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    Default Has anyone tried online dating?

    I finally decided to give it a try a little over a week ago, and tonight I'm having an after-work beer with I guy I've been chatting with on OkCupid. I know this is supposed to be mainstream now, and both of my parents met their wives online, but it still feels weird and embarrassing to me.

    To clarify, I'm looking for a man with the potential to be a boyfriend, not clients (I don't escort, anyway).

    Have any other SWers done this? What were your experiences like?

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    Senior Member AngelMari's Avatar
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    Default Re: Has anyone tried online dating?

    I used to, out of the 20 I met only two were decent people the rest were flippin crazies. Never agree to meet not somewhere in public idc how much you've emailed/phoned/have some connection, it's not safe there's too many nutters out there. Most don't even look like their pic and the rest just wanna get in your pants and you'll never see them again. I don't really date much these days but I'd rather meet someone outside of the computer/apps. I do get a lot of dates when I go out but it's me volunteering or doing one of my hobbies, in which case you know you'll have something in common.

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    Default Re: Has anyone tried online dating?

    Yes I did it for a few years on and off. I met several guys but nothing clicked. I had to screen out hundreds of freaks including:

    1. Men not fitting what I want. I am childless and I will not date a dad under ANY circumstance. Most of the men who contacted me were dads. I also got a lot of men old enough to be my father such as men in their 60's and up.

    2. Perverts. Many sent me nude photos, others nasty messages. Some sounded okay then they pulled this. I found out most of them were married.

    3. Speaking of which many men were married and looking to have an affair. One guy emailed me, I got his email address, Googled it and found a photo of him and his wife.

    4. Illiterate morons. I got so many who couldn't write and would write "how r u".

    5. Underachievers. I have a degree and am a professional. I got so many messages from men like a 50 year old KFC cook.

    6. Misogynists. Enough said on that.

    7. Guys I liked never liked me and I generally didn't like the men who contacted me. He doesn't have to be Brad Pitt (who I actually don't find attractive) or George Clooney but he can't look like the double of Quasimodo.

    8. Freaks. I had some guys get mad because I didn't contact them right away and others profess their love after one date. Others scared me, like the guy who threatened to track me down.

    I did meet some great guys but no connections. One guy I met as a friend because we had been talking for months online and he's a sweetie. Unfortunately he's too young and lives too far. Another on paper sounded perfect but neither of us felt a spark.
    Last edited by Kellydancer; 08-08-2014 at 04:00 PM. Reason: to clarify

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    Default Re: Has anyone tried online dating?

    Quote Originally Posted by AngelMari View Post
    I used to, out of the 20 I met only two were decent people the rest were flippin crazies. Never agree to meet not somewhere in public idc how much you've emailed/phoned/have some connection, it's not safe there's too many nutters out there. Most don't even look like their pic and the rest just wanna get in your pants and you'll never see them again. I don't really date much these days but I'd rather meet someone outside of the computer/apps. I do get a lot of dates when I go out but it's me volunteering or doing one of my hobbies, in which case you know you'll have something in common.
    Agreed. While I met the last time several great normal guys most were freaks. Definitely meet them in public. One freak wanted to meet me at a campground on New Years Eve and was angry I turned him down! No way am I meeting someone outside during winter at night at an empty place on a holiday.

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    God/dess simone87's Avatar
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    Default Re: Has anyone tried online dating?

    my experience has been a lot of guys who have online flirting addictions..even when they start dating you they will either keep their dating profile or just start adding random girls on twitter/fb/instagram/whatever. and the other side of the coin, a lot of these guys will be TERRIFIED of meeting women in real life but will be smooth as butter as long as they are in front of a computer screen..when you actually ask to meet them they will come up with excuses or just not show up.

    guys who ask for titty pics, "players" and PUAs

    and there are some ok, harmless guys online who are just ragingly socially awkward

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    Default Re: Has anyone tried online dating?

    Mixed results.

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    Default Re: Has anyone tried online dating?

