I'm starting to regret stripping.
I'm starting to regret stripping.
Last edited by amandalovesu; 09-20-2016 at 12:29 AM.





^^^ personally speaking, 'honesty' is the best policy. I had a similar problem with my own mother. When I first told her, I was promptly condemned to the 9th circle of hell. However, after the initial 'shock' had passed ... such that my mother could actually think intelligently ... she quickly came to realize that I was still just 'doing a job'. Indeed that 'job' paid very well, allowed for scheduling flexibility, etc. My mother was ultimately 'sold' on the relative 'virtues' of my dancing when her boiler puked all over her basement, she needed $4,000 instantly to replace it, none of my brothers or sisters were willing / able to help, and I reached into my safe and handed her $4,000 in cash !!!




The people that are judging you now are not people you want in your life anyway, forget them. You will forget them anyway. By the time I was 30 the number of people that I knew from when I was 20, outside my family, precisely zero.
There are always judgemental assholes, but someday, when you are a successful and happening 40 something, and one of these losers crawls out from under a rock and says, 'well, oh yeah, she used to be a stripper' the quality people that you have chosen to surround yourself with will most likely reply 'what's your point?' or 'oh, really, so was my wife, I'll have to go tell her'
As far as your grandmother, use your judgement. Older people are not always so morally flexible. Especially if you choose to quit, what is the point of upsetting her or potentially affecting your relationship with her? Honestly you have done nothing wrong, so you have nothing to be guilty about. Do not act out of guilt[false guilt by my way of thinking] but out of pragmatism and self interest.
relax life is long,





1) Don't confess to anyone. This will not help you. 2) After you have enough savings to ensure an emergency fund....Switch to waitressing. I can tell from your post that stripping is both making you sad and burning you out on life. You can make money close to stripping dollars at a busy restaurant or a high end restaurant.





