Results 1 to 7 of 7

Thread: Family Life Dying. Parents Don't Trust Me.

  1. #1
    Senior Member SexedUpCat2's Avatar
    Joined
    Aug 2014
    Location
    Over the rainbow
    Posts
    89
    Thanks
    156
    Thanked 226 Times in 65 Posts

    Default Family Life Dying. Parents Don't Trust Me.

    This might be a bit of a story, so sorry in advance, but any and all advice is welcome! I live with them right now, by the way. Transferring schools and saving for a car/apartment.

    So, I've been struggling with feeling a huge disconnect from my parents. It's at a point where I don't think I'd really care if I spoke to them again...yeah, adjusting would be weird, but once I did, I think I could live quite happily without them. Here's why: my dad's anorexia and mom's binge eating disorder have always been huge problems for my bulimia. Food and eating disorders are so bad in my family that my therapists have been shocked I haven't been worse or had to go to a hospital.
    My dad had a very rough childhood and so doesn't know how to connect to people. I knew he loved me, but he couldn't express it. He always tried to show love in material things which just isn't the same as an emotional connection. He's been trying to get better in his own therapy. It was sort of working. I've never really felt close to him though.
    My mom has an endless list of issues that she manipulates to pin on me. Sure, I know I have problems too (and a lot of them), but it's at the point where my defense mechanism is to agree with whatever she claims I've done wrong (even if it isn't the truth) and to take all the blame in every issue. I assure her everything is my fault and that I'm the messed up one. I've tried talking to her, but my therapist and I finally agreed it's just better if I don't. She's really angry that I shut her out more now.

    Anyhoo, I don't think they know I strip (they might now, though if they decided to dig through my stuff). We got into a fight yesterday about how disconnected I feel, and tonight my dad found some alcohol in the truck I'm borrowing until I buy my own car. I totally forgot it was in the truck, and it was there from drinking with a friend outside his place a few weeks before. He also found rubbing alcohol which must have fallen out of my purse. I keep it to clean my bum after work and dancing on so many laps. My parents are convinced I'm an alcoholic now. My mom said "I thought after being assaulted you'd be smarter than this" (she played the rape card on me. I happened to be drunk that night two years ago). My mom said "I'm putting this rubbing alcohol in the cabinet where I can see it. You're dad and I were in the ER. We know alcoholics drink it. I know I can't trust you just by looking at you." Yes, she actually said that last part. She doesn't trust me with anything. I clean the house weekly in front of her, and almost every week she gets angry saying I'm not cleaning the house. It's absurd. I didn't fight their thoughts that I'm an alcoholic. There's no point. My mom has believed strangers over me in the past for much smaller issues. I'm tired and really don't care about a connection with them because it's just not worth it anymore.

    My question is: knowing this, how do I present I'm moving out the day after tomorrow? I have a friend with a spare room he'll let me rent for a month or two while I save. Also, what do I do about buying a car? I'm about $3-4,000 short of the one I want, and I keep most of my earnings in cash, so I doubt I'll be able to get a loan from my bank unless there's something I don't know. What do I do about this? I really don't want to rely on my friend/cabs to get absolutely everywhere because I do a lot during the day...

    Thank you so much, everyone.

  2. #2
    Veteran Member cairalis's Avatar
    Joined
    Oct 2009
    Location
    London, UK
    Posts
    367
    Thanks
    251
    Thanked 362 Times in 126 Posts

    Default Re: Family Life Dying. Parents Don't Trust Me.

    I think moving out sounds like a great idea. The sooner the better. You might feel like reconnecting with your family down the line but for now some distance will do all of you good. Your parents will probably not agree with you moving out so not sure there is an ideal way of presenting it, just tell them that you have found a room to rent and that you think some distance is needed. They might not be happy about it but it's your life so your decision. I assume this is the first time you are leaving your parents home? Say that you would have liked it to happen differently but that after yesterdays fight you just need your own space. You can even say that your therapist thought it was a good idea to make them feel a bit more relaxed.

