal, you can only expect people to react accordingly, and be pissed/insulted. A simple "no thanks" would do.

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    Default Re: "Are you an alcoholic?"

    I usually say "Would you mind if I joined you in a drink while we chat?"

    Do I think she was overaggressive? Yes.
    Do I think you acted like a jerk? Yes.

    I'm surprised you used to be a dancer if you were so verbally abusive.

    I think it's gross to eat in front of a customer but would never comment on your eating habits if you did so out of courtesy.
    Last edited by Vackra; 03-12-2014 at 11:21 AM.

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    Default Re: "Are you an alcoholic?"

    its good manners to buy a dancer a drink when the waitress comes out. im surprised you don't know that, considering you were a dancer?? you not even offering her one was rude in and of itself in my opinion. and stop whining about how "expensive it was", if you can't spend , don't come to a strip club...
    asking for one drink does't make you an alcoholic.
    i have to say your own rudeness FAR exceeds hers.

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    Member onlythelonely's Avatar
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    Default Re: "Are you an alcoholic?"

    I could had offered a drink to the first one, but I certainly felt like not offering one when she proceeded to demand a drink: demanding me for a drink before I even considered offering one is ultra rude. No, the club I went to visit does not offer a comission on drinks. Second, I did say in my OP that I hated dancers who did that shit when I was dancing and don't see a reason to accept or condone that behavior when I'm being the customer. Third (a bit offtopic), a dancer who feels the need to drink in order to do this job should not do it in the first place.

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    Default Re: "Are you an alcoholic?"

    Quote Originally Posted by rickdugan View Post

    Idk, but I think that asking her if she was an alcoholic was kind of harsh. The reality is that many dancers do desire or even need some liquid fortification in order to do the job.
    They should not have a need or desire to consume alcohold to work. Period.

    I could had afforded the cocktail, money was NOT the problem. The dancer demanding the drink was the problem and I don't tolerate dancers who do that. This time, I was the customer and I decide how I spend my money.

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    Default Re: "Are you an alcoholic?"

    None of us were there, we don't really know who was more rude or not.

    I've worked with girls who were alcoholics & were rude as hell, but it wasn't up to me to fire them.

    I'd say her choice of drink is indicative of a strong desire for intoxication, I've never seen someone who wanted to stay sober get a Long Island Ice Tea.

    But wow they have draft beer in a stripclub still? I think there might be one or two in Daytona where I used to work that offer it, but it is unusual.
    You must have chaos within you to give birth to a dancing star.
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    Featured Member MarvelGirl's Avatar
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    Default Re: "Are you an alcoholic?"

    Quote Originally Posted by onlythelonely View Post
    They should not have a need or desire to consume alcohold to work. Period.

    .
    That's an awfully big judgment for someone who claims to have worked in the industry. There are people who think it's absolutely wrong to ever take your clothes off for money. Period.

    I would think someone who has been a stripper could be a little less judgmental, since you should know how that kind of judgment feels. Perhaps I'm wrong about that.

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    Default Re: "Are you an alcoholic?"

    I have yet to see a club without any dancers at all who wanted to drink while working!
    You must have chaos within you to give birth to a dancing star.
    Friedrich Nietzsche

    Free your mind, and your ass will follow.
    George Clinton

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    Default Re: "Are you an alcoholic?"

    Wait I take that back, I worked a juice bar once where they didn't serve liquor.
    You must have chaos within you to give birth to a dancing star.
    Friedrich Nietzsche

    Free your mind, and your ass will follow.
    George Clinton

    ______________________________________

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    Default Re: "Are you an alcoholic?"

    ^^

    I work in a juice bar & supposedly we are supposed to be zero tolerance. While many of us are working sober or dry -there are def other days where some of a sneak a bottle in our locker for those long days, winter, or just for a drink every once in awhile. And guess what, OnlytheLonely, there's no thing wrong w/ it or them. I think what you said to that dancer is incredibly hateful & ignorent.

