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Thread: I can't look sexy and I'm too sensitive

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    Default I can't look sexy and I'm too sensitive

    I am someone who can't seem to look anything but 'adorable' (like I'm a kitten or something *eyeroll*) and can't seem to be taken seriously. I'm sensitive, not about myself, but I'm one of those 'empath' people- i.e. see someone else in pain and take it to heart. And people can smell this on me from a mile away. I don't think this makes me weak or ball-less, it's just who I am.

    I keep my makeup minimal, (because I look *horrible* when I overdo it on makeup) keep my natural hair color and don't tan. I'm tall, but very thin, barely past underweight.

    I start up again tomorrow, and I plan to give it my all- got a new white outfit so I stand out, clear platform heels, and have been reviewing "Strip and Grow Rich" religiously.

    So, how do I become one of those women whose very presence causes men to reach for their wallets? Cause the 'barely legal', 'adorable' and 'sweet' thing attracts the type of guys who just.... don't spend, and want to 'save' me, you probably know the type. Or, does it work?

    Edit: I'm almost 19 years old.
    Last edited by KikiGem; 05-30-2014 at 03:19 PM.

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    Featured Member kaninchen's Avatar
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    Default Re: I can't look sexy and I'm too sensitive

    Stop focusing on your weaknesses and focus on your strengths. Stop talking about how you just can't. Give yourself more credit and think about how you can! Like, you're empathetic? Great. Guys who need to talk about their feelings will love you. Learn to demand tips for your amazing conversations.

    You sound like you look like Natalie Portman in Black Swan. If you know that looking like a sweet baby doll doesn't make you money, why are you playing it up with natural make-up and white outfits? Try to evoke Mila Kunis in Black Swan instead. Get a fake tattoo and some slutty stripper outfits and see if that makes you more money. Scowl. Be fierce!

    Also, literally no one looks horrible with more make-up, unless it's done improperly (no offense). Go to Sephora and have the make-up artist do a super glam Tom Ford look. Watch what she does, go home, and practice practice practice!

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    Default Re: I can't look sexy and I'm too sensitive

    Quote Originally Posted by KikiGem View Post
    I keep my makeup minimal, (because I look *horrible* when I overdo it on makeup) keep my natural hair color and don't tan. I'm tall, but very thin, barely past underweight.
    Do you really look that horrible with makeup? Probably not. Go to a makeup counter or some place like mac and see if they can give you a style that suits your face shape/shade. Chances are the light makeup in the dark club lighting makes you look younger than you are and it's attracting time wasters.

    Quote Originally Posted by KikiGem View Post
    So, how do I become one of those women whose very presence causes men to reach for their wallets? Cause the 'barely legal', 'adorable' and 'sweet' thing attracts the type of guys who just.... don't spend, and want to 'save' me, you probably know the type. Or, does it work?
    I got less of those types when I went all out and look like a 'professional'. Some suggestions...fake tan if you're not already dark, dramatic dark smokey eye makeup, hair extensions if you don't have long hair. I have to do these things so I don't look so 'young and innocent' and get less of the time wasters.

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    Default Re: I can't look sexy and I'm too sensitive

    You said you were starting up again, how long did you dance before?

    hot flirting tips 2k13: tell him, “I’m not like other girls,” then pull down the secret zipper at the back of your neck to reveal your true reptilian form


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    Default Re: I can't look sexy and I'm too sensitive

    ^^ That is exactly what I needed to hear! You are totally right. I guess it's just hard to see your strengths sometimes, and hard to envision yourself changing.

    I am not great at makeup, but I do practice so I will keep trying different things. I bought the white outfit to stand out in the dark black lights of the club. I am still pretty new to dancing (started in February, had to leave, re-starting tomorrow) so I know I can do it- I just want to do it the best and make the most possible money each shift.

    My anxieties and fears are pulling at me, but I just need to power through and do it and hopefully, in time, it will become just like riding a bike. Easy, and you don't have to think about it.

    Thanks <3

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    Default Re: I can't look sexy and I'm too sensitive

    Oh and I danced for literally, two nights in February. Something bad happened in my life and I needed to leave. Had no choice. Didn't get re-hired at my old club, they are *packed* with girls, but got referred to another one and got hired without even an audition.

