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Thread: How many dates till you sleep together?

  1. #51
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    Default Re: How many dates till you sleep together?

    Thanks, time will tell. Luckily he's already a friend and he is very anti sleeping around (he mentions it a lot)so I'll see. I think he's first generation American because he and his mother speak English but also Spanish.

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    Banned Aniela's Avatar
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    Default Re: How many dates till you sleep together?

    I think a guy's upbringing more than his nationality is much more of the determining factor in how much he will respect women.

    My experiences w/ the guys I have dated: #1 American hatched & raised (yes, I said 'hatched' for a reason) & tried to sexually assault me. Also had no qualms abt getting it on w/ a girl two yrs younger than us since I was, y'know, all prudish & whatnot -- which now that I think of it may have had him straddling the line of statutory rape. She & I found out abt each other completely by accident, but that's another story.

    #2 born in Italy, came to US at age 16. Good mother, but mainly raised by his POS cheating father in the old country. Literally did everything except hit me, & let's just say being hit would have been preferable to the other shit he pulled.

    #3 Uzbek. Conservative Muslim. Also arrived in the US around age 16. Best friend raped me, his other best friend beat the tar out of his pregnant wife(& sm how decided that sm interaction w/ me justified this), & his response to all of these was, 'You/She/They(females) deserved it.' However, one of his other friends (also Uzbek) put a major hurting on the two from their group who attacked me one night as I was leaving work(retail) so there's your proof that at least sm of them are not bad ppl.

    #4(my current) Born in Peru, raised in the US, Best. Guy. Ever. Best kind of guy, that is. Honestly Idk a lot abt his family, as I have only met his mother & two of his cousins. A lot of conflict w/ his father growing up(what first-born son doesn't), but altho he says his father has mellowed out in his old age, sm times I wonder if his dad was a model for him of how NOT to treat ppl.

    #5 American-born, Iranian/Russian descent. Socially-conservative family, in that mental illness was smtg that wasn't talked abt in their family, & thus poorly dealt w/, kind of a culture of 'ignore the problem hoping it will go away.' This 'ignoring problems' upbringing seeped into his handling of his relationship w/ me, which is to say, rather than acknowledge whatever the problem was & look for a solution, he broke up w/ me over the phone & that was pretty much that as far as he was concerned.


    #1 was a friend (b4 the attempted assault) that I basically strung along, thinking he would shortly lose interest & let me off the hook. I nvr liked him NEARLY enough to sleep w/ him, but I learnt from the mistake of leading him on & have not repeated it. When I broke off the relationship after the attempted assault, he went a bit psycho -- stalking, damaging my locker & books, even going so far as to ask why I thought he was my enemy. His own cousins said when they found out, 'Yeah, Sonny's not all there.' They were actually the ones who encouraged me to give him a chance!

    Apart from him & #5 (we were friends for abt 6 months prior to dating), looking back I have always slept w/ guys fairly shortly after starting to date them; w/ in the first month of dating, I guess. I did so when it felt right. Looking back on how these relationships unfolded, I don't think it would have made a sodding lick of difference if I had waited w/ any of them. #2 & #3 wouldn't be any less hedonistic, misogynistic, or violent, & #4/Current cared/still cares enough abt me to treat me w/ the respect I deserve as a fellow human being.

    A guy's behaviour following sex, regardless of when it happens, I think it is based on his character rather than his feelings for the woman. If he is a very selfish, entitled personality -- yeah, he may 'like' you, but he likes you in the way that a child likes a toy but doesn't really care abt it. To a guy like that, the woman is a means to his achieving satisfaction; no amt of waiting will change that.
    Last edited by Aniela; 07-23-2014 at 11:13 PM. Reason: spelling; additions

  3. #53
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    Default Re: How many dates till you sleep together?

    Quote Originally Posted by Kellydancer View Post
    Yeah the worst guys I dealt with were foreign men. I wonder if European men are better. I'm supposed to go out with a male friend who is Mexican/Italian (I think his parents or grandparents at least were immigrants, his mom is Mexican and Italian his dad was just Mexican I think)and curious to see how he does. I know he is very conservative when it comes to sex.
    I've had lots of success with Scandinavian and Eastern European men. 100% batting average with the manners and way they treat women. I've dated a lot from those areas (even married one) and the way they treat girls can't be beat.

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    Default Re: How many dates till you sleep together?

    I don't have a rule regarding the number of dates. However long it takes me to vet an individual and get a feel for him and his intentions is how long I wait; and a lot of men easily weed themselves out, and now that I actually listen to my intuition (LOL) it doesn't take long for me to "read" them.

    The best relationship I had we waited 2 months; just happened that way. We didn't have any dates at each others' houses until after then, and did a lot of fun and adventurous things together prior to hopping in the sack.

    So for me, I assess the quality of the time spent together and go by my gut feeling. Also, I'm way more prone to give it up to guys who leave the ball in my court and conduct themselves as gentlemen, and don't try to pressure me into sleeping with them.

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    Default Re: How many dates till you sleep together?

