This sucks. I was doing really good for a couple of months. I was so motivated to work. Kept on my schedule and had fun. Then I had oral surgery in the beginning of the month and wanted to take advantage of it for clips. I ended up with dry socket. In pain because dry socket sucks, couldn't sleep because of the pain, couldn't talk because I had my mouth packed. It was miserable. Now I haven't done anything in 3 weeks. I've exhausted my emergency clips, can't find the motivation to do anything really.
Plus I was being dicked around by C4S support trying to open my new store. It's still not open, they would respond to my tickets, ask a question, not respond for 24 hrs and ask me another question type of deal. It sucked, because since I couldn't film I had been focusing on opening this store. I spent 2 weeks transferring clip files and descriptions from my old store (because it is a category specific store). Turns out I need 10 BRAND NEW clip files to open the store (I am marking all moved content as being transferred to avoid ripping customers off). Now, I do have some new clips, but there are only 8 so I had them spaced out so I had updates twice a week until I got back from vacation. Well, for the reasons stated above, no additional new clips currently = no new store. I'm thinking of saying screw it, but I want to open the store strong and avoid time without new videos.
Yesterday was the first day I cleaned my house. I took a nice long shower and shaved. Talked to the girl that drives me to work to see if she would bring me in this weekend. I'm going to spray tan, shave my mohawk, style my wigs, and get my dancebag ready for the next 2 weeks. I have bills, a vacation, and my kid's birthday (that I'm late getting a present for) to pay for by the end of the month. I'm stressing, and dancing is the only way I can get cash in hand. Fingers crossed.





Can I temporarily join the club? I have a concussion (got hurt at the beginning of this week), and doctor's orders to relax and not return to work until September 20th (tomorrow). Head's been fucking throbbing.
My referral link for models to join the Boleyn Models daily pay program
https://cammodelpay.com/ref?page=&campaign=&affToken=NDcx
So this is my first post here... where do I start? I had *have sometimes still* severe anxiety, I am 7.5 months pregnant and I'm also dealing with depression. I don't take medication for it right now, but I used to when I was younger. I find it didn't help in my case but I know that I really need to get back and try another one. I developed anxiety back in 2010 (overnight i swear). I ended up in the ER with a severe panic attack and it changed my whole world. I felt like I hyperventilated myself close to death. My limbs went completely numb and I couldn't talk for 10 or so minutes. All the nurse did was yell at me to calm down (effective at best *eye roll*). I wouldn't leave the house, i wouldn't get in the car, I would have a panic attack everyday almost for 2 years after this. Finally in 2013, I felt like the anxiety subsided. I didn't take any medicine for it. All I did was lose 40 pounds in the course of those 2 years and stopped drinking cola. My highest weight was 220 and I dropped down to 180. I still feel like I'm stuck with the depression, some weeks are good and others are straight terrible. It's so up & down these days I wish I could find something that makes things more leveled out.
I feel like I really some motivation to get on cam and make some more $. I have not even filmed any videos in 2 weeks. My C4S store is taking a huge hit. I have no family or friend support. None of my friends know I cam, just the hubby. I know that if hubbys family finds out what I do for money, it will be spread throughout the family and I will become more of a black sheep to them. This is kinda a big deal reaching out on a thread for support as I've been called negative for doing this once already. This week has been kinda hard to get on cam despite NEEDING money. I get nervous and wonder all the time "why am i wasting my time?". Despite some days making good money and others I make pennies. It's a constant worry in the pit of my stomach. Ugh.
Now excuse me while i deal with this cold I just developed this morning. I logged off last night because I couldn't stop sounding stuffed up. lol.





So many of us are experiencing health problems. The best way to get a handle on this is treat the WHOLE body. Start there first NOT last. Do not try to treat just your symptoms as your whole body is working together synergistically. Everything is connected. Often times mental illness is being manifested from a physical ailment you have and don't know it. I am still working on my breathing issue and having success. It's very difficult to get doctors to help as they only read lab tests and suggest medications or supplements. BUT the problem with that is treating JUST your thyroid or JUST another organ is NOT really getting you to optimal health. If you are having problems with ONE organ , trust me you are having problems with all of them..It's a domino effect. So I would highly suggest you start with a whole foods supplement. I will always recommend Dr Schulze Superfood it's superior to any other green food supplement. But anything is better than nothing. I have started experimenting also with Youngevity's products.. Beyond Tangy tangerine , plant minerals, osteo fx... EFA's , zradical.. Here is what you need to get your body back online.