    Btw, while I believe you could possibly be a bartender. I highly doubt you were ever a stripper judging by the articulation of your responses.
    "You're better than no one and no one is better than you."
    -- Bob Dylan

    “There's never going to be a great misunderstanding of me. I think I'm a little whacked.”


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    Default Re: "Are you an alcoholic?"

    Quote Originally Posted by onlythelonely View Post
    They should not have a need or desire to consume alcohold to work. Period.

    I could had afforded the cocktail, money was NOT the problem. The dancer demanding the drink was the problem and I don't tolerate dancers who do that. This time, I was the customer and I decide how I spend my money.
    ^^
    Right here. Are you reading what your typing before you post it? It just screams ignorant & hateful. Yeah, you can decide how you spend your own money obviously -but you shouldn't be a dick about it. And the very first sentence of this post is just a joke. Really..??? Lol. Yeah, there should never be the need to consume in order to do your job, obviously -but an occasional one does not an alcoholic make.
    "You're better than no one and no one is better than you."
    -- Bob Dylan

    “There's never going to be a great misunderstanding of me. I think I'm a little whacked.”


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    Default Re: "Are you an alcoholic?"

    In part it goes back to whether or not the entertainer is really an independent contractor. If not there may be a statute regulating solicitation of a drink:

    Sec. 104.01. LEWD, IMMORAL, INDECENT CONDUCT. No person authorized to sell beer at retail, nor his agent, servant, or employee, may engage in or permit conduct on the premises of the retailer which is lewd, immoral, or offensive to public decency, including, but not limited to, any of the following acts:
    (1) the use of loud and vociferous or obscene, vulgar, or indecent language, or permitting its use;
    (2) the exposure of person or permitting a person to expose his person;
    (3) rudely displaying or permitting a person to rudely display a pistol or other deadly weapon in a manner calculated to disturb persons in the retail establishment;
    (4) solicitation of any person to buy drinks for consumption by the retailer or any of his employees;
    (5) being intoxicated on the licensed premises;
    (6) permitting lewd or vulgar entertainment or acts;
    (7) permitting solicitations of persons for immoral or sexual purposes;
    ( failing or refusing to comply with state or municipal health or sanitary laws or ordinances; or
    (9) possession of a narcotic or any equipment used or designed for the administering of a narcotic or permitting a person on the licensed premises to do so.

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    Moderator Djoser's Avatar
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    Default Re: "Are you an alcoholic?"

    Jesus that list would shut down the vast majority of stripclubs I have worked in or been to, which is a lot.

    You must have chaos within you to give birth to a dancing star.
    Friedrich Nietzsche

    Free your mind, and your ass will follow.
    George Clinton

    ______________________________________

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    Default Re: "Are you an alcoholic?"

    I will never forget one whacked out crazy junkie/alcoholic that was the least professional dancer I have ever worked with in 14 years, and a total pain in the fucking ass, demanding I buy her a drink in my hangout club after she'd been fired for the 20th time from my club, as well as every other club in town.

    I refused, but quietly. She still got bent the fuck out about it & started doing this weird finger pointing shit in my face.

    I told her to get her goddamned finger out of my face, but she kept doing it. Finally I told her in my DJ voice to get her goddamned fucking finger out of my face & the entire club heard it, whereupon the bouncers told her to get away from my VIP couch, but not before I told her what a useless junkie bitch she was.


    But that, of course, was another entirely unrelated incident. We don't really know how rude & demanding the dancer interrupting the waitress & asking for the strongest drink known to man might have been, before the OP asked her if she was an alcoholic.
    You must have chaos within you to give birth to a dancing star.
    Friedrich Nietzsche

    Free your mind, and your ass will follow.
    George Clinton

    ______________________________________

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    Moderator Djoser's Avatar
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    Default Re: "Are you an alcoholic?"

    That one once heard that another dancer spilled some coke on the dressing room toilet seat, and immediately asked 'Is it still snortable??'