    Mixed results for me as well. I met some really awesome guys though & I'd recommend it to try. Only use OkCupid though, the rest are lame.
    "There are different kinds of darkness. There is darkness that frightens, the darkness that soothes, the darkness that is restful. There is the darkness of lovers, and the darkness of assassins. It becomes what the bearer wishes it to be, needs it to be. It is not wholly bad or good."
    - The Court of Mist and Fury

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    Default Re: Has anyone tried online dating?

    Yes. It sucked. I'll never do it again.

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    Default Re: Has anyone tried online dating?

    My sister recently began trying it out, and she got a bunch of weird messages, then one guy seemed decent. Turns out, he's just a workaholic who seems to use online dating to expedite the process of getting laid. He invited himself to her apartment for their second date and was pretty pushy. It seems like, just as in the normal process of dating, you have to wade through a bunch of assholes to find someone decent. However, since proximity is a huge factor in whom you date, looking online can only increase your chances of "running into" a good guy, IMO.

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    Default Re: Has anyone tried online dating?

    Another thing would be to listen to the person. I met a guy who was what I desired (never married, childless and religious). During our meeting he mentioned he told me he met a lot of women and he didn't like any of them. I didn't give it a lot of thought until he told me he felt no chemistry. I now wonder if he was like what many online do and that is expect instant sparks or they aren't interested. Instant doesn't always happen and in my experience takes time. I'm not saying keep dating someone you find repulsive but there is a difference between absolutely being repulsed by a person and not sure how you feel.

    Simone, I've seen that too. I know people who met people from dating sites, started dating them only to find out they were still keeping their options open. I understand doing that in the very early stages but several months later? I assume those are cases where they want someone but don't feel it's the right person, or just want to keep looking. If you have to keep looking then why bother dating the other person? what often happens is the other person falls and gets hurt when the person who keeps looking finds someone else.
    Last edited by Kellydancer; 08-08-2014 at 03:47 PM.

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    Default Re: Has anyone tried online dating?

    I was registered on online dating sites for a little over 2 years, and a couple of months ago closed all of my accounts. I used to receive dozen of messages every day and rarely did I respond to any... I was on POF and OkCupid. From what I've read on other forums, it seems to be the consensus that POF is not the best website if you're looking for quality members...I specifically mentioned in my description to not write me only ''Hi, Hey, Sup, You're hot'' because I will not answer. Still, 90% of the messages I received consisted of these one-liners! Then the same users send me numerous other messages because I don't answer, with the same Hey! Hi! Sup!... If you want a reply so bad, why not spend 1-2 minutes reading my profile? On POF, I have yet to see any elaborated or well-written profiles...

    On OkCupid, I've had better luck... Members usually spend more time filling out their profile and actually take the time to read what you've wrote, or at least a larger percentage than on POF. Actually, I've only met members from OkCupid, they didn't seem as bad as the ones on POF... In over 2 years, I have met less than 10 people from online dating sites. I am very selective and I guess the only reason why I was on these websites so long, is because my first experience was really great! I met my last boyfriend on OkCupid and he was the most amazing guy I have ever met. He's from an extremely wealthy background, he's educated, intelligent, gorgeous, well-mannered, and such a sweetheart... The best sex I've had was with him and I have never met any guy who treated me as well as he did. I could not believe I met him on an online dating site. We were both really busy, he works around 80 hours per week for his father's company and did not go out much, so did not have much occasion to meet girls.

    When our relationship ended, I gave online dating sites another chance, but did not meet anyone else like my ex. Most men in my experience were time-wasters looking for a quick lay. I've met 2 pretty good sex buddies from OkCupid but nothing else worth mentioning. My ex later admitted to me that he was on OkC, looking for a fling, he wasn't looking for a relationship and when he started talking to me, it was for the wrong reasons. But when he met me, I really wasn't how he expected me to be, the way I behaved, talked and he kept complimenting on my broad range of vocabulary. I guess he was expecting me to be a bimbo because of the cleavage I was showing on my profile picture (I used to love revealing clothes at that time...). We ended up in a pretty long relationship, while in the past he only dated girls for 2 weeks to 2 months ''because it is so easy getting laid online''...

    I have heard similar comments from other guy friends. Most of them are looking for something casual, even guys who do not explicitly mention on their profile they're looking for ''casual sex''. One of the guy who became my sex buddy told me he's only picked short-term and long-term relationship in the ''Looking for'' section because ''he did not want to scare away the good girls'' even though he just wanted sex.

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    Default Re: Has anyone tried online dating?

    Quote Originally Posted by Kellydancer View Post
    Agreed. While I met the last time several great normal guys most were freaks. Definitely meet them in public. One freak wanted to meet me at a campground on New Years Eve and was angry I turned him down! No way am I meeting someone outside during winter at night at an empty place on a holiday.
    Hahaha!! Speaking of a first date with a guy from an online dating site on a holiday, I started talking with this guy who is supposedly a lawyer last winter. We were talking about our family and how we're not close with them. So he kept insisting on meeting for a first date on Christmas because we both had nobody to spend that day with, and at my place, since everything was closed!!!... I declined, he got mad and we never spoke again. lolll

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    Default Re: Has anyone tried online dating?

    Try a serious site, like match

    Go look at the mens profiles

    Dont post sexy pics

    Put a lot of thought into your profile

    Go out and look for men, don't sit and wait

    If someome messages you, with a real message, look at their profile

    Stop looking at the pics


    It is an introduction, nothing more

    I had a blast dating online, and met my SO.

    Just like meeting other ways, not everyone you date is your future husband, don't take it so seriously

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    Default Re: Has anyone tried online dating?

    I have tried online dating and to honest, it was so much fun! I met my current on OkCupid and the site setup makes it easy to compare questions and enemy/match rates. I did however meet a few crazies when using POF! I had one guy message me wanting to pay me $100, all so he could suck my toe..so I took a picture of a big chick's hairy toe and sent it to him..ah the memories!

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    Default Re: Has anyone tried online dating?

    Thanks to everyone for sharing your experiences! Keep them coming! More of my current story:

    I find it a bit odd that SWers are warning me that lots of creepy losers will contact me. I went down this path with the assumption that I'd have to ignore 99% of my messages, just like I have to ignore 99% of men of the men who try to talk to me/yell at me/physically assault me in real life. I feel like I'm being underestimated, but I am a stripper so I should be used to that.

    I also deliberately wrote my profile to reflect my "worst" qualities, i.e. being a nerd, not having a formal education, being a vegan (in New Orleans, for 15 years), keeping weird hours, taking in fucked-up dogs but never actually finding other homes for them, not driving, being Catholic, not wanting children, drinking too much, etc. I think this strategy, combined with my blurry, face-only picture, is helping to weed out time-wasters.

    Hey, do y'all want to hear how my first date went? Not really? That's okay; just skip the next paragraph.

    I told him to meet me at a bar around the corner from where I work, pretty much just to ensure that I'd be on my own turf. (I'm on good terms with all the bartenders and with the owner, actual friends with the cook, always know half the non-tourist patrons, you get the idea.) I also told him up front that I had started my period that night, so sex with someone with whom I didn't already have a strong sexual rapport was off the table. That was true. I found him physically attractive, and he seemed intelligent. I thoroughly enjoyed drinking and conversing with him, and actually felt relieved to have an excuse not to take him home and fuck him. I brought him home anyway, but we just made out a bit and talked more. He wasn't scared of my big old dirty house or my big old dirty dog (or of any of the dogs). The only thing that really gave me pause was that he already knew who I was, but he only looked vaguely familiar to me. Then again, that happens to me all the time. It's just a peril of living in the same small town your whole life.

    tl;dr: It wasn't that scary, and I liked him. I'd like to see him again.

    I do, however, need to cancel my plans for tonight with another man from the Internet. Our first and only telephone conversation led me to judge him negatively.

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    Default Re: Has anyone tried online dating?