Whole food supplement
Minerals
EFA's
Clean up your diet.
If you are experiencing Digestive issues try Bragg's Apple Cider Vinegar
If you are trying to target a specific problem then work on that as an add on to all the above I mentioned.
I am also taking Selenium but you don't want TOO much of that
Throughout my ordeal I have also experienced depression, anxiety , mood swings.. Suicidal thoughts.. All manifestations of what is really going on with me.
I have NO anxiety anymore.. I have never really had a problem with anxiety ONLY when Something is physically wrong. So if you think that's your problem? listen to me when I tell you emphatically it is NOT. I have done tons of research because I am trying to heal myself.
I suspect I have a thyroid issue and I am not getting any help with these doctors.. So I started treating myself anyways.. Doing all the above and upping my Selenium and also I am taking a Fucoidan supplement called Zradical and I upped my consumption of Superfood to 4 scoops instead of 3 and I am happy to report that I have almost licked my shortness of breath but still in limbo.
I had 2 blissful days of clear breathing.. but I am not completely out of the woods yet. Not to mention my weight is going down little by little whereas I would literally have to starve myself to get my weight down.
It's not cheap but the more you fix your health the more you can work and the more you can have a better life.
First post:
-I have a milder disorder from the bipolar spectrum, so, not BP1, but still not certain if it's BP2 or anything else.
-I am a compulsive, perfectionist control freak. Which makes camming good (no authority) but also bad (some days's income aren't guaranteed).
-Minor issues with dysmorphia and the skeletons of an eating disorder.
-The second two probably come from the first, as they follow the mood cycle.
-I am not on medication as I do not respond to hormonal treatment and I'm wary of antidepressants, as they made my afflicted relatives suicidal.
Some days camming is easy. Some days the money makes me happier, even if it's literally £15 before I log off. Some days I have no energy and keep going because money (today, woo!). Some days not meeting my target (be it £30 or £200) makes me depressed. Some days I can't see the point of anything. And the days generally come and go in that order. I'm not looking forward to the unattainable targets and the misery of crashing self worth and existential depression. But here they come anyway.
I don't mind talking so much as being spoken to. And I don't mind being spoken to all that much, when the one speaking has a brain.




Coming down with a wonderful fall cold, due to the kiddo bringing home something from school. Sitting here with the sniffles, my eyes are watering and the little bit of makeup I put on doesn't want to stay on.. please don't let it be a gagging day so I don't wear off the rest of the makeup I put on. Ugh.![]()
I can hardly find the motivation to move, slept literally half a day and need to sleep more, but here I am waiting for work and trying to look happy. Wish me luck.
I don't mind talking so much as being spoken to. And I don't mind being spoken to all that much, when the one speaking has a brain.
As you all may or may not know, my health took a turn for the worst at the end of last year and I had to give up camming completely. The huge drop in my income from illness left me unable to afford to live in my apartment anymore. I was forced to give it up and moved into shared accommodations in a new city where I rented a single room in a full house.
It took a quarter of this year for me to even get well enough to be able to spend large portions of my time out of bed on a regular basis. The rest of this year has been a frustrating exercise in patience while trying to make money with other types of adult work while essentially living in 100 square feet of space and having rude and demanding roommates
At the beginning of this month, one of my roommates craziness amplified to the point where she was breaking my stuff for no reason what so ever and I was forced to move to another city yet again. (I have moved 9 times in the last 4 years.)
But.....this is where the good news comes in. I lucked out and managed to find a bedroom apartment in that other city for $50 more then I was paying for a single room. I won't be able to move in till November so I am stuck renting yet another single room until then...but hey, I don't care. Finally, I will have my own damn space again and privacy.....wonderful, wonderful privacy!