Sexwork has a way of weeding out your true friends. If ppl are giving you shit abt your job, fk em. They are shitting on you bc they are ignorant & often wouldn't have the stomach to try, much less work at it to the point of making a decent living from dancing, camming or whatever the hell else.
That said, I have become pretty selective abt who I tell, & I nvr broadcasted it to begin w/. A few of my friends don't even know my real name, they know me by the dancer name I was using at the time & we didn't even meet ITC. the problem w/ telling even cool ppl is that once the info is out of your mouth, it's also out of your control. My now-ex, who was also a very good friend for a long time, was the first person I told who I considered family. He kept quiet abt it, as promised, for a few yrs then started outing me to his family, w/o even the decency to ask if I was ok w/ them knowing. I wasn't. That led to sm ugliness, & even tho we moved past it at the time, FF to now (a yr later) we are probably out of each other's lives for good bc he kept fkng shit up, so he is not likely to feel bound to respect my confidence. That pisses me off royally out of principle, but I know what I was like as a dancer & I know I did nothing I should regret, so to hell w/ him & any1 else who tries to shit on me for it.
Idk what to suggest abt telling your grandmother, you know her better than any of us do.
As for getting out of dancing, have you considered getting a part-time vanilla job to hold while dancing? You would still have the flexibility provided by your dancing job but also get used to dealing again w/ smtg more structured. The change of scenery may also help your sanity, esp when suffering periods of burnout. The guaranteed paycheck (however minimal) is also a bit of a bonus, by virtue of it being guaranteed.
I know how you feel about the guilt. I feel terrible lying to my family as well. They're great people, help me a lot with things, and I feel like a shit daughter/niece/sister when they're all so happy and proud of me without knowing what I really do. But at the end of the day, I agree with the statements of how telling the truth would only make me feel better. They wouldn't be mad that I lied, they would be mad at me doing sex work, and it would become a burden that they'd carry around forever. What good would it really do them to know? I'm still the same person, I'm still me. I just happen to do some things in my personal life that they don't know about. I don't tell them about every guy I've ever slept with from a drunken party either - but why do they need to know?
Honestly, I think the thing that puts guilt over feeling like they're being "misled" in me being a "perfect child" into perspective is the fact that all adults have their secrets. I don't believe for a second that I know every dirty, little secret of my parents' lives. There's probably things that all parents and grandparents keep from their younger generation relatives that would dramatically shift our perspective of them as well. But that wouldn't negate all the good they've been to me as parents. If you found out a secret about your grandmother, that wouldn't negate what a great grandmother she's been to you. Likewise, having one secret that others would disapprove of does not negate how good of a daughter or granddaughter you've been. There's a tendency among humans to judge and label people by their worst transgression, as though that's all they are now, but we're no more entirely defined by one bad action than we are entirely defined by the one best thing we've ever done. But we tend to keep our bad parts a secret because of this knee-jerk tendency among others to judge, and I think there's nothing wrong with that since you know that you are not a horrible person and your one secret doesn't make you any less of a great granddaughter.
Check out a recent thread that also popped up in Life Support here. There's some really wonderful stories about girls on this very forum with respectable guys who are wonderful boyfriends and don't judge them for the fact that they're dancers.
It really comes down to how you project your decision and own security about dancing. If you feel that no "respectable guy" would ever want to date a dancer, then you will attract guys who don't want to date a dancer or feel you don't deserve guys who do - or think that guys who do must have something "wrong" with them. If you come to terms with it, know that you're still a catch, and that this job does not define you as a good person who deserves a good guy, then you will attract and appreciate better guys who won't be jerks about it.
That's all up to you. How long do you plan to stay at that job and would it negatively affect you if they found out? Honestly, you're so young. Like oldster said, in a few years, you probably won't have this job or even still talk to any of the people that you currently talk to. Even if others know now, they won't be a big enough part of your life later on to affect your ultimate future. You don't owe it to anyone in your life to tell them something personal like this that you don't want to tell them, but if they find out somehow, fuck it. They don't know your life, they probably don't know shit about the adult industry, and they have no right to judge. They can only get to you with shittiness if you let them. Ignore it, stand tall, and know that you won't have to deal with them forever.
I also agree with the mentioned notion that the sex industry really tells you a lot about real friends and helps you weed out judgmental assholes. It may hurt in the moment, but I truly think it's a good lesson and good for your well-being in the long run to get those sort of people out of your life.
It is very hard to transition out and have to "downgrade" your budget and lifestyle, especially if you have some mental health problems that make a normal schedule difficult. But it sounds like dancing is causing even more mental distress, so I wouldn't recommend staying in it longer than necessary. If it's really making you that unhappy, you will probably find yourself less stressed overall in a regular, vanilla job once that weight is off your shoulders.
Ask a good friend who gets by on a vanilla-job salary how she lives and budgets and saves and pays for emergencies. There are people out there perfectly able to live off of non-sex-work-levels of income. It's easy to get your perspective skewed by the industry, but asking someone who is not in the industry to help you with managing your finances is a good place to get some perspective back on how most people do it. Also, if you have trouble with a normal schedule, consider looking into jobs that might allow you to work from home? A lot of work with computers and technical stuff like that can be done from a home desk on a more flexible schedule.
Contrary to media-projected belief, people go into the sex industry for many different reasons. And one of those reasons is pure choice because they simply want to. I also come from a financially stable family, my situation in life has been better than a lot of people I know and see, and I have a college degree that could land me a perfectly respectable job. I don't have kids to support, I don't have a drug addiction, I don't have a pimp, and I don't have daddy issues. Aside from some debt (which I'll rapidly be out of soon - yay!), and some lingering problems with depression (which, I honestly feel less of when working in sex work), I have no "excuse" to be in the sex industry either. I just enjoy it. I like the money, the schedule, the flexibility, the skills I get to exercise, the feeling of accomplishment, and feeling glamorous and desired if only for a few hours each week. So what? The sex industry is not some government-sponsored program that was created only for people with stereotypical issues when they have "no other choice." Anyone who wants to can do it for any reason, and I'm not about to feel guilty for my decision to do it without a "societally-approved" reason to "justify" myself. You don't have to defend your decision to do the things you wanted to do - just like people with tattoos don't have to defend their reason for getting a tattoo just because they thought it was a cool design even if a lot of people think there should be some "sentimental" or "philosophical" reason behind a tattoo... That's none of their business.
I hope you come to terms with yourself and your decision and find a way to transition into a life that you truly want. Like I said, you are so young. I know, it feels like a stupid thing to hear when this time and place is your present reality, but in a few years, things will be much different. They can change very quickly. And you can get yourself to a place where you are doing something you actually want to do, feeling good about it, and stripping will just be a short period of your life to look back on.
Don't try to win over the haters. You are not the Jerk Whisperer.
Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.
1) You don't need to tell your grandmother/family EVERYTHING. Do you talk to her about your sex life? I'm guessing not. Why does she need to know? You sound like a sweet girl and being a 'stripper' doesn't change that. It's just a job and telling her would probably just upset her. 2) Maybe some guys would have an issue with it, but I've dated plenty of respectable men who didn't care. Once you quit, I wouldn't even mention your past unless things get serious. Unless they're extremely immature and stupid, they won't care. 3) If you're worried about people finding out, then dance a town over. 4) Honestly I don't have a good answer to this. I tried the vanilla lifestyle after stripping and hated it. "There's no place like pole" as they say. The only answer I can think of is to start your own business or work as an independent contractor. I don't what your field is...but try to go into something where you work on a project by project basis rather than a 9-5 job and can pick and choose your own hours. After dancing I can never, ever go back to working under a boss or a strict schedule, and quite frankly, why should I? You seem like an intelligent girl. Work for yourself!
Last edited by wednesday86; 09-27-2014 at 02:03 PM. Reason: typo