    Quote Originally Posted by xStacey View Post
    Hahaha!! Speaking of a first date with a guy from an online dating site on a holiday, I started talking with this guy who is supposedly a lawyer last winter. We were talking about our family and how we're not close with them. So he kept insisting on meeting for a first date on Christmas because we both had nobody to spend that day with, and at my place, since everything was closed!!!... I declined, he got mad and we never spoke again. lolll
    Yeah he sounds like another creeper. I had plans on NYE and told the guy and he got mad. I can only suspect he was up to no good. He was very ugly too, looked like Frankenstein and Moe from the Three Stooges had a baby.

    Speaking of POF, I've mentioned this before but they deleted my first account. I clearly stated I do not date dads and was bombarded by them. Most were of the baby daddy type (different baby mamas)and I would reject these losers. Several of them reported me! To be fair I did meet a decent guy on POF but mostly losers. I did message a guy on there who appeared to be what I was wanting and he deleted the message after reading it. That bothered me because he seemed to be what I was desiring and I appeared to be the same to him.

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    Default Re: Has anyone tried online dating?

    I had an OKC profile for a few months, but deleted it. Like many other people have said, the vast majority of the messages I got were worthless - just looking for a quick hookup. I did end up talking to a few interesting people, but we never met. After a few back and forth messages, the conversation just kinda fizzled. Also, probably because of the way I answered a few questions, I got contacted by a lot of poly people. I know a lot of poly people, I don't care if people are poly, but that's not what I was looking for. I wish I knew what it was about my profile that attracted them en masse so I could have gone and deleted it. Nice people, but it was kinda the same thing as just being hit up for sex - those people could be great in bed, but that's not what I was on there looking for.

    I deleted it after 9 months of seeing no real value in spending my time on there. I messaged the one guy who seemed like someone I would meet in real life my real name so we could be facebook friends. We've still never actually met though.

    Idk, I signed up mostly because I was bored one night, and I was thinking back on how, when I was young, and those AOL chatrooms were a big thing, how much fun I had going into them and just chatting with random people. Things like that don't really exist anymore, so I figured this was the next best thing. But of course, it wasn't anything like that lol

    Honestly, what I've gleaned from talking to all my friends who have used OKC is that they pretty much use it just to "fun" date. No one I know, even the girls, use it as a "serious" dating website. They talk to a bunch of people, they set up a couple dates every week, they have fun going out with new people and maybe hooking up, but nobody ever gets serious with anyone off of there. Not that you should be going into any date with an "I'm gonna make you my future husband/bride!" mentality, but I think there's a realm between that and just wanting to date for funsies, which is what it seems like OKC is more about for people. I personally hate going on dates, so the whole "casual dating" thing does not appeal to me on any level. So I'm perfectly happy with having deleted my profile.
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    Default Re: Has anyone tried online dating?

    Quote Originally Posted by Kellydancer View Post
    Yeah he sounds like another creeper. I had plans on NYE and told the guy and he got mad. I can only suspect he was up to no good. He was very ugly too, looked like Frankenstein and Moe from the Three Stooges had a baby.

    Speaking of POF, I've mentioned this before but they deleted my first account. I clearly stated I do not date dads and was bombarded by them. Most were of the baby daddy type (different baby mamas)and I would reject these losers. Several of them reported me! To be fair I did meet a decent guy on POF but mostly losers. I did message a guy on there who appeared to be what I was wanting and he deleted the message after reading it. That bothered me because he seemed to be what I was desiring and I appeared to be the same to him.
    Frankestein


    I've heard that paying dating sites are much better than the free ones, such as Match.com for those who are looking for a relationship. I have never tried them though... I think it targets a different demographics, such as professionals who want something serious or looking to get married, or at least this is what I've read... It would be interesting to hear the opinion of people who have tried paid websites.

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    Veteran Member azaleanola's Avatar
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    Default Re: Has anyone tried online dating?

    I could just look this up, but on paid sites do they generally just charge men, or do they charge all genders?

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    Default Re: Has anyone tried online dating?

    We tried it and had bad results. All we ever get are fat chicks, gay men that want to fuck him, nasty old men, or the occasional hot pre op Asian transexual.
    "Fake tits are like Kevlar. They don't guarantee your chances of survival but they sure as hell improve it."
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    Default Re: Has anyone tried online dating?