    About a car, maybe you cant get the one you want right now? Just buy one with the money you have in the meantime.

    Hope everything works out for you. X

  3. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to cairalis For This Useful Post:


  4. #3
    Featured Member wednesday86's Avatar
    Joined
    Mar 2014
    Posts
    1,911
    Thanks
    2,498
    Thanked 6,402 Times in 1,573 Posts

    Default Re: Family Life Dying. Parents Don't Trust Me.

    Your parents sound toxic..Just because you're related doesn't mean that you have to have them in your life. Hopefully when you move out, you can eventually have a decent, but more distant, relationship with them. I went through something similar with my grandparents who raised me. We do not get along living in the same house, but after I grew up and moved out, our relationship is much better and much healthier.

    You can get a reliable vehicle for $3k or less if you shop carefully from a private seller. Just get something that will get you from A to B for now. You can always sell it or trade it later for something nicer. Do not, and I repeat DO NOT lease a vehicle when you're first starting out. Not only will you have a car payment plus interest, but your insurance will be double or triple what it would be for a car you buy outright with cash.

  5. The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to wednesday86 For This Useful Post:


  6. #4
    Banned Aniela's Avatar
    Joined
    Jun 2009
    Location
    KW
    Posts
    3,291
    Thanks
    6,920
    Thanked 5,854 Times in 2,242 Posts
    My Mood
    Cynical

    Default Re: Family Life Dying. Parents Don't Trust Me.

    Dying. Parents Don't Trust Me.
    Can't add anything re: the car, but re: moving out -- sm things, there is simply no dressing up. I really think your parents' feelings abt you moving out should be the leasr of your worries right now. I would like to think that on sm messed-up lvl, their hearts are in the right place. I have dealt w/ alcoholics/addicts, & my recent ex has a tendency to drink too much (among other things) & I would be worried as fk if I found bottles in his car + a bottle of rubbing alcohol in his flt bag. But after this last blow-up, I think you need to shelve your worries abt their feelings. I know that's easier said than done, but therés no rule saying the three of you can't come back round & work on improving your relationship after having a bit of distance. Good luck OP.

  7. #5
    Moderator
    Joined
    Jun 2013
    Posts
    901
    Thanks
    635
    Thanked 1,519 Times in 585 Posts

    Default Re: Family Life Dying. Parents Don't Trust Me.

    Yup get out sooner than later
    no big drama exit pack stuff slowly and bring it out as you please then one day you are gone
    explain perhaps in writing with no expletives or accusations why and then be gone
    if you let them get to you you will hate them for it

  8. The Following User Says Thank You to oldster For This Useful Post:


  9. #6
    Senior Member SexedUpCat2's Avatar
    Joined
    Aug 2014
    Location
    Over the rainbow
    Posts
    89
    Thanks
    156
    Thanked 226 Times in 65 Posts

    Default Re: Family Life Dying. Parents Don't Trust Me.

    Thank you so much everyone. My friend (actually the one I drank with that night) is helping me move out tomorrow. I'm nervous about buying from a private dealer, but I'm learning what to ask and how to screen, so I'll just get something that functions for now. I haven't told my parents I'm moving yet (still morning and they're out biking), but I'll try to do it quietly. For once I'm not rising to the drama because, again, there's no point and I'm tired. I was out of the house for two years before for college, and our relationship was *much* better then.

    @wednesday86: It's funny, you're about the fourth person to say they sound toxic, lol. I completely agree.

    Thank you so much!

  10. #7
    Featured Member
    Joined
    May 2014
    Posts
    896
    Thanks
    88
    Thanked 2,152 Times in 643 Posts

    Default Re: Family Life Dying. Parents Don't Trust Me.

    Sending text. I can help you get a car later today.

Similar Threads

  1. Are your parents and other family members aware you're a stripper?
    By SharlaB in forum Stripping (was Stripping General)
    Replies: 61
    Last Post: 10-06-2008, 02:56 AM
  2. Replies: 11
    Last Post: 06-13-2006, 05:53 AM

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •