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Thread: Therapist

  1. #1
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    Default Therapist

    Hopefully I have put this in the most correct category...

    Ok, so this is mainly a bit of a rant against this therapist (who I will not be returning to) after she was so judgemental about my choice to be a stripper. It basically became a feminist debate (which hey, I'm usually down for, but I'm seeing a shrink for therapy, I'm not there to be judged or to argue).

    She said it was dehumanizing, objectifying and all the usual shit. Also that I was naive and "disconnected" with my body. Like, what the fuck? I was so angry and emotional by the end of it, I was literally shaking. I had never felt so judged by anyone with this job, and I've told many people as I've decided not to keep it a secret, and ironically I felt the most judged by someone who is a feminist. I'm definitely a feminist myself, but when I tried to explain my experience and perspective with the job being a feminist I was completely dismissed. Her judgements were completely biased and when I tried to ask questions about the difference between being a retail slave and being a stripper, basically analysing things, she just dismissed me and said "this is a common response from sex workers - justifying and rationalising the decision." Ugh, fuck you. Treating me like I have no capability to make a decision because apparently I am "disconnected" with myself. I also understood her perspective as I used to be a little sceptical of sex work and now I have a different view of it but NOPE she just shook her head at me.

    Her saying my choice of profession was "dehumanizing" simply felt dehumanizing, along with not listening to a damn word I had to say about dancing. Not to mention, she is a sexual assault counsellor so obviously she's spoken to sex workers who were assaulted, so OBVIOUSLY they're going to seem distraught, not because of their job but because of the unfortunate sexual assault they experienced.

    Ugh, I was so upset for a couple of days and I've returned to my other therapist who I had previously and she has been amazing in response to me working as a stripper, always was. And as a feminist myself, I couldn't imagine just dismissing someone like that because of their "objectifying" career. Never have and hopefully never will.
    Sex workers don't sell their bodies. We sell tickets to experiencing part of our sexual expression. Our bodies remain ours. - Ari Dee

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    Default Re: Therapist

    I would agree not to go back to that judgmental slag. My first thought was, 'Isn't there sm1 you can write to abt this, since her preconceived judgments are clearly getting in the way of her doing her job?' ... But, meh. If you have a backup therapist who is more understanding & thus able to give you the help you need, then that's really the most important thing. But if sm1 asks you abt your experience w/ the judgmental one I would def be brutally honest (even if not abt the specific issue) abt why I was no longer going to her.

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    Senior Member sashafeminista's Avatar
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    Default Re: Therapist

    I was considering reporting her, especially because I cringe at the thought of her making other sex workers and rape victims feel like shit. I think I'm just exhausted from reporting so many idiots this year and nothing being done, especially with sexual assault. But, will benefit other patients.
    Sex workers don't sell their bodies. We sell tickets to experiencing part of our sexual expression. Our bodies remain ours. - Ari Dee

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    Default Re: Therapist

    You should consult another therapist, it can take a few consultations before finding the right one. I have also found female therapists to be quite judgemental. Oddly, the best experiences I've had were with male psychologists, they were accepting of my job and understood it is an important part of my life. Not once did they try to convince me to quit, lecture me about sex work or tell me that I am a victim.

    I remember last year, in one of my course, a well-known criminologist came to give a conference about street gangs and the sex industry. She was saying that strippers are all being pimped and exploited, nobody do that by their own free will, in her experience she has never met anyone who does such a job to pay for their studies, students who dance to put themselves through school is a myth. She once met a girl who told her she wasn't forced to do this job, her boyfriend is not pimping her and she actually likes what she does. You could see the disgust in the lecturer's face as she was saying this, she then asked the class : I wondered if she was trying to convince herself or me. I was quite mad when I left the class after it ended.

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    Default Re: Therapist

    I'm so sorry to hear you were treated like this by someone who is supposed to be non judgmental and supportive.

    I unfortunately experienced a similar issue with a psychologist when I was in a psychiatric hospital after a rape triggered MH issues. She said "I assume this happened while you were dancing?" and smiled knowingly at the person taking notes. I felt as if she were implying it was my fault. She also called me attention seeking and made strange jibes at my father when I told her I danced.

    WHAT IS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE???

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    Senior Member sashafeminista's Avatar
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    Default Re: Therapist

    Yeah my other therapist, actually psychologist also, is great and she is super respectful about sex work and we discuss it a lot. Feel totally comfortable with her. I only started seeing this other one because she was free if you have been sexually assaulted (unfortunately, another reason why I specifically started seeing her). But my psychologist is great and worth paying the extra money, so I'm sticking with her. Glad you had positive experiences with the male psychologists though, it's funny how sometimes women seem to be the more judgemental ones sometimes.

