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Thread: 18 Ugly Truths About Modern Dating

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    Default 18 Ugly Truths About Modern Dating

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    18 Ugly Truths About Modern Dating That You Have To Deal With


    1. The person who cares less has all the power. Nobody wants to be the one who’s more interested.
    2. Because we want to show how cavalier and blasé we can be to the other person, little psychological games like ‘Intentionally Take Hours Or Days To Text Back’ will happen. They aren’t fun.
    3. A person being carefree because they have zero interest in you looks exactly like a person being carefree because they think you’re amazing & are making a conscious effort to play it cool. Good luck deciphering between the two.
    4. Making phone calls is a dying art. Chances are, most of your relationship’s communication will happen via text, which is the most detached, impersonal form of interaction. Get familiar with those emoticon options.
    5. Set plans are dead. People have options and up-to-the-minute updates on their friends (or other potential romantic interests) whereabouts thanks to texts & social media. If you aren’t the top priority, your invitation to spend time will be given a “Maybe” or “I’ll let you know” and the deciding factor(s) will be if that person has offers more fun/interesting than you on the table.
    6. Someone who hurt you isn’t automatically going to have bad karma. At least not in the immediate future. I know it only seems fair, but sometimes people cheat and betray and move on happily while the person they left is in shambles.
    7. The only difference between your actions being romantic and creepy is how attractive the other person finds you. That’s it, that’s all.
    8. “Let’s chill” & “Wanna hang out?” are vague phrases that likely mean “let’s hookup” — and while you probably hate receiving them, they’re the common way to invite someone to spend time these days, and appear to be here to stay.
    9. Some people just want to hookup and if you’re seeking more than sex, they won’t tell you that they’re the wrong person for you. At least, not until after they score your prize. While human decency is ideal, honesty isn’t mandatory.
    10. The text message you sent went through. If they didn’t respond, it wasn’t because of malfunctioning phone carrier services.
    11. So many people are scared of commitment and being official that they’ll remain in a label-free relationship, which blurs lines and only works until it doesn’t. I’ve said it many times before, I’ll say it again – “we’re just talking” is opening the door for cheating that technically wasn’t cheating because, hey, you weren’t together together.
    12. Social media creates new temptations and opportunities to cheat. The private messaging and options for subtle flirtation (e.g. liking of pictures) aren’t an excuse or validation for cheating, but they certainly increase the chances of it happening.
    13. Social media can also create the illusion of having options, which leads to people looking at Facebook as an attractive people menu instead of a means of keeping contact with friends & family.
    14. You aren’t likely to see much of someone’s genuine, unfiltered self until you’re in an actual relationship with him or her. Generally people are scared that sincerely putting themselves out there will result in finding out that they’re too available, too anxious, too nerdy, too nice, too safe, too boring, not funny enough, not pretty enough, not some other person enough to be embraced.
    15. Any person you get romantically involved with you’ll either wind up staying with forever or breaking up with them at some point. These are equally terrifying concepts.
    16. When dating, instead of expressing how they feel directly to you, a person is more likely to post a Facebook status or Instagram a Tumblr-esque photo of a sunset with a quote or song lyric of someone else’s words on it, and while it may not mention your name, it’s blatantly directed at you.
    17. There are plenty of people who’ll have zero respect for your relationship and if they want the person you’re with, they’ll have no qualms with trying to overstep boundaries to get to ‘em. Girl code and guy code are wishful thinking and human code isn’t embedded in everyone.
    18. If you get dumped, it’s probably going to be pretty brutal. People can cut ties over the phone and avoid seeing the tears stream down your face or end things via text and avoid hearing the pain in your cracking voice and sniffling nose. Send a lengthy text and voilà, relationship over. The easy way out is far from the most considerate.


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    God/dess simone87's Avatar
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    Default Re: 18 Ugly Truths About Modern Dating

    yes, very true! especially the first one.
    although i don't feel social media is an excuse to cheat, and a lot of these have been true since the beginning of time.
    i also don't feel "cute" or "creepy" are interchangeable at all, no matter how cute the person is

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    Banned Aniela's Avatar
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    Default Re: 18 Ugly Truths About Modern Dating

    2nd'ing most of these but in particular 11 & 18.

