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Thread: Anxiety and/or guilt

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    Veteran Member SaraLaughs's Avatar
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    Default Anxiety and/or guilt

    Have any of you ever experienced this? How long did it take to pass? I've always been told sex work is more or less a step down from drug dealing- something only extremely nasty and bottom-of-the-barrel women do. I KNOW this isn't true- it's a valid choice and I've always had utmost respect for women in the sex industry. It takes a lot of nerve, guts, and work to be successful at your job. If my family found out they would be disappointed, but they wouldn't disown me or anything- they are open minded and love me no matter what. Most of my friends wouldn't care. But I feel extremely isolated in my emotions- I feel like I can't really talk about it with anyone, not even my boy toy (even though he is truly wonderful and encouraging of my choices). They just wouldn't understand, or be somewhat disgusted, or think I was coming onto them. With my boy toy, I feel like it's just uncomfortable to talk to him about what I do with other men online, especially if it's wildly different from what we do together, or somewhat intimate.

    So these things have been causing me some anxiety- isolation, being outed, and being unable to describe the complex emotions that come with my choice to cam with anyone else.

    Any feedback is lovely and appreciated.

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    Default Re: Anxiety and/or guilt

    Find an open-minded friend. I was actually surprised by how many of my friends have been totally cool about it...some of them even love the weird/funny/creepy stories! I have 2 friends that I can talk to about how I feel about camming, what it's like to know that your work is discounted because society doesn't want you to exist, and all that deep, heavy shit. A few more I can chat with about kind of "how was your day" sort of things. I know my family would be angry and disappointed if they knew, but I gave up on doing things just for them a while ago.

    Good luck, this can be the hardest part of camming sometimes *hugs*

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    Default Re: Anxiety and/or guilt

    Perhaps you could have internalized shame with doing sex work? I empathize greatly with feeling isolated because you can't just be totally open about what you do like a regular job. There's also a big difference between honesty and disclosure.
    Be proud of what you do and I'm sure you'll be less anxious!
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    Default Re: Anxiety and/or guilt

    It will take as long as it takes for you to come to terms with society's/family's conditioning you've received about this kind of work...self-acceptance should help and an excellent book for this is Setting Your Heart On Fire by Raphael Cushnir.

    I don't see this as "sex work", it is work where I explore the sexual side of myself and others, and I don't have a problem with that because being sexual is completely natural and enjoyable...I see this as using certain aspects of myself and bringing in my talents just as I have done in previous work. In any work I've used certain skills and enjoyed them as they satisfy me in some way. If I included camming in my CV it would enhance it on the basis of skills and achievements but I'm not likely to include it with other people's judgment being what it is, which is a shame.
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    Featured Member AliceFun's Avatar
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    Default Re: Anxiety and/or guilt

    Believe me even after almost 13 years of camming i still did not make 'peace' with myself or society for doing cam work (will never do actually as this work conflicts with my personal ethics & believes, hate to be a sinner lol), deep deep inside me i am not happy with the fact that i need to cam in order to live, i wish i could have another job, a 'respectable' one i can talk about & show off, let's say, a job where the hard work & dedication brings in validation like in vanilla work; with cam work u earn as long as u young and look good but with time the success fades, i dont talk about exceptions but the rule, same like stage modelling, stripping, sports, professional dance & some other professions u have a limited time to be successful, be on the wave.

    Anyway, i tell to myself: my family, personal situation or this society that is or could judge me dont offer me better options to have a decent life & earn my money in a 'respectful manner' as they call it so if there is the option for me to earn my living 'this way' then i will take it instead of starving to death on the streets & not being able to offer my kid shelter, food & all he needs in order to get educated, study & have better chances for the future.

    If people have problems with the way i earn my money then i invite them to support my & my son existence completely, see who is willing to do this? Nobody, everyone cares for their own but have the nerve to judge others for their decisions.

    It's hard to find open mind people to talk to about cam work, in my case only family knows about my work & very few people i decided to tell but when i say few it's like 2-3 over my cam 'career' of 13 years? It's not much lol. Good luck there & i hope u find ur way with cam work & personal life & find the right people to talk to but dont put too much trust in people, be prepared to be disappointed but wish for the best. Cheers!