    She also ripped the money out of some guy's hand after telling him he owed for more dances than she had given him & tried to run off, then yelled for the bouncer when he grabbed her arm to get his money back. The guy got choked out, shit his pants literally, and arrested. She kept the money.
    You must have chaos within you to give birth to a dancing star.
    Friedrich Nietzsche

    Free your mind, and your ass will follow.
    George Clinton

    ______________________________________

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    God/dess audrey_k's Avatar
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    Default Re: "Are you an alcoholic?"

    Quote Originally Posted by Djoser View Post
    Wait I take that back, I worked a juice bar once where they didn't serve liquor.
    I have worked in CA nude clubs (no alcohol) my entire stripping career and I would say about 10% of the girls at my club were sober. Hell, there were a few girls who had entire bars in their lockers. Most of the clubs I worked at were pretty whatever when it came to girls drinking in the DR... I definitely did.

    To the OP... I agree that she shouldn't have been so pushy with the drink, but you need a reality check! A LOT of clubs have situations where dancers get kickbacks for drinks, drink requirements, or the dancers are not allowed to say no-- I once worked at a club where the girls had to sell $40 worth of drinks a night or they were charged for them, and at my most recent club if I were to refuse a drink or even have a look on my face that made it look like I didn't really want one I would get a nasty talking to from the manager. I'm really surprised that you as a BARTENDER have never heard of this.

    And in regards to your insanely judgmental and horribly obnoxious comment that girls shouldn't have to drink, period, what exactly is it about what MUST BE your incredibly limited dancing career that makes you an expert on this subject? I frequently drink at work. The amount of shit I have to put up with with customers would drive any sober person batshit crazy. Do I frequently get wasted at work to the point I can't function, behave irresponsibly and obnoxiously? No, I don't. Am I an alcoholic? No. I would SO have knocked over your precious draft beer if you asked me that question.

    Lastly, you do realize you're bragging about dropping $5 bills on a stage set, right? Some $5 would NOT have been enough for me to sit and drink draft beer with you (if you can't afford to buy me an apple martini you can't afford me) so honestly I think you probably did this girl a favor by acting like an asshole... she got up and probably made more money off someone else than she would have made off of you.

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  31. #21
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    Default Re: "Are you an alcoholic?"

    Quote Originally Posted by audrey_k View Post
    I have worked in CA nude clubs (no alcohol) my entire stripping career and I would say about 10% of the girls at my club were sober. Hell, there were a few girls who had entire bars in their lockers. Most of the clubs I worked at were pretty whatever when it came to girls drinking in the DR... I definitely did.

    To the OP... I agree that she shouldn't have been so pushy with the drink, but you need a reality check! A LOT of clubs have situations where dancers get kickbacks for drinks, drink requirements, or the dancers are not allowed to say no-- I once worked at a club where the girls had to sell $40 worth of drinks a night or they were charged for them, and at my most recent club if I were to refuse a drink or even have a look on my face that made it look like I didn't really want one I would get a nasty talking to from the manager. I'm really surprised that you as a BARTENDER have never heard of this.

    And in regards to your insanely judgmental and horribly obnoxious comment that girls shouldn't have to drink, period, what exactly is it about what MUST BE your incredibly limited dancing career that makes you an expert on this subject? I frequently drink at work. The amount of shit I have to put up with with customers would drive any sober person batshit crazy. Do I frequently get wasted at work to the point I can't function, behave irresponsibly and obnoxiously? No, I don't. Am I an alcoholic? No. I would SO have knocked over your precious draft beer if you asked me that question.

    Lastly, you do realize you're bragging about dropping $5 bills on a stage set, right? Some $5 would NOT have been enough for me to sit and drink draft beer with you (if you can't afford to buy me an apple martini you can't afford me) so honestly I think you probably did this girl a favor by acting like an asshole... she got up and probably made more money off someone else than she would have made off of you.
    The club I went to, do not give dancers a comission for drinks. I already mentioned that and I still don't get why so many of you keep bringing that up. That club I visited, again, does not give them a comission on drinks. However, in the club I work as a bartender the ones who DO get a comission on drinks are the waitresses and not the dancers.