    Had #18 happen last April actually, & it is sickening being on the receiving end of that action.

    Had # 11 happen & kinda worried abt it happening again w/ my current.

    Fk ppl & their damn mind games. Why can't we all just spare each other the bullshit.

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    Default Re: 18 Ugly Truths About Modern Dating

    Quote Originally Posted by simone87 View Post
    i also don't feel "cute" or "creepy" are interchangeable at all, no matter how cute the person is
    He's not saying it's interchangeable, he's saying that depending on whether or not you're already attracted to the person, you're going to perceive their actions as one or the other.

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    Default Re: 18 Ugly Truths About Modern Dating

    I disagree on that. To me creepy is not dependent on looks but how someone acts. I stopped seeing a good looking guy years ago because he was creepy and stalking me.

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    Default Re: 18 Ugly Truths About Modern Dating

    Quote Originally Posted by Kellydancer View Post
    I disagree on that. To me creepy is not dependent on looks but how someone acts. I stopped seeing a good looking guy years ago because he was creepy and stalking me.
    Of course there are limits. If he's stalking you then clearly it won't matter what he looks like. But on a simpler level, harmless flirting from a hot guy can be considered good, but from an unattractive guy it's creepy.

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    Default Re: 18 Ugly Truths About Modern Dating

    #19 Dealbreakers. If you clearly understand what a particular deal breaker is for your S.O. , it's still okay to keep the relationship going until you decide you want out. For instance: You're in a monogamous relationship and your S.O.clearly stated up front that having sex with someone else is unacceptable and the relationship, no matter how painful, is over. Current practice is to not tell the person you're dating until you want out and then use your infidelity for the exit plan.
    Kayla Kay

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    Default Re: 18 Ugly Truths About Modern Dating

    #20 "It's not about you, it's about me." It's always, always, always, always, always, always about you. Always. Did I mention it's Always about you?...
    Kayla Kay

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    Default Re: 18 Ugly Truths About Modern Dating

    2. I never liked doing that. If I like someone, I'll let them know but I will not take it overboard either: one phone call or text message a day or every other day should do.

    7. This is very subjective: what someone may find romantic, other may it creepy.

    10. I had have times where text messages aren't sent.

    14. I had the fortune to see my man's true colors (read, his anger issues) right at the beginning. His anger issues were a problem in all his previous relationships, but I stayed because I also have anger issues as well.

    15. I don't find neither scenario terrifying.

    16. I'm 26, not 16: too old for that shit.





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    Default Re: 18 Ugly Truths About Modern Dating

    And that list could easily be extended. I don't know how those of you who keep on dating do it.

    I don't know if it's the lousy sex I've had in the past, the poor quality of women I'm going on my rare dates with, or what, but I can't find any motivation to keep trying. I think I've been on 2 dates in the last 3 years. I don't miss it. Being single is better than any other dating option I've ever had.
    Quote Originally Posted by _Avery_ View Post
    omg, why is it so huge?!! lol lol

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    Default Re: 18 Ugly Truths About Modern Dating

    What a horribly cynical list.

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    Default Re: 18 Ugly Truths About Modern Dating

    Quote Originally Posted by lestat1 View Post
    And that list could easily be extended. I don't know how those of you who keep on dating do it.

    I don't know if it's the lousy sex I've had in the past, the poor quality of women I'm going on my rare dates with, or what, but I can't find any motivation to keep trying. I think I've been on 2 dates in the last 3 years. I don't miss it. Being single is better than any other dating option I've ever had.
    Dating really sucks and all these "rules" and all of the other bull shit. I couldn't begin to mention all of the crap I dealt with when I did online dating, including all the liars, perverts, etc. Then you meet the better of the bunch and find you don't connect with most of them and while they might be nice, aren't for you. Or you meet and when you don't have sex right away they dump you, or dump you because you have sex. I don't even care anymore. I have a male friend who is single like me and there is chemistry but right now are just friends and get together sometimes (no, not for sex)and if he stays just a friend okay but if he becomes more, great. Otherwise I really don't care to even try anymore because I've seen the men out there and would prefer being single.

