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Thread: Husband, rules, control. Possible big spender?

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    Member Minxnymph's Avatar
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    Question Husband, rules, control. Possible big spender?

    I've done my fair share of fetish and non-hardcore camming (no penetration or spread pussy shots) for a few years now. Last year my husband asked me to take a break because he was uncomfortable with one of my custies GFE style.

    I agreed and took a break. Now I want to start making content again, just decided to in the past few days. Immediately someone sends me a message offering 450$ for a striptease/dildo video.

    I'm not desperate for money, I have another job, but man that extra would look nice in my account.

    When hubby and I first talked about me getting into camming he said he was ok as long as I didn't do any penetration or pussy shots. That was ok by me and I stuck to that rule. Now I figure a one time exception for a big chunk of money isn't so bad. He is vehemently against it, no reason besides he "just doesn't like it". I don't plan to make a habit out of it, just once for the right money.

    My question ultimately is, would you violate your husband's imposed boundaries once if the money was right?

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    God/dess SarahTime's Avatar
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    Default Re: Husband, rules, control. Possible big spender?

    Quote Originally Posted by Minxnymph View Post
    My question ultimately is, would you violate your husband's imposed boundaries once if the money was right?
    No, absolutely not. Because once you start down the path of "well it's only this or that... It's only one time" and go against his feelings, when does it end? The next time someone offers a lot of money, what then?

    Also, how would you feel if he went against something you were strongly opposed to?

    Is your marriage worth $450 that would just look nice in your account? If you were struggling and he was unwilling to do something about it, that's one thing. Just for some fun money is entirely different.
    xoxo ~ Sarah





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    God/dess JaneBurgess's Avatar
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    Default Re: Husband, rules, control. Possible big spender?

    Not to be mean but if you actually cared about your husband you wouldn't be asking this question on here. Respecting your spouse should be above a custom video period.

    He also doesn't sound controlling, he sounds like he isn't comfortable with you doing more hardcore things.



    Quote Originally Posted by Minxnymph View Post
    I've done my fair share of fetish and non-hardcore camming (no penetration or spread pussy shots) for a few years now. Last year my husband asked me to take a break because he was uncomfortable with one of my custies GFE style.

    I agreed and took a break. Now I want to start making content again, just decided to in the past few days. Immediately someone sends me a message offering 450$ for a striptease/dildo video.

    I'm not desperate for money, I have another job, but man that extra would look nice in my account.

    When hubby and I first talked about me getting into camming he said he was ok as long as I didn't do any penetration or pussy shots. That was ok by me and I stuck to that rule. Now I figure a one time exception for a big chunk of money isn't so bad. He is vehemently against it, no reason besides he "just doesn't like it". I don't plan to make a habit out of it, just once for the right money.

    My question ultimately is, would you violate your husband's imposed boundaries once if the money was right?

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    Default Re: Husband, rules, control. Possible big spender?

    I see your point, I just don't know why he is so uncomfortable with it. I will talk with him about it more.

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    Veteran Member TransdimensionalPrincess's Avatar
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    Default Re: Husband, rules, control. Possible big spender?

    Whats YOUR boundaries for money? Do you feel comfortable doing it (masturbating) on camera? or are you only 'comfortable' doing it because its a 'comfortable' number? You don't have to answer here, but these are questions you might want to ask yourself.

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    Member Minxnymph's Avatar
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    Default Re: Husband, rules, control. Possible big spender?

    I do respect his opinion and you don't know him, he is very controlling in other aspects of our relationship, so I don't really know if him controlling my camming habits is out of some weird "slut shaming" mentality (that i am worth less as a person if i do hardcore) or if it is from his fear that it is somehow going to corrupt me, or if he doesn't want me to be too financially independent or what.

    Regardless I declined the offer.

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    Member Minxnymph's Avatar
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    Default Re: Husband, rules, control. Possible big spender?

    Personally i have no qualms about masturbating on cam. i'm an exhibitionist and would love to do it if my husband would let me. but he won't. No big deal the customer understood and still bought 40 bucks worth of content.

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    Senior Member Bitch's Avatar
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    Default Re: Husband, rules, control. Possible big spender?

    Personally, I would not be okay being limited in what I can do because it made my partner uncomfortable. That said, it would mean ending the relationship for me, not hiding and playing in secret.
    Hi. I'm Shay, but you can call me Bitch.


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    Default Re: Husband, rules, control. Possible big spender?

