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Thread: Being Young- Ups and Downs- Older Dancer's Help!

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    Default Being Young- Ups and Downs- Older Dancer's Help!

    I always knew turning 18 would not magically mean I was truly an 'adult' with a fully put together life etc etc. The brain does not even fully develop until age 24. There are a lot of things I know that I don't know but I don't know what those things are- and I want to know, because I need to know, and it's driving me crazy!

    I'm almost 19 and it's great to be young but also, it's really not. I am posting this question asking for life experiences, what you were doing when you were 18/19, and how in the hell you survived! Cause right now I have tunnel vision and I can't see anything ever changing.

    I am sorry if this question makes no sense, and please don't flame cause all I'm looking for is some inspiration!

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    Default Re: Being Young- Ups and Downs- Older Dancer's Help!

    I think you should relax and enjoy your life! You're only 18.. I mean I'm only 22 but literally time has FLOWN BY since I started college 4 years ago, it's kind of depressing. Are you not sure what you want to do with your life? Go to school! Yes your brain doesn't fully develop until age 24, so that means take advantage of this time and learn more in college if you can. I think the best part of being in this age range is that you're an adult but you're not exactly an ADULT yet. Have fun, go out, party, decide what you want in life (school? no school? travel?).

    You should really just enjoy being young while you can. You only live once

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    Default Re: Being Young- Ups and Downs- Older Dancer's Help!

    a lot of things cannot be taught and just have to be lived and learned! PLEASE don't be in a hurry to grow up! enjoy it. i'm 26, and i feel like i should still be 18 or 19 it went by so quick. i wasted so much time being miserable at that age..
    the few things i wish i had learned to save me some heart ache and time.." when somebody shows you who they are, believe them the first time". i wish i had put myself and my wellbeing before crappy boyfriends and back stabbing friends.
    what i don't regret is taking some time to really get to know myself more before deciding to go to college. i always thought that asking an 18 year old to decide what they want to do for the rest of their life ( and live under often-crushing debt to get) is ridiculous. for the majority of 18 years olds. if you know what you wanna do, go for it! taking classes you enjoy is always fun
    so enjoy yourself and surround yourself with good people who treat you well!

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    Default Re: Being Young- Ups and Downs- Older Dancer's Help!

    Yeah I agree Simone, college right away isn't always the best option. College helped me decide what I wanted to do after a year into it, although my best friend is on her fourth year and still has no clue what she wants to do.

    But like Simone said.. life is about living & learning so you just have to figure it out on your own unfortunately.

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    Default Re: Being Young- Ups and Downs- Older Dancer's Help!

    I would love to enjoy life- I really want to. I do worry too much- my little brother is autistic, displaying suicidal behaviors, saying he doesn't care if he lives or not, and it's all I can do not to lay in bed and cry for him all the time. Daily tasks like going to grocery store suck the life out of me these days so I feel like I really don't have the energy to have fun.

    I'm extremely, very lonely as well- no friends around, no boyfriend, not living with family anymore. I see people my age in happy relationships, they are going to prom, they are travelling the world- privileged, lucky kids. They are headed off to college, will be fully supported by their parents for the next 4+ years. I do not begrudge them, I just watch from a distance and wish that could be me and hold onto the hope that someday it could be.

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    Default Re: Being Young- Ups and Downs- Older Dancer's Help!

    Maybe you should talk to a therapist?

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    Default Re: Being Young- Ups and Downs- Older Dancer's Help!

    ... ummm, at 19 I was a new mom and working full time in a furniture factory. If I only knew then what I know now !!!!

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    Default Re: Being Young- Ups and Downs- Older Dancer's Help!

    Quote Originally Posted by Melonie View Post
    ... ummm, at 19 I was a new mom and working full time in a furniture factory. If I only knew then what I know now !!!!
    Lol that's exactly what I'm asking what is it that you know now that you wish you knew then??

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    Default Re: Being Young- Ups and Downs- Older Dancer's Help!

    When I was 19... I was working at a strip club, had dropped out of college, and was partying my ass off and using a number of different illegal substances on a daily basis... I was dating a total piece of shit DJ at my club who treated me like a whore... 19 was probably the darkest of the 24 years I've lived, it really wasn't a happy time for me.

    What I wish I had known then that I know now, I mean, is hard to say. A part of me wants to tell my 19 year-old self that I should have stayed in school (I went back and got my degree but didn't graduate until I was 24 because of that time off), NOT used drugs.... but I learned so much from that year of my life. I learned how important it was for me to get my degree, stopping using drugs/drinking all the time forced me to deal with a lot of my shit that I could still be avoiding now.... I honestly don't think there's anything I could have told my 19 year old self that I know now, I mean it's just making mistakes a learning from them. And having different experiences to learn what you like and don't like. No one can 'help' you grow up you have to do it yourself, but it's fun so don't worry about it!

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    Default Re: Being Young- Ups and Downs- Older Dancer's Help!