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    Default Re: 18 Ugly Truths About Modern Dating

    Quote Originally Posted by Kellydancer View Post
    Dating really sucks and all these "rules" and all of the other bull shit. I couldn't begin to mention all of the crap I dealt with when I did online dating, including all the liars, perverts, etc. Then you meet the better of the bunch and find you don't connect with most of them and while they might be nice, aren't for you. Or you meet and when you don't have sex right away they dump you, or dump you because you have sex. I don't even care anymore. I have a male friend who is single like me and there is chemistry but right now are just friends and get together sometimes (no, not for sex)and if he stays just a friend okay but if he becomes more, great. Otherwise I really don't care to even try anymore because I've seen the men out there and would prefer being single.
    You deserve much better Kelly, and I hope you find it.
    Quote Originally Posted by _Avery_ View Post
    omg, why is it so huge?!! lol lol

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    Default Re: 18 Ugly Truths About Modern Dating

    Thanks Lestat and same to you. It really is rough finding someone, which is why so many do give up.

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    Default Re: 18 Ugly Truths About Modern Dating

    Wow horrifyingly true. One of the main reasons I don't date.

    8. Makes me ignore any guy that has said that to me in the past. Hang out?= Ask if there will be more men there. If it's a closed off "hang out" I just didn't go or came back with "I have plans".

    Ohh and #14 is really a mind job. The person isn't anywhere near as attractive, sweet, kind or decent after 6 months but that's because you've been "hanging out" with their representative.

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    Default Re: 18 Ugly Truths About Modern Dating

    Damage attracts damage, lies attract lies, and immaturity attracts immaturity.

    The people we date reflect how we see ourselves, what we think we deserve, and to some degree, who we are.

    I'd encourage anyone who repeatedly finds themselves in bad relationships to take a hard look in the mirror.

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    Default Re: 18 Ugly Truths About Modern Dating

    this is so true. And so gross.
    Quote Originally Posted by SweetJulia View Post
    everyone I've fucked who was awful in bed should be forced to have sex with each other so they can all, collectively, figure out why I never called them back.

    Quote Originally Posted by Aurora_Sunset View Post
    Nothing makes me feel like less of an adult than walking into several other people's apartments and realizing we all own the exact same lamp from K-mart.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sam38g View Post
    The fantasy sold to women through out history that a man will come along & rescue us is a lie.

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    Default Re: 18 Ugly Truths About Modern Dating

    Quote Originally Posted by charlie61 View Post
    Damage attracts damage, lies attract lies, and immaturity attracts immaturity.

    The people we date reflect how we see ourselves, what we think we deserve, and to some degree, who we are.

    I'd encourage anyone who repeatedly finds themselves in bad relationships to take a hard look in the mirror.
    Right on. You are, as the old saying goes, who you associate with.
    Kayla Kay

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    Default Re: 18 Ugly Truths About Modern Dating

    Charlie - That is probably the succinctly accurate and wonderful post I've seen in years.

    This list is sad, but sadly true in many cases these days. This is one of the reasons that my last relationship with a much younger woman will be the last one with a an age gap like that. The kind of behavior outlined here is NORMAL now, and it's disgusting.

    Related to this is the disturbing fact that #1 applies down the line to all the rest, which really, really sucks when you get to things like 5 & 6 and few others. There is precious little room for genuine people out there today - everyone says they're looking for it, everyone claims that's what they are and what they want. Most of them either don't know what it means, or are lying on purpose.

    On the other hand - this just makes it better when you find a good one.

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    Default Re: 18 Ugly Truths About Modern Dating

    Very true. I'm a bit older so some of those are things I haven't dealt with much until the last couple of years, especially with online dating. I do believe to some extent that old saying like attracts like but I think it's much deeper. For example often here we read about women with horrible dysfunctional relationships including abuse and cheating and often they stay with him (and complain still)or find someone else who does the same thing. Why do people repeat these patterns? Call me a prude but I think part of the problem is sleeping with someone way too early. When I did online, I came across the third date rule, which I had never heard of before. While not everyone follows this rule, way too many people do which tends to hurt those who truly are looking for a relationship.

