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Thread: How many dates till you sleep together?

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    Default How many dates till you sleep together?

    I know everyone is different, so I'm just curious as to how many dates you ladies go on until you sleep with a man that you are really interested in.

    In the past, I have slept with men by the second date (except my ex who I waited two weeks). But I'm now TRYING to wait at least a month.

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    Default Re: How many dates till you sleep together?

    I'm trying to wait for a long time. In the past I slept with them early and the result was many were using me for sex (and dumped me once they got it). I don't think there is a set time but if you are looking for a relationship I would wait at least a month.

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    Default Re: How many dates till you sleep together?

    its been different with every one. its more of a feeling i get when the time is right rather than a specific number of dates or days but i usually wait a few weeks to get more comfortable. any indication of them getting pushy/creepy, and that was it. never had a one night stand, never really wanted to

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    Default Re: How many dates till you sleep together?



    MANY MEN WANTED TO LAY ME DOWN, BUT FEW WANTED TO LIFT ME UP

    -Eartha Kitt

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    Default Re: How many dates till you sleep together?

    Most of my relationships including the one I am in now was same day/night sex, lol. There have only been a couple of guys I have dated that I waited until the second or 3rd day. I just don't have the discipline to wait I guess and I have always tried to think that if they wanted to be with me then they would regardless of when we had sex.

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    Default Re: How many dates till you sleep together?

    Quote Originally Posted by GypsyLace View Post
    I met my SO and had sex with him right away. It wasn't even a date - we literally just used to meet up for sex lol. Our first 'date' came months after we'd had sex.
    Quote Originally Posted by simone87 View Post
    its been different with every one. its more of a feeling i get when the time is right rather than a specific number of dates or days but i usually wait a few weeks to get more comfortable.
    A few times it's was like GypsyLace, but mostly it's like simone87.
    Last edited by Elektra Luxx; 08-18-2020 at 03:51 PM. Reason: Because I sounded completely stupid!!

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    Default Re: How many dates till you sleep together?

    I usually sleep with the men I date right away. No point in wasting any more time on a relationship if we aren't sexually compatible. If that freaks out the man, then I know he was just a booty call, anyway. No harm, no foul.

    My current SO I slept with without having dated at all. Met at a bar, took him home with me, sparks flew and the rest is history. Best booty call EVER! He still is.

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    Default Re: How many dates till you sleep together?

    Quote Originally Posted by Kellydancer View Post
    I'm trying to wait for a long time. In the past I slept with them early and the result was many were using me for sex (and dumped me once they got it). I don't think there is a set time but if you are looking for a relationship I would wait at least a month.
    If you are a sexually charged individual, waiting may send the wrong message to your potential SO. You may end up with problems of him not wanting sex as much later on in the relationship, and feelings of sexual dissatisfaction which will lead to lots of hurt feelings and arguments.

    When it comes to finding a life partner, it is always best to be yourself. So what if you hook up and the man isn't interested in anything more than sex? At least you had a fun night. If it wasn't fun enough for him to return for seconds (and thirds and fourths) then letting him go is for the best anyway.

    Be true to yourself and your physical needs. STD tests are easy, condoms are cheap but a solid life partner is rare.

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    Default Re: How many dates till you sleep together?

    Quote Originally Posted by Tourdefranzia View Post
    If you are a sexually charged individual, waiting may send the wrong message to your potential SO. You may end up with problems of him not wanting sex as much later on in the relationship, and feelings of sexual dissatisfaction which will lead to lots of hurt feelings and arguments.

    When it comes to finding a life partner, it is always best to be yourself. So what if you hook up and the man isn't interested in anything more than sex? At least you had a fun night. If it wasn't fun enough for him to return for seconds (and thirds and fourths) then letting him go is for the best anyway.

    Be true to yourself and your physical needs. STD tests are easy, condoms are cheap but a solid life partner is rare.
    Not true, waiting sends the message you are worth it. Too many here sleep with a man right away then cry because he dumped them. That is a reality if you sleep with them too early. Not mentioning that if they sleep early with a woman they may do it with many women which means possible diseases. A life partner won't care if you wait, and sex shouldn't be the most important part of a relationship.

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    Default Re: How many dates till you sleep together?

    Quote Originally Posted by Kellydancer View Post
    I'm trying to wait for a long time. In the past I slept with them early and the result was many were using me for sex (and dumped me once they got it). I don't think there is a set time but if you are looking for a relationship I would wait at least a month.
    Second this! wait a month, losers will leave before then

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    Default Re: How many dates till you sleep together?

    Quote Originally Posted by Tourdefranzia View Post
    If you are a sexually charged individual, waiting may send the wrong message to your potential SO. You may end up with problems of him not wanting sex as much later on in the relationship, and feelings of sexual dissatisfaction which will lead to lots of hurt feelings and arguments.
    I definitely agree with this.