    Quote Originally Posted by Bitch View Post
    Personally, I would not be okay being limited in what I can do because it made my partner uncomfortable. That said, it would mean ending the relationship for me, not hiding and playing in secret.
    I'm with Bitch on this one. My money, my body, my bank account, my happiness - If someone's gonna think they have the right to tell me I can't have that? The things I want? The things that bring my happiness & comfort & security? I don't want THEM.




    "I can choose to let it define me, confine me, refine me, outshine me -
    or I can choose to move on and leave it behind me."





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    Default Re: Husband, rules, control. Possible big spender?

    Thats what feels weird about it, he is ok with me doing it insofar as I ascribe to his rules. When he wanted me to stop, I did, out of respect for his opinion. I try to respect his opinion on these things, but where is the line between respecting his opinion, and being obedient (which implies he has more power int he relationship)? My therapist said two days ago that I try to cater to him in every aspect of the relationship and that makes me less able to cater to my own wants.

    At what point can one ethically say "I respect where you are coming from, but I want to do this anyway" without damaging the relationship. Is it possible to dismantle perceived power dynamics without dismantling the relationship itself?

    It's too late in the night for me to be thinking about this stuff lol.

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    Default Re: Husband, rules, control. Possible big spender?

    I mean that's something really only you can know or change. SOME relationships, some pairings of people, yes, it can be resolved in a way that is comfortable for both parties. In some, it can't. Sounds like you gotta pick your battles with this one. But if I were you, I'd stand my ground. I always find writing a letter explaining to a significant other how I feel about something important to me, helps me explain myself better and helps them understand better. I'm always willing to talk about the big things as well, but in a letter you're able to accurately convey what you mean and how you feel with a guarantee you won't be interrupted....
    Maybe try weighing the pros and cons of camming and see how it's going to make you feel in the long run, be it camming and making him upset or not camming and making yourself upset.... Best of luck to you. I know how volatile of a situation it is to be in... but in the end, you need to make yourself happy. People won't always be there for you, you're stuck with you forever! Do what makes you happy.




    "I can choose to let it define me, confine me, refine me, outshine me -
    or I can choose to move on and leave it behind me."





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    Default Re: Husband, rules, control. Possible big spender?

    I would personally respect your husbands wish but I get where he is coming from. If I was married, or even in my relationships I would not want my boyfriend/husband doing what I do. Yes, I realize that is highly hypocritical but think of it this way, would you want women looking at your husbands cock? If you are fine with it then cool, but I guess my point is that a lot of men would not want their wife even stripping on cam, let alone penetration. And if you have another job/enough money.... I personally would just put my marriage first. A marriage is nothing with lies and no trust. If you want to do it then he cannot stop you but I would definitely not lie to him then he has the choice to decide if he wants to stay or go. x

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    Default Re: Husband, rules, control. Possible big spender?

    I think you should just talk to him, really tell him everything you said to all of us. Tell him why you want to do it and what it means (or doesn't mean) to you and maybe you can ease his qualms just by being honest. I was in a similar situation before and in the end it's just easier to talk it out. If he still can't understand then I guess there is your answer, but you might be surprised if you just give him a little perspective. Has he ever watched while you were on cam before, that might ease his mind.. He may have a fucked up perception of what it's Actually all about, like many other guys who aren't experienced with this stuff. Either way good luck and do what is best for you.

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    Default Re: Husband, rules, control. Possible big spender?

    Perhaps have him cam with you? maybe do some couple stuff and have him have a little fun with it too. Maybe buy a camshow from a camgirl and yall can enjoy that. Warm him up to the idea. Gotta hustle your hubbys mind like you would a camroom. lol jk but maybe try some tactics. Win him over on the idea. I dont know how he is, but he has a penis, and that is a good start. just saying lol

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    Default Re: Husband, rules, control. Possible big spender?

    What is that saying? Fuck controlling assholes, get money? Yeah, I think that's it.
    Hi. I'm Shay, but you can call me Bitch.

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    Default Re: Husband, rules, control. Possible big spender?

    Quote Originally Posted by Bitch View Post
    What is that saying? Fuck controlling assholes, get money? Yeah, I think that's it.
    I don't think guys like this are controlling assholes. Everyone in this world has feelings and their own boundries. It's his prerogative whether he wants to be married to someone who is penetrating on cam or doing pussy shots. If OP has agreed the boundries of everything but penetration/pussy shots then they goal posts can't be moved after agreement, it's totally unfair on the husband.

    Money isn't everything, love and the people around us are more important.


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    Default Re: Husband, rules, control. Possible big spender?