    Ugh, that really annoys me. That would've made me mad too. Being seen as an exploited victim who couldn't possibly make a decision like that is just plain offensive. Plus, there is a big difference between sex work and sex trafficking.
    Sex workers don't sell their bodies. We sell tickets to experiencing part of our sexual expression. Our bodies remain ours. - Ari Dee

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    Member 2 tons of fun's Avatar
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    Default Re: Therapist

    Out of curiosity, how much did she charge you to be treated like that? I would have gone off on her, if that were me. You should report her. How else can you shake a experience like that from interfering later with judgement from other people?

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    Default Re: Therapist

    Thanks! I'm so sorry to hear that too, that is really awful that they treated you that way, what the fuck! Argh. I was raped before becoming a dancer - dancing is completely irrelevant .

    It is just ridiculous that people who have these jobs are meant to be making people feel safe and are just doing contrary to that. And sadly victim blaming with rape happens way too often, regardless of what the hell you were doing. It's pathetic.

    I hope you found better support from others!
    Sex workers don't sell their bodies. We sell tickets to experiencing part of our sexual expression. Our bodies remain ours. - Ari Dee

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    Senior Member sashafeminista's Avatar
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    Default Re: Therapist

    Quote Originally Posted by 2 tons of fun View Post
    Out of curiosity, how much did she charge you to be treated like that? I would have gone off on her, if that were me. You should report her. How else can you shake a experience like that from interfering later with judgement from other people?
    She was free due to a sexual assault I experienced months ago. Surprisingly I didn't get so angry in there mainly because I was just so shocked and emotional, and after a few hours of it sinking in I got ridiculously angry and couldn't believe what she had said to me.

    But yes, exactly. It only heightens sex work stigma.
    Sex workers don't sell their bodies. We sell tickets to experiencing part of our sexual expression. Our bodies remain ours. - Ari Dee

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    Featured Member wednesday86's Avatar
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    Default Re: Therapist

    OMG report that bitch!!!! WTF!!!!! And not to get into a debate here, but this is one of the many reasons that I personally DO NOT identify as a feminist. Sorry but MOST of the self proclaimed feminists I know (that need to shout it from the rooftops all the time) are super judgmental and/or have a victim mentality complex. I can't speak for all dancers but since I became a stripper I'm more outgoing and my self esteem has gone through the roof from being financially independent and worshipped like the goddess that I am. She was probably just jealous of your beauty and the fact that you get paid to be hot. She had to go to school for 6-8 years to do her job (which she sucks at) and still probably makes less than you do. Really every woman-"feminist" or not-I've met that has a "problem" with it is usually too fugly or insecure to dance. Most normal women with a healthy amount of self esteem have a "good for you!" attitude about it. Fuck her. Seriously.

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    Default Re: Therapist

    I find women to be SO much more judgmental when it comes to sex work.. it's like they think that being a woman entitles them to having this understanding of our experience when it doesn't-- it's not like menstruating! Men are so much more open-minded and accepting of it.

    I respect everyone's right to have an opinion, but people who are completely unwilling to look at the other side of the coin piss me off-- and especially in this situation, where she's supposed to be supporting you. Even if she did believe that you were suffering from being a sex worker, she went about it in a completely unprofessional way. It is NEVER the therapist's job to TELL a patient how they are feeling or what they are doing is wrong-- especially not during a consultation! You honestly really should report her, if anything hopefully it will get her to re-evaluate her approach.

    I see a male therapist right now and he's been amazing, but he is very open-minded and not very traditional when it comes to therapy, which I actually really like and he's been incredibly helpful. He's totally cool with me stripping and escorting, he has pointed out some aspects of the way that I approach my work that he doesn't find helpful, but he's never told me "you're being dehumanized and you must quit."

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    Default Re: Therapist

    Women like this should simply not be working in the field. Plain and simple. I had a similar therapy experience when I went to family counselling with my parents. The therapist basically sat there and told me how much better she was than me because SHE managed to put herself through her godamn psych degree (no offense to any psych majors on the board but most people are aware that it's not exactly the most challenging degree out there) waitressing as a single mother in the 70s. To be fair a lot of baby boomers pull this shit. They're the most narcississtic, entitled generation to have ever walked the earth, and they also lived in what has arguably been the most peaceful and abundant times in the entire history of humanity to boot, while they will leave the earth to burn to death conveniently after they are dead and gone. So to say that their perception leads them to inaccurate assumptions about other people would be an understatement. Try a different therapist? Is there a way you could get a referral to a therapist who has positive reviews from other sex workers? It's important to work with someone you trust--I ended up returning to a therapist I had seen as a teenager in my early twenties. She was great to talk to and very logical. She would always talk about logic, which I loved. I have a feeling she may have had some earlier-edition feminist opinions ( lots of women do, especially over 35, they grew up during 2nd wave feminism, which repressed sexuality, compared to an individual who grew up in the third wave (sex as power, girl power, etc), they will have very different attitudes towards empowerment via sexuality), but they didn't impede our work at all. I would also suggest trying to find a younger therapist if you can. Someone around 30 will be more likely to have grown up with the same cultural norms as you have and therefore understand your perspective much better. Best of luck!
    "We can't expect you to just know all the secrets of our top-secret-titty-club!" --Jenna Marbles