    Quote Originally Posted by Kellydancer View Post
    Not true, waiting sends the message you are worth it. Too many here sleep with a man right away then cry because he dumped them. That is a reality if you sleep with them too early. Not mentioning that if they sleep early with a woman they may do it with many women which means possible diseases. A life partner won't care if you wait, and sex shouldn't be the most important part of a relationship.
    Well let me just explain a couple of "waiting" examples I personally experienced. The longest I waited was a month on purpose (meaning not a friend that turned into dating), and it turns out he LITERALLY had a micropenis. I'm not even kidding. And I had no idea. This guy was model hot and extremely nice, I should have known something was up.

    I waited a couple weeks with another guy & then tried. After a few times of "trying" he finally admitted he had erectile dysfuction and could never get it up. Like, never. To the point where he didn't even seek out sex because he knew he couldn't get it up, and stopped watching porn because of it. I suspect it was from steroid use, but he denied that. And this guy was like soulmate status.


    So now I am EXTREMELY cautious when a guy doesn't come off as at least somewhat sexual. Because, in my experience, it literally means there is a physical problem that he is trying to hide.

    I'm not saying have sex with a guy immediately when you meet him, but like... don't try to hold off on sex because you may spend a lot of time with someone only to realize they don't have a working penis. Its especially awful if you practically fall in love and their penis doesn't work. Yay

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    Default Re: How many dates till you sleep together?

    I've seen it the other way. I know a woman who immediate jumped into bed, and got pregnant. He bailed and is now raising the kid on her own. He only wanted sex. I know others who got hurt because it's all he wanted. Often what happens is if you have sex right away the relationship becomes just about sex. If you wait and build up the relationship often a friendship builds. That way when the lust dies (and it will) there is a strong friendship.

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    Default Re: How many dates till you sleep together?

    I try to read the guy and my own gut feeling. And how much I care because, honestly, sometimes I just want to get laid. But in my best, longest relationship, we just had sex and watched a movie the first date. Lasted for two years before he started wanting to get more serious. I wasn't near ready for that, so I let him go.

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    Default Re: How many dates till you sleep together?

    Quote Originally Posted by slowpoke View Post



    Ideas on the subject.
    I'm pretty sure that's how the world works these days. At least in big cities or progressive cities. People are too busy to date women for months until the woman decides its ok to have sex. I haven't even personally met a woman my age who thought like that lol.

    RE: The Patti Stanger advice... I think she has some good ideas on where and how to meet men, but she also has weird rules. She says men ONLY like straight hair, hate redheads, most girls need to tan, and you can only wear black or jewel tones. I don't think that advice is accurate, so her no sex before monogamy rule is weird. That rule might apply to millionaires (because they can have whatever they want whenever they want it, and have commitment issues with everything due to so many options), but not to the average person.

    Also, if you date for a month and then the guy disappears, a girl can be quick to say "yes! dodged a bullet! he didn't want commitment!" But at the same time, how do you know he didn't just walk away because he assumed she wasn't as into him because she didn't want to have sex with him? I'm sure guys can feel used too. Especially if they are paying for all the dates.

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    Default Re: How many dates till you sleep together?

    I... I don't count by dates... I count by months/weeks.

    Eeeek! Ya'll probably think I'm CRAZY.

    I established, when I was very young, that I wouldn't sleep with anyone unless I was in love with them and (of course) they were in love with me. Where this notion came from, I don't know. But falling in love takes time. And if love is a prerequisite for doing the deed... well, that's going to take time too. I just can't imagine getting it on if I don't feel safe/loved/accepted/etc. As a result, I have never had a one night stand or a booty call... more power to you if you're into that sort of thing, no judgement here... but I personally cannot... it wouldn't be enjoyable to me.

    While Sex and the City was an entertaining show, I couldn't buy into it. The three date rule, nu-uh... no way. Hook-ups with hot people in bathroom stalls... I don't think so. But hey, that's just me. And me is who I've got to be.

    So yeah, there is no right answer... I bang when I'm good and ready. Time spans and dates are arbitrary. I'll only get frisky when I feel.... you know... frisky. And I haven't had complaints about that.

    To answer your question… It’s pretty clear that it takes me a long period of time to be VERY interested in someone. I don’t feel the need to PROVE my interest by putting out… or counting… or succumbing to superficially imposed pressures from so-called “experts” (fuck you, patti stanger matchmaker lady and all dating gurus), or social norms/constructs. Things get sexy when the moment is right. I’m interested in sexxin’ when I feel affection that is deep and meaningful. As I’ve said before, if there is no meaningful connection, I couldn’t have a good time.
    Quote Originally Posted by Jay12 View Post
    ^What Sophia said.
    Quote Originally Posted by yoda57us View Post
    I wish there was an "auto-like" setting that I could just have applied to all of your posts Sophia....

