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Thread: How many dates till you sleep together?

  1. #26
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    Default Re: How many dates till you sleep together?

    That spark is attraction which can grow or fade. I know in every case with that immediate fade the sparks were hot but fizzled soon after because attraction was the ONLY thing. I believe in chemistry which may include the spark but other things.

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    Default Re: How many dates till you sleep together?

    Whenever I want to and he's willing.

    I've been married for 14 years to a wonderful man I banged on the first date. I guess he still thought I was "worth it" even though I was such a slut. LOL

    People should really be true to themselves and do what they want. A guy who thinks a promiscuous woman is worth less than one who makes him wait is a guy I don't even want to be friends with. I sure as hell wouldn't want to be in a relationship with him.

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    Default Re: How many dates till you sleep together?

    Quote Originally Posted by simone87 View Post
    its more of a feeling i get when the time is right rather than a specific number of dates or days but i usually wait a few weeks to get more comfortable.
    Keep in mind this is a man's perspective, but I think that's the right answer there.

    It's not so much the number of dates as it is the comfort level. I certainly don't subscribe to the notion that making a man (or woman) wait for it proves you're worth the wait. I kind of find that obnoxious really, and very old school thinking. If partners are repeatedly dumping you after bedding you, perhaps you didn't know them as well as you should have before sleeping with them, whether you've known them for a day or a month.

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    Default Re: How many dates till you sleep together?

    A related, but untouched, question is how far, short of actual sex, you will go on the first date with a guy you are attracted to on some level.
    I loved going to strip clubs; I actually made some friends there. Now things are different for the clubs and for me. As a result I am not as happy.

    Customers are not entitled to grope, disrespect, or rob strippers. This is their job, not their hobby, and they all need income. Clubs are not just some erotic show for guys to view while drinking.

    NOTE: anything I post here, outside of a direct quote, is my opinion only, which I am entitled to. Take it for what you estimate it is worth.

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    Default Re: How many dates till you sleep together?

    Quote Originally Posted by GlamourRouge View Post
    I think some women and some men "fall in love" quickly though. I know within like 5 minutes if I'll ever love the person. Its just intuition and chemistry... I don't need a lot of time to feel it. Some guys are like that too, like the current #1 guy I'm dating. But majority of men are not like that. And some women aren't. But a lot are!
    Yes yes, love. That's why I say for some it may take less than a day to "fall in love".

    Quote Originally Posted by PinkGeisha View Post
    Of course, the feeling of "falling in love" can last anywhere from less than one day to 2 years.




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  9. #31
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    Default Re: How many dates till you sleep together?

    Quote Originally Posted by threlayer View Post
    A related, but untouched, question is how far, short of actual sex, you will go on the first date with a guy you are attracted to on some level.
    To me it depends on many factors. If for example he's someone I'm just meeting (like an online date)then nothing. I wouldn't even kiss on the first date. However soon I'm going on a date with a male friend where we are both attracted and I know we will at least kiss.

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    Default Re: How many dates till you sleep together?

    For me, it really depends on a lot of things. Did I know the guy before going on a date? Am I just meeting him - blind date/dating site date? Did I just meeting him at a bar?... Also depends on the date - where we're going. Is it a more casual date or a nicer date? And it really depends on how the date goes. But normally I have a three date rule for men. Now when it comes to girls, we're talking a whole different story. (Yes, I'm bi, and have been in a wonderful relationship with a girl for the last 1yr+)

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    Default Re: How many dates till you sleep together?

    Quote Originally Posted by Kellydancer View Post
    Not true, waiting sends the message you are worth it. Too many here sleep with a man right away then cry because he dumped them. That is a reality if you sleep with them too early. Not mentioning that if they sleep early with a woman they may do it with many women which means possible diseases. A life partner won't care if you wait, and sex shouldn't be the most important part of a relationship.
    Quote Originally Posted by Kellydancer View Post
    I've seen it the other way. I know a woman who immediate jumped into bed, and got pregnant. He bailed and is now raising the kid on her own. He only wanted sex. I know others who got hurt because it's all he wanted. Often what happens is if you have sex right away the relationship becomes just about sex. If you wait and build up the relationship often a friendship builds. That way when the lust dies (and it will) there is a strong friendship.
    I have to call bullshit on posts like these, because my personal experience has been the exact inverse.