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    Default Re: Anxiety and/or guilt

    For the first month or so I was questioning my morals, the people surround me are the most supportive people in the world and I wasn't brought up in a "crude" enviroment. But at first it is all new and to feel a bit guilty or wonder if what your doing is right or wrong is pretty normal. Once I started earning allot of money then all that went away. I think camming has been the best thing thats ever happened to me, it has made me a very open minded person and made me feel 100% great with my own body and expressing it.

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    Default Re: Anxiety and/or guilt

    I feel the same. My roommates know, my GOOD friends know, and the guy I'm talking to knows. But he doesn't really like the idea, so I don't rant about cam life to him. However, sometimes I just want to say "MAN TODAY THIS GUY ON CAM..." to my friends or co-workers but I can't
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    Default Re: Anxiety and/or guilt

    I wish I had some helpful advice but I have never really felt any guilt about doing sex work.

    I guess it is because my entire life I've always made unconventional choices that society has frowned upon and made fun of me for so make one more was no big deal to me.

    The only thing I can tell you is if I feeling an emotion that isn't doing me any good (say like jealousy for example) I find it easier to deal with if I allow myself to feel that emotion instead of fighting it and just logically
    tell myself, "Oh well, that's just my brain following false programming again. Just because I am feeling this emotion doesn't mean that it is right or valid in any way."

    I hope what I said makes sense --- internal experiences are so hard to try to explain with the external context of words. The summary is that it makes perfect sense that you are feeling anxiety and isolated but there are many logical coping skills that you can try to use to make ease the pain the emotional is causing you.


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    Default Re: Anxiety and/or guilt

    You have something very special and very rare in common with most of the world's most successful people, in all fields: a willingness to break the rules.

    Not *any* rules - you probably wouldn't hurt someone for your own benefit, for example - but rules that don't make sense, that don't violate your own ethics? They don't apply to you.

    People talk about "thinking outside the box" all the time. Almost nobody actually does it. If you're a sex worker by choice, you're thinking AND acting outside of the box.

    In some of my circles of friends, there's a term for people who just go through the motions, living life exactly how they were expected to live it from the moment they were born: NPCs. Non-player characters - like in video games. These people can be very kind, generous, and likable, but they will never accomplish what you're capable of accomplishing if you put your mind to it. You know right from wrong, but they only know the rules society gave them.

    Do you actually want to be an NPC? Be grateful you're not!







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    Default Re: Anxiety and/or guilt

    Thanks so much for sharing ladies. I've definitely 'internalized' some shame for being a sex worker, although it doesn't extend to other people. It's totally different on the inside looking out.

    It's really strange because I've been on the sex-positive train since I entered puberty and have had lots of sexual partners without ANY kind of remorse or shame whatsoever. I've always enjoyed sex and enjoyed 'giving it' to people. I enjoy exhibitionism and before I did camwork took lots of nudie pics that I submitted to the web for the sexual satisfaction of it. But the whole 'getting paid for it' adds a whole new dimension- sometimes it just feels so off-balance to ask for money for something that I've been doing for free for years.

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    God/dess Marina Starr's Avatar
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    Default Re: Anxiety and/or guilt

    It it's because we live in a society that conditioned women to give away sex for free so when we get paid a lot for it, the shaming starts to show! Men expect us to be doormats. It doesn't matter what kind of work you do, we all sell ourselves in some way. Yes, even the baristas at Starbucks are selling themselves in a different way. Sex workers are the most confident and courageous people. We love and like to show our bodies so why not get paid for it? I don't do anything I don't get paid for.

    Quote Originally Posted by SaraLaughs View Post
    Thanks so much for sharing ladies. I've definitely 'internalized' some shame for being a sex worker, although it doesn't extend to other people. It's totally different on the inside looking out.

    It's really strange because I've been on the sex-positive train since I entered puberty and have had lots of sexual partners without ANY kind of remorse or shame whatsoever. I've always enjoyed sex and enjoyed 'giving it' to people. I enjoy exhibitionism and before I did camwork took lots of nudie pics that I submitted to the web for the sexual satisfaction of it. But the whole 'getting paid for it' adds a whole new dimension- sometimes it just feels so off-balance to ask for money for something that I've been doing for free for years.
    Quote Originally Posted by ~Carmen~ View Post
    I can see you being 90 and flipping your long hair, still teasing the boys.