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    Featured Member sierra.'s Avatar
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    Default Re: I can't look sexy and I'm too sensitive

    Ah ok. Everyone gave you great advice, but I wanted to add that some of this stuff comes with experience. You are gonna get time wasters no matter what you look like (although I feel a lot DO target new girls) but you will learn to weed them out real quick!

    hot flirting tips 2k13: tell him, “I’m not like other girls,” then pull down the secret zipper at the back of your neck to reveal your true reptilian form


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    Veteran Member ~*SwanPrincess*~'s Avatar
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    Default Re: I can't look sexy and I'm too sensitive

    I wonder if you think you look "horrible" in makeup because you're not used to wearing or seeing yourself with it. I know in the past I thought certain things didn't look good on me but it was just because I was so used to seeing myself look a certain way. (Ex: I used to always wear a light pink lipstick shade, and when I tried a deeper shade my
    initial reaction was that it didn't look good.)

    You've got to change the way you view yourself when you're in the club. Maybe in "real life" you're sweet and adorable, but you've got to change your mentality and view of yourself while you're working.

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    Default Re: I can't look sexy and I'm too sensitive

    Quote Originally Posted by ~*SwanPrincess*~ View Post
    I wonder if you think you look "horrible" in makeup because you're not used to wearing or seeing yourself with it. I know in the past I thought certain things didn't look good on me but it was just because I was so used to seeing myself look a certain way. (Ex: I used to always wear a light pink lipstick shade, and when I tried a deeper shade my
    initial reaction was that it didn't look good.)

    You've got to change the way you view yourself when you're in the club. Maybe in "real life" you're sweet and adorable, but you've got to change your mentality and view of yourself while you're working.
    2nd'ing this -- your perception of your looks is as important as others' perception of you, if not more, since your insecurity or your confidence will show thru. I can't tan for shit so I do not bother w/ that, but I have a favourite red-wine coloured outfit that I pair a matching deep-red lipstick w/ -- took a few tries b4 I could look at myself in the mirror & not think 'Holy Shit that looks soooo fking horrible!' But in that case it works out for me bc the dark lipstick & matching outfit make me pop w/ my pale skin.

    Same w/ trying new colours of eyeliner, or new looks in general, or a new haircut in particular. I always have a day or two after getting my hair done (only do it like once a yr or so, so it is REALLY a big thing) where I think 'OMG WTF have I done' then it grows on me.

    You are playing a role at work, & you need to adjust your mentality accordingly in order to break out of a rut. This will apply even if you have been dancing for yrs & feel it is time to change things up. Go to a makeup counter like the other girls suggested, or research makeup tutorials on Utube if you are like me & your pride simply will not let you go & have sm1 else how to do your stinkin' makeup

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    Default Re: I can't look sexy and I'm too sensitive

    every stripper will experience time wasters and predators, trust me. even girls who look trashy sexy hot will get guys like that. and there are plenty of guys who will spend on young looking, innocent, baby doll looking girls. i don't think there is one look that makes ALL men reach for their wallet and that ALL strippers can pull off. its more about your hustle and your confidence. i agree with going to a makeup counter and having your makeup done for you. and whether you want to play up the innocent look, or start looking more femme fatale is up to you, but i've tried both looks extensively and the only thing that's really changed my money is experience and the right mind set.

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    Default Re: I can't look sexy and I'm too sensitive

    Never mind the makeup. You need to grow a pair quick. This business is not for the weak. This may not be the right career choice for you. There's no shame in realizing that.

    If you are going to do this then you're going to have to lose all of your insecurities. We all have our little bete noires. I try not to let mine get in the way of my money.

    Sink or swim. Only you can make that choice.
    "Fake tits are like Kevlar. They don't guarantee your chances of survival but they sure as hell improve it."
    Tempest

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    Default Re: I can't look sexy and I'm too sensitive

    Think of your look and your empathy as an untapped niche market if you don't choose to revamp. You can provide a specialty most can't and need to spend most of your time at the club screening for the minority of customers who crave the unique experience you can provide. You'll probably have less success than the average dancer if you approach customers at random, but you can cultivate a small base of regulars who will ADORE you and pay a premium for your unique company if you find the right club.

    I know one dancer like this in an upscale club in Manhattan. She looks kind of like a young Miranda Kerr. She literally looks like an angel onstage and is such a sweetheart. She absolutely banked. But she was able to do so because she worked in a club with enough lonely and seriously wealthy men to pull it off, and she had a shrewd business sense underneath her kind demeanor. So maybe try to rock your existing vibe again for a while before dabbling in a more "professional" look. If it doesn't work, it's pretty easy to stripperfy your appearance.

