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Thread: Escorts, how do you seperate emotions from sex?

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    God/dess LuckyOne's Avatar
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    Default Escorts, how do you seperate emotions from sex?

    And was it easy from the beginning? I'm not pay for play escorting, I'm in a sugardaddy/sugarbaby type situation and he's actually a nice down to earth guy, decent looking (though) older, and a big cock! I'm attracted to him! Still, I had to get shitfaced drunk to sleep with him and all I wanted to do was cuddle the whole night. I think he thought I was nuts for kissing and wanting to cuddle. I felt like absolute shit the next day and an emotional wreck. I'm thinking I'm just not cut out for this...

    was it easy for you in the beginning? And do you miss the emotional aspect of a relationship with someone that you're fucking? Should I keep in touch with him or am I going to feel like shit next time too? I'm thinking I might be better off looking for a regular boyfriend. Also, do you have a "boyfriend" who is your emotional companion while you escort for the money? How did you know escorting was right for you???

    Edit: Please be brutally honest. I can take it.
    Last edited by LuckyOne; 05-11-2014 at 12:46 AM.

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    God/dess minniesoporno's Avatar
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    Default Re: Escorts, how do you seperate emotions from sex?

    Whether you are escorting or being a sugar baby/daddy you have to keep your goals in mind all the time it's definitely one thing that helps keeps emotions in check, Yes there will be clients who you really click with and could even see yourself maybe dating, but what always bounces me back in reality is that they are married or have girlfriends. It's hard to say if you can really handle the job, but a red flag for me is that you had to get shit face drunk to be with him. I always work sober and I find my balance by finding casuals outside of work.

    Right now it's working for me I am seeing someone who works in the industry and I generally pay for his services but we sometimes get hiccups in our arrangement. (i.e he actually gets jealous if I tell him I had an escort client the same day I saw him or if he sees me taking home a guy from the bar) as much as he doesn't want to we work things out by checking with what we want and reaffirming boundaries.
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    God/dess minniesoporno's Avatar
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    Default Re: Escorts, how do you seperate emotions from sex?

    Whether you are escorting or being a sugar baby/daddy you have to keep your goals in mind all the time it's definitely one thing that helps keeps emotions in check, Yes there will be clients who you really click with and could even see yourself maybe dating, but what always bounces me back in reality is that they are married or have girlfriends. It's hard to say if you can really handle the job, but a red flag for me is that you had to get shit face drunk to be with him. I always work sober and I find my balance by finding casuals outside of work.

    Right now it's working for me I am seeing someone who works in the industry and I generally pay for his services but we sometimes get hiccups in our arrangement. (i.e he actually gets jealous if I tell him I had an escort client the same day I saw him or if he sees me taking home a guy from the bar) as much as he doesn't want to we work things out by checking with what we want and reaffirming boundaries.
    Stripperweb is closing! Join me over at WeCamgirls

    A part of all you earn is yours to keep. It should be not less than a tenth no matter how little you earn. It can be as much more as you can afford. - Richest Man in Babylon

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    Featured Member MarvelGirl's Avatar
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    Default Re: Escorts, how do you seperate emotions from sex?

    I've never attached emotions to sex so I never had to deal with that issue. I've always thought it was strange that people associate sex with love. I just don't and never did. To me love is when someone gets up in the middle of the night and takes care of you because you're sick or just holds you when you feel sad. While sex is simply a fun yet meaningless physical act.

    If you had to get drunk to do it, my advice would be not to go down this road at all. I've seen women destroy themselves because they just weren't a good fit for this type of work. No amount of money is worth that.

    To answer your questions, I do have a husband and a boyfriend who meet my emotional needs. I think I'd still be fine with escorting even if I didn't have them though and I would continue to date in my personal life. I think I knew escorting was right for me because it never made me feel bad about myself.

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    Default Re: Escorts, how do you seperate emotions from sex?

    Quote Originally Posted by MarvelGirl View Post
    I've never attached emotions to sex so I never had to deal with that issue. I've always thought it was strange that people associate sex with love. I just don't and never did. To me love is when someone gets up in the middle of the night and takes care of you because you're sick or just holds you when you feel sad. While sex is simply a fun yet meaningless physical act.
    This is me, exactly! I've never equated sex with love and so separately the two, or getting over the whole "you let someone sleep with you for mere money??" has never been an issue for me. I see emotional intimacy as something special and important, while sexual intimacy means nothing. To me, sex is a physical act just like playing tennis or going to a movie with someone.

    The main issues I see here aren't about how to separate emotions or what is standard in the industry - it's about how YOU deal with it. If you have to get wasted to sleep with someone, then you're obviously not ok with it. Sex seems special to you and getting drunk just to allow yourself to do it is not mentally healthy at all (and kind of not physically healthy either... I know you like him and get along well with him, but you being shit-faced with a man who plans to sleep with you isn't safe. You don't know him well enough to let down all your defenses like that). I think it comes down to the fact that if it's making you feel like shit later, then it's probably not for you. The last thing you want is to keep doing something that's making you feel like shit, and then years down the line you won't be able to un-do it.


