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Thread: The 'Sick Girls' Camming Club

  1. #1901
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    Default Re: The 'Sick Girls' Camming Club

    I'm temporarily a sick girl camming... I have a pretty painful UTI But this is my only source of income at the moment, and I'm abroad, so... meh

    The hard work here makes me want to give everyone a big pat on the back <3

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    Default Re: The 'Sick Girls' Camming Club

    I'm so glad I found this thread. I have severe 24/7 chronic back, spine, and wrist pain due to arthritis. I also suffer from depression, anxiety and BPD. I'm a single mom of my son whom has Autism and ADHD. I can't wait to read all your responses. Thank you for starting this thread!

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  4. #1903
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    Default Re: The 'Sick Girls' Camming Club

    You can do texting while you're sick. Or phone sex.

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    Default Re: The 'Sick Girls' Camming Club

    It definitely sounds like burnout hun. I've been there so many times. It's awful. Can you try to take a break and do something else for awhile? And make sure you're taking care of your mental and physical health and doing hobbies you enjoy.


    Quote Originally Posted by starburst View Post
    Feeling all sorts of unmotivated - After doing this for a few years it's starting to take a toll on me and I'm getting increasingly unhappier knowing when I have to work. Usually I get over this funk but since I've been off for 4 days, I am just dreading going on. Maybe it's the weather and lack of sunshine, or maybe I'm just burnt. Don't even know what to do at this point. x_x

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    Default Re: The 'Sick Girls' Camming Club

    depersonalization. I'm in a facebook group for that (along with my chronic pain, back pain, anxiety, depression, many other groups) and it helps. You're not alone.

    Quote Originally Posted by victoriavein View Post
    I suffer from gad and depression. Sometimes i forget it's there unless I go off routine like this week, with family members staying with us and going out of the house a lot more than usual. I've had constant headaches, general uneasiness and the worst derealization if that's what it's called- feeling like I'm not real or that I'm stuck in a dream. This is especially bad in crowds which sucks because I used to love going to museums, concerts and stuff but the headaches and dizziness makes me want to leave asap. It's also nearly impossible to hold any job that requires me to be around a lot of people for any length of time. When I was stripping I started avoiding busy weekends even though the money was good because I hated feeling in a daze the whole time. Depression, bipolar and dementia runs in my family. I do worry about becoming completely divorced from reality someday.

  7. #1906
    Member RavenSkyeXXX's Avatar
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    Default Re: The 'Sick Girls' Camming Club

    I know exactly what you're talking about. The anxiety/money issues making you anxious to get on cam but you know you absolutely need to get on cam which makes the anxiety worse...endless cycle. We just have to take care of our mental health as much as possible and work as much as we can on better days. You can do it. Hang in there. Hugs.


    Quote Originally Posted by avalon_rose View Post
    I don't know where else to put this. I feel like I have royally fucked up and shot myself in the foot. I ground my ass down and worked hard a couple of weeks ago. I broke my $500/week goal and then some. And then the next week I did NOT take advantage of the time I had alone to work. I barely worked at all. I've been mostly focusing on PSO right now because the internet here is so crappy that I'm afraid to cam and have customers/potentials think that I'm putting out shit for my quality - and then never come back.

    Usually if a funk hits me ... it might take a day or few, but then it goes. This one's hanging around. I meant to positively crush it this work; work hard and damn near constantly like I did the two weeks ago - but basically nothing. I've made, like ... almost $200. But I have rent coming up, and other expenses I'm behind on. It's like ... I'm trying to move, because I know that will give me a better outlook and improve my mental health dramatically. I know it will increase my cam earnings big time because I'll get to choose internet speeds, etc.

    I'm just ... I don't know what my problem is. I'm sitting here a total mess, basically. I took my last Klonopin because I finally couldn't handle the way the anxiety clawed at my chest anymore. I know what the problem is, I know that WORKING will help fix the problem ... but I can't ... like I'm trying to do it, force it ... because I know I NEED to, and I CAN'T!

    I don't know what to do. I know all of the right things I SHOULD do ... but none of them get me 'fixed' and ready to make money again RIGHT NOW - which is another overwhelming issue in and of itself.

    I'm so glad I work for myself ... any other job would have fired me again. So there's that. That's a positive, a silver lining. But ... it doesn't fix it right now.

    *rubs her face in her hands*

    I don't know if I'm asking for advice or just ... comfort? Support? Camaraderie?

    I honestly don't know. I just figured ... y'all might understand more than most.