    Seriously, don't think too hard about it. Just enjoy being young right now. Cuz, (as awfully cliche as it sounds), one day you're gonna wake up, realize you're almost 26 and look back on those "crazy confused" years of being 18/19 and wish that you could give anything to go back to that time. Not even necessarily with the knowledge you'll have accrued in your mid-20s, but just because you'll realize that the longer you live, the more complicated shit becomes lol As I type this, I'm sitting in my college's main "college bar" surrounded by kids bitching about some of the silliest things and all I can think is, simultaneously, "I'm so old..." and "Omg, I want to be you again!"

    If you're already dancing, you're lightyears ahead of where I was at 18. When I was 18, I'd only had one bf/kissed one boy, was a virgin, thought that college was everything even though I wasn't excited about it, and was expecting some cookie-cutter life. By 22, all that shit had changed drastically. It always will. The time seems like it flies, but then you realize how much can change in such a short time.

    I know it does really no good to tell someone younger to just "relax and enjoy" their young years. But, as long as you chill out a little, follow what you want to do in the moment without letting some sort of vision of the future get completely away from you, and accept the fact that shit will continue to change very quickly over the next few years, you should be able to make the most out of the ride.
    Don't try to win over the haters. You are not the Jerk Whisperer.

    Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.






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    Default Re: Being Young- Ups and Downs- Older Dancer's Help!

    These "young" years ahead of you are for molding yourself into the individual you want to be. The first step is to figure out what that is. That's the crazy fun experimentation phase where you tend to say yes to almost everything, and gauge your experiences to narrow down your preferences. From those preferences you develop goals and plans. Over time and with intention and follow-through from you those goals and plans become more detailed and you begin to take steps to achieve what you want. Succeeding gives you confidence, failing pushes your boundaries and teaches you new skills.

    When I was your age I was in a university and program that my parents chose for me, I was living at home, working 3 jobs, and just having fun. I realised I had ambitions that my family's expectations didn't jive well with, and after a year of experimenting and planning, I decided to pursue this, changed schools, and moved. First year in my new program was hard. It was incredibly expensive and challenging, and I initially found this discouraging. This led me to decide to try stripping, I did, finished school (eventually--which was another whole experimentation and planning phase in and of itself). I'm happy for the failures that I had in my early twenties because the failings and subsequent success is what makes one an adult. We are not born being able to to anything, we are blank canvases. You are what you make yourself, that being said, your ideas of what you want and who you want to be may change over time, don't be afraid to make changes to your lifestyle, plans, and goals, if what you have tried so far isn't working for you anymore.
    "We can't expect you to just know all the secrets of our top-secret-titty-club!" --Jenna Marbles

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    Default Re: Being Young- Ups and Downs- Older Dancer's Help!

    Quote Originally Posted by KikiGem View Post
    I would love to enjoy life- I really want to. I do worry too much- my little brother is autistic, displaying suicidal behaviors, saying he doesn't care if he lives or not, and it's all I can do not to lay in bed and cry for him all the time. Daily tasks like going to grocery store suck the life out of me these days so I feel like I really don't have the energy to have fun.
    It sounds like you have a lot on your mind right now and I can only imagine how hard it is for you to watch your brother go through this, while not being able to do much to help. I do suggest that you find some support, whether it be a support group or counseling. Caring for a disabled family member can take a huge emotional toll and caregivers often neglect their own self care. One of the things that I wish I realized much sooner than I did.

    Quote Originally Posted by KikiGem View Post
    I'm extremely, very lonely as well- no friends around, no boyfriend, not living with family anymore. I see people my age in happy relationships, they are going to prom, they are travelling the world- privileged, lucky kids. They are headed off to college, will be fully supported by their parents for the next 4+ years. I do not begrudge them, I just watch from a distance and wish that could be me and hold onto the hope that someday it could be.
    Something else that I wish I knew earlier is that we need to play the hand that we're dealt and play it the best we can. To make the most of what we have and understand that, even when someone else's life looks better, in reality, they just have a different set of problems to deal with. People can be really good at hiding their problems and there can be some heartbreaking situations behind that "I have it all" exterior. Besides, it doesn't matter what everyone else has or how it compares to you. All you can do is use what you have and make the most out of what life gives you.

    You've mentioned some things that you wish you had and, really, there's nothing stopping you from having any of it... except you! Get out and meet people that share interests and hobbies. Pretty soon, you'll have a circle of friends and that's a great way to find a boyfriend too. If you want to travel, save some money and go. There's nothing stopping you from having anything that you want, if you're willing to put in the effort to get it.

    That's the #1 most important thing that I've learned in life. We all make your own destiny and the only limits in life are the ones that we place on ourselves.

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    Default Re: Being Young- Ups and Downs- Older Dancer's Help!

    You ask a lot of questions, which is great. I've seen a number of posts you've started.
    Best advice? LISTEN; or, rather, READ
    Take in all this exceptional free advice others are offering you and do what you can with it.