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    Default Re: I can't look sexy and I'm too sensitive

    Think of your look and your empathy as an untapped niche market if you don't choose to revamp. You can provide a specialty most can't and need to spend most of your time at the club screening for the minority of customers who crave the unique experience you can provide. You'll probably have less success than the average dancer if you approach customers at random, but you can cultivate a small base of regulars who will ADORE you and pay a premium for your unique company if you find the right club.

    I know one dancer like this in an upscale club in Manhattan. She looks kind of like a young Miranda Kerr. She literally looks like an angel onstage and is such a sweetheart. She absolutely banked. But she was able to do so because she worked in a club with enough lonely and seriously wealthy men to pull it off, and she had a shrewd business sense underneath her kind demeanor. So maybe try to rock your existing vibe again for a while before dabbling in a more "professional" look. If it doesn't work, it's pretty easy to stripperfy your appearance.

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    Default Re: I can't look sexy and I'm too sensitive

    Run away from this industry. It's no place for a sensitive person. That's not an insult to you at all. My best friend in the world is an extremely sensitive person and I would tell her the same exact thing. I'd never want her to do this for a living because it would destroy her.

    Don't do this to yourself. There has to be a better way to make a living.

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    Default Re: I can't look sexy and I'm too sensitive

    I think if you just stop overthinking everything and actually work consistently for like a month you can decide if this is the right job for you or not. I'm sure if I thought too much about it before I started when I was 18 I would post the exact same thing as you.. but all I did was get drunk and go in and make money (which I do not recommend btw, lol). Now it's been like 4 years I have a different perspective on clubs and on myself and I've definitely changed a lot. I used to be insecure and just not the dancer type but I definitely changed.

    As for looking innocent, I went through that phase as well. I wore a lot of light colors with curled hair and everyone thought I looked like an innocent baby but I used that to my advantage and made money off it. Now I try not to look so innocent by wearing my hair straight and wearing black lingerie.

    Just figure this out for yourself I don't think anyone on here can say this isn't the job for you because we don't know you. Just stop over thinking this whole thing and try it out for yourself, experiment, and learn as you go just like everyone else. But remember that putting yourself down will never help in any area of your life, so be confident and learn to love yourself and what you have going for you. If you go into the club thinking that you're not sexy and too sensitive and just putting yourself down then you will NEVER make any money. Read the Law of Attraction thread!
    Last edited by 22lligm; 05-31-2014 at 03:45 PM.

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    Default Re: I can't look sexy and I'm too sensitive

    Read "Ask and It Is Given" by Jerry and Esther Hicks

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    Default Re: I can't look sexy and I'm too sensitive

    You might be better off in a high end sales job where you can use your "empathy" to charm people into buying things. This industry is already going down the shitter. It needs survivors for it to stay afloat.
    "Fake tits are like Kevlar. They don't guarantee your chances of survival but they sure as hell improve it."
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    Default Re: I can't look sexy and I'm too sensitive

    Idk.. I'm a super sensitive person but I do just fine in this industry. It took a little longer for me to really thrive maybe, but 7 years in I have to say stripping has been a blessing for me.

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    Default Re: I can't look sexy and I'm too sensitive

    I'm an empath, but I make it work. I use this energy of feeling "oneness" with everyone and channel it to make men NEED to be around me. So they spend in order to get my attention/time/dances.

    While working, you must brush off rude comments and be a strong, fierce warrior who happens to dance and seduce. It's better to leave your sensitive side at home, to keep it safe. Keep your spirit, your heart, to yourself, in a safe place in the back of your mind. Protect it with a fortress, while your stripper persona is in charge.
    "Dancing tables, making deals with devils like a drunk beauty queen"

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    Default Re: I can't look sexy and I'm too sensitive

    You can definitely make money with empathy, you just have to balance it with your stripper persona. You are at work so don't give them your empathy for free, you need to give them a little but make sure that you're pushing a sale, once they've spend and are in the room, that's when full-out empathy, "I'm so sorry you life sucks, let me make it better for you babe" comes out. But more make up, trust me, you don't look bad unless you're doing it wrong, go on youtube and look up some videos. Don't wear white. Lie about your age, just say you're 21. I started dancing when I was 19 and I made way more money when I said I was 21. Don't EVER tell anyone you're new, say you've been dancing for a couple years, that will weed out some of the "I'm going to save you" shitheads.