    Thanks for reading/listening. Sorry for the Debbie Downer verbal vomit.

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    Veteran Member AuroraJade's Avatar
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    Default Re: The 'Sick Girls' Camming Club

    -edited for privacy-
    Last edited by AuroraJade; 05-13-2020 at 05:23 AM. Reason: privacy

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  10. #1908
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    Default Re: The 'Sick Girls' Camming Club

    I also have bpd. I know how hard it is and what you mean. But, the male attention we get feels good, too.

    Quote Originally Posted by AuroraJade View Post
    Omg this topic is one of the reasons I made an account here... I have Borderline personality disorder and its one of the reasons I cam... Camming has been both a godsend and a curse to me. It is a stressful job but the only way I can make a decent living for myself... and as I am earning more and more I am starting to enjoy it quite much. I cam on Streamate: the best site for me. Token based sites are not my thing: I have terrible mood swings, depressions and sometimes I cant act happy and bubbly.

    Any more girls here with BPD who cam? If you want to reach out please do so.

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    Default Re: The 'Sick Girls' Camming Club

    I also get severe anxiety and panic attacks a week before my period. It's awful. Luckily I'm on Valium and it helps. Can you try to get on some meds? Or maybe have a drink to calm down to go on cam? Get therapy? I need to get back into therapy.

    Quote Originally Posted by Chellyinparadise View Post
    Ive noticed that since ive got older that my hormones are going crazy and ive noticed that right before i start my period lately ive had panic attacks come on like real bad, then after i start they subside some so strange does anyone else feel this way. I wonder if there is something i can do to make them lessen during this time. I find it so odd, just started doing this for about the last yr or so and i kept track of it to see if it is same time and it always is day before.

    Edited to add, it always seems to come on during a show or something too i try not to take off during this time because i need the money but sometimes i just have to log straight off, gets so bad sometimes i just cant do anything other than that when it happens. Working through one is hard and i cant stop the show sometimes if its a block, any input id appreciate for anyone dealing with the same thing. Thanks ladies.

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    Default Re: The 'Sick Girls' Camming Club

    Wow. I've been there SO many times. Recently, too. I've woken up and been pissed off that I woke up. I prayed that I'd die in my sleep. But I have to keep going for my son. He's my world and I'm his. Living daily with severe mental and physical pain, going through divorce, being a single mom with an autistic child who hits and has meltdowns daily, being broke, my bf cheating on me, etc really took a toll on me. But I'm FINALLY in a motivated, positive mindset and I'm going to make a better life for myself and son. I have to. I'm sick and tired of being broke and depressed. I left my lying cheating ex bf. I'm reading law of attraction books and saying positive affirmations daily. It's really helping! I'm not going to live in my pity party anymore. Life's too short and there's too much success and happiness out there waiting for us.

    Quote Originally Posted by justanothercamgirl View Post
    I am not going to lie. It is really hard for me these days to stay my hopeful and optimistic self. Soul-crushingly hard. Sometimes when I wake up in the morning and open my eyes my first thought is, "I didn't die in my sleep, fuck!"

    But since I've got you and all the other bbs here for support it makes it easier to just try and take it day by day.

    We gotta do the best we can with what we got, right?



    P.S. I do have a chronic disease that I battle with daily. Sadly, I actually have more than one of them. I just don't talk about 'it' a lot because I don't want to say publicly what it is I have. <3

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    Default Re: The 'Sick Girls' Camming Club

    Omg lol I also have DDD, spinal arthritis and scoliosis since elementary school. I'm a mom, too. We have a lot in common. Have you seen those tens unit commercials where they're selling them at drugstores now? My heating pad also helps a little and I walk with a cane for the past 2 years. I'm only 31 :/ just going to get worse and worse.

    Quote Originally Posted by Glamourmilf View Post
    Thank you for that.
    P.S. Fot the FIRST time EVER, I woke up without neck/back pain!
    She gave me LIDOCAINE patches. OMG! I feel so good i could shout from the rooftops!
    For anyone with chronic back pain, do You know about these? I have degenerative disc disease and arthritis in my spine (combined wit scoliosis since i was a kid).
    Non habit forming, gentle, non invasive.
    Wanted to pass this on.
    So very grateful right now.

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    Default Re: The 'Sick Girls' Camming Club

    I know this is old but I took topamax for a long time and my hair is still falling out in clumps. It was literally snapping off and falling out while on the drug and I lost 50lbs which I needed to lose so I'm happy about that. But ya don't take it if you can't lose any weight or stand to lose hair.