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    Default Re: 18 Ugly Truths About Modern Dating

    I had to google three date rule. I thought blink-182 was talking about a '3 day rule' stating you should wait 3 days to call a number you got. I always thought that was bullshit, if I get a girl's number I'll call her when I have something to do, if that is tomorrow, three days, or a week.

    As far as the 'three date rule', it's been between 3-5 dates for me and I never really thought about it or planned it. The girl I slept with at a party and developed a relationship out of that, ended it and may have been cheating in the last month of it, one of those things where a petty fight lead to a sudden change in the relationship and dissonance.
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    Default Re: 18 Ugly Truths About Modern Dating

    Quote Originally Posted by charlie61 View Post
    Damage attracts damage, lies attract lies, and immaturity attracts immaturity.

    The people we date reflect how we see ourselves, what we think we deserve, and to some degree, who we are.

    I'd encourage anyone who repeatedly finds themselves in bad relationships to take a hard look in the mirror.
    Exactly. Dating has always been a fun, positive experience for me because I don't play any games and I don't tolerate anyone else playing games. Sure, I have the occasional horrible first date story just like anybody else but those are good to laugh at later with other grown ups who don't act like petty preteens.

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    Default Re: 18 Ugly Truths About Modern Dating

    Quote Originally Posted by charlie61 View Post
    Damage attracts damage, lies attract lies, and immaturity attracts immaturity.

    The people we date reflect how we see ourselves, what we think we deserve, and to some degree, who we are.

    I'd encourage anyone who repeatedly finds themselves in bad relationships to take a hard look in the mirror.
    exactly right... my best friend has this problem..after getting out of a very abusive 7 year relationship, she goes for a guy EXACTLY like her ex ( dresses like him, acts like him, same hobbies, cheats the same, and he also is a deadbeat dad), and then wonders why " this always happens to her". i wonder.
    at the same time it, girls who have been abused as children, neglected, and not shown what love or caring really have a much harder time..they can't just "love themselves first" because they don't know what that looks like and think its normal for men to treat them like that
    Last edited by simone87; 04-09-2014 at 12:49 PM.

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    Default Re: 18 Ugly Truths About Modern Dating

    The bottom line is that communication is the cornerstone of healthy relationships, both with yourself and with others. First you need to learn how to communicate with yourself (self-work). Step two is learning how to communicate with others.

    Many people never do the self-work necessary in order to enter into a healthy, sustainable relationship with someone else. If you don't know yourself, you're primed for failure. Make it a priority to process all of your emotional baggage, understand your needs and expectations, understand why you've made the choices you've made, why past relationships have been successful or unsuccessful, figure out what motivates you, what inspires you, what angers you. It should never be the other person's job to 'figure you out' in any relationship. If you don't communicate your expectations and needs (whether small or large), you can't expect your partner to fulfill them. And every relationship should involve a healthy amount of independence; otherwise, you risk losing your identity to the relationship, resulting in all sorts of unhealthy repercussions. You should have activities and interests outside of your primary relationship and spend time apart regularly (scheduled if necessary).

    "Failed" relationships should be learning opportunities for everyone. What worked? What didn't work? Did the relationship fail due to some unresolved issues on your end? I also firmly believe that relationships experiencing significant issues within the first 3-6 months should generally be abandoned in search of more appropriate options. And breakups should rarely be contentious: "You're great, I'm great, but together, we aren't the best versions of ourselves. It's time we both found a better fit."

    I highly recommend the book Mating in Captivity. Yep, I'll get off of my soapbox now.

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    Default Re: 18 Ugly Truths About Modern Dating

    Quote Originally Posted by simone87 View Post
    exactly right... my best friend has this problem..after getting out of a very abusive 7 year relationship, she goes for a guy EXACTLY like her ex ( dresses like him, acts like him, same hobbies, cheats the same, and he also is a deadbeat dad), and then wonders why " this always happens to her". i wonder.
    at the same time it, girls who have been abused as children, neglected, and not shown what love or caring really is have a much harder time..they can't just "love themselves first" because they don't know what that looks like and think its normal for men to treat them like that
    I totally agree. There's a huge difference between someone who is stuck in abusive relationship cycles and someone who simply ends up in dysfunctional / codependent / non-communicative relationships often.

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