    Quote Originally Posted by Savannah Lee View Post
    I know everyone is different, so I'm just curious as to how many dates you ladies go on until you sleep with a man that you are really interested in.

    In the past, I have slept with men by the second date (except my ex who I waited two weeks). But I'm now TRYING to wait at least a month.
    Personally I think requirements are dumb.... I don't have a magic waiting period. If I want to go to bed with the guy I do... Knew my current guy a month (and I mean just knew him, didn't hang out for a month first or anything) before I decided I liked him and we slept together that night.
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    Default Re: How many dates till you sleep together?

    Old thread I know, but I stumbled upon this thread by fluke and felt the need to add my own experience to it...my husband and I started out as a casual impromptu hookup before we even dated.


    What's ironic is how I was so desperately seeking a serious relationship and a marriage for several years beforehand, to the point that I was holding out for sex with the hope that it'd "weed out" time wasters or convince a guy that I was "worth it" and commitment material. I did this not because I wanted to, but because it's what a lot of books and older generation people said to do. It backfired...horribly. Some guys just aren't into commitment, or maybe they are but they're just not into YOU, and no amount of waiting on sex and/or jumping quickly into sex will change this. I found that a few guys were willing to wait a month+ to have sex, or even abstained from anything beyond kissing for the longest time, just to STILL end up leaving/losing interest immediately after the eventual, long-awaited first sex. I've heard and read of cases where a girl made the guy wait like 3 months and he acted fine with that, but the reason he was okay with it was because he was getting sex from other women the entire time he was "waiting". My opinion here might differ from others, but if I had to pick, I'd rather be the type who "puts out" quickly then realizes it wasn't meant to be, than be the type who is duped and cheated on.

    In the case of meeting my husband: I was beyond exasperated with dating and men at the time. I felt frustrated that refraining myself from sexual urges seemed to backfire more than "work" for me. I had started seeing a guy who was handsome, tall, funny, etc but hadn't even kissed me yet. I started feeling embarrassed about how long it'd been since I'd gotten laid. Then the no-kiss/no-sex guy I'd been casually seeing admitted that he wasn't interested in having kids (since he already had a college aged daughter) or marriage, as it was been-there-done-that for him. That did it for me. I kinda snapped, realizing that my waiting didn't really do me any benefits, only keeping me sexually suppressed and waiting around wasting time on guys who didn't have the same longterm goals.

    At that point I gave up on even trying to find a potential husband material; I went in a totally different direction, sought a hookup for a sexual release and someone to let off steam with. I sought out a physically pleasing easy target, my new neighbor who I'd very recently befriended. We hooked up, he became enamored by me at a time that I didn't really consider anything beyond a booty call, we started dating, moved in together rather quick (less than a month), and were married eight months later. Our first child together born almost eight months after that. We are celebrating our 5th wedding anniversary in a few weeks.

    I know it doesn't always work out this way; I think it was just a good fluke for me, and perhaps my focus away from desperation, marriage, and playing mind games. My takeaway from my experiences is that these days, sex timing doesn't really affect outcome nearly as much as we were raised to think. In fact, most of my past good and/or long-term relationships started with sex on the first date, within the first month, or as FWBs/FBs. Obviously not all of my FBs or casual hookups turned into relationships, but most of my longest relationships did surprisingly stem from quick onset sex.

  9. #57
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    Default Re: How many dates till you sleep together?

    Depends on her.
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  11. #58
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    Default Re: How many dates till you sleep together?

    How did I miss this thread? It would be nice to see an update from the original posters
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  13. #59
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    Default Re: How many dates till you sleep together?

    To add to an old thread

    I think it’s important to wait until you know the dude isn’t

    1. A serial killer or rapist
    2. A fuckboi (unless you like fucking fuckbois)
    3. A narcissist
    4. Riddled with untreated incurable diseases
    5. A perpetually broke loser
    6. A guy with a criminal record (hard severe crimes like assault, rape, grand theft, murder, multiple duis, multiple divorces/evasion of child support, etc)
    7. Pedophile
    Etc


    Me personally, last thing I want is some narcissistic asshole fuckboi bragging he got some of this top notch high quality pussy because I gave it to him so quickly before I realized anything about him.

    So this would take at least a couple of dates or more
    Last edited by miss.a.p1600; 08-16-2020 at 08:42 AM.

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    Default Re: How many dates till you sleep together?

    I'm not all that comfortable fucking on the first or second date (or the third). I prefer to do it right. I don't even KISS on the first date. I have no interest in being a boy toy. I may kiss you on the THIRD date. We can fuck once we know it's going somewhere.
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    Default Re: How many dates till you sleep together?

    I'm just a single guy trying to find a wife.
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    Default Re: How many dates till you sleep together?

    Quote Originally Posted by Raziel View Post
    I'm not all that comfortable fucking on the first or second date (or the third). I prefer to do it right. I don't even KISS on the first date. I have no interest in being a boy toy. I may kiss you on the THIRD date. We can fuck once we know it's going somewhere.
    The last few dates I had before I decided to go celibate again a few years back I realized the guys in today’s Tinder culture are trying for not only kissing on first date but anything sexual up to fucking. This is what PUA are teaching is to fuck no later than second date.

