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Thread: The 'Sick Girls' Camming Club

  1. #1476
    Veteran Member QueenBitch's Avatar
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    Default Re: The 'Sick Girls' Camming Club

    ^that last part, so much yes. when I'm hypomanic I get shit done and I think "wow this is what a normal person does. I'm so jealous"

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  3. #1477
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    Quote Originally Posted by QueenBitch View Post
    ^that last part, so much yes. when I'm hypomanic I get shit done and I think "wow this is what a normal person does. I'm so jealous"
    Its one of the few things my first therapist actually got right. It really hurt to see someone for depression cycles and have them point out that the rest of the time I still wasn't normal. I loved my mania. I still sort of do, even though now I can see what's wrong with it. It hurts to realize that it's part of the problem and that my "flat" mood may be as close to normal as I get.
    I don't mind talking so much as being spoken to. And I don't mind being spoken to all that much, when the one speaking has a brain.

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  5. #1478
    Veteran Member QueenBitch's Avatar
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    Default Re: The 'Sick Girls' Camming Club

    it's pretty confrontational isn't it :/ I especially hate when people ask me what I'm "really" like without meds and think that I don't NEED them. uhhh I'm just depressed for weeks or months at a time without meds with way less periods of being "normal" and mania that's way worse. they think I made myself believe I depend on meds. umm no 10+ years of not having a diagnosis and fucking up my life has taught me that I DO need them. who wants to be depressed and dysfunctional all the time?? this IS the real me, just more functional. I can't help it that my brain fucks up on me. ugh.

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  7. #1479
    Featured Member Chellyinparadise's Avatar
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    Default Re: The 'Sick Girls' Camming Club

    I just found this thread and was reading through it, all of you ladies are an inspiration and im sorry you are going through these things. I have severe panic and anxiety attacks and suffer from PTSD from an abusive past for over 25 yrs. I find sometimes the guys who are abusive set me off and it makes it hard to work, makes me want to just log off and not come back for the day. But i try and fight through it and pull myself out of that mindset, some days can be really hard to do that. I also tend to have panic attacks in the middle of performing shows and it gets hard to hide at times but it makes you feel awful and all you want to do is click the exit and stop the show. I know once it goes away ill be ok but during that time it feels like youre going to just pass out so hard to deal with. It helps to be able to express things here on the forum, thanks for the support its nice to have somewhere to talk about things.
    Its nice to see so much support from you ladies, thanks for that.

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  9. #1480
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    Default Re: The 'Sick Girls' Camming Club

    this thread honestly makes me feel so much better about my bad days. I have borderline personality disorder and as a result I get really intense, frequent mood swings and sometimes when the abuse from the men piles up on me I have to just shut off my cam no matter what I'm doing and cry/scream/throw shit because it just gets to be SO much. I also get pretty bad anxiety about chatting when nobody is striking up a conversation and I feel so humiliated just talking to myself. I used to worry about my self harm scars too when I was first getting into camming but luckily they don't really show up on camera.

    anyways I'm really glad this thread and all you lovely people exist. it's good to vent and be inspired by y'all

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  11. #1481
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    Default Re: The 'Sick Girls' Camming Club

    Social anxiety/bouts of depression has made me want to cam more than actually do real world things.
    I just want to save up so I can travel, swim in warm seas and drink mojitos on a beach.
    I hate crowds, I hate living in a place where everyone is psychotic or on drugs. I hate people asking me 'so what do you do for a living?' I hate people trying to talk to me and making assumptions about me. I hate guys saying 'I think you're really amazing and just want to get to know you better', because no, they don't care about getting to know me. Once they know me they will run away. People only want me for selfish reasons.

    I went to a halloween party last night and got a big case of the 'Why the fuck am I here nobody wants me here I had 4 rum and cokes already why am I not drunk' and then I embarrassed myself publicly and went home and cried into some cheesy chips.
    Seriously, real world people are awful. Why not just stay at home and play with myself for people who think I'm amazing and perfect instead of having to prove myself to people?
    I don't have any real friends...at least it doesn't feel like that. They are all at university or living their lives or having new relationships and I feel thoroughly forgotten about.