    Quote Originally Posted by Danni View Post
    Great thread. Good to know there are girl out there struggling as well!

    I have crohns and 3 years ago it was so bad I couldn't work at all. I weighed maybe 100lbs, couldn't eat or get off my couch. My dr was a moron. Over the course of a year I needed 5 blood transfusions and was still anemic. He didn't do anything but give me iron pills and order blood work, which ironically my pcp was the first to look at me and say...."you don't look right, I'm order blood work." Never once changed my meds so I asked my pcp for a referral for a new GI and she found me a great one and changed my life. I am on a biologic infusion drug that I get every 8 weeks and my symptoms are al oust 100% gone and I e been in remission for almost 2 years.

    Besides that I also get severe migraines. To the point where I vomit and have to be in a completely dark and quiet space with ice on my head. I've been getting them for almost 8 years and they were so bad I'd go to the ER. I've been on maxalt and Percocet for a while now and although that helps very much, between the drugs and the migraine I'm wiped out completely! One of the reasons I made the transition from dancing to mostly cam. The lights and noise and late nights are too hard on my body. I finally feel like an almost normal human for the first time in 15 years I don't want a set back.

    It's really hard to be bubbly and sexy on cam when I just spent the last 4 hours battling a raging migraine. Anyone else with crohns or migraines?

    My new dr wanted me to try topomax but my friends have warned me against it. One was losing hair which I just finally grew back after either my crohns or one of the multiple drugs had it falling out, and another said she lost 20lbs! I just gained all my weight back and can't afford that either. My dr told me weight loss was pretty common.

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    Default Re: The 'Sick Girls' Camming Club

    I finally got settled into my new house ( We had to move unexpected) and im going back to work tomorrow night, im gonna try 2 hours a day for at least 6 days a week

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    Default Re: The 'Sick Girls' Camming Club

    Brand New to camming and still learning..but man am I glad I found this site. I suffer from , Chronic Back, Neck and Hip Pain, PTSD, Dissociation, Dissociative Amnesia, Depression and Severe Anxiety. These make it hard to keep a regular job in the real world, camming has made it okay. I have a question though; do any of you ever tell your clients or chat rooms that you deal with these things? Has it been beneficial or a baddddd choice?

  18. #1915
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    Default Re: The 'Sick Girls' Camming Club

    Quote Originally Posted by TishyGamer View Post
    Brand New to camming and still learning..but man am I glad I found this site. I suffer from , Chronic Back, Neck and Hip Pain, PTSD, Dissociation, Dissociative Amnesia, Depression and Severe Anxiety. These make it hard to keep a regular job in the real world, camming has made it okay. I have a question though; do any of you ever tell your clients or chat rooms that you deal with these things? Has it been beneficial or a baddddd choice?
    Welcome to the forum! I would strongly recommend not bringing your health struggles to your cam room. Keep them focused on their dick and giving you money at all times. They don't come round to listen to our problems.


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    Default Re: The 'Sick Girls' Camming Club

    I just wanted to share some medical breakthrough news with you. It has just been proven that chronic fatigue is a real disease that is brought on by faulty cell receptor in immune cells. Immune disorders come in many types so this is happy news for people with 'un-labeled' disorders that have been subjected to people telling them over and over again that 'they aren't trying hard enough' and that 'it is only in their head'.



    The latest treatment options that they have been looking into are using cancer drugs to treat it. Can you imagine? In order to treat you they have to wipe out nearly all of a patient's B-cells just like they do with cancer.

    If you are undiagnosed with such symptoms as intolerance to exercise, joint pain/muscle pain and unrelenting stomach issues, take heart.

    It will take time, but this new understanding of how things can go wrong with the human immune system will change our knowledge of modern medicine as we know it.

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    Default Re: The 'Sick Girls' Camming Club

    It's a double edged sword.. for the most part I wouldn't tell anyone, I have been very open about my illnesses on cam and some can relate to you better as more of a person , but usually always leads in no money.. so yea try not to tell them you are sick.

    Quote Originally Posted by TishyGamer View Post
    Brand New to camming and still learning..but man am I glad I found this site. I suffer from , Chronic Back, Neck and Hip Pain, PTSD, Dissociation, Dissociative Amnesia, Depression and Severe Anxiety. These make it hard to keep a regular job in the real world, camming has made it okay. I have a question though; do any of you ever tell your clients or chat rooms that you deal with these things? Has it been beneficial or a baddddd choice?