    Second, were you there that day to see how many fives I had? For all you know, I probably brought about 600 in fives and the second girl got about 40 five dollar bills after she sat with me, and then another 30 five dollar bills. So, those were 350 dollars that someone else got for simply NOT demanding a goddamn drink without me offering one. You weren't there to see, for starters. Second, I guess you missed the phrase "rainy sets": I made those five dollar bills rain on stage. Is good to know that you aren't THAT into money and would be upset over someone giving you a few hundred dollars in five dollar bills.

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    Default Re: "Are you an alcoholic?"

    Quote Originally Posted by onlythelonely View Post
    Second, were you there that day to see how many fives I had? For all you know, I probably brought about 600 in fives and the second girl got about 40 five dollar bills after she sat with me, and then another 30 five dollar bills. So, those were 350 dollars that someone else got for simply NOT demanding a goddamn drink without me offering one. You weren't there to see, for starters. Second, I guess you missed the phrase "rainy sets": I made those five dollar bills rain on stage. Is good to know that you aren't THAT into money and would be upset over someone giving you a few hundred dollars in five dollar bills.
    Riiiiiiiight.

    I've been dancing for a long time and people who freak out over someone ordering a $12 drink are NOT the kind of people who drop $350 on stage. They're the kind of people who drop $20 and act like you should be kissing their feet for giving it to you.

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    Default Re: "Are you an alcoholic?"

    Not necessarily. I've spent at least 4-500 dollars more times than I can count without buying dances even, not for myself anyway.

    But if someone did this to me:

    Quote Originally Posted by onlythelonely View Post
    ..but that dancer cut me off and told me (in a somewhat demanding tone): "_______, buy me a long island".
    I'd be inclined to say no.

    None of us were there except the OP, so we don't really know how rude the dancer was to start the situation, or how the OP responded--not when so much depends on tone of voice, exact timing, facial expression, body language, etc.

    Taken at face value, the dancer started the situation by demanding the drink. Whether she deserved what she got instead of the drink we don't know, not being there. But IMO it sounds like she did deserve a little Reality Check
    You must have chaos within you to give birth to a dancing star.
    Friedrich Nietzsche

    Free your mind, and your ass will follow.
    George Clinton

    ______________________________________

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    Default Re: "Are you an alcoholic?"

    Quote Originally Posted by audrey_k View Post
    ...someone ordering a $12 drink are NOT the kind of people who drop $350 on stage. They're the kind of people who drop $20 and act like you should be kissing their feet for giving it to you.
    It troubles me that so many dancers have learned to equate "cheapskate" with "non-alcoholic-beverage-customer", as if one cannot exist without the other. This is simply false, but I have gathered that it has happened more often than not so many times that it generates an automatic flinch reaction.
    In any case, OP there was no need to label a dancer as an alcoholic simply for demanding a drink from you, or any dancer for that matter. The only gripe I can see making is she was a bit too pushy about it.
    Quote Originally Posted by AmyLynne View Post
    I don't care what customers think. I care about separating them from their wallet.
    The only people who get rich off of Get Rich Quick Schemes are the ones who sell them, not the ones who buy them.

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    Default Re: "Are you an alcoholic?"

    Quote Originally Posted by FasaCorp View Post
    It troubles me that so many dancers have learned to equate "cheapskate" with "non-alcoholic-beverage-customer", as if one cannot exist without the other. This is simply false, but I have gathered that it has happened more often than not so many times that it generates an automatic flinch reaction.
    In any case, OP there was no need to label a dancer as an alcoholic simply for demanding a drink from you, or any dancer for that matter. The only gripe I can see making is she was a bit too pushy about it.
    It's common decency to buy a woman a drink if you are sitting with her, and it sends a certain message to me as a dancer-- that you respect the fact that I'm working hard, that my time is not free, that you find me attractive, that you want to spend money, that you HAVE money.... it's disrespectful and rude to sit there drinking while I sit there without a drink. Over the years if I look at the percentage of guys who have refused to buy a drink and then have gotten dances, it's pretty low... and the ones that did usually didn't buy that many and didn't tip (and often had high expectations of what was included in a dance).

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