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    Senior Member sashafeminista's Avatar
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    Default Re: Therapist

    Yeah I can understand why you'd be hesitant to identify with the word if you've had those negative experiences, mind you most of my friends are feminists and they are extremely supportive of my work. I don't identify with ant-sex feminism at all, I find it repressive. Hopefully you don't get turned off it completely though, feminism is mainly about equality and treating women like human beings. Hell, my dad even identifies as one because he respects my choice to do as I please with my body, including stripping.

    But yes, I'm pretty unhappy and I'm considering reporting her
    Sex workers don't sell their bodies. We sell tickets to experiencing part of our sexual expression. Our bodies remain ours. - Ari Dee

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    Default Re: Therapist

    My backup therapist now is so logical about sex work and there is zero judgement thankfully. She's really helped with reducing my anxiety. Will be going to her from now on, even if she's a little expensive.

    I do really wish more therapists didn't treat sex workers like this, it is ridiculous. Thanks everyone here for your support!
    Sex workers don't sell their bodies. We sell tickets to experiencing part of our sexual expression. Our bodies remain ours. - Ari Dee

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    Default Re: Therapist

    Women are harsher critics than men...I cant believe some women are actually therapists..They are in their chosen career to HELP people not judge and criticize. Many therapists shouldnt be privileged enough to have their jobs.

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    Default Re: Therapist

    First of all, therapists don't really know anything. I've wasted so much money going to therapy when what I needed was to accept myself, my body and my sexuality w/o the negative judgements of others.

    I'm sorry you had this experience with the new person you saw. Can you leave a comment on Yelp or similar so that other people seeking the help of the same therapist know about his negativity against non-traditional sexuality?

    I sure hope the session was free and/or reduced as you two get to know each other. That's bullshit that he should make you pay for something you didn't ask for.

    ETA: I just assumed it was a man telling you about how you are supposed to feel sexually. Damn! You'd think a woman and a feminist would know better! Sheesh! Sorry for your experience. That's terrible.

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    Default Re: Therapist

    Quote Originally Posted by sashafeminista View Post
    Yeah I can understand why you'd be hesitant to identify with the word if you've had those negative experiences, mind you most of my friends are feminists and they are extremely supportive of my work. I don't identify with ant-sex feminism at all, I find it repressive. Hopefully you don't get turned off it completely though, feminism is mainly about equality and treating women like human beings. Hell, my dad even identifies as one because he respects my choice to do as I please with my body, including stripping.

    But yes, I'm pretty unhappy and I'm considering reporting her
    Exactly! While I understand how some women may find it dehumanizing, it's like a feminist saying to a housewife, who loves being a housewife ands finds it 100% fulfilling to be a wife and a mother, "you're not doing enough with your life, you should have gone to college and gotten a job." To me feminism is about women making their own choices and not being judged or put down for them, and not expecting all women to fit into the same box. It's not just about burning your bra, refusing to shave your legs, not getting married and being an investment banker... everyone wants different things, and assuming that all women are the same and want the same things, well, that's SEXISM at it's worst right there.
    Last edited by audrey_k; 08-29-2014 at 07:06 AM.

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    Default Re: Therapist

    I am soooo over the mainstream feminist stance that sex work is supportive of the patriarchy. That therapist has a giant stick up her ass and you did not deserve to be talked to like that, OP! Tell her to come talk to me, I'll chew her out.

    Ugh! I hate it when lazy feminists get caught up in the superficialities of stripping. Seriously, if stripping is degrading, so is a wedding ceremony. Yet no one is telling brides that wearing white and having their father walk them down the aisle is dehumanizing, objectifying, or for "naive" women ... ugh, ew, fuck her!

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    Default Re: Therapist

    I actually went to an energy healer regularly (similar to psychologists and therapists but not quite) and now I believe I'm completely healed. Energy healer is more like a spiritual healer who see energy, feel your feelings without you and her analysing your trauma. She just feels your feelings and she neutralizes them through energy.

    I didn't believe it at first but I had no choice at the time because of the emotional issues I was having with men and why I couldn't make money as much as I wanted. She healed a lot of my daddy issues, of men wanting to see me... I used to depend on customers for their love, appreciation and their attention. not a good way to make a lot of money...

    anyway, you just have to choose wisely. good luck
    "Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass. It's about learning how to dance in the rain."

    "Everyone wants happiness. Nobody wants pain. But you can't have a rainbow without a little rain.