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  24. #1918
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    Default Re: The 'Sick Girls' Camming Club

    Quote Originally Posted by IvyRose View Post
    I barely worked last year, esp the last 2 months, and getting back online since a couple of days
    It sure is hard, I always find camming double energy sucking when I take more than 2 days off because I feel like I am not in my camgroove anymore

    Dont push yourself to hard, dont focus on the money nor pleasing non paying members. Dont be upset if you dont meet you timegoals yet, remind yourself that you are working towards a bigger plan and that you will proceed, maybe not now but soon if you keep trying. If you let anger and stress about those little things take over you will get yourself even more tired and sick

    Try to make your stay online as pleasant as possible. If you feel anxious and you worry it shows on your face than there is nothing wrong with taking a little steam of of yourself and focus your cam on a bodypart when you are regaining control and calmness
    For me personaly the first 2 days are hardest, when I manage to get through them it becomes a bit easier.

    I dont know if you work sm, but if you do traffic may not be on your end. sm has had terrible glitches.

    I think its a good thing that you mention that you miss camming. So I guess there is something about it that you really like, use that source as motivation


    PS for extra energy
    I drink loads of coffee (may not be the healties option, but I really see it as medication right now bec my body is so tired everyday, esp with the medication I am taking).
    I also drink coconut water (no sugars added, and not from concentrate) and water with lemon in it
    Fruits like raspberry, apple, strawberrys, blueberrys give me a energyboost too (a healthy meals does good in general, vegtables, nuts, chicken andor fish)
    getting a bit of sunlight does wonders for my mood, even when its for a couple of minutes
    drinking enough water is very important is you want to keep your energy up

    Motivational videos on youtube are for me very helpfull
    people like Jim Rohn, Zig Ziglar, Dale Carnegie, Les Brown, Og Mandino are all inspiring to me
    I have been sick with a flu all week. I was stressing about not being online, not making money, my placement dropping, etc.

    But, mid-week, I started to feel less stressed. Thank goodness that I have a savings account for sick days. It's not often that I take a week off. The last time I did, I had the flu in 2015. I'm kind of glad that I took this time off. I needed a break. I was getting extremely burnt out.


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  26. #1919
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    Default Re: The 'Sick Girls' Camming Club

    Quote Originally Posted by AuroraJade View Post
    I dont tell anybody on cam I have BPD. Its also one of the reasons why I am anonymous here. Guys search us and have an unhealthy obsession with us.

    My BPD is really acting up lately. I dont know but the stalker situation started it all off, and SM is so bad this week. I also have bad body image issues ATM, my face is so broken out it looks like a Magnum Almond covered in foundation and concealer and I cant look at myself. If I look at the encoder I almost have to cry. I hate the way I look. I am beginning to get a camming burnout again. I just cant deal with these guys anymore. I am very bad at communication so sales is hard for me at the moment too. I dont pick up on clues and hints.

    I just hate it so bad at the moment. I am still at 25$-hr average since a year of camming and I want it to be better. I work so hard and try everything in my power to improve myself and it is not working. I hate these guys, I hate sex now since I get the most disgusting things thrown at me lately, I dont even have sex IRL more than one time a week now, and then I dont even enjoy it, and it breaks my heart that I cant enjoy being intimate with my partner any more and that these disgusting cam guys ruined that for me. Sometimes I truly hate them,all, for treating me like a piece of shit dumb whore and ruining my life. I hate the Twitter freeloaders. I hate getting compliments because I know that equals not paying and not paying equals no respect to me. I genuinely hate men at this point. I fake enjoying intimacy for my bf because I feel like I have to do my duty as a girlfriend but I am not into it and I just do it for him. It breaks my heart and I am terrified we are gonna break up and it is a scenario I have been calculating on in my head dozens of times the past week. I love him and I dont want to lose him, but I know he is almost at his breaking point.

    I wish I had someone to confide in. I have a wonderful family but I dont tell them anything, not even my sister. I wish I had a BFF or just a girl friend to confide in. Other girls always can ask for advice. I have to figure it all out on my own and that is so hard when you have a devil inside you named BPD. I hurt so many people and I take full responsibilty for it but I feel so sorry and so bad. BPD is like having a devil in you, a demonic possession. I am a sweet genuine woman. But a minor setback unleashes that demon and it goes on to everyone I love and even complete strangers.

    This story goes from one end to the other but it feels good to write it all down even if probably nobody reads it. I know a few days of rest usually sets me at ease and I will be back camming on Monday but at this moment I feel so bad.


