I met my current boyfriend a year ago. I've danced for eight years and have invested a lot of time and money into my career. I've never been particularly fond of the industry but it allowed me the freedom, money, and independence that well made up for the negatives. I've been looking for other job opportunities for the last few years and was in the process of trying out a new industry because ideally, I'd like to be done with dancing.
I was working two jobs when I started dating my new boyfriend and initially he was okay with my dancing job. He was under the impression that I was looking to quit and eventually focus full time on my other job. Because of this, he pressured me into prematurely quitting which I neither wanted or was ready for.
I work full time now in another industry and make decent money but it's a fraction of what I made dancing. I make enough to support my lifestyle but am still unsatisfied with the pay cut. Like with dancing, my pay is determinate of work ethic and skill to which I have no limits on the amount that I could make. I'm just impatient and finding it hard to start from the bottom. My boyfriend makes double what I did dancing and had offered numerous times to pay my expenses, allow me to stay at home, etc. I'm too prideful and independent to accept this so I still pay for all my own bills. I can't pose the question "I want to dance again because I miss the money" because I don't really need the money.
I like my new job but it stresses me out a great deal. Ideally I'd like to dance a few nights a month just to feel "secure" because it's what is most familiar to me and what I know I can indefinitely succeed at. My new job brings challenges that I emotionally am not ready for. Relying on it as my only source of income is tearing me apart because it's even more volatile than dancing (imagine that!) I just feel like dancing on the side as a back up would eliminate some of my anxiety.
But my boyfriend is extremely against me returning and would probably end our relationship if I did. I care deeply about him and our relationship is great (aside from this issue). I thought that after quitting for a year I'd eventually get over this feeling but I haven't.
So I don't know what to do. I'm having a difficult time adjusting to a life without dancing and I feel like I want to go back simply to be in my comfort zone.
I'm wondering if anyone (retired or otherwise) have felt this way?



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Uhhhh holy shit this post is so relevant to my life it hurts. Seriously, I feel like I have to chose between minimum wage and my boyfriend or rolling in singles...Single. He met me when I was a dancer, I got pissed and quit after my manager moved me to day shift for gaining 7 lbs about 3 months into us dating. He helped me get a vanilla job but a few months passed and I hated it. fast forward 18 months we're about to have our 2 year anniversary and I got fired from my vanilla lame ass sales job and I have been looking for work for 3 months. Nothing will pay more than $8. Fuck that I can make 3X that amount in 3 minutes for a lap dance. Thanks. I have been trying to tell him I want to go back and I can't sit him down and have a serious conversation about it because I feel like it's a deal breaker for him. I don't know if the money is worth leaving him for so I am scared to tell him how I feel. Ideally I'd be over he moon if he could say yes and support my decision and we go on with our happy lives with a lot more money in our pockets. I try and bring it up casually, I even took him to the club I want to work at twice. (Both times I got offered a job in front of him.) He shoots me down when I bring it up in a lighthearted way... I feel like I am going to lose my best friend over this, but deep down I feel like this is a serious crack in our relationship. I don't feel free to do what I want. I didn't realize how much control he had on me... The other problem is if I leave him to dance I need to find a new home ASAP because I live with him. Not having a penny to my name right now thanks to not having a job, that's hard. There's only so long I can couch surf.
I don't know what to do. If you find a way to balance this, let me know.

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