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    Default Re: Escorts, how do you seperate emotions from sex?

    Quote Originally Posted by MarvelGirl View Post
    I've never attached emotions to sex so I never had to deal with that issue. I've always thought it was strange that people associate sex with love. I just don't and never did. To me love is when someone gets up in the middle of the night and takes care of you because you're sick or just holds you when you feel sad. While sex is simply a fun yet meaningless physical act.
    This is me, exactly! I've never equated sex with love and so separating the two, or getting over the whole "you let someone sleep with you for mere money??" has never been an issue for me. I see emotional intimacy as something special and important, while sexual intimacy means nothing. To me, sex is a physical act just like playing tennis or going running with someone.

    The main issues I see here aren't about how to separate emotions or what is standard in the industry - it's about how YOU deal with it. If you have to get wasted to sleep with someone, then you're obviously not ok with it. Sex seems special to you and getting drunk just to allow yourself to do it is not mentally healthy at all (and kind of not physically healthy either... I know you like him and get along well with him, but you being shit-faced with a man who plans to sleep with you isn't safe. You don't know him well enough to let down all your defenses like that). I think it comes down to the fact that if it's making you feel like shit later, then it's probably not for you. The last thing you want is to keep doing something that's making you feel like shit, and then years down the line you won't be able to un-do it.


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    Default Re: Escorts, how do you seperate emotions from sex?

    At this point in my life, I also don't equate sex with love. I can definitely tell the difference between sex with a client and sex with someone I actually have feelings for, but it's the emotional and mental connection that changes things - the physical act itself is just that: a physical task. Having sex with an escort client is about on the same level to me as doing a chore like washing the dishes. I'd rather be doing other things but it has to be done, I have no particular feelings toward it either way, and I go happily about my day when it's done. It might be because when I started being sexually active, it was with men that I wasn't actually dating, and therefore knew it meant nothing, and then spent several years trying the whole "free and wild" friends-with-benefits-girl thing and learned it did nothing for me. But I kept trying for so long, maybe I just became very used to having unfulfulling emotionally-detached sex with people that I wasn't actually enjoying myself with cuz I wanted to be "one of those girls?" But it wasn't some horrible stain on my morals or self-worth or anything - it was just kinda like "Ok, clearly that was a waste of time."

    Now, I know that sex without emotional attachment doesn't do anything so I don't really do it in my personal life anymore. But it's set me up for being totally cool with escorting. Stripping, camming, escorting - none of these things have ever felt "wrong" to me or like I had to "force" myself through it. It just naturally became "yeah, this is what I do for money now."

    I will say though that I don't think I could handle a sugar baby/daddy relationship, because of the extra involvement generally expected. An escort client comes for his scheduled appointment time and leaves when the clock is up, pays an agreed-upon price, and doesn't harass me outside of asking when I'll be available for a next appointment. I couldn't do an arrangement with someone who expected me to basically be their girlfriend if I wasn't attracted to them mentally. I do not attach emotions to sex with a neutral party (random person/client), I attach positive emotions to sex with someone I like (SO), but I attach very strong negative emotions to sex with someone who is repulsive to me on a mental level - and a sugar daddy who demanded a lot of my time and effort would fit that category.

    But the way you describe your sugar daddy doesn't even sound like you hate him or anything. Overall, some girls can do it, some can't. And there's nothing wrong with being someone who doesn't separate the two and doesn't want to/can't handle sex with someone they don't actually like on a deeper level. Please don't put your health, especially mental health, in jeopardy if you don't think it's something you can do. If you don't want to do it now, I think there's very little chance that you will "get over it" or "learn to deal" unless you shut down and numb yourself like a robot, and that's not healthy either.
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    Default Re: Escorts, how do you seperate emotions from sex?

    Having been in both areas (SD/SB and escorting) I feel like I've got some experience here.

    So yes, absolutely, I get/got attached to my SDs. I think it's only human. I've spent time with mine in both non sexual and sexual settings and we largely do fun, novel things with each other. We don't have kids or a mortgage to worry or fight over. Of course you'll get attached! The thing that really drives it in for me, though, is when I think of my role as being paid to be the low-stress 'distraction' in his life. I'm paid to be the dinner date, the cute girl he sees as a reprieve from his job, so if I'm having an off day he's not the person who's going to hear about it. He's of course going to talk to me about his problems but it's a one way road. I've practiced boundaries like this for a long time and it takes practice, so now it'd feel strange to divulge in something so personal to them.

    I usually don't get attached to my escorting clients though Not enough time to feel any emotions.

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    Default Re: Escorts, how do you seperate emotions from sex?

    I equate what I do with escort/adult videos the same as shaking hands... it's parts.

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    Default Re: Escorts, how do you seperate emotions from sex?