    EDIT: why did I posted this message double, sorry, dont know how I did t but it was not on purpose.
    I hope you feel a bit more at ease and you had some rest
    <3
    I pm'ed you
    You can have everything in life you want, if you will just help enough other people get what they want - Zig Ziglar

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    Quote Originally Posted by AuroraJade View Post
    I dont tell anybody on cam I have BPD. Its also one of the reasons why I am anonymous here. Guys search us and have an unhealthy obsession with us.

    My BPD is really acting up lately. I dont know but the stalker situation started it all off, and SM is so bad this week. I also have bad body image issues ATM, my face is so broken out it looks like a Magnum Almond covered in foundation and concealer and I cant look at myself. If I look at the encoder I almost have to cry. I hate the way I look. I am beginning to get a camming burnout again. I just cant deal with these guys anymore. I am very bad at communication so sales is hard for me at the moment too. I dont pick up on clues and hints.

    I just hate it so bad at the moment. I am still at 25$-hr average since a year of camming and I want it to be better. I work so hard and try everything in my power to improve myself and it is not working. I hate these guys, I hate sex now since I get the most disgusting things thrown at me lately, I dont even have sex IRL more than one time a week now, and then I dont even enjoy it, and it breaks my heart that I cant enjoy being intimate with my partner any more and that these disgusting cam guys ruined that for me. Sometimes I truly hate them,all, for treating me like a piece of shit dumb whore and ruining my life. I hate the Twitter freeloaders. I hate getting compliments because I know that equals not paying and not paying equals no respect to me. I genuinely hate men at this point. I fake enjoying intimacy for my bf because I feel like I have to do my duty as a girlfriend but I am not into it and I just do it for him. It breaks my heart and I am terrified we are gonna break up and it is a scenario I have been calculating on in my head dozens of times the past week. I love him and I dont want to lose him, but I know he is almost at his breaking point.

    I wish I had someone to confide in. I have a wonderful family but I dont tell them anything, not even my sister. I wish I had a BFF or just a girl friend to confide in. Other girls always can ask for advice. I have to figure it all out on my own and that is so hard when you have a devil inside you named BPD. I hurt so many people and I take full responsibilty for it but I feel so sorry and so bad. BPD is like having a devil in you, a demonic possession. I am a sweet genuine woman. But a minor setback unleashes that demon and it goes on to everyone I love and even complete strangers.

    This story goes from one end to the other but it feels good to write it all down even if probably nobody reads it. I know a few days of rest usually sets me at ease and I will be back camming on Monday but at this moment I feel so bad.


    EDIT: why did I posted this message double, sorry, dont know how I did t but it was not on purpose.
    Hi, i haven't started camming yet (waiting on laptop) but just wanted to let you know that I completely understand the BPD part. I also struggle with it and do wonder how camming will affect it. But i just wanted to let you know youre not alone. *hugs*

  29. #1921
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    Default Re: The 'Sick Girls' Camming Club

    I'm having a terrible time with panic attacks again. Literally sitting here shaking and scared shitless. I'm not panicking about camming, but other things happening in life. It makes it so hard to log in and cam when these attacks come on. I don't know what to do about them anymore. I've tried everything from medication to counseling and nothing helps.

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    Default Re: The 'Sick Girls' Camming Club

    I'm sorry you're having a hard time. Can you take notes of when and what triggers your panic attack?

    Quote Originally Posted by heavymetalgirl View Post
    I'm having a terrible time with panic attacks again. Literally sitting here shaking and scared shitless. I'm not panicking about camming, but other things happening in life. It makes it so hard to log in and cam when these attacks come on. I don't know what to do about them anymore. I've tried everything from medication to counseling and nothing helps.
    Quote Originally Posted by ~Carmen~ View Post
    I can see you being 90 and flipping your long hair, still teasing the boys.



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  32. #1923
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    Default Re: The 'Sick Girls' Camming Club

    Thanks, Marina. I notice that they are worse during the daytime and usually financial/family/health issues bring it on. I feel mentally paralyzed when this happens. My heart rate goes up to 120, I curl up in a ball, and just wait until it's over. Sometimes they last a couple of hours though, which really sucks. It's the worst feeling in the world to have this much fear.

