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Thread: Fucked Over by a Potential SD, feeling like shit

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    Default Fucked Over by a Potential SD, feeling like shit

    I'm on seeking arrangement, and got messaged a little bit ago by an English guy who flies in to my area for work. I drove 76 miles into the city to meet up with him. During the meet, I find out that he had 3 girls lined up to meet with while he was in town, and was going to make his decision of which one he wants. He did not tell me this.

    So I drive out totally clueless that he was basically holding a little contest, and that I was an unknowing participant. He tells me during the meet that he was going to have coffee the next morning, but that he really had a liking for me as "I wanted to take *you* to dinner; the other girl, I just wanted to meet for a quick coffee."

    I go home. It takes me an hour to find my car, I made a wrong turn into a one-way street because I don't know that area, and get pulled over and ticketed. I guess that's good a cop stopped me immediately, because I was about to be involved in a head-on collision, no seat belt of course.

    I get a text from him the next day, saying some bullshit like "You're lovely, and I may be making the wrong choice but I have gone with the other girl. So sorry blah..."

    I feel so fucked over. I had every reason to believe he was legit and that we were meeting to set up the deal, not that I was just a player in his little game. Oh and he also insisted that we make out, so that he could make a better decision to see if we 'had chemistry' (I did not go 'make out' with this fool) AND he wanted me to send extra pics later, so that he had 'something to think about'. Yeah, did not do that either.

    Despite all this bullshit, sadly I think he was legit in the fact that he *did* want a SB, and I think he really did pick this other chick. He just went about making his decision in the sleaziest way possible. Human beings are not fucking options to shop and pick in the grocery store or something...

    So now I have a ticket, I lost out to this mystery chick, as if I didn't already feel totally inadequate and like shit about myself. Now this happened, I'm at the end of my rope
    "These lumps- I know you wanna slump up on these lumps! But you can't cause you're a chump- a chuuuump."
    Lumpy Space Princess

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    God/dess Jay12's Avatar
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    Default Re: Fucked Over by a Potential SD, feeling like shit

    Wow, that's very sneaky and shitty of him. If he bothers you again, guilt-trip him into paying that ticket for you.





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    Default Re: Fucked Over by a Potential SD, feeling like shit

    please don't feel like shit about yourself or that you are inadequate! the other chick probably stuck her tongue in his dirty old mouth and sent him naked pics that may haunt her for the rest of her life, or she promised him much more, and for less money. and this guy is a piece of work, its probably best you have nothing to do with him just judging by the way he treated you


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    Default Re: Fucked Over by a Potential SD, feeling like shit

    Sorry you had to go through that. Think of it this way. At least you found out he's a jerk on day one, instead of after you've been involved with him for some time. On a side note, please wear your safety-belt in the car. If you get in an accident, it could save your life.

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    Default Re: Fucked Over by a Potential SD, feeling like shit

    This is a game player. He does this constantly to see what he can get for free from girls in the name of competition.

    He NEVER spends money. He LOVEs that girls are competing over him. He gets his rocks off on making girls jump through hoops. I would bet he NEVER spends a single dime. At the very least he should have given you $300 to $1000 for taking the time to drive out to meet him, NOT dinner, definitely NOT coffee. What a joke.

    Next time, make HIM drive to you. Make him jump through the hoops rather than you jump through them.

    These guys have books, they have websites on how to play girls like you. YOU need to do your research, pretend to be a guy & go read up on all those sites & forums. So you can be better prepared the next time to weed out game players like him.

    Sam


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    Default Re: Fucked Over by a Potential SD, feeling like shit

    the other chick probably stuck her tongue in his dirty old mouth and sent him naked pics
    These guys have books, they have websites on how to play girls like you
    Indeed, 'Seeking Arrangements' et al are arguably becoming little more than 'stealth' escort agencies ... with many guys showing a particular interest in hooking up with low mileage 'amateur' talent at bargain prices. 'Seeking Arrangements' et al accomplish this because they offer the guys ( and girls ) a psychological if not legal 'cover' for resulting activities that ultimately boil down to an exchange of sex for money ( or other valuable goods and services ). See

    As you discovered the 'hard way', a new technique being used by some guys is to create a de-facto 'auction' among multiple girls ... with each girl being offered a chance to provide the most 'services' at the lowest 'price' by knowing she is competing with other girls. Obviously, to 'get away' with this, the guy needs to appear to be somewhat exceptional, as well as needing to appear to be 'very well financed'. Note my use of the words 'appear to be', versus the word 'is' !!!