    It’s nice when guys are more traditional and can just use the first date as just that. Not a means to get sexual right off the bat. (Unless BOTH people want that)

    I suppose this is one way you know a guy is just looking to get laid vs looking for more meaningful relationship. He won’t risk coming off as a player/fuckboi etc by moving in for sexual activity too soon before you’re ready

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    Default Re: How many dates till you sleep together?

    I despise PUA. First off, it doesn't work. Second, it's some dude being a jackass.
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    Default Re: How many dates till you sleep together?

    You use Tinder? You're killing me here! Tinder is the spawn of Satan!
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    Default Re: How many dates till you sleep together?

    Sorry, another post...

    I WILL walk you to you door on date one. Once it's over.

    About ten years ago i knew a dude that went out on a date with a woman, and he just let her out of the car. Figuring nothing was wrong. And, after he left, some dude raped her. He felt like it was his fault. And he was a good dude, it wasn't his fault. It was the rapists fault. I don't ever want to feel that. So i WILL walk you to your door.

    And i pack... Some Rapist is going to meet a sad end if he tries that shit.
    Last edited by Raziel; 08-16-2020 at 10:36 AM. Reason: Accent
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  26. #66
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    Default Re: How many dates till you sleep together?

    Quote Originally Posted by Raziel View Post
    You use Tinder? You're killing me here! Tinder is the spawn of Satan!
    No!!! Lol. Not knocking people who do but I think a lot of guys nowadays (especially the ones who consistently use dating apps) have that “tinder mentality”

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  28. #67
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    Default Re: How many dates till you sleep together?

    GOOD!! Tinder is EVIL!
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    Default Re: How many dates till you sleep together?

    Tinder is amusing sometimes. None of these apps have ever led to dates for me, though. It would be like shooting fish in a barrel, but I just don’t have any real interest in dating and relationships. Perhaps it goes hand-in-hand with or maybe it’s because of my complete lack of a sex drive. I haven’t even gotten myself off since June. Of last year. So, trying to date me - and especially trying to hook up with me - is going to be a losing prospect. What can I do, other than accept it for what it is? I suppose it makes me come across as a frigid bitch, because my patience wears thin very fast when people can’t comprehend my lack of interest and think power of persistence will get them somewhere,

    I think Bumble was especially bad. They expected me to initiate a conversation? Good luck with that. And with Tinder mentality being the norm, I pretty much assume anyone who approaches me either does it with that in mind, or, because perhaps of my manner of dress - and especially with those who know I was raised in a Mennonite home - I have a bad propensity to attract the types of guys… how to put this? You know that says they prefer Asian women because they perceive them as being submissive and obedient? So, take that sort of person but take away the specific taste for Asians, and that’s what I often end up attracting, at least until I’ve gotten irritated with them because they mistook my use of very few words as submissiveness when it was actually me trying to hint at a lack of interest on my part, and I have to tell them bluntly that they need to fuck off.
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  32. #69
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    Default Re: How many dates till you sleep together?

    Yeah, I've never gotten a date off a dating app, either. Those things just lead to texting, and sometimes scams.
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    Default Re: How many dates till you sleep together?

    Right ? ! ?

    My friend was saying she liked it and I'm just here thinking " God, men are such whiny bitches these days. Now they can't even initiate a conversation and I have to do it ? No way. Lol.

    Quote Originally Posted by AChildOfBoredom View Post

    I think Bumble was especially bad. They expected me to initiate a conversation? Good luck with that.

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  35. #71
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    Default Re: How many dates till you sleep together?

    I think I lasted two weeks with J.

    I would normally wait longer ( at least for P in V ) . I may allow hand stuff a little earlier to test if the guy knows what he is doing. J did. Lol

    I slept with him kind of fast admittedly but I had been celibate about 3 months because I took time off from dudes after my winter boyfriend turned abusive ( ew ) . It was a shock to the system so heavy self care was needed and I didn't want to waste any conversation time ect.

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  37. #72
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    Default Re: How many dates till you sleep together?

    Hey, they the ones that created Bumble and it's stupid rules, not I. They won't LET US (Men) initiate conversations. I suspect Bumble is pretty similar to Tinder, anyway. Evil.
    Last edited by Raziel; 08-17-2020 at 11:06 PM. Reason: Clarification
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  38. #73
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    Default Re: How many dates till you sleep together?

    Tinder...
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  39. #74
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    Default Re: How many dates till you sleep together?

    Evil...

    Look if you wanna catch a Woman, just have nerve and be honest with her. Be yourself. Never lie. It's not all that hard. The single ones wanna be caught.
    Last edited by Raziel; 08-18-2020 at 06:32 PM. Reason: Replaced "Girl" with "woman", again, my apologies ladies
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  41. #75
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    Default Re: How many dates till you sleep together?

    Yeah I don't use Tinder or any of them. Just joking about Tinder - doesn't seem to make anyone happy.
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