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    Default Re: How many dates till you sleep together?

    I'm ready to sleep with someone about three seconds after first visual contact if i have successfully ascertained that they are indeed fuckable.
    "Well done. Here are the test results: You are a horrible person. I'm serious, that's what it says: 'A horrible person.' We weren't even testing for that."

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    Default Re: How many dates till you sleep together?

    Best article in the topic:
    http://elitedaily.com/dating/sex/why...-a-first-date/

    My favorite line on why it helps get rid of awkwardness:
    And all those games that you play on the first few dates can also be eradicated – not sure about who is going to pay the check? Feel free to push that bill right over to him because, guess what? You sucked his dick last week. He can at least pay for dinner.

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    Default Re: How many dates till you sleep together?

    I just go by chemistry.

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    Arrow Re: How many dates till you sleep together?



    MANY MEN WANTED TO LAY ME DOWN, BUT FEW WANTED TO LIFT ME UP

    -Eartha Kitt

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    Default Re: How many dates till you sleep together?

    IME, the women who say that there is a higher likelihood that a guy will be serious about you if you wait, are right. Every actual boyfriend I've ever had was someone I waited with. Every quick hook-up has stayed exactly that. However, knowing most of those guys as friends for awhile either before or after the deed, we never would have lasted as a real romantic couple anyway - so really no harm done there. I am also paranoid about the sex ending up awful if I wait too long to test the waters, especially since I am rarely super attracted to anyone. Because of that rarity, I also have a very hard time waiting, even when I initially tell myself I will, because I want it so much.

    So ultimately, I have waited 2 months at the longest until I was officially dating the guy for awhile, but usually, if I'm attracted to someone, there will be sex on the first date or even with no date. If I actually like them and it doesn't work out, yeah it sucks, but that doesn't change the fact that I did it because I really wanted to - not out of desperation or something - so I'm really just being true to myself. And, even though I've had the experience of men being more serious if I wait, I have to agree that if I'm truly compatible with someone, then our views on sex should and would also be compatible, so it wouldn't matter. Like I said, the people who bailed ended up revealing themselves as people who wouldn't have been good long-term matches for me anyway.
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    Default Re: How many dates till you sleep together?

    I don't think there is any right or wrong answer to this. I've had guys who I made wait break it off quickly after having it. and sex on the first night turn into great relationships. Abd vice versa where one night stands were simply one night stands.

    If a person wants to be with you they will whether you make them wait or not.

    My current relationship started from a one night stand from a guy I met at a bar who tracked me down to the club to ask me out because he remembered I worked at my club and showed up a few weeks later after we had spoke at a bar and I had long since forgotten about him. We hooked up that night and have been dating ever since. That's like the worst possible combo for "dating success stories" not only did we not even have a real date but he was also a customer (granted I met him outside the club and the only reason he came in was to see if I actually worked there because that was the only way for him to find me because I never gave him my number).

    Relationships happen because both people want to be in a relationship with the other person. Not because of how soon or long you wait for sex.

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    Default Re: How many dates till you sleep together?

    Usually first date if I like them, with my husband it was three days.

    Maybe I am lucky but I have noticed no correlation between time I waited to have sex with a man, and the subsequent relationship. I do have very high standards, and I believe that is more key.

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    Default Re: How many dates till you sleep together?

    Interesting. The books I've read, many say wait 3 months MINIMUM. Of course, the feeling of "falling in love" can last anywhere from less than one day to 2 years. Two years being the MAXIMUM. From there, when the feelings fade away, one is left to speak the other person's love language (Read the book, "The 5 Love Languages"), or else the relationship falls apart, thus, people cheat or break up or what not.

    Of course, the current guy I'm seeing right now I slept on the 2nd date, and honestly, the fireworks are amazing. o.O' I originally met him off a dating site and wrote him off as a 1 night stand/fuck buddy, but he has proven to be SO MUCH more than that so far, and I'm actually a little surprised.

    I personally do not believe there is a hard fast rule on when a female should give it up, but I firmly believe that each guy that you meet should be felt out, and based off your experiences, you should take it from there. Cheers! <3




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    Default Re: How many dates till you sleep together?

    Quote Originally Posted by PinkGeisha View Post
    Of course, the feeling of "falling in love" can last anywhere from less than one day to 2 years. Two years being the MAXIMUM.
    I think some women and some men "fall in love" quickly though. I know within like 5 minutes if I'll ever love the person. Its just intuition and chemistry... I don't need a lot of time to feel it. Some guys are like that too, like the current #1 guy I'm dating. But majority of men are not like that. And some women aren't. But a lot are!

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