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Thread: I found myself in a weird situation today and considering none of my friends/family++

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    Default I found myself in a weird situation today and considering none of my friends/family++

    know that i dance, I'm turning to you guys. I found out today that a regular of mine committed suicide 4-6 days after we last spoke. he was wealthy, successful, always smiling and a father of 2 kids in their teens who he always spoke highly of. he honestly was a nice guy and generous without expecting anything in return, he wanted everyone around him to have fun. I cut him off because his coke addiction was weirding me out and i no longer felt comfortable going out with him and i was a little harsh about doing it. i mean i wasn't rude or mean in any sense, just blunt. and now that i grasp how truly lonely/depressed he was i feel ..numb? one thing he constantly told me was how he didn't have any true friends and i feel like now in hindsight i should've been more gentle about it but i genuinely didn't know he was depressed like that. has anyone had experience with a customer who you had a friendship with, passing away? is there an etiquette to it?

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    Default Re: I found myself in a weird situation today and considering none of my friends/fami

    I would advise you to handle it as you might for any casual acquaintance, esp if you did not have much relationship w/ his OTC circle. If you had any links to his family or friends, or their contact info, maybe sending a card w/ your condolences would be appropriate. If you are inclined to go to the funeral I would be vague as to how you knew him.

    I hope you do not feel like his suicide had anything to do w/ you. I have nvr been a hard-drug user myself but I have read & heard from others' exp that coming down from the high & esp going thru withdrawals can inspire suicidal inclinations, since the brain chemistry is already fked up, & makes an already-present depression exponentially worse. Cutting him off was probably the best thing you could have done for yourself if you were feeling that uncomfy w/ the situation, so do not feel guilty abt doing that. When trying to extricate yourself from a drug addict (I do speak from exp on this) you need to be blunt. Also nvr forget that hindsight is 20/20. What could you really have done differently, given the info that you did have at the time?

    I am sry that you are going thru this. Except for the cocaine habit he makes me think of the father of sm1 very close to me, who committed suicide. The motivations for suicide can be pretty spirally, does not always make sense, but in the end I am certain that your customer's choice had absolutely nothing to do w/ you.

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    Default Re: I found myself in a weird situation today and considering none of my friends/fami

    Just to reinforce:

    Not Your Fault

    People have problems that are beyond your control

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    Default Re: I found myself in a weird situation today and considering none of my friends/fami

    So sorry about your friend


    MANY MEN WANTED TO LAY ME DOWN, BUT FEW WANTED TO LIFT ME UP

    -Eartha Kitt

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    Default Re: I found myself in a weird situation today and considering none of my friends/fami

    Indeed !

    Here's also hoping that you yourself don't get drawn into an LE investigation of this suicide ( i.e. your contact info /call history on this guy's cell phone, a paper trail of club / OTC spending on this guy's credit card statement, etc. ).

    Not meaning to be paranoid, but ... if there is any chance of the above, I would steer totally clear and pretend you never even heard of this guy ! You just never know who may be 'watching' at this guy's funeral etc.

    Keep in mind that having this guy's death being officially ruled a suicide, as opposed to being officially ruled an 'accidental' death ( potentially stemming from an OTC encounter involving drugs and a 'stripper' ) , could literally mean a difference of hundreds of thousands / millions in life insurance payout dollars for this guy's family ( and their lawyer ) !!! With that level of money involved, people can try some crazy s#!t !!!
    Last edited by Melonie; 04-18-2014 at 05:53 AM.

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    Default Re: I found myself in a weird situation today and considering none of my friends/fami

    Quote Originally Posted by viceroyv View Post
    I cut him off because his coke addiction was weirding me out and i no longer felt comfortable going out with him and i was a little harsh about doing it. i mean i wasn't rude or mean in any sense, just blunt. and now that i grasp how truly lonely/depressed he was i feel ..numb? one thing he constantly told me was how he didn't have any true friends and i feel like now in hindsight i should've been more gentle about it but i genuinely didn't know he was depressed like that.
    I lost a friend to suicide after I became romantically involved with her and her husband - when I realized that he was basically coercing her into being "okay" with the situation, I cut off contact. I saw her about a week before she died - we met at a fast food joint a few blocks from their apartment, and he kept texting her to verify where she was and how much longer she would be with me. She seemed so normal, despite everything.

    I wish I'd tried to get her out of that marriage, even though I know she wouldn't have left. I wish I'd done SOMETHING. But you can't go down the "should have" road - if you knew what he was about to do, you would've acted differently. You didn't know. You couldn't have known. It's not your fault.






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    Default Re: I found myself in a weird situation today and considering none of my friends/fami

    If you hadn't cut it off with him, he might have sucked you into his depression and bad habits. The only thing we can control is ourselves. So you can pity him, but don't blame yourself.

    I had an ex who was very ill and kept trying to draw me back into his world of drama. He eventually passed away. I don't regret keeping my distance because he was just sucking the life out of everyone.

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