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    Default Re: Anxiety and/or guilt

    I totally feel that guilt/shame. I was raised Catholic, ya know. But honestly, it's all of these other people who are 100% in the wrong. Sexuality should be free-spirited and fun, it shouldn't be hidden, it DEFINITELY isn't dirty or low. I've seen hundreds of lives improve when they let go of the idea that sex or sex workers or sexual things in general are omg-the-worst. I try to lead by example. My friends are always curious. I can tell my gf anything because she is totally supportive and thinks the stories are funny. I am well aware of how much of my life is vaginas and peens, I am aware it makes people uncomfortable, but I also know that their reaction is only about them and their insecurities, and it has nothing about you. Sex workers legitimately make the world go round. We are the companions of average joes and also heads of state. It's those of us who keep our chin high who will be able to make it to those upper echelons. The #1 thing I have learned about this business is that the girls who end up regretting it are the ones who felt like they didn't have a choice in the matter and let other people influence them. I love my job. I love this industry. We are a beacon in this world that would rather see two people blow each others brains out literally than blow each others minds sexually.
    Last edited by SaintSlutface; 04-27-2014 at 01:54 PM. Reason: A word
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    Thumbs up Re: Anxiety and/or guilt

    Quote Originally Posted by Marina Starr View Post
    It it's because we live in a society that conditioned women to give away sex for free so when we get paid a lot for it, the shaming starts to show! Men expect us to be doormats. It doesn't matter what kind of work you do, we all sell ourselves in some way. Yes, even the baristas at Starbucks are selling themselves in a different way. Sex workers are the most confident and courageous people. We love and like to show our bodies so why not get paid for it? I don't do anything I don't get paid for.
    YES! You hit the nail on head! I actually deleted what I typed because you covered it!
    I don't do what I don't get paid for anymore either. It's been quite a while since Ive not been paid. I can like someone, but my needs (financial) need to be met, I don't care what people think about that either. I've honestly been much happier since I started that. :-)
    Too many men treat women like objects to use our physical then toss us to the side. THEN, society comes in and tells you that you are worthless now that you are "old". So, I just do what works for ME ..... I kind of got off subject. lol
    "Not one drop of my self-worth depends on your acceptance of me."

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    Default Re: Anxiety and/or guilt

    Your post put a smile on my face! I wanna thank you for that, I really would. I will not be any man's cum bucket. I'm not gonna be used either. If I'm gonna be used, you best believe I'm gonna get paid for it. I'm gonna get some rent, bills and shopping paid for! I demand to be compensated for my pain and emotional distress.

    Quote Originally Posted by BellaK View Post
    YES! You hit the nail on head! I actually deleted what I typed because you covered it!
    I don't do what I don't get paid for anymore either. It's been quite a while since Ive not been paid. I can like someone, but my needs (financial) need to be met, I don't care what people think about that either. I've honestly been much happier since I started that. :-)
    Too many men treat women like objects to use our physical then toss us to the side. THEN, society comes in and tells you that you are worthless now that you are "old". So, I just do what works for ME ..... I kind of got off subject. lol
    Quote Originally Posted by ~Carmen~ View Post
    I can see you being 90 and flipping your long hair, still teasing the boys.



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    Default Re: Anxiety and/or guilt

    Quote Originally Posted by Marina Starr View Post
    Your post put a smile on my face! I wanna thank you for that, I really would. I will not be any man's cum bucket. I'm not gonna be used either. If I'm gonna be used, you best believe I'm gonna get paid for it. I'm gonna get some rent, bills and shopping paid for! I demand to be compensated for my pain and emotional distress.