    Quote Originally Posted by xStacey View Post
    Frankestein


    I've heard that paying dating sites are much better than the free ones, such as Match.com for those who are looking for a relationship. I have never tried them though... I think it targets a different demographics, such as professionals who want something serious or looking to get married, or at least this is what I've read... It would be interesting to hear the opinion of people who have tried paid websites.
    Yes sadly. If he had been normal from the get go maybe I would have met him and found he just took horrible photos. He creeped me out right away by wanting to meet me at weird spots in private that I got bad vibes. I never meet anyone at their house or mine or in a private, it's always a public place like the local mall that has a food court and open space. He complained about meeting me at the mall.

    I've done two paid sites, Match and Catholic Match. On Match I got a lot more relationship minded men but quite a few had kids. At least they were decent divorced dads but still not interested. Met a few childless men but nothing. Catholic Match was weird because I met a great guy who was too young and a bunch of much older men contacted me. The men on Catholic were a lot of childless men but too many wanted much younger. After my membership expired I didn't renew. Way too conservative too.

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    Default Re: Has anyone tried online dating?

    I've been online dating a few years, and swap internet funny/horror dating stories with nearly every date I have, since I enjoy them so much. Men mostly have to worry about fake profiles leading to porn sites or set up by high school guys. With women, all of the above rings true to me, from really creepy guys to guys just looking to hook up (unless that's what you're looking for, too) to guys who get super drunk on the date to guys who show up to the date already drunk. My best story is pretty good, but lots of the women can beat me, and just this week a woman told me a story that's a little scary.

    But, there's loads of stories of great experiences also. I've met some amazing women, and I know lots of women who have met great guys on these sites. The riskiest propositions seem to be the free sites, OKC and POF. Match is a step up, and nearly everyone I"ve dated agrees eHarmony is a clear step up from Match. That said, eHarmony has its own pitfalls -- it's overly serious, you can't search for matches they just send you a few each day, etc.

    After a while you'll figure out how to attract more of the types of people you want. Less (or more) sexy pictures, etc. You'll start coming up with rules that tend to work for you, for example for me: absolutely no coffee first dates, no dates with women who only have unfocused face pictures, etc., that make things way better.

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    Default Re: Has anyone tried online dating?

    Quote Originally Posted by azaleanola View Post
    I could just look this up, but on paid sites do they generally just charge men, or do they charge all genders?
    Match charges both, and I would assume that the others do as well. I think some of them have a free trial period though.

    And holy crap, being a vegan in New Orleans sounds difficult. I feel like the roads are paved with po' boys.

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    Default Re: Has anyone tried online dating?

    I did it for quite a while. One problem I kept having was nobody wanted to actually go out on a date without talking for months. I just wanted to go out for dinner (i would offer to pay) or bowling or something fun to get to see if we were interested in each other, but it seems everyone else wanted to talk online forever...which can be a total waste of time for both parties considering that either of you may not find the other physically attractive in person.

    So, once I finally found someone willing to go out for a date with me, I jumped at the chance...big mistake, she was nuts - became a stalker and I had to block her from all communications...about six months later after not hearing from her in forever, she finds me on facebook and threatens "you don't even know what I could do to you"

    However, don't let that one horror story ruin it for you, a few months later I met a really sweet girl, we dated for a few months and split due to distance - we are still friends with no bad feelings. I think basically it's a lot like real life, a lot of hit or misses, the difference is that it takes a little longer to realize someone isn't sane through online communication vs. real life interaction.

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    Default Re: Has anyone tried online dating?

    Quote Originally Posted by DDuckworth View Post
    I did it for quite a while. One problem I kept having was nobody wanted to actually go out on a date without talking for months.
    Really! My experience is exactly the opposite. A lot of women want to rush to the first date, and VERY predictably, those who don't want to "waste time" emailing (aka, profiling your potential date) are the ones with by far the worst horror stories. I try to stretch it out to at least a week of emailing before we meet. And if I had any advice for a woman internet dater, it would be the same: at least spend a few days profiling your date in email, weird things can come out in email, if he's in a huge rush he could be a player, etc.

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