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Thread: Having a baby as an arrangement?!?! WTF

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    Dizzy Having a baby as an arrangement?!?! WTF

    I had to share this story...So I've been on a few dates with this man in his mid forties.We got to talking about our families...so I asked if he had any children (PRAYING he would say NO). Low and behold he says he has a 6 month old son! I didn't say a word after that...so he went on to explain that this was not his wife or girlfriend. But a woman who he agreed to have a child with. Without ever being in a relationship! His explanation was he did not to want to rush into marriage with someone just for he sake of Having kids. So he spends time with the baby a few times a week and just bought the woman a house? I've never heard of this shit in my life. Just had one of those WTF is he serious moments. Idk if this makes any difference, but he's extremely wealthy (multi millionaire) and one of the most intelligent men I've met in my life. This guy can't be serious! Not to mention...do I really want to date someone with an infant -_-

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    Default Re: Having a baby as an arrangement?!?! WTF

    If you have an intuition that something is not right with this picture, you're probably right.

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    Default Re: Having a baby as an arrangement?!?! WTF

    Just date this man for now: don't get too emotionally attached to him, at least not in the near future.

    He has tons of money and can simply afford buying his baby mamma a house, so don't freak out about this.


    Unlike you, I had heard of plenty of men doing this: it was extremely common in the military. Guys and gals wanted children for the extra BAH but didn't want the drama of having a formal relationship with the mother or the father.





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    Default Re: Having a baby as an arrangement?!?! WTF

    kind of like a weird off-shoot of sperm/gg donor or surrogate mother type thing? its not traditional, but i wouldn't say he's a bad person just for that..although it raises a few questions. like, why he would want a kid that bad while only seeing it a few times a week, and why he would be so against "rushing" into a relationship but now he's looking for one…hmm, interesting. i'd say approach with caution.

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    Default Re: Having a baby as an arrangement?!?! WTF

    Well, remember the case involving the 'sperm donor' and a lesbian couple a few months back? Kansas, I believe. The lesbians had a messy split, and the state declared him responsible for the child because the 'fertilization' wasn't done by medical professionals. He and the couple had even drawn up paperwork saying he was in no way responsible for the child. He had never even met the kid or had anything to do with him until the court proceedings started.

    There is no way their's was an official arrangement. Most fertility doctors make people prove they are of sound mind and in good financial standing (Octomom's Dr is a horrible exception to this), plus it's like 10k for a round of fertility treatments. Donors are usually only known to the woman or couple by a serial # and personal profile. The woman or couple take care of themselves. You have a man that probably had a friend with benefits or sugar baby with benefits, they got pregnant. I'm going to assume he wanted her to not have the baby for his above reasons, but is at least man enough to take responsibility and respect her decision.

    It can really go either way for you. It seems like he doesn't have an emotional attachment to the baby mama, but he isn't going to make the child go without because they didn't cover up. Or his story could be true, but would never stand up in a court of law.

    If you don't want to date someone with a kid, don't do it. There are reasons why people have that preference. One of them is to try to avoid possible baby mama drama, another is that you would never be #1 to him. He seems like he could be a fun, short term fling (because he has money, shallow as that sounds) until you find someone else, but if you do the deed, make sure you are on birth control and he covers his willy!

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    Default Re: Having a baby as an arrangement?!?! WTF

    He probably really wanted kids while he was still youngish. I don't think its a dealbreaker. Women do that kind of thing all the time, or try to. Just make sure to get to know him, meet her and confirm the story is true after you get to know each other, etc.

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    Default Re: Having a baby as an arrangement?!?! WTF

    Just going by my impression from your post, OP - the way you described him explaining this situation, he seems to take having the kid very casually, almost flippantly. Maybe bc he is so wealthy the costs(current & potential) of the kid's needs don't seem to be a big deal for him. Could he be a 'I've got more $$ than God so everything's just kinda whatevs' type? Simone took the words right out of my word processor -- proceed cautiously in case he is so 'casual' abt everything else.

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    Default Re: Having a baby as an arrangement?!?! WTF

    A multi millionaire is not just going to have a kid with a woman he is not involved with unless he likes throwing away bucketfulls of money for no damn reason.
    "Well done. Here are the test results: You are a horrible person. I'm serious, that's what it says: 'A horrible person.' We weren't even testing for that."