    The people I like don't understand me and they keep me at an arm's length. Whenever I get close to someone they usually just want to get into bed with me, then I don't want to do that and it gets awkward and hey, surprise surprise I'm all alone again. I make an effort to make friends but I just feel like I'm getting ignored all the time. I feel like a have a lot to give a true friend but they are so few and far between and people my age are so fickle...and how am I meant to meet new people if I hate clubs, bars, and parties?

    Maybe that's why I like camming so much, because it makes me feel special... it's really sad but my customers care more about me than anyone I know in real life, bar my mother.
    Just needed a place to vent girls, sorry for the depressiveness.
    Waiting for privates like...

    http://profiles.myfreecams.com/CharlieTen
    http://www.adultwork.com/ViewProfile...%2Easp&NoHit=1
    https://twitter.com/CharlieTenModel


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  13. #1482
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    Default Re: The 'Sick Girls' Camming Club

    Quote Originally Posted by CharlieTen View Post
    Social anxiety/bouts of depression has made me want to cam more than actually do real world things.
    I just want to save up so I can travel, swim in warm seas and drink mojitos on a beach.
    I hate crowds, I hate living in a place where everyone is psychotic or on drugs. I hate people asking me 'so what do you do for a living?' I hate people trying to talk to me and making assumptions about me. I hate guys saying 'I think you're really amazing and just want to get to know you better', because no, they don't care about getting to know me. Once they know me they will run away. People only want me for selfish reasons.

    I went to a halloween party last night and got a big case of the 'Why the fuck am I here nobody wants me here I had 4 rum and cokes already why am I not drunk' and then I embarrassed myself publicly and went home and cried into some cheesy chips.
    Seriously, real world people are awful. Why not just stay at home and play with myself for people who think I'm amazing and perfect instead of having to prove myself to people?
    I don't have any real friends...at least it doesn't feel like that. They are all at university or living their lives or having new relationships and I feel thoroughly forgotten about.

    The people I like don't understand me and they keep me at an arm's length. Whenever I get close to someone they usually just want to get into bed with me, then I don't want to do that and it gets awkward and hey, surprise surprise I'm all alone again. I make an effort to make friends but I just feel like I'm getting ignored all the time. I feel like a have a lot to give a true friend but they are so few and far between and people my age are so fickle...and how am I meant to meet new people if I hate clubs, bars, and parties?

    Maybe that's why I like camming so much, because it makes me feel special... it's really sad but my customers care more about me than anyone I know in real life, bar my mother.
    Just needed a place to vent girls, sorry for the depressiveness.
    Hugs to you..sorry you felt that way and went through that.. i know how that feels, you have us here whenever you need a pick me up or just someone to talk to.

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  15. #1483
    Veteran Member pinklemonade0's Avatar
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    Default Re: The 'Sick Girls' Camming Club

    Sorry i deleted my last few posts. i felt i put way too much personal info online. i'm fine now.

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  17. #1484
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    Default Re: The 'Sick Girls' Camming Club

    Quote Originally Posted by pinklemonade0 View Post
    Sorry i deleted my last few posts. i felt i put way too much personal info online. i'm fine now.
    That is more then okay. <3

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  19. #1485
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    Default Re: The 'Sick Girls' Camming Club

    thank you
    it meant a lot to read that
    today i went back on both of the sites

  20. #1486
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    Default Re: The 'Sick Girls' Camming Club

    Woke up with the worse headache and backache.
    Why?
    Oh, I remember now...A cam custie wanted me to squat over him, in a facesitting session for over 20 minutes!
    Arching my back, twerking...ouchy!

  21. #1487
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    Default Re: The 'Sick Girls' Camming Club

    I think one 'benefit' that comes from being chronically ill with an invisible illness is that it really helps you learn how to be more emphatic towards other people's suffering since you know what it is like to experience living in a world where people constantly accuse you of 'faking it' and being 'lazy' all the time.

    I came across this article on Psychology Today while surfing: '4 Things an Empath Never Says (and You Shouldn't Either) Sympathy and empathy: What's the difference?' It had some points to ponder and since I currently have insomnia and can't sleep, I figured I'd summarize the article and share it with my bbs.