    YES Honey! :-)
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    Default Re: Anxiety and/or guilt

    dont feel guilty or shamed. they is plenty worse things u could do. like be a hard drug user addict. a criminal. a $3 street whore. a husband beater. a child molester. a murderer. a thief. the list goes on. getting ur tits out in your bedroom whilst some stranger watches is nothing compared to that.
    ppl put girls down who in the adult industry liek its such a bad thing. you see it on news headlines "GIRL OUTED AS PORN STAR" "CELEBRITY USED TO BE A STRIPPER". Portraying it likes it bad. But that is cause journalists are cunts. They will take anything and make it sound bad. like "FAMOUS MOVIE STAR USED TO SMOKE WEED" "POLITITON ARRESTED FOR SPEEDING" "RANDOM GIRL SETS UP WEBSITE SELLING FARTS IN A BAG". Really who cares? Newspapers can make anything sound bad. These people know how to word it so that a little child buying a candybar is the worst offense in the world. These writers are born with the gift. And in fact if u read articles which are trying to shame a woman for working in porn, you will see that 50% of the user comments are saying "so what" and 50% are saying "omg thats so bad what a shameful girl". But in reality most of the people saying its a bad thing are either jealous, religious or 12 year old internet trolls looking for a fight. And I for one could not give a flying shit what anybody thinks of my job because I am happy, I am wealthy and it's MY life.

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    Default Re: Anxiety and/or guilt

    I am confused. Morals... Honey if you had morals then you wouldn't have a 'boy toy'... You wouldn't have sex outside of marriage. So let's drop I feel guilt & shame when you are already immoral person.

    There is NO SHAME IN MY GAME.. I feel no guilt or shame in being sexy, selling my sexy ass on the web all day long. Majority of men & women watch porn & are NOT virgins when they get married. So anybody who wishes to judge me doesn't have a leg to stand on in an argument about morals & being a so-called 'good girl'.

    "Good girls may go to heaven, but bad girls go EVERYWHERE." by Mae West which was said over 70 years ago. If you feel guilt or shame then don't cam.

    I am also confused as to why you need to explain anything to a 'boytoy'. You don't owe men explanation for what you do or don't do in life. He isn't your husband. He isn't your boyfriend. He is a man FUCKING you. Like he gives a shit what you do when you are not with him.
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    Default Re: Anxiety and/or guilt

    i think your feelings of guilt/ anxiety are valid, but you can use the anxious energy to your advantage and use it to bring energy to your performance! Even the top cam girls or movie stars get anxiety. here is a link! http://www.beyondanxietyanddepressio...ebrity-anxiety

    the next step is forgiveness. You must learn to forgive yourself of past shortcomings. No one is perfect. We all strive to be our best and to do the best we can and part of maturing means making mistakes. Recognize that you have said or done things in the past that you were not proud of and make a decision to be more mindful of your thoughts, words, and actions in the future. Guilt and regret should be used to bring this awareness to you forgive self, and change your future.

    Finally, focus on ways to improve your life. Do some introspection and grow from the experiences surrounding your guilty feelings. Use the guilt as a means of creating positive changes in your life.(Budgeting, planning a vacay, Self-Care?) Allow your vibrant self to shine again. Guilt is a waste of brain power - don't allow another day to go by feeling guilty. Sometimes it's difficult to recognize how guilt ridden we really are or even how to work past the feelings. If you cannot do it alone seek the help of a life coach to assist you. .

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    Default Re: Anxiety and/or guilt

    http://www.thehellerapproach.com/non...right-anxiety/ another helpful link- meant for actors, but hell arent camgirls actors anyhow?

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    Default Re: Anxiety and/or guilt

    Quote Originally Posted by SaraLaughs View Post
    It's really strange because I've been on the sex-positive train since I entered puberty and have had lots of sexual partners without ANY kind of remorse or shame whatsoever. I've always enjoyed sex and enjoyed 'giving it' to people. I enjoy exhibitionism and before I did camwork took lots of nudie pics that I submitted to the web for the sexual satisfaction of it. But the whole 'getting paid for it' adds a whole new dimension- sometimes it just feels so off-balance to ask for money for something that I've been doing for free for years.
    See, I don't understand this at all. I try not to judge people for their sexual habits--glass houses and all that, lord knows I've made some questionable choices--but it's always seemed a lot more respectable to me to charge for my services rather than to give them away. I get zero satisfaction from some creepy old perv thinking I'm hot. I get zero satisfaction from sleeping with some random guy at a party who will sleep with anyone with a vagina. But if that creepy old perv is paying through the nose to see me, that means something. I don't escort but if I did, and if that random guy worked twenty hours at $15/hr to be able to spend one $300 hour with me, that would mean something. All that and I get to pay my bills, too.