My dad/grandparents/relatives only know that I work hard in school and I hostess at a restaurant and that's all they really need to know. Being 100% honest with the people you love might just end up hurting them. They'll worry about you, assume you are the stereotypical drug addict stripper, etc. If you aren't doing anything illegal you shouldn't feel so guilty. You are making money and supporting yourself yet still being a loving granddaughter and that's all that matters. I really don't think family should know or needs to know everything.
But it does sound like dancing is hurting you emotionally so maybe it's just not for you.
btw I'm 22, I started when I was 18 too and I also come from a well-off family. My parents pay for my school because they want me to get an education and they know how hard it was for them to struggle working full time while going to school since they didn't get the same help from their parents. All you can do is take those opportunities and use them instead of taking them for granted. You are living your own life with your own decisions. It is possible to get a good education thanks to your parents while still choosing to dance on the side for whatever reasons you have. Personally, I like dancing because I only have to work once or twice a week while making way more and having more time to put into school. It is less stressful and I'm able to build a savings account (which I know my parents would be proud of) instead of living paycheck to paycheck like most people my age, especially college students.





I agree with everything that's been posted in this thread. My mum just came to visit me, I haven't seen her in 7 months, and I was flipping about what I was going to tell her about what I do-- I created this really elaborate story to tell her, but felt horrible about lying to her. When she came to visit, we barely talked about work because we had more important things to discuss. Work is just work, it's not who you are. She knows what's important about my life. Me telling her would just upset her, make her sad, and cause us to fight-- she's old and set in her ways and has lived her life very differently than I am and it means that she doesn't understand the perspective I have on being a sex worker and she never will. Do I wish that things were different and I could be honest with her? Of course I do. But they're not. And I've accepted that.
I think the bigger issue here is the view YOU have on being a sex worker-- even though I don't tell my mum what I do, I don't think of myself as being a 'bad' daughter because I don't think that being a sex worker makes me a 'bad' person. I think the way you view yourself in clouding your judgment. Are there are a lot of asshole guys out there who date strippers because they don't care about them or just want to use them as a cash source? Of course there are. But a lot of guys don't want to date strippers out of insecurity, and there's nothing noble about that. Is it harder to find a boyfriend as a dancer? Definitely. My present boyfriend is the first decent guy I've dated as a stripper/escort. And he's OK with it because he's secure and knows being a sex worker does not define who I am, there are much more important and interesting things about me.
Not everyone is cut out for this, and not everyone can do this all the time. I started dancing when I was you age and I danced for a while and became really unhappy and depressed and felt the way you do. I quit for a while, met a great guy and he was not OK with me dancing so I didn't go back. After we broke up I returned. I love being a sex worker now, but I feel like I'm having a different experience than I did all those years ago. I don't know if it's being older, feeling like I have more of a choice in the matter, or what, but you may change your mind a few years down the road and decide to return. Or you won't. There's no reason you need to ever tell anyone you were a dancer, there are things I've done in my life that I don't intend to every tell anyone simply because it's none of their business and doesn't affect who I am today.
So if this isn't what you want to do, move on and do something else. You didn't kill anyone, this isn't some horrible secret you have to carry around forever. It's just an experience in your life than you may look back in 20 years and think, oh yeah, I remember...
Hey there, you have nothing to regret and nothing to be ashamed about. The funny thing about being an adult is that you don't have to do anything. There is no need to tell your grandmother if you think it might upset her. She would love you no matter what and to be honest it won't effect her in the least if she doesn't know. As for future boyfriends you would be surprised at how accepting people can be especially in your age range. It would be something that I held off for a little while before springing on them. You don't want to waste the nerve racking moment on something that isn't worth the time. The day job is another animal. If someone finds out and actually has the guts to bring it up to you just own it or simply ask them with a shocked face "where have you been hanging out?" This usually shuts people right up because it turns the tables on them.
The biggest thing is this, in 5 years you will have only a few of the friends you told, and those exes will be a memory. In ten years you may talk to one or two people that you did when you were 18 and if someone is around that long they sure as hell aren't judging you. I find that a lot of the time we feel like we owe it to the world to act like they think we should, but we do what others are too afraid to. I am no psychiatrist but you may be having a bit of depression and it is skewing the facts. People who really love you will love you always. People can love you and still not like what you do, but you are an adult and it is their problem if they are hung up on your job or your past.
You will be okay, and you won't be scarred with a bad rap for your whole life. In a year or even in a month you could decide to head off to school or move across the country and you don't have to tell anyone anything that you aren't comfortable. When I was your age I was terrified, not of the job or the burnout, but of my parents finding out. Now I am fairly sure they know, but no one has ever brought it up. I decided a few years ago that if they did I would own it. I would simply say that if they would like to pay my bills and save for my retirement then they could have an opinion on it, if not then this topic will never be discussed again.
Good luck and don't be hard on yourself, you haven't ruined your life, you are a person who goes to work and does an honest job and most of all you are an adult and no one has the right to tell you how to live your life.