    1. I know exactly what you are feeling. I’ve been there, done that.

    Yes, you may feel as though you are expressing solidarity with the person but what you are doing is a) making it about you and b) marginalizing the uniqueness of the person’s experience

    2. It could always be worse.

    You may think that this is a way of inducing perspective but, in fact, it isn’t. Telling someone who is in pain that it’s really not so bad is undercutting and insulting at best.

    3. Try to be positive. Maybe it was meant to be.

    For most of us, the process of sorting out our feelings when something hurtful or destructive happens is a long one, and we will need support. That support does not include your suggesting that this is a trial which will make us stronger or any other cliches of that ilk.

    4. Don’t you think it’s time to move on?

    Empathy is not judgmental.

    ---
    It’s been argued that empathy conferred an evolutionary advantage to humans. Since we’re tribal creatures, empathizing with others increased our sense of commitment to the community and to those in it and, additionally, permitted us greater understanding of not just our own feelings but those of others. That’s just as true now as it was millennia ago. Empathy is one of those rare qualities that bestows gifts on both the giver and the recipient.
    Last edited by justanothercamgirl; 11-08-2015 at 12:33 AM. Reason: can't sleep, can't spell

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  23. #1488
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    Default Re: The 'Sick Girls' Camming Club

    Camming with multiple illnesses is tough, especially on the bad days.
    I try to stay positive but it's hard sometimes.
    I have been feeling so alone recently and reading this thread shows me I'm not alone and makes me feel a bit better.
    Thank you.

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    I've been feeling so low. I haven't cammed in almost three months. I finally started seeing a therapist, and was on the road to feeling better and letting the medication do its damn job, and the insurance company screwed me over. I haven't been able to see her in two weeks. Every time I think about camming I start to hate my body, my hair, and my hustle, and then the guilt sets in. I look at you amazing, wonderful ladies and I see you all power through and make it past your next shift. I see you all making goals, and reaching them. I can't seem to understand why I can't do the same... I know it's not fair to compare myself to anyone else. I know it's just a lifetime of bad self-esteem habits keeping me from my full potential.

    Rationally, I recognize all of this. I recognize that if I work out, I'll feel better. If I get online, I'll feel better. If I just start moving again, I'll feel better. For some reason, this guarantee of eventually feeling better doesn't seem to be enough to kick-start my hope. I've had two accounts before this (WinterDeveroux and OliviaWright) and I've been on SM for years and F4F for about half a year. I'm screwing myself over with both sites. I used to have so much fire and love for my work and now it just seems like this terrifying hill I'm too out of shape/out of practice to climb. I'm on medication for everything chemically wrong, and I know this specific issue is behavioral.

    I just don't know how to change it. I've tried planning for specials, taking pictures, revitalizing my advertisement; doing things that used to bring me so much joy and excitement... Now, everything just makes me feel like more of a failure when I'm staring at my camera, trying to convince myself to turn it on.

    Have any of you felt this way? How did you fix it? Rather, how did you get past these moments to move forward anyways? I feel like if there's anyone out there who understands what I'm struggling with, it will be one of you amazing people. I love my job, so so so much. It's one of the few things I've ever felt good at and happy with. I don't want to lose it.

    Help me, Sick Girls Club, you're my only hope.

  26. #1490
    God/dess justanothercamgirl's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by AmeliaKent View Post
    I've been feeling so low. I haven't cammed in almost three months. I finally started seeing a therapist, and was on the road to feeling better and letting the medication do its damn job, and the insurance company screwed me over. I haven't been able to see her in two weeks. Every time I think about camming I start to hate my body, my hair, and my hustle, and then the guilt sets in. I look at you amazing, wonderful ladies and I see you all power through and make it past your next shift. I see you all making goals, and reaching them. I can't seem to understand why I can't do the same... I know it's not fair to compare myself to anyone else. I know it's just a lifetime of bad self-esteem habits keeping me from my full potential.

    Rationally, I recognize all of this. I recognize that if I work out, I'll feel better. If I get online, I'll feel better. If I just start moving again, I'll feel better. For some reason, this guarantee of eventually feeling better doesn't seem to be enough to kick-start my hope. I've had two accounts before this (WinterDeveroux and OliviaWright) and I've been on SM for years and F4F for about half a year. I'm screwing myself over with both sites. I used to have so much fire and love for my work and now it just seems like this terrifying hill I'm too out of shape/out of practice to climb. I'm on medication for everything chemically wrong, and I know this specific issue is behavioral.