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  34. #1924
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    Default Re: The 'Sick Girls' Camming Club

    Quote Originally Posted by heavymetalgirl View Post
    I'm having a terrible time with panic attacks again. Literally sitting here shaking and scared shitless. I'm not panicking about camming, but other things happening in life. It makes it so hard to log in and cam when these attacks come on. I don't know what to do about them anymore. I've tried everything from medication to counseling and nothing helps.
    In my experience, I've never been able to do anything to stop having panic attacks but I have learned a few things about living around them. Everyone experiences panic attacks in different ways so you have to look into what your main symptoms to do something to lesson the panic.

    Does it manifest in the feeling of excess energy that you need to run away? Then do some sort of exercise to try to get the excess energy out like running in place like a maniac.

    Does it manifest with rumination type thinking? Then do something to help get you out of your head like singing to yourself about every action you are currently doing or distracting yourself by saying out loud a list of square root numbers.

    Since everyone's panic symptoms is different then everyone's solution to living around them will also be different. The only generalized piece of advice I can give you is not to let yourself feel badly or guilty about the fact that you do have panic attacks since that is going to only make the situation worse. Yes, I know this is SO much easier said than done and I struggle with it all the time but you have to be gentle and supportive with yourself because being mean to yourself and beating yourself up about the fact that you have panic attacks in the first place doesn't make them any easier to deal with. <3

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    Sad Re: The 'Sick Girls' Camming Club

    Quote Originally Posted by AuroraJade View Post
    I dont tell anybody on cam I have BPD. Its also one of the reasons why I am anonymous here. Guys search us and have an unhealthy obsession with us.

    My BPD is really acting up lately. I dont know but the stalker situation started it all off, and SM is so bad this week. I also have bad body image issues ATM, my face is so broken out it looks like a Magnum Almond covered in foundation and concealer and I cant look at myself. If I look at the encoder I almost have to cry. I hate the way I look. I am beginning to get a camming burnout again. I just cant deal with these guys anymore. I am very bad at communication so sales is hard for me at the moment too. I dont pick up on clues and hints.

    I just hate it so bad at the moment. I am still at 25$-hr average since a year of camming and I want it to be better. I work so hard and try everything in my power to improve myself and it is not working. I hate these guys, I hate sex now since I get the most disgusting things thrown at me lately, I dont even have sex IRL more than one time a week now, and then I dont even enjoy it, and it breaks my heart that I cant enjoy being intimate with my partner any more and that these disgusting cam guys ruined that for me. Sometimes I truly hate them,all, for treating me like a piece of shit dumb whore and ruining my life. I hate the Twitter freeloaders. I hate getting compliments because I know that equals not paying and not paying equals no respect to me. I genuinely hate men at this point. I fake enjoying intimacy for my bf because I feel like I have to do my duty as a girlfriend but I am not into it and I just do it for him. It breaks my heart and I am terrified we are gonna break up and it is a scenario I have been calculating on in my head dozens of times the past week. I love him and I dont want to lose him, but I know he is almost at his breaking point.

    I wish I had someone to confide in. I have a wonderful family but I dont tell them anything, not even my sister. I wish I had a BFF or just a girl friend to confide in. Other girls always can ask for advice. I have to figure it all out on my own and that is so hard when you have a devil inside you named BPD. I hurt so many people and I take full responsibilty for it but I feel so sorry and so bad. BPD is like having a devil in you, a demonic possession. I am a sweet genuine woman. But a minor setback unleashes that demon and it goes on to everyone I love and even complete strangers.

    This story goes from one end to the other but it feels good to write it all down even if probably nobody reads it. I know a few days of rest usually sets me at ease and I will be back camming on Monday but at this moment I feel so bad.


    EDIT: why did I posted this message double, sorry, dont know how I did t but it was not on purpose.
    BPD as in borderline personality or bipolar? I have the former (borderline) and it's a struggle.

    You definitely sound like you're dealing with burnout hun. I know there's not much I can do but I will say I am in a tough spot myself right now and I know it's hard. Are you able to see a therapist right now at all? You don't need to tell them what you do for a career but you can just vent maybe. Or if you want to vent you can PM me. I'm new to this forum but I've read it for a while.

    Even if you have a journal of some sort whether is online, on paper, notes on your phone, etc. Just write down all of your feelings , all of them. Vent your heart out. Just get it all out. Hell post here or PM me. It's nowhere near a cure but it's therapeutic to just vent and let everything that has been bothering you out.

    In regards to your bf, are you able to talk to him about it? I know that it's a big thing in a relationship but it doesn't have to be permanent ya know? You're not damaged or broken. You can work through this.

    I lost all of the message I type out to you pretty much. Grrrr. I will try to rewrite it later- I'm sorrry sweetheart.

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