    And beyond that, as Sam points out, some of these guys participate in 'Seeking Arrangements' but have absolutely no intention of actually entering into SD / SB financial commitments. The guys are simply exploiting 'free' time and attention from 'over-eager' girls, but are doing so with much higher 'leverage' than if they had used a straight-up online dating site instead ( i.e. the implied promise of future money and/or valuable goods and services which will never actually be delivered ).

    While I won't say that it's totally impossible for an SD and SB to develop some sort of genuine inter-personal romantic relationship, generally speaking most SD / SB 'couplings' resulting from 'Seeking Arrangements' et al are mercenary from the 'git-go'. For girls who are 'good' with that, 'Seeking Arrangements' offers a chance to have some fun and earn some money at the same time without the potential stigma ( or bust risk ) of working as a straight-up escort / prostitute. But for girls who are expecting that 'Seeking Arrangements' based SD / SB 'couplings' will lead to a genuine inter-personal romantic relationship, disappointment is highly likely.
    Last edited by Melonie; 10-12-2014 at 07:12 AM.

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    Default Re: Fucked Over by a Potential SD, feeling like shit

    Thank you for your replies & support ladies. Sam38g, do you know the names of these forums/sites?

    It really sucks that these people get their rocks off playing women. It's pathetic but it happens as I've experienced. It was the combo of losing my car somehow in the parking garage and searching for it forever, driving for hours, and the ticket that really made this just suck. When it rains it pours I guess.

    The most annoying thing was the apologetic pity in his 'you lost' message. And the ending: "I may be making a mistake, and if I find out I am I hope you'll give me another chance" Ugh please!
    "These lumps- I know you wanna slump up on these lumps! But you can't cause you're a chump- a chuuuump."
    Lumpy Space Princess

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    Default Re: Fucked Over by a Potential SD, feeling like shit

    ^to be honest, it wouldn't surprise me if there was NO other girl, and he just made that shit up to try and pressure you to do things he knew you wouldn't do otherwise. I would have walked out of the restaurant the moment he said that.

    Most SD's would NEVER expect you to drive that far, ever, I mean I had an escorting client book me an hour a half away from where I live and he paid me $200 for tickets/taxi/my time to travel BEFORE I even left, and this was not including the $500 fee for services rendered. If you continue doing this, you need to watch out for signs like that, because these guys love to play women. There are guys who honestly hate us and get off on manipulating/upsetting/humiliating us and guys who are just trying to see what they can get for how little. And, even if he turned out to a legit SD, is that really the kind that you want anyway??? It sucks what happened, but it could have been a lot worse, so step up your screening process, it'll keep you safe and avoid situations like this happening. You'll learn as you keep searching for your SD but try to mark down anything 'off' you sense about a guy so that you can look for it in your future clients, and when something does go wrong, look back and try to think how you could have stopped it. In the beginning I had someone send me to a fake address (he either thought it was hilarious or was wanking off at the thought of me wandering around) and I traveled 2.5 hours (1 hour there, half hour wandering around there, 1 hour back)... now no one gets an outcall from me unless they can provide proof of address.
    Last edited by audrey_k; 10-12-2014 at 06:43 PM.

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    Default Re: Fucked Over by a Potential SD, feeling like shit

    And this is EXACTLY the reason I do not look for SD' online. I have found 2 long term in the club and had opportunities for more but turned them down. Trying to find one online will drive you insane.
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    You can only make so much selling dances, but when you really get into a guys head and heart, you get into his wallet.

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    Default Re: Fucked Over by a Potential SD, feeling like shit

    Quote Originally Posted by Danni View Post
    And this is EXACTLY the reason I do not look for SD' online. I have found 2 long term in the club and had opportunities for more but turned them down. Trying to find one online will drive you insane.
    I found mine in the club too. It's hard to do the "sit and wait" approach to getting an SD but it can exclude this kind of douchebag.

    Sorry you went through this.

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    Default Re: Fucked Over by a Potential SD, feeling like shit

    Ugh. So sorry. At least mention the ticket to that asshole.

    SA is full of frauds. The majority of men go on there bc they know that's where hot chics go looking for something casual. A lot of them have NO intentions of spending. There's a better chance finding a needle in a haystack.

