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Thread: Do you tell your SO how much you make?

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    Veteran Member LexiConn's Avatar
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    Default Do you tell your SO how much you make?

    Pretty much that, and are there other factors?

    At what point do you tell them? Do you always tell them, or just when it was exceptionally bad or good? Do you ever under or overestimate to them?

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    Featured Member Tsepmet1's Avatar
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    Default Re: Do you tell your SO how much you make?

    I always tell my husband, but we are married and share money. However, if there is a holiday approaching, I'll usually tell him that I made less so that I can hide money and surprise him with a gift.

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    Featured Member wednesday86's Avatar
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    Default Re: Do you tell your SO how much you make?

    Same here. I'm married and it's no secret. However, I do keep my money in a separate account for taxes/keeping track of my own earnings. He's not on my account even though I've offered to add him to it. I'm on his, even though I rarely use it. I give him cash here and there to help with bills as they are all set up on his account. When we go out to eat and stuff he pays. We kind of give each other money or pay for stuff as needed.

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    Featured Member Nina_'s Avatar
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    Default Re: Do you tell your SO how much you make?

    I'm not married, but I have no problem telling my boyfriend how much I make. I have my own place but we practically live together and share expenses so whatever.
    "Rather have my feet hurting than my pockets."

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    God/dess audrey_k's Avatar
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    Default Re: Do you tell your SO how much you make?

    Same here, I tell my SO what I make and we're not married either. I don't count it down to the dollar or anything, but he knows what I make on average. I'm not really that worried about it, I mean he won't even let me pay for a taxi home.

    If you don't feel comfortable trusting your SO with that info, then I think you need to re-evaluate the relationship...

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    Default Re: Do you tell your SO how much you make?

    I don't report every night at work because I doubt he'd find that very interesting! But he knows my (accurate) average per shift and can probably infer my yearly gross from that.

    I care more about savings though because that's all that matters when it's time to move on from the business. He knows any time they go seriously up or down for no particular reason other than that I like having someone to celebrate my successes with and who comforts me when I don't feel great about the situation.

    This is only because he truly accepts my job (and the rest of me for that matter). In the past I've exaggerated how much I make just to quell potential arguments that it wouldn't be a big deal for me to go into some other sales job, or downplayed them because I anticipated they'd take advantage of me financially. None of those relationships were healthy or gratifying..

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    Default Re: Do you tell your SO how much you make?

    Ive never been the woman to tell my SO everything married or not, but thats just me. He has a general rough idea of what i make with camming but thats it. He doesnt know when I have super awesome days and he sure as hell doesnt know about my strip trips and how much i make from them. But as i said thats just me and I dont trust too much of anyone, plus im just a naturally lowkey type of person.

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    Member AngieLee's Avatar
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    Default Re: Do you tell your SO how much you make?

    Quote Originally Posted by audrey_k View Post
    Same here, I tell my SO what I make and we're not married either. I don't count it down to the dollar or anything, but he knows what I make on average. I'm not really that worried about it, I mean he won't even let me pay for a taxi home.

    If you don't feel comfortable trusting your SO with that info, then I think you need to re-evaluate the relationship...
    ^ I totally agree with this. There's a difference between not telling them (as in it doesn't really come up or there's no need to give an exact number) versus hiding it or not trusting them with that kind of info!
    I also tell my SO how much I make, but it's also my first week dancing so I get excited about any amount of money and just HAVE to tell him in my excitement after work! either way it makes me feel good, because he's always proud of me for doing my thing and makin' that money!

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    Member JustaTease's Avatar
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    Default Re: Do you tell your SO how much you make?

    Yes, I tell my husband about my earnings. He actually gets off to discussing the reports with me.

    when I don't make any money and he knows I've been online for a while, he feels my frustration therefore he gets frustrated too! But considering we share our finances 100%, of course I will not lie to him.

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    Featured Member Vamp's Avatar
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    Default Re: Do you tell your SO how much you make?

    I NEVER tell anyone I am dating how much money I make. I never talk about money to anyone I am dating. At the same time I dont ask or talk about his. My money is my money, unless you are going to pay my bills you do not need to know about my money. If a man is asking alot of questions about your money to me that is a red flag. It usually means he doesnt have enough of his own or he wants to control you. No man worth having is going to want to know how much you earn. Why? A successful confident man has his own money.

    When I am living with someone we each have separate accounts. We pay bills jointly. I never mix money. This is the the ONLY time I would talk about how much I earn.

    Women need to have their own money. You never know when something is going happen. I would rather be safe then sorry.
    Nature knows no indecencies; man invents them. ~ Mark Twain


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    Veteran Member HallelujahHopkins's Avatar
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    Default Re: Do you tell your SO how much you make?

    We have separate accounts but live together and share expenses. We know how much is coming in each week and budget accordingly. He also knows if I have a great or shit night. We can front each other if we're waiting on a paycheck/Saturday and we take turns buying breakfast.