    No matter how much you may think you know it all, you'll learn more from others around you. The best advice I can give is "everything they say IS true". I never believed it in my early twenties... You wont be young forever and must make good, informed decisions.

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    Default Re: Being Young- Ups and Downs- Older Dancer's Help!

    I was in college, was a virgin, very, very insecure with over bearing parents, especially my dad. I was so caught up in losing my virginity because my peers were. It became an obsession. I was also obsessed with trying to achieve impossibly high standards of beauty. This made me depressed. I think if I had chosen a different collegiate path, I wouldn't have been so obsessed. But I chose FIDM, my second year moving to Los Angeles for the first time. I was also under the spell of wanting to act, which I did in high school. (I ended up doing it later on and I had a fairly consistent acting career). My parents wouldn't hear of it until I graduated. So I did, barely. Also, if I had gone to school in another city, that may have helped. My parents won't admit it, but they put a lot stock in a female needing to be super attractive to 'get anywhere' in life. No wonder I was so messed up.

    Although obsessed and depressed about my looks, hair, weight and super oily skin, I did have some exiting times going to college in two big cities. I also did manage to have sex before I was 20, that story makes me smile now:-)

    My advice: try not to be so nervous or negative. If you try drugs, be very careful. I think it's harder now to make friends while everyone is more involved in their smartphones than talking to one another. It was hard for me too. And that was before cell phones. Just leave yourself open to new experiences. You are young. This is something to covet. Have fun with it!

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    Default Re: Being Young- Ups and Downs- Older Dancer's Help!

    When I was in my late teens I was a huge stress ball always second guessing myself and everyone else around me. I had low self esteem, and that didn't help.

    My best advice for you is to take care of yourself physically as well as mentally. Eat clean. Exercise every day. Meditate. Don't smoke or use drugs/alcohol. Work on improving yourself in some way, like taking classes you enjoy, reading, journaling, etc.

    And remember, people are usually not thinking about you at all. When we are young, we think that people are constantly judging or know something about us that we are not proud of. They don't. In fact, most people are so busy worrying about their own issues that they have no mental energy to worry about you.

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    Default Re: Being Young- Ups and Downs- Older Dancer's Help!

    When I was 19 I took care of a very close and very sick family member. They were dying of a bad, fatal disease. They were in pain and took drugs that didn't help the pain much. They didn't sleep and didn't eat and I was the only person who could help them, so I did. I was at their death bed taking care of them for three years from 17 to 20. Only after I turned 20, I could start thinking about MY life. By 23 I kinda figured it out, but not completely yet. Sorry this was very depressing, I'm just trying to say that your situation is NOT bad, you're just confused. You're at the right age to be confused though. You'll figure it out. Here's some advice since you're looking for it:
    Save your money
    When and if you see a douchebag, run! It's hard to believe at 18/19, but there are other men out there, the good men and no it won't take you forever to find them. Don't stay with a guy who doesn't treat you right--walk away!!
    Always remember you can achieve anything you set your mind to achieve.

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    Default Re: Being Young- Ups and Downs- Older Dancer's Help!

    If I have one piece of advice I would say don't get wrapped up in a guy. Im 22 and since 14 I have never been single till now. Care about yourself before you care for some else
    Also save your money like crazy and if your going to blow money blow it on something worth it like a vacation or car. Im now divorced and until next month living off what im making here and there between dancing and my day job (slight spending problem). Another thing is use a condom every damn time! Regardless if you guys go get tested toggether people lie and people cheat and sometimes birth control doesn't work to prevent pregnancy

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    Default Re: Being Young- Ups and Downs- Older Dancer's Help!

    If I have one piece of advice I would say don't get wrapped up in a guy. Im 22 and since 14 I have never been single till now. Care about yourself before you care for some else
    Also save your money like crazy and if your going to blow money blow it on something worth it like a vacation or car. Im now divorced and until next month living off what im making here and there between dancing and my day job (slight spending problem). Another thing is use a condom every damn time! Regardless if you guys go get tested toggether people lie and people cheat and sometimes birth control doesn't work to prevent pregnancy

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    Default Re: Being Young- Ups and Downs- Older Dancer's Help!

    When i was 19, i was at university doing my first degree, very much in love with the person i knew i wanted to marry and about to be heartbroken when we broke up and miss him to this day.

    I wish someone had told me at that age to buy a house. My opportunity to do that came about 4 years later and I didn't take it. My parents had only ever told me that education was important - nothing else - so instead of buying a house i took a master's degree, not realizing i could do that any time in my life but the circumstances under which you are in a position to buy a house are quite difficult to make line up. So my best advice to you is that when you get the opportunity to buy property, do so. It gives you a stable base to work from for the rest of your life - once you are on that ladder you'll be in a stronger position than if you were not.

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    Default Re: Being Young- Ups and Downs- Older Dancer's Help!

    when i was 18/19 i was a clueless newbie stripper. Stuck at home with a controllig overbearing sister, Wasting time with cheap older custies and doing drugs. I dont miss those days at all.

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