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    Default Re: Fucked Over by a Potential SD, feeling like shit

    While I do think he played you this is the problem with online. I never looked for a SD online I did look for boyfriends on dating sites and came across these types of men all the time. It's why I stopped driving hours to meet guys, and instead would make them meet me close by at a local mall. The reality is if you are meeting a guy online he's likely meeting several people. Also, most of these guys aren't looking for anyone, they just like to waste time. While it makes no sense, I do understand someone meeting several people to make up their mind.

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    Default Re: Fucked Over by a Potential SD, feeling like shit

    It sounds like going for a job interview. You don't always get the job.

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    Default Re: Fucked Over by a Potential SD, feeling like shit

    That sucks to hear you had to deal with such a douchbag...But someone mentioned before to use this as a learning lesson on what not to do in the future. All this happening means it was a sign that it wasn't meant to be. This guy is a seasoned player (and liar) - so you really dodged a bullet.

    Plus if you are looking for a Sugar Daddy then maybe connect with more potentials. I am only guessing that part of the reason this upset you so much was that you had your hopes up on this ONE guy when really the best way to find what you are looking for is to test the waters with multiple people then narrow down. This way you won't be as disappointed when 1 guy doesn't work out because you have options.

    The fake douchebag sugar daddy you met had the right method by meeting with a few sugar babies then narrowing down but the way he went about it (lying to you, making asshole remarks, and making you drive without compensating you for gas, making you jump through hoops, and being cheap) was all wrong.

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    Default Re: Fucked Over by a Potential SD, feeling like shit

    Wow that's really terrible that guy is the worst!

    He must be a sadist trying to play with you. Who knows if he really met some other girls or if he really did choose someone. Maybe he also said the same thing to the other girls.

    wow he must really cam girls.

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    Default Re: Fucked Over by a Potential SD, feeling like shit

    OP, what happened is really terrible. It seems like some people just have no cares about causing pain to another human being for no reason. At the same time, I do believe that these sites are mostly useless; none of my friends were able to meet anyone. I never even tried them after listening to the stories. In fact, imo it was easier to find such an arrangement before these sites were around because you would meet these people face to face somehow. The anonymity of the Internet brings out the worst in people, and especially when the idea of money is involved.
    Having said that, do not be surprised if he shows up again. These kinds of guys always return to the "scene of the crime"! Don't give him any more attention; that will influence him the most.
    Good luck!

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    Default Re: Fucked Over by a Potential SD, feeling like shit

    The SD handled this position like many employers do except for his wanting to 'sample' the wares whi9ch you refused. I've been in interviews where 3, 4, 5 people were lined up for the same professional job and only one position was open. On some I've had to drive a couple of hours, unreimbursed. In a sense the sampling is analogous to a trial period of employment where your work is evaluated.

    If you consider your interview in light of the above, though unexpectedly competitive (as some of mine were), you can see beyond what you appear to consider as trickery and even betrayal.
    I loved going to strip clubs; I actually made some friends there. Now things are different for the clubs and for me. As a result I am not as happy.

    Customers are not entitled to grope, disrespect, or rob strippers. This is their job, not their hobby, and they all need income. Clubs are not just some erotic show for guys to view while drinking.

    NOTE: anything I post here, outside of a direct quote, is my opinion only, which I am entitled to. Take it for what you estimate it is worth.

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    Default Re: Fucked Over by a Potential SD, feeling like shit

    Quote Originally Posted by threlayer View Post
    The SD handled this position like many employers do except for his wanting to 'sample' the wares whi9ch you refused. I've been in interviews where 3, 4, 5 people were lined up for the same professional job and only one position was open. On some I've had to drive a couple of hours, unreimbursed. In a sense the sampling is analogous to a trial period of employment where your work is evaluated.

    If you consider your interview in light of the above, though unexpectedly competitive (as some of mine were), you can see beyond what you appear to consider as trickery and even betrayal.
    First of all, good job! You were asked to provide a personal service (kissing / making out) and you didn't fall for it.

    Mentioning 'potential chemistry' has probably worked before - to get girls to go way outside their comfort limit. If you were more naive, you may have done more than kissing in order to demonstrate you 'really liked' him, and would be a good investment of his money.

    We really need to stop trying to tell the OP her problem here is part of the 'regular cost of doing business', so to speak. She made an mistake to attend this meeting, but comparing it to a legitimate interview is quite unfair to her.

    The problem with this approach (trying to 'See this an an Interview situation, where you lost out' etc.,) neglects the fact that a legitimate employer does not get his rocks off on holding fake interviews. Lgitimate employers in the business world are losing precious time and money when they hold pointless interviews. So that doesn't happen.