    Some of my longest lasting and/or most meaningful relationships have been with men that I slept with "quickly," while some of my shortest/worst relationships have been with men that I made a point to wait with. When I've made men wait, it's turned into either 1) a challenge that makes them only continue seeing me to get into my panties, 2) resulted in genuinely good guys assuming I'm not truly interested and it ruins any chance of a real relationship in the future, or 3) a lot of heartbreak when we realize that we're not sexually compatible.
    One of my WORST experiences was choosing to wait months before finally sleeping with a guy I really liked, only to have all that pent up sexual frustration take over our relationship when we finally started having sex. It literally got to a point where we only saw each other to sleep together, and we've only just barely started being able to rebuild the much better friendship that was nearly destroyed because I made a big deal out of waiting.

    For this reason, I have resumed my rule of waiting until I feel comfortable and ready- no matter when that is. My second longest relationship was the result of what was SUPPOSED to be a one night stand. I nearly married a friend that I slept with the moment I found out he was attracted to me. I had an on/off again relationship for five years with a guy I waited a year to sleep with.
    My current interest and I talked all day every day for a couple of weeks until we knew there was definitely mental chemistry before meeting in person, at which point we knew there was 100% physical attraction too. He knew that he may have to wait because I was having issues feeling ready for a couple of months there, and our first date ended in only a single kiss, but he was such a caring gentleman who was very attentive to my feelings that we ended up sleeping together on the second date. Now we know that we are mentally and sexually compatible, and are casually working our way to what's shaping up to look like emotional compatibility too.

    Whether your ready on the first "date" or not until marriage, any man that is worth a damn will not think any more or less of you for when that is. If you're worried about STDs/pregnancy, then use condoms and birth control- choosing to wait is not a guarantee you won't end up a single baby mama or STD free. Jessica Simpson taught us that.
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    Default Re: How many dates till you sleep together?

    You might call bullshit on it but it's been what happened to me and MANY women I know. Many men do judge women on sleeping with them early. Double standard yes but they do it. Also, when you sleep with them early how do you know they want a relationship? Many don't and those who don't will not stick around. Of course not, they can get it faster.

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    Default Re: How many dates till you sleep together?

    It's called communication. Again referring to my current interest, we were honest about the fact that we do NOT want a relationship right now. We're both perfectly okay with the fact that neither of us wants to be "together" at this point in our lives, but are remaining open to the potential for a relationship IF that's the direction our casual dating and friendship goes in.

    If a man doesn't want a relationship, he's not going to stay in one, period. It doesn't matter if you sleep with him on the first date or the hundredth, because he's going to leave when he decides to leave. If he knows or figures out that you're playing a waiting game (NOT waiting until you're actually ready,) chances are high that he's just gonna stick around until he gets his bragging rights because you're a "challenge," then bolt.

    Why PURPOSELY put yourself at risk of going through the pain of mind games, rather than just communicating and doing it when you're ready?
    Exotic dancing is like any other job.
    If you work in an office, you wear dress shoes and a suit.
    If you work in a restaraunt, you wear skid resistant shoes and a uniform.
    If you work in a strip club, you wear 7" stilettos and lycra g-strings.

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    Default Re: How many dates till you sleep together?

    I think it doesn't really matter the person you are sleeping with... I think all that matters is you.
    There are some women who can sleep with a guy on the first date, or within an hour of meeting, and are able to handle the consequences whether they are good, bad, great, or ugly. There are some women who will to wait to sleep with a guy, whether it be a week or a year, and are able to handle the consequences whether they are good, bad, great, or ugly.

    I don't think it really matters what society thinks of what you choose, and I don't think it really matters what the person you are sleeping with (or not sleeping with) thinks of what you choose. What really matters if the emotional maturity of the woman choosing. There are women who can take sex from a man and feel powerful, and there are women who can keep sex from a man and feel powerful. Doesn't matter which you choose, as long as its the choice for you. Sometimes it takes years of making the wrong choice before you realize the other choice is whats right for you, thats why so many girls regret one night stands and just as many girls regret waiting months.