My health has been slowly stabling out at a snail's pace and I should be able to return to camming for the beginning of the next year.
I know this was a super long post to read and I truly thank you if you are still here with me reading it. I am just so over-the-top excited to be able to return to camming in the near future and I have no one else to share that excitement with so I hope you bbs don't mind my sharing it with you.
A year is a damn long time to be sick....and I can't wait to get my old working life back again.
Last edited by justanothercamgirl; 09-28-2015 at 09:45 PM. Reason: Forgot something
^ You/We can only take things one day at a time!





^^^ so what is the meaning then? ".... keep going to get out of hell"? My back hurts soo bad to the point i can barely function, it's difficult to work, do my domestic things in the house or go out shopping or running errands, i feel a surgery is needed but i dont see how to go about it cause this will mean financial collapse here if i am 'out of order' for a while.
I just pray i dont break down & an emergency situation arrives...
So happy for you, camgirl. ^u^
My sick girls note: Should I view mania as a good day or a bad day? Because I'm getting shit done, making bank and happy, but I know I will crash and burn in two days. And then I'll not work and hate myself for it. And I don't have the energy for another crash followed by a period followed by depression cause I haven't worked in two weeks.
I want to try hormones again but I'm scared because last time it evened me out til I was numb and made me bleed for a month straight. :/
I don't mind talking so much as being spoken to. And I don't mind being spoken to all that much, when the one speaking has a brain.
Spotted this and thought it would be nice to share with others who struggle with mental illness or whose physical illness gets overwhelming:
I may not know any of you personally, but I wish you all much love and peace and the strength you need to keep marching on every day.![]()
I don't mind talking so much as being spoken to. And I don't mind being spoken to all that much, when the one speaking has a brain.
^ Thank you! I love that so much.
Freaking Red Dragon. :/
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For me period days are soo difficult to deal with, at least 2-3 days i have such a heavy flow that i recently had to buy a waterproof sheet to cover my bed with cause when i sleep, no matter i use an internal absorbent plus external one, it'll leak & reach the mattress no kidding. There is a procedure i can have done but i need a chunk of money to pay for it, i hope soon i'll be able to afford that so i can feel a human being again & not a bleeding pig that days *ewwww*



I stumbled across this thread, and honestly, this is a difficult issue for me. Maybe some of you can relate to my situation...
I was diagnosed Bipolar when I was hospitalized at 17 for suicidal ideations. I was suicidal and depressed from 13 to about 24 years old.
I have struggled with being on prescription meds for depression and Bipolar, such as zoloft, wellbutrin, seroquil, paxil, gabapentin, lithium (the only one that truly worked, but I couldn't stand the side effects), and many more that I just don't remember the names of. So most of my life I have cycled between being sober and taking prescription meds, and then being fucked up all the time by using street drugs. I had years of cocaine, ecstasy, and alcohol use as well as LSD, mushrooms, GHB, ketamine, and heroin. I ended up shooting heroin for almost a year a couple years ago, and this was a result of me dating someone who was a user (sober when I met him, but then quickly relapsed while with me), and because I was raped, which brings me to my next plethora of issues.
I was raped by my best friend's baby's father which was really tough for me since she was like my sister for 8 years, and I had known him for about 5 years before this happened and considered him a good friend. Bc I lived in a smaller city, everyone found out pretty quickly. I was labeled a liar (even by my drug addict boyfriend), tried to press charges but had to drop them, and going through working with the investigator on my case was hard enough, causing me panic attacks every day for months, and then having to drop the charges for lack of evidence (since i waited 5 days to contact police, blaming myself for what happened), and then to make matters worse I had to not only work with my ex-best friend and the guys current GF, but his current GF was stalking me in real life and creating fake pages online to imitate me, which was hell since I was just desperately trying to recover from what happened to me. I was so close to killing myself. I did not care if I overdosed from the heroin I was using, and I did, about 4 times in one month. Luckily (I guess) my ex was there to "save" me and he shot me up with cocaine, which is not responsible, but when you're an illegal drug user that lives in a country that criminalizes drug addicts instead of viewing it as a public health issue, you do what you can to avoid legal problems or labels.