    There are so many girls who just don't have the patience to sit and listen to guys whine that if you can put up with it you'll do well. There are a SHIT TON of guys who come to the SC because they wanna talk, and if you can tap into that aspect, you will make bank. I honestly have tons of customers who don't even give a shit about me taking my clothes off in VIP as long as I let them talk, nod, and tell them exactly what they want to hear. The British are so racist when it comes to Indians? Oh yes babe, everyone is just more comfortable with stereotypes, you're lovely and people just don't understand you. You haven't had any luck on your online dating profile? Well, you know, women are so materialistic, they just want rich old men with money, you just need to find someone who really understands you. You just have to try and read them. If you take them back for a dance and as you're taking your top and bottoms off they're asking you questions, go with that. It's great to be sexy and all, but you can make a lot more with conversation, because the time goes by faster and if they're enjoying themselves they won't even think about pulling our another 20 or 100. Just make sure to add some sex to it so they don't friend-zone you. If someone is opening up to me and I'm being empathic, I make sure there's lots of body contact-- rubbing their back, touching their thigh, running my hand through their hair, etc, that helps me from being friend zoned.

    And stop it with all the fucking can'ts, if you tell yourself you can't do something, well, you won't be able to. Turn that can't into a CAN.

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    Default Re: I can't look sexy and I'm too sensitive

    Quote Originally Posted by audrey_k View Post
    You can definitely make money with empathy, you just have to balance it with your stripper persona. You are at work so don't give them your empathy for free, you need to give them a little but make sure that you're pushing a sale, once they've spend and are in the room, that's when full-out empathy, "I'm so sorry you life sucks, let me make it better for you babe" comes out. But more make up, trust me, you don't look bad unless you're doing it wrong, go on youtube and look up some videos. Don't wear white. Lie about your age, just say you're 21. I started dancing when I was 19 and I made way more money when I said I was 21. Don't EVER tell anyone you're new, say you've been dancing for a couple years, that will weed out some of the "I'm going to save you" shitheads.
    idk I have to disagree with that part. When I first started and was 18/19 I always said my age and that I was new (I'm sure they could tell anyway) and customers loved it! Especially the older ones, they always got dances and loved seeing a new young innocent face in the club. Just be on your guard because they think they can take advantage of you.

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    Default Re: I can't look sexy and I'm too sensitive

    I don't know I just found saying I was 20 and had been dancing for a year cut out a lot of time wasters, OTC requests and attracted a higher end clientele. I think all guys think it'll be easier to get a new girl/young girl to do extras and come home with them.

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    Default Re: I can't look sexy and I'm too sensitive

    That's probably true audrey. I guess OP you can try both and see which works better for you.

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    Default Re: I can't look sexy and I'm too sensitive

    Quote Originally Posted by ScarletKitten View Post
    While working, you must brush off rude comments and be a strong, fierce warrior who happens to dance and seduce. It's better to leave your sensitive side at home, to keep it safe. Keep your spirit, your heart, to yourself, in a safe place in the back of your mind. Protect it with a fortress, while your stripper persona is in charge.
    This ^^^

    The key to being able to work at a sc is the ability to detach yourself from work. Outside of work I'm sensitive and tend to empathize a lot with those around me. At work, I could give a shit about a customer's feelings, since I realize that this is only work and we're both looking to get something out of each other. No one goes to a sc with pure intentions. But you can still be a sweetheart without getting your feelings involved. Some customers absolutely love it, and feel as if you're more real "than those other strippers". Hah.

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    Default Re: I can't look sexy and I'm too sensitive

    What everyone says is totally right. I just started dancing again after a long break and I had to remind myself of a few things this being one of them. I totally respect anyone who is basically just themselves at the club, but what always worked for me in the past is having a stripper persona who is exactly that - a persona, even if it's just something mental you use to psych yourself up before work, it comes pretty naturally when everyone is calling you a different name, you can be whoever you want to be. Being a fierce warrior goddess helps but whatever you feel most aligned with, that is not the shy, sensitive "you" but is something you feel comfortable with, not just trying to be someone else that you think men will like. And I think it would help to figure your motivation - get hungry for something, whether it's money, fun, or experience. I always had to give myself frequent attitude adjustments lol and no doubt still do

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