    I just don't know how to change it. I've tried planning for specials, taking pictures, revitalizing my advertisement; doing things that used to bring me so much joy and excitement... Now, everything just makes me feel like more of a failure when I'm staring at my camera, trying to convince myself to turn it on.

    Have any of you felt this way? How did you fix it? Rather, how did you get past these moments to move forward anyways? I feel like if there's anyone out there who understands what I'm struggling with, it will be one of you amazing people. I love my job, so so so much. It's one of the few things I've ever felt good at and happy with. I don't want to lose it.

    Help me, Sick Girls Club, you're my only hope.
    In order to answer your question, I am going to have to tell you a story about inertia*.

    If I told you that scientists did an experiment where they told people that they were going to give them an uncomfortable electrical shock and all they needed to do was to push a button when warned that the shock was coming in order to opt out of being shocked, how many people do you think would push the button to stop the shock?

    100%? 50%? The majority of people at least right?

    What if I told you that the majority of people allowed themselves to be shocked? Sounds unbelievable doesn't it?

    There is a powerful cognitive bias against change, called the “status quo bias.” This means simply that, given the option, people will continue doing what they’re doing—they won’t proactively choose to make a change if they don’t have to.

    So far, we have learned that inertia is a bitch.

    But, now this is where the experiment gets interesting.

    If during practice trials before they actual study people were instructed to press the button that would protect them from the shock, then they were more likely to stop themselves from being shocked. The act of doing this very tiny act of breaking the inertia of pushing the button once made the difference between being able to do so later.

    I am sure at this point you are thinking to yourself, "Why the hell is JAC telling me this story?"

    In order to break through your own camera inertia you are going to have to start with the smallest steps possible to be able to do it, such as putting your makeup on and getting your computer set up ready. All the things needed in order for you to be able to get to the point to actually be able to get on cam.

    Then once you have done all this things and are able to push the button so you are online you need to allow yourself to bail and leave after 5 minutes if you are feeling too much anxiety.

    The secret, if there is any secret at all is the acceptance that breaking through inertia is not easy and that you will sometimes you will need to go inch by painful inch to break free from it. <3






    (Source: http://www.psychologicalscience.org/...d-inertia.html)

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  28. #1491
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    Default Re: The 'Sick Girls' Camming Club

    A hairdresser friend sent over his colorist to my house, to do my hair. Because I've only lived in this town for a month and don't know anyone yet, i agreed to it.
    O..M...G..!!!
    She...NEVER....stopped....talking!! Not even to take a breath. She had a bad case of 'diarrhea of the mouth.'
    It was bad enough that I already had anxiety from the thought of having a stranger in my house...AND anxiety that she might f.ck up my hair.
    She just left, and my stomach is in knots, and my heart is still racing.
    Why, oh, why, do I feel like this? Anyone else get like this?
    Thanks
    Holy cow.

  29. #1492
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  31. #1493
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    Been really anxious the past few days and today bought some new clothes, got ready, broadcast and about two seconds in felt terrible and shut the computer down and burst into tears.

    This morning I was rushing around trying to do too many different things. going into a very busy and hot shop and standing in a queue. Very rushed. Then got back and didn't have time to take a breath. I decided to take the day off although I feel bad for doing so.

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    So after almost a full month of depression, I can finally bear to get back to social media and forums again. Yay me, I can do something other than curl in a ball, cry, make myself fat and force myself to do my vanilla work whilst smiling and without cutting anyone's throat.
    I don't mind talking so much as being spoken to. And I don't mind being spoken to all that much, when the one speaking has a brain.

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  35. #1495
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    Quote Originally Posted by MyRealNameIsWeird View Post
    So after almost a full month of depression, I can finally bear to get back to social media and forums again. Yay me, I can do something other than curl in a ball, cry, make myself fat and force myself to do my vanilla work whilst smiling and without cutting anyone's throat.
    Little victories are still victories. <3

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  37. #1496
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    Real, glad that things are picking up a bit for you .
    After the disaster that was yesterday, I went on today, made my goal then left straight away. Tomorrow I hope to stay on longer.