    I think you need to stick to what you agreed. A relationship often involves compromise. As you didn't do this when you were first together you can't turn around and say well you knew what you were getting into so put up and shut up. Definitely talk with him again, but ultimately is respect his feelings if it really is too much for him.

    This sounds unusual coming from me as I'm normally so black and white I know, but my fiancé always told me he's happy with me camming and working, but if I work with others he'd prefer if they are female only and there is no sexual contact or touching. I think that's a fair compromise.

    Good luck
    "If you want to earn more, learn more" ~ Zig Ziglar




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    Default Re: Husband, rules, control. Possible big spender?

    You talk about control, therapist & pleasing him over your own needs.

    Let's be honest this way deeper than $450 & a dildo video.

    Perhaps it is time to see a therapist as a couple & as an individual. You are writing here to see if you are right, obviously things are out of balance in your relationship for the word control to be even mentioned.

    Here I thought people when married shared a life, shared their dreams and worked towards them together. Not that one partner has control over another.

    Good Luck,
    Sam


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    Default Re: Husband, rules, control. Possible big spender?

    Quote Originally Posted by Bitch View Post
    Personally, I would not be okay being limited in what I can do because it made my partner uncomfortable. That said, it would mean ending the relationship for me, not hiding and playing in secret.

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    Default Re: Husband, rules, control. Possible big spender?

    Quote Originally Posted by Minxnymph View Post
    I try to respect his opinion on these things, but where is the line between respecting his opinion, and being obedient (which implies he has more power int he relationship)?
    You seem to be confusing his opinion about the situation; with his emotional reactions to the situation.

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    Default Re: Husband, rules, control. Possible big spender?

    If he was fine with you camming but requested that you didnt do penetration or pussy shots, than that's what you agreed to. A lot of men don't want their girlfriends or wives on cam period. We don't know him so we can't really say if he is controlling or not, but if he is you have to figure out if you want him telling you what to do for life. Your therapist I'm sure is helping you figure this out and I wish you luck.

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    Default Re: Husband, rules, control. Possible big spender?

    If you have to ask someone else for advice, its probably a bad idea.

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    Default Re: Husband, rules, control. Possible big spender?

    Babes, you knew he was controlling when you met/married him. I just ended a similar marriage except mine was a wolf in sheep's clothing but I knew what he was like BEFORE I dated/married him and so the blame was totally on me. Your husband obviously just doesn't want his wife to be sharing her intimate bits for someone else. His reasoning is simple; but you married him. I personally wouldn't go against his wishes unless you want to clean up the shit when it hits the fan. I'm not sure if you're just comfortable being with a controlling partner or if you're just having a little bit of trouble accepting what he says goes. He said no pink bb and you agreed to that. I see that you updated and said you declined but this might be an ongoing issue between you two. What did you agree to when you said "I do" or has one of you changed?

    Personally, I don't want a man calling the shots in my life. I dealt with the controlling spouse and I fought back and left his ass in the dust; not he's the one begging me to come back. Not gonna happen. If he doesn't accept ALL of me; he can go kick rocks.




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    Default Re: Husband, rules, control. Possible big spender?

    I'd divorce my husband if he didn't care about my boundaries and did something sexual that I consider cheating, especially when I had flat out told him I wasn't ok with. I would expect him to do the same.

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    Default Re: Husband, rules, control. Possible big spender?

    I don't get it. Why would you tell husband about it to begin with. You do it, hide all evidence of it & never let any of that money hit the bank account. No, you hide it or have someone you trust hold it for you in case of an emergency.


    Men hide shit all the time, going to strip clubs, seeing an escort, hand job at a message palor, hooking up with an ex, or that they enjoy watching the most perverse porn on the web. They also hide money all the time.

    What does that mean, Husband RULES? Husband controls? That seems wack to me. You chose him, You married him.... obviously you don't want to make decisions over things in life & make him the person responsible so you don't have to think. How can you complain when his decision isn't what you like when he does the thinking for both of you?

    If ya'll discuss what is good for both of you in this line of work then turning down $450 is no big deal. Not to mention, do you REALLY think a guy will pay that much money for a solo dildo scene... especially with all the free porn tube sites out there. Hell, it probably was the husband trying to set her up.

    If you do well without showing pussy or fucking yourself without a dildo on cam, turning this down is no big deal.

    When a man offers me $5000 for a night of sex, I don't believe him & not even tempted. Cause it isn't real. Neither was the offer of $450 for a dildo scene.

    Sam

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