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    Default Re: Having a baby as an arrangement?!?! WTF

    I really don't think the amount of money he spends on the child could even make a dent in his pocket. I agree with what Simone said...if he doesn't see the child that often, what's the point . Which then makes you think. If he IS that type of man that has so much money he does whatever he pleases. Eitherr way...we get along and I only see him as someone to have fun with. Not get seriously involved. I'm pretty sure he sees this as something just for fun as well. Not like I'm an expert in figuring what men want anyway -_-

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    Default Re: Having a baby as an arrangement?!?! WTF

    Quote Originally Posted by Savannah Lee View Post
    man in his mid forties.We got to talking about our families... Low and behold he says he has a 6 month old son! I didn't say a word after that...so he went on to explain that this was not his wife or girlfriend. But a woman who he agreed to have a child with. Without ever being in a relationship! ... So he spends time with the baby a few times a week and just bought the woman a house
    Makes perfect sense to me. He's in his 40s, thought it's time to have an offspring, but doesn't really want to get married and has money to make an arrangement happen. I would do the same thing in his situation. The child will receive all the benefits and resources that accrue in an upper or upper-middle class environment, as well as guidance/mentorship from a successful, intelligent father.

    Just as an aside, I remember years ago seeing a twilight zone kind of episode where a nuclear family was caged in a zoo for spectators to watch. The reason? The traditional family became extinct!
    Last edited by 1st_samurai; 07-08-2014 at 08:34 PM.

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    Default Re: Having a baby as an arrangement?!?! WTF

    Have you conducted a background check on him? Red flags are waving from this side of the internet. You need more information about this man before you hand him your heart.

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    Default Re: Having a baby as an arrangement?!?! WTF

    If he wanted to be a father, he would have adopted an infant or hired a surrogate to have the kid for him and then HE would raise it.

    In this case...he only visits the kid. This sounds like more of an ego thing, he thinks so much of himself that he wants a kid with his DNA, and to have him close by, like a toy, but not having to deal with the hassle of being a parent. He isnt doing the actual WORK of parenting, he just thinks that he can enjoy the fruits. That isnt being a parent. Sounds like hes trying a shortcut. I bet taking shortcuts isnt how he made his money(unless he inherited it, then it all makes perfect sense)

    I guess he could have been doing this for the woman/girl, but then why is he visiting it 3 times a week, and why did he buy her a house? Doesnt sound right.

    Obviously i have limited facts of this situation, but I'm going to go ahead and think this guy is a douche that has no concept of what being a parent is all about.
    Last edited by lemiwinks31; 07-09-2014 at 02:12 PM.

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    Default Re: Having a baby as an arrangement?!?! WTF

    Quote Originally Posted by lemiwinks31 View Post
    If he wanted to be a father, he would have adopted an infant or hired a surrogate to have the kid for him and then HE would raise it.

    In this case...he only visits the kid. This sounds like more of an ego thing, he thinks so much of himself that he wants a kid with his DNA, and to have him close by, like a toy, but not having to deal with the hassle of being a parent. He isnt doing the actual WORK of parenting, he just thinks that he can enjoy the fruits. That isnt being a parent. Sounds like hes trying a shortcut. I bet taking shortcuts isnt how he made his money(unless he inherited it, then it all makes perfect sense)

    I guess he could have been doing this for the woman/girl, but then why is he visiting it 3 times a week, and why did he buy her a house? Doesnt sound right.

    Obviously i have limited facts of this situation, but I'm going to go ahead and think this guy is a douche that has no concept of being a parent is all about.
    Thnx, this ^^^^ is actually where I was going w/ my reply, but you put it much more articulately.

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    Default Re: Having a baby as an arrangement?!?! WTF

    Quote Originally Posted by GlamourRouge View Post
    He probably really wanted kids while he was still youngish. I don't think its a dealbreaker. Women do that kind of thing all the time, or try to. Just make sure to get to know him, meet her and confirm the story is true after you get to know each other, etc.

    Yeah,

    i would bet a lot of $$ that you are not getting the whole story.

    Occam's Razor......When presented with a set of facts, the simplest explaination is most likely the correct one.

    In this case, the simplest explaination seems to be that he got someone pregnant and he bought her out of taking him to court for child support with a house and who knows how much $$.

    If this is the case, the fact that he is trying to be involved in the kids life speaks better of him than the story he told you, which makes him a douche.

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    Default Re: Having a baby as an arrangement?!?! WTF

    Quote Originally Posted by Jay12 View Post
    Just date this man for now: don't get too emotionally attached to him, at least not in the near future.

    He has tons of money and can simply afford buying his baby mamma a house, so don't freak out about this.


    Unlike you, I had heard of plenty of men doing this: it was extremely common in the military. Guys and gals wanted children for the extra BAH but didn't want the drama of having a formal relationship with the mother or the father.
    BAH doesn't increase depending on the number of children. One dependent is the same as 10 dependents and a spouse who is not in the military also counts as a dependent. Arranged marriages are not uncommon in the military but I've never heard of anyone having kids just for "extra" BAH.

    Anywho. Makes sense to me.