    As a person who has men cry when they figure out they are a one night stand, I can say that men feel the same way we do, a lot more often then you'd think.

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    Default Re: How many dates till you sleep together?

    I sleep with men after I feel close to them. It has been in as little as a couple of hours or after months of being good friends.

    All my partners have been very respectful of me in and outside of the bedroom so I'm okay w/ how I do things.
    "There are different kinds of darkness. There is darkness that frightens, the darkness that soothes, the darkness that is restful. There is the darkness of lovers, and the darkness of assassins. It becomes what the bearer wishes it to be, needs it to be. It is not wholly bad or good."
    - The Court of Mist and Fury

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    Default Re: How many dates till you sleep together?

    Quote Originally Posted by Naida View Post
    It's called communication. Again referring to my current interest, we were honest about the fact that we do NOT want a relationship right now. We're both perfectly okay with the fact that neither of us wants to be "together" at this point in our lives, but are remaining open to the potential for a relationship IF that's the direction our casual dating and friendship goes in.

    If a man doesn't want a relationship, he's not going to stay in one, period. It doesn't matter if you sleep with him on the first date or the hundredth, because he's going to leave when he decides to leave. If he knows or figures out that you're playing a waiting game (NOT waiting until you're actually ready,) chances are high that he's just gonna stick around until he gets his bragging rights because you're a "challenge," then bolt.

    Why PURPOSELY put yourself at risk of going through the pain of mind games, rather than just communicating and doing it when you're ready?
    But both of you were honest. The fact is not everyone is honest and I've had men lie to me and claim they wanted a relationship when they didn't. If they had been honest I would have understood. Sure some men bolt no matter the time but more likely to happen early because guys just wanting sex usually don't stick around when they have options.

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    Default Re: How many dates till you sleep together?

    Quote Originally Posted by Naida View Post
    If a man doesn't want a relationship, he's not going to stay in one, period. It doesn't matter if you sleep with him on the first date or the hundredth, because he's going to leave when he decides to leave. If he knows or figures out that you're playing a waiting game (NOT waiting until you're actually ready,) chances are high that he's just gonna stick around until he gets his bragging rights because you're a "challenge," then bolt.
    I agree. If you're his type and he wants a relationship, he will be in one with you regardless when you first have sex. If he is attracted to you and doesn't want a relationship, he never will.

    I think where a lot of women get confused is men often lie and say they do want a relationship so that they can have sex. But he was lying the whole time, and you can't really tell when someone is lying. So it often appears that he won't respect you because you slept with him early, but he just never wanted a relationship to begin with.


    Quote Originally Posted by TransdimensionalPrincess View Post
    As a person who has men cry when they figure out they are a one night stand, I can say that men feel the same way we do, a lot more often then you'd think.
    Hahaha! Agreed. I was hooking up with this one guy at the beginning of the year and made it really clear I didn't want a relationship with him. He was really attractive, but no I just did not want one. And he ended up crying, and threatening to do all these horrible things to me, then keyed by car because I still kept saying I didn't want one. So yes, men often do feel the same way we do... and they want what they want whether its a relationship or only a hookup.

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    Default Re: How many dates till you sleep together?

    I only knew my SO for 4 days before we did the deed. Almost 5 years later we're still together.

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    Default Re: How many dates till you sleep together?

    Quote Originally Posted by Kellydancer View Post
    But both of you were honest. The fact is not everyone is honest and I've had men lie to me and claim they wanted a relationship when they didn't. If they had been honest I would have understood. Sure some men bolt no matter the time but more likely to happen early because guys just wanting sex usually don't stick around when they have options.
    Yes, we were BOTH honest with each other about a lot of things before sleeping together because we communicated. Do you really believe that a woman playing a waiting game is being honest? Because I do not. It's one thing to wait until you're ready - regardless of what criterion are required for readiness - versus playing head games "to see if he'll stick around." Games tend to lead to one of two things: getting ditched, or having games played on you too and then getting ditched.