I don't think your grandmother would judge you or emotionally abandon you for being a stripper - she might be disappointed, scared, or surprised when she first finds out, but she would understand like any loving person would. If you let her know that it was YOUR choice and that you were safe, happy, and tell her how the job has benefitted you, I doubt a loving sane person would be disappointed in you. I found that the people who love us discourage us from stripping not because they thought we were immoral, but because they worry about our safety, social consequences, and our happiness (like "are you sure you want to grind against old men?")
Stop thinking you're a bad granddaughter - you did what you must and you were taking care of yourself.
Even if she did find out about you stripping, you'd always be that perfect child in her mind. That's just how loving parents/grandparents think of their kids, no matter what their kids do.
I wouldn't tell her outright but if the subject ever comes up, never say 'Im sorry!' or act ashamed. Just ask for her understanding and explain your choices.
Don't tell prospective dates that you're a stripper the moment you meet them, but if it turns to something more serious or long term, then you tell them. I mean, people with chronic illnesses or a disdemeanors on their records don't tell everyone as if it defines them. Being a stripper doesn't define you as a person either.
I am sensing that your problem isn't with stripping itself, but with the social repercussions of it and the guilt you have about your grandmother. Just stay hush hush about your stripping job and if anyone ever brings it up, deny it or say that you tried it for a while but left it a long time ago. Your stripping career is seriously no one's business, and as long as you're polite and well adjusted, most people don't care as they have their own lives to worry about.
Since it's not the job itself you have a problem with (you actually seem to be reaping benefits from it), I would just stay as a stripper and keep earning the $$$ - and be wise with the money by saving the money, learning how to invest, and paying for your future/education.


I think your depression needs to be addressed first before you can make any life changes, are you on meds/ seeing a therapist?
I agree, you're an adult! You don't have to tell anything you don't want.
I have hide many secrets from my family, and the ones that they did find out, I fail to do operational security about it. I feel like my life is my own. My family would never accept the real me, and as sad as it is, it's better to keep the real me away from my family.
I don't want to lose my family, since I love them.
I think it's unfortunate there is this stigma regarding stripping and other adult work. Especially if everything is done legally. It's sad to me that many dancers are forced to hide, feel shame and guilt, and lead double lives.
Someone mentioned above to focus on the benefits of stripping.
Invest your stripping funds wisely so the pros outweight the cons. and hope it all works out for you.
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