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    Default Re: Having a baby as an arrangement?!?! WTF

    Quote Originally Posted by lemiwinks31 View Post
    If he wanted to be a father, he would have adopted an infant or hired a surrogate to have the kid for him and then HE would raise it.

    In this case...he only visits the kid. This sounds like more of an ego thing, he thinks so much of himself that he wants a kid with his DNA, and to have him close by, like a toy, but not having to deal with the hassle of being a parent. He isnt doing the actual WORK of parenting, he just thinks that he can enjoy the fruits. That isnt being a parent. Sounds like hes trying a shortcut. I bet taking shortcuts isnt how he made his money(unless he inherited it, then it all makes perfect sense)

    I guess he could have been doing this for the woman/girl, but then why is he visiting it 3 times a week, and why did he buy her a house? Doesnt sound right.

    Obviously i have limited facts of this situation, but I'm going to go ahead and think this guy is a douche that has no concept of what being a parent is all about.
    I was thinking this as well. I've met guys who really wanted to be dads and they either adopted or did the surrogate thing (and these tended to be gay guys ironically). The men I have known with situations like this where they see the kid a few times a week were men pushed into fatherhood due to an accidental pregnancy. Reminds me of baby daddies who get several women pregnant then have little to do with them.

    Btw is this guy an actual millionaire or just telling you? I've come across a few who claimed to be millionaires but really weren't.
    Last edited by Kellydancer; 07-10-2014 at 09:28 PM. Reason: spelling

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    Default Re: Having a baby as an arrangement?!?! WTF

    Sounds like you've already got your head on straight if you're approaching with caution and viewing this more as a fun fling for a little while. Just have your fun and avoid becoming involved with that aspect of his life until if/when you both feel serious enough to consider a genuine relationship.

    When it comes to kids, though, there can be a lot of variety.

    Maybe the woman in question is a friend who wanted to have kids so he agreed to knock her up, and he'd rather be around and provide enough to say "I might not be a daddy figure but I am the kid's father, not just your run of the mill PoS sperm donor." I've discussed this with a handful of trusted male friends as a Plan C for having kids by a certain age, and almost all of them insisted that they wanted to actively participate in the potential kid's life to at least a moderate (probably what you would expect out of a close uncle) degree if we went through with it.

    Maybe he really wanted the kid himself and just doesn't want to deal with obligatory romance at this point. After all, spending time with a child (particularly one that's still an infant) several times a week when he doesn't HAVE to sounds like he really does want to play a part in raising the kid. The way I see it from a logical point of view, his being involved any more than he is at this stage would be more of a bonding experience between himself and the woman than with the child.

    Maybe it really is like it's been suggested already and this is something he did somewhat flippantly. Like he figured, "if I'm gonna have kids, it's high time I do it and just let someone else do the dirty work while I'm still having my fun." I'm not inclined to believe that's the case if he visits an infant multiple times a week, but some people have gone to some crazy lengths to "groom" children.
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    Default Re: Having a baby as an arrangement?!?! WTF

    @ Kelly dancer...yes he is in fact is a millionaire. He owns hundreds of millions of dollars worth of commercial real estate throughout the area. At first I thought he was full of it bc he's very low key. But I did in fact google him and his company. Not to mention he's picked me up in a Bentley and the other day in a Maserati. Not to sound douchey but not just anyone has those types of cars. But other than the cars, I'd never guess he was that wealthy...which I guess is a good thing. I'll give it a few more dates and ask more about the situation then. The whole situation would only bother me if he's lying and having the baby was in fact an accident. But, idk how I would ever find that out anyway.

    SIDE NOTE: till this day I cannot meet a fucking NORMAL man! Lol

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    Default Re: Having a baby as an arrangement?!?! WTF

    Quote Originally Posted by Savannah Lee View Post
    He owns hundreds of millions of dollars worth of commercial real estate throughout the area. At first I thought he was full of it bc he's very low key. But I did in fact google him and his company. Not to mention he's picked me up in a Bentley and the other day in a Maserati. SIDE NOTE: till this day I cannot meet a fucking NORMAL man! Lol
    Hundreds of millions, especially in his 40s is not considered normal, so if you're looking for a normal guy, you're looking in the wrong place! The handful of guys that get that kind of wealth in real estate are in their 70s or 80s and close to being a corpse because it takes a lot of time to get rich "slowly" in real estate. My bet is that his dad helped him a lot maybe by initial capital, co-signing loans, making him general partner of a number of properties, or any number of ways.