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    Default Re: Therapist

    Quote Originally Posted by kaninchen View Post
    I am soooo over the mainstream feminist stance that sex work is supportive of the patriarchy. That therapist has a giant stick up her ass and you did not deserve to be talked to like that, OP! Tell her to come talk to me, I'll chew her out.

    Ugh! I hate it when lazy feminists get caught up in the superficialities of stripping. Seriously, if stripping is degrading, so is a wedding ceremony. Yet no one is telling brides that wearing white and having their father walk them down the aisle is dehumanizing, objectifying, or for "naive" women ... ugh, ew, fuck her!
    Actually a feminist that I went to school with was bitching about weddings on face book not too long ago...About how the ceremony is sexist toward women and if she ever gets married, she won't have wedding, blah blah blah. Wearing "white" is offensive because it symbolizes "purity" (in reality, wearing white came into fashion thanks to Queen Victoria.) The father "giving away" his daughter is sexist, and so and so forth.

    Her entire identity is wrapped up in feminism like it's her religion. I just kinda scroll past her rants like I do my family who talk about nothing but Jesus. I'm an atheist, and I'm not a feminist but whatever people want to believe is their business. As long as they're not hurting anyone or trying to preach to me I don't care.

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    Default Re: Therapist

    Quote Originally Posted by Money_Worshipper View Post
    I actually went to an energy healer regularly (similar to psychologists and therapists but not quite) and now I believe I'm completely healed. Energy healer is more like a spiritual healer who see energy, feel your feelings without you and her analysing your trauma. She just feels your feelings and she neutralizes them through energy.

    I didn't believe it at first but I had no choice at the time because of the emotional issues I was having with men and why I couldn't make money as much as I wanted. She healed a lot of my daddy issues, of men wanting to see me... I used to depend on customers for their love, appreciation and their attention. not a good way to make a lot of money...

    anyway, you just have to choose wisely. good luck
    I've never heard of modern day healers. It makes me think of shamans or something. Is that what it's like? It sounds interesting. I was going to say maybe a life coach could be an alternative as well. I've heard that they can be really effective and I've always been curious about them.

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    Default Re: Therapist

    wednesday86

    yes similar to shamans but they don't have the stereotypical look of a homeless person lol. go with whatever works for you. i personally can vouch for these energy healers because i've experienced a lot of positive changes within me when it comes to my money making skills and the type of customers and men I attract in my life
    "Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass. It's about learning how to dance in the rain."

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    ^A guy I'm dating right now does that, he is going to therapy as well to deal with some issues but says he finds that more helpful.

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    Quote Originally Posted by wednesday86 View Post
    OMG report that bitch!!!! WTF!!!!! And not to get into a debate here, but this is one of the many reasons that I personally DO NOT identify as a feminist. Sorry but MOST of the self proclaimed feminists I know (that need to shout it from the rooftops all the time) are super judgmental and/or have a victim mentality complex. I can't speak for all dancers but since I became a stripper I'm more outgoing and my self esteem has gone through the roof from being financially independent and worshipped like the goddess that I am. She was probably just jealous of your beauty and the fact that you get paid to be hot. She had to go to school for 6-8 years to do her job (which she sucks at) and still probably makes less than you do. Really every woman-"feminist" or not-I've met that has a "problem" with it is usually too fugly or insecure to dance. Most normal women with a healthy amount of self esteem have a "good for you!" attitude about it. Fuck her. Seriously.
    I also consider myself anti-feminist. However someone explained to me that that makes me a feminist because I have the freedom to choose being an anti-feminist. But I don't really see how feminism has given women more right to choose. All people have a right to choose every time they make a decision. But anyways, yeah, you get what you paid for.
    "Fear is temporary. Regret is forever."--Unknown


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    Default Re: Therapist

    I think feminism is really important. I mean, thanks to feminism we have the right to vote today and we don't belong in the kitchen like we used to in the 50's.

    I can understand why people are hesitant with that word, but it's simply because feminists like my therapist make people feel judged and dismissed and that's not cool, and it's given it a shitty reputation, but it's just not what it is about.

    Quote Originally Posted by audrey_k View Post
    Exactly! While I understand how some women may find it dehumanizing, it's like a feminist saying to a housewife, who loves being a housewife ands finds it 100% fulfilling to be a wife and a mother, "you're not doing enough with your life, you should have gone to college and gotten a job." To me feminism is about women making their own choices and not being judged or put down for them, and not expecting all women to fit into the same box. It's not just about burning your bra, refusing to shave your legs, not getting married and being an investment banker... everyone wants different things, and assuming that all women are the same and want the same things, well, that's SEXISM at it's worst right there.
    Yes!! Exactly. It's super counterproductive.
    Sex workers don't sell their bodies. We sell tickets to experiencing part of our sexual expression. Our bodies remain ours. - Ari Dee

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