    I know this sounds harsh, and I don't mean to bash people who do give it away for free (I'm sure everyone has their reasons), but I just don't understand this mindset. You don't owe men free pussy any more than they owe you money. But arrangements can be made.

    When I think about all the time and attention I've given men in the past with nothing to show for it I'm embarrassed. IMO you should be thrilled to finally be getting paid for something you've been doing for free for years, not ashamed that you've realized what it can be worth.

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    Default Re: Anxiety and/or guilt


    Quote Originally Posted by Procrasturbator View Post
    When I think about all the time and attention I've given men in the past with nothing to show for it I'm embarrassed. IMO you should be thrilled to finally be getting paid for something you've been doing for free for years, not ashamed that you've realized what it can be worth.
    Quote Originally Posted by ~Carmen~ View Post
    I can see you being 90 and flipping your long hair, still teasing the boys.



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    Default Re: Anxiety and/or guilt

    The main reason I have sex is for the pleasure, and occasional bonding it provides- I have a very high sex drive and I 'need' it. Usually it's for the same reason the guys I've been with want to have sex.

    Also, at least where I live (PNW), sex before marriage is pretty much expected, while it's logically consistent that being a camgirl is just as 'immoral' as sex before marriage, in practicality they simply are not viewed in the same way. I would never get fired from any job for having sex with my boyfriend, but I might if my material reached higher management.

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    Default Re: Anxiety and/or guilt

    Quote Originally Posted by SaraLaughs View Post
    The main reason I have sex is for the pleasure, and occasional bonding it provides- I have a very high sex drive and I 'need' it. Usually it's for the same reason the guys I've been with want to have sex.

    Also, at least where I live (PNW), sex before marriage is pretty much expected, while it's logically consistent that being a camgirl is just as 'immoral' as sex before marriage, in practicality they simply are not viewed in the same way. I would never get fired from any job for having sex with my boyfriend, but I might if my material reached higher management.
    I know people who have been let go from their job for having a same-sex partner. Of course that wasn't the official reason given but sex-workers aren't the only ones who have to fight against these types of unfair judgements about 'immorality'.

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    Default Re: Anxiety and/or guilt

    Feelings of anxiety are nothing to be ashamed of. Anxiety is just a response to worry and fear.
    There is no shame in the webcam game--everyone has to hustle at something--when I was a waitress I had to hustle to sell drinks and it took me awhile to become a good cocktail server-I was fortunate to have a patient manager.
    Even when I was a waitress, others found it necessary to put me down--because I was a waitress (referring to some members of my family)
    Always keep your head up--don't let anyone tear you down. I still have to remember this.
    Was listening to one of my radio talk shows recently-and there is a new book out-I think it's titled "The Placebo Effect" I'll double check, I bookmarked the website.
    The jist of it is about mindset--and it's about healing the body. I listened to the author before I drifted off to sleep and I have to get the book. He was great, just a reminder that attitude makes all the difference. I need it since I seem to be battling with myself lately, and I can use the principles of the book and apply it to the aspects of my life I want to change. I've been having a struggle with self-doubt and I need to cut that out. It's just my stuff, and it goes to my lack of self-esteem that rears its ugly head every now and again.
    Anxiety usually comes from fear--and fear is a powerful emotion.
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    Default Re: Anxiety and/or guilt

    This thread can be confusing to many of us because we all experience levels of guilt differently.
    I could shoot a person and that person dies maybe I feel no guilt or anything about that, but beat the shit out of a person and have extreme amounts of guilt. That's my REAL life. Here in cam world I never had guilt. I always told those who asked me about my work choices. If they leave, so be it.

    Until I find that man who is going to give me homes, cars and anything else I want with no strings attached I will chose my life, my way. People can suck.
    Looks like I will be doing cam 20+ years, because that guys is not coming around, and I don't care.

    Not one person on this earth is pure of heart! Who the fuck are they to judge us about our choices? That perfect rich family down the street has many skeletons in their closet.

    PS so do most families.

    Lots of luck.

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