    Even most of those guys in their 40s that you see on the Millionaire Matchmaker tv show "only" have several to $10 mill. (In fact, one guy with $5 mill married a Deal/No Deal Supermodel, Katie Cleary, but she left him when his business went bust). Hundreds of millions just hits it out of the park, grand slam home run, and now you're talking about Forbes 4000 level. You're talking about private jets, vacationing on Necker Island, or staying on the 25th floor of the Burj Al Arab in Dubai kind of stuff ... I'm assuming.

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    Default Re: Having a baby as an arrangement?!?! WTF

    It's him and another partner. And I'm gathering that his father had a lot to do with it as well. And the company owns all of that property, I don't know if that makes a difference since it is his company after all. I'm just waiting to see his house lol. Anyways shouldn't someone with this much money be dating supermodels or something. The more I think about this situation the weirder it sounds. Too good to be true ? Or does he just want someone normal whose not looking to use him for his money

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    Default Re: Having a baby as an arrangement?!?! WTF

    Quote Originally Posted by Savannah Lee View Post
    Anyways shouldn't someone with this much money be dating supermodels or something. The more I think about this situation the weirder it sounds. Too good to be true ? Or does he just want someone normal whose not looking to use him for his money
    Many of the top 1% of 1% of 1% in wealth actually marry very average (or even below average in the case of Mark Zuckerberg) looking women. Most extremely rich 1st generation wealth guys work so hard that they really don't have that much experience with women, and they tend to marry early, like their college sweetheart. But, since he's 2nd generation wealth, the situation is different. His father sacrificed and worked ungodly hours to become a success. The son was in the lucky sperm club and 2nd generation money tends to enjoy themselves more. 3rd generation wealth, such as Brandon Davis, grandson of oil tycoon Marvin Davis, did indeed date a number of attractive leading ladies such as January Jones and formerly hot Mischa Barton.

    I know a friend whose cousin is 3rd generation wealth in the business of hotel and office building construction. He did marry a model. His cousin's father, i.e. 2nd generation wealth, married a woman who was very average looking, and not really much of a homemaker either, nor was she a career woman.

    Going back to Mark Zuckerberg, I would not be surprised one bit if his grandson, i.e. 3rd generation wealth, marries a Victoria's Secret model. There is an old saying that wealth does not last 3 generations.
    Last edited by 1st_samurai; 07-09-2014 at 08:17 PM.

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    Default Re: Having a baby as an arrangement?!?! WTF

    About that last part on wealth not lasting 3 generations ... if the next generation just blows money regularly, they are not immune to bankruptcy. Most famous case being Huntington Hartford from his heyday back in the 1950s to 1960s. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Huntington_Hartford

    In more recent times, recall Daniel Sadek, founder of Quick Loan Funding. He blew $20 mill on a pet movie project called Redline, just as subprime housing imploded, and he was a big gambler in Vegas. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Redline_(2007_film)

    So not even the ultra rich are immune from bankruptcy if they're not careful, or not smart about their money.

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    Default Re: Having a baby as an arrangement?!?! WTF

    Quote Originally Posted by Savannah Lee View Post
    @ Kelly dancer...yes he is in fact is a millionaire. He owns hundreds of millions of dollars worth of commercial real estate throughout the area. At first I thought he was full of it bc he's very low key. But I did in fact google him and his company. Not to mention he's picked me up in a Bentley and the other day in a Maserati. Not to sound douchey but not just anyone has those types of cars. But other than the cars, I'd never guess he was that wealthy...which I guess is a good thing. I'll give it a few more dates and ask more about the situation then. The whole situation would only bother me if he's lying and having the baby was in fact an accident. But, idk how I would ever find that out anyway.

    SIDE NOTE: till this day I cannot meet a fucking NORMAL man! Lol
    Well he could rent those types of cars. I'm glad he really is who he says, years ago I met a guy who claimed to be a millionaire but in fact wasn't. He was a car salesman and able to get fancy cars to drive around. That's why when I've met guys who claimed to have money I was always suspicious even if they were legit.

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    Default Re: Having a baby as an arrangement?!?! WTF

    Quote Originally Posted by lokikola View Post
    BAH doesn't increase depending on the number of children. One dependent is the same as 10 dependents and a spouse who is not in the military also counts as a dependent. Arranged marriages are not uncommon in the military but I've never heard of anyone having kids just for "extra" BAH.

    Anywho. Makes sense to me.
    I meant to say that the BAH will increase from the single rate to the rate with dependants due to the offspring.





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    Default Re: Having a baby as an arrangement?!?! WTF

    Quote Originally Posted by Kellydancer View Post
    Well he could rent those types of cars. I'm glad he really is who he says, years ago I met a guy who claimed to be a millionaire but in fact wasn't. He was a car salesman and able to get fancy cars to drive around. That's why when I've met guys who claimed to have money I was always suspicious even if they were legit.
    I wouldn't be surprised if he's pulled that off a number of times.

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