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    God/dess simone87's Avatar
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    Default Re: Do you tell your SO how much you make?

    yes, just because i'm excited when i have a good night, or need to bitch when i've had a bad one. we've been living together for a few years now, and split everything..but he's never made a point of asking how much money i have, and i haven't either, its just not something that i hide

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    Veteran Member LexiConn's Avatar
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    Default Re: Do you tell your SO how much you make?

    Ok my reason for asking goes something like this:

    I've had three major relationships since I started dancing. The first relationship I started before dancing. Before too long he was taking my money and counting it "for" me, hiding it in the house and insisting that banks weren't trustworthy, and then eventually the stash disappeared (a very sizeable amount of money) and he accused our roommate of stealing it. I will never know what happened to that money.

    Second relationship, he very quickly also started taking my money and counting it as soon as I got home, started CARRYING MY MONEY and acting like because he was the "man" he should carry the money and pay for things (all for show, since he wasn't contributing after his freelance work "dried up"). Needless to say this didn't last long at all, and when I opened a savings account and started putting every spare dollar in it he flipped his shit and insisted I was planning to leave him (well, now that you mention it, that might not be a bad idea!!). So, I left him.

    Some time goes by and now I'm with a man who has not once tried to count my money let alone take it, though recently he asked me if I had a good night and I said "Oh fuck yeah!!" because I had! Well above average. He asked me "How much did you make?" and my heart kind of stopped.

    I won't ever allow anyone financial control over me like my two previous usurped (first relationship was 5 years, second only lasted a few months), but I'm just curious what a normal, healthy interaction would be. I feel like it would be nice to talk about it, after all he does have a job (unlike the first two), isn't going anywhere, pays his own bills, pays for our dates and constantly reminds me that if I ever need financial help he's there for me. He's already taken care of some of my bills and other expenses without me needing to ask. He has given me access to his money and hasn't expected me to reciprocate (and I've already told him that due to my position being a single mother I probably never will give him access to my savings, since that's for my kids), and has been all around normal and kosher.

    Finally found a keeper, just wondering how most people deal with money. ?I'm never going to just give my money up again so I'm trying to figure out how to be normal and act natural, because I am realizing I don't really have any idea and all the people I know never talk about money so it's this huge fucking secret.

    Thanks for your answers

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    Default Re: Do you tell your SO how much you make?

    I wouldn't worry so much about what's normal, just what's healthy for you right now. It's okay to keep your guard up after what you've been through! Since he's a keeper, maybe open up by mentioning how you've been burned in the past, and that it's left you unsure of how to discuss money? Or if you don't want to get into that (you don't owe any explanations!) it might be easiest just to open up with general statements about having a good or bad $$ day. Then get more specific if you want, or not. Good luck and congrats on finding a good one!

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    Default Re: Do you tell your SO how much you make?

    I would sometimes mention whether I've had a bad or a good night, but I never tell anyone the details of my finances. When I am really proud of my earnings the previous night I would sometimes share the information and say somehing along the line of : Yesterday was great at work! I made XXXX amount. They would be happy for me but unless I was the one who came up with the subject, they never randomly asked me how much I made and I don't ask them either. I just knew they made good money and I did not need to know exactly how much they were bringing in every week. (I am using the plural form because I am talking about my two previous boyfriends, not because I have 2 SO lol )

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    Veteran Member LexiConn's Avatar
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    Default Re: Do you tell your SO how much you make?

    Quote Originally Posted by lol1337a View Post
    I wouldn't worry so much about what's normal, just what's healthy for you right now. It's okay to keep your guard up after what you've been through! Since he's a keeper, maybe open up by mentioning how you've been burned in the past, and that it's left you unsure of how to discuss money? Or if you don't want to get into that (you don't owe any explanations!) it might be easiest just to open up with general statements about having a good or bad $$ day. Then get more specific if you want, or not. Good luck and congrats on finding a good one!
    Thank you for this, I haven't told him it made me feel slightly uncomfortable but I have sort of scaled back even telling him if I had a good night or not, he asks how was work, I say, "eh, it was so-so" or "it was great!" and then try to change the subject... I guess it would be better if I told him why but he hasn't asked and I think he already sensed it was awkward for me to answer that. I haven't told him my exes did what they did, either, but I think he can guess.

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    Member justj's Avatar
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    Default Re: Do you tell your SO how much you make?

    I think the best way to determine what is healthy is to decide what you want this part of the relationship to look like... ie. if you move in together, do you get a joint account and keep separate accounts, do you just pay the bills together and keep everything separate, do you believe in a 50/50 relationship or a 70/30, for example... and then once you decide what feels best for you then stick to your boundaries when the topic or something that challenges those boundaries comes up. You're probably worried about it just because of your past two experiences and uneasy about this part of the relationship which is totally understandable... but once you decide what you want it to look like and what feels best for you, the worry and uneasiness will subside because it will be clear to you a) whats best for you b) how to handle it c) what your boundaries clearly look like.

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