    A trial period of employment is compensated, so that's not a useful comparison. Having an unpaid trial period in the sex industry is sleazy to the max. If that was a customary part of the deal, do you really think any sugar-daddies would ever pay us?

    Also, we can't fairly or accurately compare a steady, tenured job, possibly with severance pay, to a seeking-arrangement type deal.
    Where one position may really need 5 candidates for the hiring manager to make a safe choice, a 'companion' type position does not.

    In the sugar daddy situation, an 'interview' is endlessly glorifying to this idiots' ego, it actually pumps up the guy! He gets to pick and choose, to decide who has the good fortune of later riding/ sucking his dick.

    He had nothing to lose; the meeting was near his location... he has entertainment when he's in America and probably quite lonesome in his hotel.

    So no, this is not a real job interview, where 5 legitimate candidates are in competition for an actual, paid position. It's more analogous to a 'model' type job, where the photographer wants to do 'test shots' in the back of his '94 chevy cube van. And has no references. Or camera.

    So the OP is not 'handling the situation like many employers do', he was being tricky and betraying her (misplaced) trust. Let us henceforth call the SD "Mr. Tricky", since he is!
    Last edited by LuvlyDancer; 10-29-2014 at 09:58 AM.
    "Women have been leading men on to get rich quick since the beginning of time. The system is older than dirt. Don't be a player hater." - me

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    Default Re: Fucked Over by a Potential SD, feeling like shit

    Quote Originally Posted by threlayer View Post
    The SD handled this position like many employers do except for his wanting to 'sample' the wares whi9ch you refused. I've been in interviews where 3, 4, 5 people were lined up for the same professional job and only one position was open. On some I've had to drive a couple of hours, unreimbursed. In a sense the sampling is analogous to a trial period of employment where your work is evaluated.

    If you consider your interview in light of the above, though unexpectedly competitive (as some of mine were), you can see beyond what you appear to consider as trickery and even betrayal.

    No, it is nothing like a job interview. It was a sleazy game created by a sleazy dog of a man and there is no way around it.

    You really think I should have gone somewhere and made out with this guy so he could 'sample the wares?' I mean, I don't swe how anyone could be so naive as to view sex work this way. The reality is that sex work does not follow the rules of society. If I wanted to drive around place to place, being 'interviewed' and having my performance gauged and tested in hopes that an 'employer' will throw me a bone I'd have stayed in the vanilla world.

    I learned a lot from this. One thing I always knew is that i can't compare my world to the vanilla world because they are soo far apart
    "These lumps- I know you wanna slump up on these lumps! But you can't cause you're a chump- a chuuuump."
    Lumpy Space Princess

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    Default Re: Fucked Over by a Potential SD, feeling like shit

    Quote Originally Posted by KikiGem View Post
    No, it is nothing like a job interview. It was a sleazy game created by a sleazy dog of a man and there is no way around it.
    ... One thing I always knew is that i can't compare my world to the vanilla world because they are soo far apart
    Exactly. Women in the skin business are not here for the 'maybe money'. "Maybe I'll pay // Maybe I'll hire you // Maybe this won't be a waste of your time // etc etc.."

    When we became willing to exchange sex acts for money, we stopped playing by the rules of vanilla society. We decided to set a price. Fortunately, the sex industry has not fallen so low that we 'audition' for free. Hopefully that day never comes.
    "Women have been leading men on to get rich quick since the beginning of time. The system is older than dirt. Don't be a player hater." - me

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    Default Re: Fucked Over by a Potential SD, feeling like shit

    There probably never were any other girls to compete with. He probably just wanted the ego boost of making out with a beautiful woman who was trying to prove herself to him.

    Thank goodness you didn't go through with either the kissing or the pictures (which he could've used to blackmail you)!! There are many women in this industry who have literally been fucked over before - slept with customers who 'decided' not to pay. I'm not trying to dismiss what happened to you, but give yourself a pat on the back, learn the lesson, and move on to the next!

    Best of luck.

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    Default Re: Fucked Over by a Potential SD, feeling like shit

    What you say has some merit certainly and the sex industry is quite unique. But the perp is not in that industry and doesn't regard it as such (i.e., yes, he is a sleazeball).
    A trial period of employment is compensated, so that's not a useful comparison. Having an unpaid trial period in the sex industry is sleazy to the max. If that was a customary part of the deal, do you really think any sugar-daddies would ever pay us?