Then to make matters even worse, after moving to Florida to stay clean and change my life, I was raped again and robbed by two men I didn't even know, after I was drugged by a local bartender that evening, and I pressed charges, but they are still pending, and the police seem to be of no help at all.
The last fiasco happened this past April.
I have been clean from dope/needles for about 9 months now...
I was talking to my ex (not the drug addict) who is very close to me still, and we care very much about each other (although he can't handle my line of work at all and has his own mental baggage), and I was telling him about my plans to go into camming and making content, and creating my own site- and he actually made a very legitimate point: Have the pain and suffering I endured from being sexually assaulted causing me to take these actions? And how much of my Bipolar accounts for my extreme motivation to do these things? He could be biased in the fact that he does not want me doing this work and that he cares about my well-being, but I can't help but ponder whether he is right or not. Will I regret doing all of this later down the line?
I have been focusing on staying clean, being healthy, working out, meditating, picking up hobbies and areas of interest, setting my future goals, coming up with a 5 and 10 year plan, thinking of my future, getting rid of negative people and influences or stress in my life, bringing in new friends to my life that are helpful and supportive that aren't mixed up in the bad things I used to do, practicing LOA, staying connected to my higher power, and maing sure I have a support network in place if I ever need help.
I am far from perfect, and I struggle with insecurities ona daily basis. Sometimes I feel like I am nothing and I would be better off dead. My whole life has been an existential funk..... A cluster fuck of misery. Will I ever become happy and successful?
I try my best to stay positive, happy, and healthy, but some days I just stay in my pijamas and shut myself off fromt he world. Sleep seems to be the only thing I can do to escape any negative feelings, since I rarely have dreams, I don't have to worry about anything bothering me while I sleep.
I hope some of you can relate to some of this, and that we can all find the hope to keep going. Life gets better. Sometimes it has to get worse before it can improve. But my life is what I make of it, and I refuse to be a victim or a statistic. Namaste to all of you!
God bless... and keep your pretty little head up!

I understand very well. I am a survivor of incest. My first job was as a prostitute, for three long and terrible years. Hate every minute, but was unable to find another way to leave home. Then I went back to school and found a decent job as a nurse, I thought I was fixing my life. Then my hospital decided to fire some workers to increase profits; the stress of being unemployed shot some health problems that have become chronic.
And here I am; the cam seems a way of working supports my health problems, in addition to the advantages of having leaders who can exploit you and goodbye. But while my past makes me not feel comfortable in a job like this and do not know if I will find a way to survive well.
Every time I give to the button "Start the show" I have a little anxiety attack.
Welcome, Nirvana! Sorry to hear what you've been through.Getting rid of negative people is always a big one, or at least it was for me. I found out a while ago I was surrounded by people who reminded me of some darker aspects of my past. I don't know why I collected these people, but I avoid them now and cut people out as soon as they look like they will turn out that way. It looks antisocial to most friends and family, but the peace of mind is amazing. Also, to be honest: the power. Knowing I am strong and smart and free enough to just say bye-bye to anyone and everyone has ended a very bad cycle of paranoia about dependence and destitution.
I'm feeling a lot better today. But I'm also angry at myself for needing a lie in. I wish I could just get up at four in the morning and go to bed at ten or eleven every day, but I can't and when I do it can trigger such a complete rundown that I need rest the next day. I'm glad I made the most of yesterday, don't get me wrong, but I'm also annoyed that I have two days left in this "week" and only one of them can be an early-morning full day. On the other hand, if I got up at six one day I'd still need to sleep til eight or ten the next, so I may as well go crazy with my early mornings. I hate having no choice about this.
I'm considering trying ephedrin to see if it breaks my lethargy, but I'm a bit reserved as it may also ruin my appetite further and send my mania into overdrive. At least it isn't amphetamines or SSRIs. If next month I'm on here a lot more because I can't focus on shit, you'll know why. Can't be worse than hormone therapy was, though.
I don't mind talking so much as being spoken to. And I don't mind being spoken to all that much, when the one speaking has a brain.
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