    Unfortunately, men can be as equally tenacious about getting their end goal as women can. It's happened to me a few times, and far too many times for me to bother counting in other women I know, that a lot of guys with options will just cheat while they wait, then dash after they're satisfied with getting it out of you too. Even one of my own brothers is disgustingly guilty of this: "Oh, she's playing them damn games and waiting to put out." "Then why do you stick around?" "Because she's a fine piece of ass and I have bitches on the side to mess around with until she puts out."
    Exotic dancing is like any other job.
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    If you work in a strip club, you wear 7" stilettos and lycra g-strings.

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    Default Re: How many dates till you sleep together?

    Actually I was always honest about what I wanted, whether it was a relationship or just sex. The men who just wanted sex could have just told me and I would have gone away. They lied and I suffered. Btw if a guy I was dating slept with other women I would have dumped him immediately. Luckily I don't meet a lot of those pieces of shit, I meet men who feel the same way.

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    Default Re: How many dates till you sleep together?

    Let me quickly point out the logic here before I abandon this thread:

    - We're assuming men will lie about wanting a relationship.
    - We're assuming we will know that the lying man is cheating.
    - It's wrong for them to lie to us, but perfectly okay for us to be dishonest to them.

    To sum up my thoughts and move on- Ladies, fuck a man when YOU want to fuck him, not when you've been told you "should" fuck him.
    Exotic dancing is like any other job.
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    Default Re: How many dates till you sleep together?

    I'm assuming nothing, just stating what happened to me. Some people do lie about what they want.

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    Default Re: How many dates till you sleep together?

    This going to come across a little xenophobic, but what worked for me, Kelly, was stopping to date American men. Many of them, NOT ALL, have very warped senses of dating etc and I had far more success when I stopped dating them. I myself am from another country, so perhaps it's just I relate to them more, but it very much worked.

    Again this is purely my opinion and experience, no offence to anyone.

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    Default Re: How many dates till you sleep together?

    Quote Originally Posted by Vackra View Post
    This going to come across a little xenophobic, but what worked for me, Kelly, was stopping to date American men. Many of them, NOT ALL, have very warped senses of dating etc and I had far more success when I stopped dating them. I myself am from another country, so perhaps it's just I relate to them more, but it very much worked.

    Again this is purely my opinion and experience, no offence to anyone.
    I'm actually with you here. Most of the American men I've dated/been with/been friends with turned out to be a pretty terrible person when it comes to women. Men who, even if they are born and raised here but still came from a family with foreign cultural values, have generally turned out far more honest whether it's about one-night-stands or dating. They say what they want, and they mean it from my experience.

    Of course, like you said, this isn't the rule. It's just a trend I've noticed.

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    Default Re: How many dates till you sleep together?

    ^ damn, i've noticed the opposite! all the foreign guys i've come across have been incredibly disrespectful and misogynistic with very "traditional" values..esp the ones who think strip club means 20 dollar whore house

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    Default Re: How many dates till you sleep together?

    Quote Originally Posted by simone87 View Post
    ^ damn, i've noticed the opposite! all the foreign guys i've come across have been incredibly disrespectful and misogynistic with very "traditional" values..esp the ones who think strip club means 20 dollar whore house
    Actually, I should amend what I said in light of that. In the club, a lot of foreign men act like the club is a $20 whore house, like you said. In the club, I completely prefer Americans and won't give any man who doesn't speak English well the time of day because he's often constantly trying to touch my vagina saying "I don't understand." and asking me about sex.

    In my personal life, the great guys have been mostly western European and one guy who was a mix of Mexican and Japanese. Can't speak for others...I just know the Americans in my life either had other girlfriends along with me or wouldn't just admit they only wanted sex...which I'd have been fine with if they just manned up and said it, lol. It probably has to do a lot with age, too, though because I can't stand men around my age and usually date 7ish years older than myself.

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    Default Re: How many dates till you sleep together?

    Yeah the worst guys I dealt with were foreign men. I wonder if European men are better. I'm supposed to go out with a male friend who is Mexican/Italian (I think his parents or grandparents at least were immigrants, his mom is Mexican and Italian his dad was just Mexican I think)and curious to see how he does. I know he is very conservative when it comes to sex.

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    Default Re: How many dates till you sleep together?

    ^I loved my Mexican/Japanese man, and I've heard lovely things about Italians from some of my friends! I hope it goes well for you (:

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