    Also, we can't fairly or accurately compare a steady, tenured job, possibly with severance pay, to a seeking-arrangement type deal. Where one position may really need 5 candidates for the hiring manager to make a safe choice, a 'companion' type position does not.

    ......

    So no, this is not a real job interview, where 5 legitimate candidates are in competition for an actual, paid position. It's more analogous to a 'model' type job, where the photographer wants to do 'test shots' in the back of his '94 chevy cube van. And has no references. Or camera.
    The essential mutually deceptive nature of many SD arrangement leads me away from even considering it.

    I can think of many jobs where internship is essentially unpaid.

    When I go into a club, I am selecting my VIP, though I may hand over a few token dollars for the stage act, sort of as an audition. Also I could watch for hours and not select a VIP companion. There is just a bit of parallel here. What I am saying is that, unfortunately, the PO's is certainly a plausible hazard.
    I loved going to strip clubs; I actually made some friends there. Now things are different for the clubs and for me. As a result I am not as happy.

    Customers are not entitled to grope, disrespect, or rob strippers. This is their job, not their hobby, and they all need income. Clubs are not just some erotic show for guys to view while drinking.

    NOTE: anything I post here, outside of a direct quote, is my opinion only, which I am entitled to. Take it for what you estimate it is worth.

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    Default Re: Fucked Over by a Potential SD, feeling like shit

    Quote Originally Posted by threlayer View Post
    What you say has some merit certainly and the sex industry is quite unique. But the perp is not in that industry and doesn't regard it as such (i.e., yes, he is a sleazeball).


    The essential mutually deceptive nature of many SD arrangement leads me away from even considering it.

    I can think of many jobs where internship is essentially unpaid.

    When I go into a club, I am selecting my VIP, though I may hand over a few token dollars for the stage act, sort of as an audition. Also I could watch for hours and not select a VIP companion. There is just a bit of parallel here. What I am saying is that, unfortunately, the PO's is certainly a plausible hazard.
    I actually get what you are saying. The reality is yes in the job world that isn't the sex industry there is a lot of abuse going on. I actually don't see a problem with a sugar daddy interviewing prospective sugar babies if that is what happened. After all if I was paying a lot of money for someone (in essence hiring them)I would like to make sure I was hiring the right one. The problem I have with what this guy tried is tried to get free goodies. Sadly though, things like this are happening in the corporate world where many companies want people to work for free, sort of like what this guy tried. I definitely think whether it's a company doing it or this guy it's always wrong. No one should work for free no matter what.

    Btw, the abuse that this industry incurs has been going on since it started no doubt. I've had countless men try to get freebies out of me, including free test shoots, wanting to see me naked, and more. There are a lot of people who prey on women in the industry, especially the younger women.

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    Angry Re: Fucked Over by a Potential SD, feeling like shit

    Quote Originally Posted by Kellydancer View Post
    I actually get what you are saying. The reality is yes in the job world that isn't the sex industry there is a lot of abuse going on. I actually don't see a problem with a sugar daddy interviewing prospective sugar babies if that is what happened. After all if I was paying a lot of money for someone (in essence hiring them)I would like to make sure I was hiring the right one. The problem I have with what this guy tried is tried to get free goodies. Sadly though, things like this are happening in the corporate world where many companies want people to work for free, sort of like what this guy tried. I definitely think whether it's a company doing it or this guy it's always wrong. No one should work for free no matter what.

    Btw, the abuse that this industry incurs has been going on since it started no doubt. I've had countless men try to get freebies out of me, including free test shoots, wanting to see me naked, and more. There are a lot of people who prey on women in the industry, especially the younger women.
    Right, Kelly!
    &, you know what else? I've found, going on vanilla job interviews, the interviewer asking ME about how to get stuff (jobs, Ebay info since I was a top seller there @ one time).
    This one lady, it was painfully obvious she had 0 intention of hiring me..she bum rushed me out asap, but not before asking me how I get convention work


    MANY MEN WANTED TO LAY ME DOWN, BUT FEW WANTED TO LIFT ME UP

    -Eartha Kitt

  35. #25
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    Default Re: Fucked Over by a Potential SD, feeling like shit

    Ew, I'm sorry that happened to you. I signed up for one of those sites awhile back and got nothing but bullshitters so I just got rid of it.

    Next time just make the guy drive his happy ass out to go get YOU, not the other way around

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