    I am not an escort but I do have something to say about this topic. For the most, sex always was meanless to me I never got attached to men before or after sex. I would treated them either like friends or people to entertain. I could be a sugar baby or escort or anything in the adult industry. I enjoy acting out the fantasy for men While working in the adult industry....never get attached to the men Just have fun and always remember you are a professional. You are there to create a fantasy only. I enjoy creating fantasies for men while getting into their wallet. However, I never turn my hustle off like most of the ladies on SW. Even in my personal life; I think about giving men the fantasy while collecting money. But that is me I would encourage you in starting a healthy and loving relationship outside of this industry. That way...you will not get attached to clients.

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    Default Re: Escorts, how do you seperate emotions from sex?

    If you have to be drunk to do a job, then it's not for you. And as others have stated, being in a strange man's hotel room, wasted, is very dangerous-- he could take advantage of you or you could not use proper safety when performing sexual acts... drinking definitely makes my work easier (stripping) because it puts me in a more party girl mood, but I'm not drinking to try and forget about what's going on. When I was working at a more contact club I definitely was drinking for that reason on some nights and I was absolutely miserable and very close to burn out, you can't keep that up for long.

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    Default Re: Escorts, how do you seperate emotions from sex?

    Lucky - How many times has it been posted that escorting and /or SB-SD relationships are NOT for everybody ?
    If you felt unhappy after a night of just kissin and cuddlin then it is definitely NOT for you.
    To thine own self be true.
    You never wanna be afraid to look yourself in the eye while putting on your makeup.
    Etc. etc. , yada , yada.
    I don't mean to be flippant or dismissive.
    If you can't or won't make your peace with what you'd have to do as an escort then don't do it.

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    Default Re: Escorts, how do you seperate emotions from sex?

    We could almost wish that more women could treat a sexual encounter as just a chance to get and give pleasure, not as an expectation to initiate a relationship, but at most as a casual friendship. I'm sure it would be easier for all of us at first. Then if 'something happens', you could be ready to expand your to another level. And if not you could decide if the encounter was pleasurable or otherwise pleasant enough to continue it. Of course some mutual respect and attraction may be important.

    I've had a 'fwb' for a few years, and it was fun while it lasted. There was no love but a friendship and sexual pleasure. I still have some memories. Not a bad deal in itself.
    I loved going to strip clubs; I actually made some friends there. Now things are different for the clubs and for me. As a result I am not as happy.

    Customers are not entitled to grope, disrespect, or rob strippers. This is their job, not their hobby, and they all need income. Clubs are not just some erotic show for guys to view while drinking.

    NOTE: anything I post here, outside of a direct quote, is my opinion only, which I am entitled to. Take it for what you estimate it is worth.

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    Default Re: Escorts, how do you seperate emotions from sex?

    I think that since I have started escorting, I have stopped associating sex with love. I now can really appreciate being in love and the importance of a significant other as a best friend above all. I think that you also just have to be the kind of person who can handle having sex with someone without getting attached. I mean, I do have an awesome time with clients, sometimes, and a really great connection occasionally, but you just have to get up right away, put your clothes on, and say, "thank you, have a great night/day!" And be on your way and on to the next one! Everyone is different.

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    Default Re: Escorts, how do you seperate emotions from sex?

    Quote Originally Posted by Julianapleases View Post
    I think that since I have started escorting, I have stopped associating sex with love. I now can really appreciate being in love and the importance of a significant other as a best friend above all. I think that you also just have to be the kind of person who can handle having sex with someone without getting attached. I mean, I do have an awesome time with clients, sometimes, and a really great connection occasionally, but you just have to get up right away, put your clothes on, and say, "thank you, have a great night/day!" And be on your way and on to the next one! Everyone is different.
    I'm in total agreement with Julianna, but I sometimes feel like LuckyOne with some clients I click with. I think leading a double life of an Escort helps to stop confusing emotions. Most of the day I'm just me, but when i get an appointment I put on my sexy face, sexy hair, sexy panties, sexy dress, sexy heels and go into Escort mode. It seems that being a "sugardaddy/sugarbaby type situation" your always on call. Some can handle it, but I think you need time to be just you.
    Last edited by Elektra Luxx; 05-23-2014 at 08:45 AM.

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    Default Re: Escorts, how do you seperate emotions from sex?

    What I do when I am having sex "just because" and NOT to bond with a person:

    -no making out
    -no looking at them into their eyes





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    Default Re: Escorts, how do you seperate emotions from sex?

    My first time escorting was nerve wrecking but after that, I saw the money and it got easier and easier. After a while, clients come in & I don't even remember their face as soon as they leave. But as more time went by, and you're still in the same business, it does have a toll on your mentality. I feel like when I have sex with someone I'm dating in my personal life, I'm just going through the motions as I would in my escorting life. I don't even care for sex anymore. Sugar daddies wanna act like a real bf & I hate that! It gets annoying. I would choose escorting over sugar daddies.

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