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    Quote Originally Posted by justanothercamgirl View Post
    Little victories are still victories. <3
    Quote Originally Posted by pinklemonade0 View Post
    Real, glad that things are picking up a bit for you .
    After the disaster that was yesterday, I went on today, made my goal then left straight away. Tomorrow I hope to stay on longer.
    Thanks. I actually went out for a walk today. It felt weird, considering I haven't walked for over a few minutes in weeks and always to go somewhere, not just for me. But I need to get outside. Back to work in half an hour. Feeling nervous that my low energy will show, but here goes nothing.
    I don't mind talking so much as being spoken to. And I don't mind being spoken to all that much, when the one speaking has a brain.

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  41. #1498
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    Default Re: The 'Sick Girls' Camming Club

    god what a difference my thyroid supplement makes.. been without it for going on 2 days.. was trying to tough it out to wait for it in the mail.. SADLY I cannot.. I am irritated, agitated,, crying.. frustrated.. my bones ache.. nauseous.. want to vomit.. chills.. all because of the thyroid!...

    my sister and her friend did a drive by and bought some for me.. she said it's an EMERGENCY!.. which it is cuz I will go ballistic and start raging with out it.. it keeps me so chill, calm, rational and logical...lmao
    Last edited by anonymous camgirl; 11-21-2015 at 01:03 PM.

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  43. #1499
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    Can I just rant for a minute about people who take their health for granted and make me want to smack them across the head?

    I was talking to a friend the other day who knows I suffer from a chronic illness and she was complaining to me about her being overweight (she is not obese, she is just overweight) and during our conversation she made a snide off-the-cuff remark about how I couldn't possibly know what it was like to suffer day-to-day like she does as I've always maintained an average weight since I've know her and because I was prettier.

    I snidely responded back that if I could trade my body with hers in that second that I would. I'll be overweight and 'less pretty' she can have a chronic illness where she is so fatigued half the time that she will be too tired to eat and therefore will have no problem maintaining her weight like I do. She can be as pretty as I am but it will really be irrelevant since she will be spending half of her day in bed anyway.

    Her face twisted into an expression as if she had eaten a sour pickle.

    I am sorry the grass ain't green on my side of the fence, bitch.


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  45. #1500
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    Default Re: The 'Sick Girls' Camming Club

    Quote Originally Posted by justanothercamgirl View Post
    Can I just rant for a minute about people who take their health for granted and make me want to smack them across the head?

    I was talking to a friend the other day who knows I suffer from a chronic illness and she was complaining to me about her being overweight (she is not obese, she is just overweight) and during our conversation she made a snide off-the-cuff remark about how I couldn't possibly know what it was like to suffer day-to-day like she does as I've always maintained an average weight since I've know her and because I was prettier.

    I snidely responded back that if I could trade my body with hers in that second that I would. I'll be overweight and 'less pretty' she can have a chronic illness where she is so fatigued half the time that she will be too tired to eat and therefore will have no problem maintaining her weight like I do. She can be as pretty as I am but it will really be irrelevant since she will be spending half of her day in bed anyway.

    Her face twisted into an expression as if she had eaten a sour pickle.

    I am sorry the grass ain't green on my side of the fence, bitch.

    Sorry you had to go through that, it is a shame how some people just lack compassion with others who are already feeling bad. I know how it feels to have others try to make it seem like what you are going through is nowhere near what they are but the reality is usually the ones who are more compassionate are people who go through hard times with physical and emotional hard times because we know how it feels from our standpoint and others as well. I have dealt with severe panic and anxiety attacks, verbal and physical abuse and ptsd and even though ive been through that all i always seem to be the one who is more understanding and compassionate even to the ones who treat me bad because of my big heart. I know how that must of felt for you, and im sorry you had to deal with that but we are all here and understand you and support you in anyway we can. I appreciate all you ladies who are going through things and if anyone ever needs someone to talk to im a pm away. hugs to you all.

    ps im not trying to say others are not compassionate, everyone can be compassionate in their own way, im just saying that through our hard times dealing with these things that are debilitating sometimes in our everyday life it makes us feel for those who are hurting and we understand what it feels like. I really wish sometimes i could hug you all when youre going through hard times. I didnt mean to upset anyone by what i said, so hope noone takes it the wrong way just offering support.

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