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Thread: I can be such a dummy sometimes

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    Featured Member wish's Avatar
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    Default I can be such a dummy sometimes

    Last week I was talking to a guy who gave out my info to a stranger so what did I do....gave out my info to a stranger. SMDH.
    I think I really need a boyfriend. I'm in desperate need of sex and intimacy. Me and this guy were on the phone over 5 hours talking about movies, religion and life. Well my story stopped adding up so I just told the truth. The whole truth. Everything about getting disability, my illness, what things set me off, medications....I just felt comfortable and it was 3am. And he was so comforting about it. And what did he decide to admit you may ask...oh nothing more then he's separated with a 2 year old.
    So honestly what's my damage?!? He could be making posters about me to stick all over town with my picture and name. He could be some con man looking to screw somebody and practice on me. Or he could be a decent person who is now like oh WTF! He did call me everyday after except today.
    I've never told anybody and I mean ANYBODY! About my illness except y'all, and family. My BFF doesn't even know. Am I over reacting? I mean I've had people introduce themselves to me....hi I'm so n so and I'm bipolar. But sometimes people take advantage of the mentally ill.

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    Default Re: I can be such a dummy sometimes

    Mental illness doesn't need to be advertised any more than diabetes, or any other physical illness. Yeah, you're [insert illness here] … so what? Why do you feel a stranger needs to know? It's not like your illness is the only thing abt you worth knowing abt, right?

    I think it is in our best interest (esp as single women) to be discrete abt everything at first. Your medical history is nobody's business outside of your medical care provider. There is absolutely no reason to be specific abt where you live or work. There is not one single thing wrong w/ keeping the details of your life on a need-to-know basis when dealing w/ unfamiliar ppl. Just saying all of this bc I got the impression from your post that you sm how felt obligated to tell this person very private things abt yourself, & I am wondering why.

    Why do you think he may be dangerous tho, or is that just the illness talking? I'll step up & say I typically don't tell ppl jack shit bc I am a touch paranoid that way.

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    Featured Member wish's Avatar
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    Default Re: I can be such a dummy sometimes

    I don't think he's dangerous but I also don't know him. I only told him because I was trying to explain my work situation. I guess I was trying something new. My mom told me that telling guys I work when I don't is leading them on but at the sametime my illness is noones business. So I told him I don't work. I guess I should've left it at that. I just really hope he doesn't know anyone I know or that we don't run into each other.

    How are you suppose to date without leading someone on if you have a mental illness?

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    God/dess Elektra Luxx's Avatar
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    Default Re: I can be such a dummy sometimes

    Quote Originally Posted by wish View Post
    I think I really need a boyfriend. I'm in desperate need of sex and intimacy. Me and this guy were on the phone over 5 hours talking about movies, religion and life. Well my story stopped adding up so I just told the truth. The whole truth. Everything about getting disability, my illness, what things set me off, medications....I just felt comfortable and it was 3am. And he was so comforting about it. And what did he decide to admit you may ask...oh nothing more then he's separated with a 2 year old.
    If you opened up to him, you must have sensed that he is OK. I not saying let your guard down, but maybe he could sense from you that you needed someone to talk to and was being kind by listening.

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    Default Re: I can be such a dummy sometimes

    Quote Originally Posted by wish View Post
    I don't think he's dangerous but I also don't know him. I only told him because I was trying to explain my work situation. I guess I was trying something new. My mom told me that telling guys I work when I don't is leading them on but at the sametime my illness is noones business. So I told him I don't work. I guess I should've left it at that. I just really hope he doesn't know anyone I know or that we don't run into each other.

    How are you suppose to date without leading someone on if you have a mental illness?
    Your mother isn't the one dealing w/ it, so she's really got no room to suggest that you're 'handling it wrong'.

    You're talking abt dating this guy, not marrying him. Idk how long you've known him, but keeping smtg so private to yourself is not 'leading him on'. It's none of his business, unless it has been or could affect him, & it's your choice to disclose that info. It's not like mental illness is contagious -- not like you guys are having the 'sexual health & history' talk & you're telling him you're clean while carrying one or more STIs, or you're recovering from TB & will be on a hardcore antibiotic regimen for the nxt yr.

    I have eventually disclosed my mental health history to each guy I dated, w/ varying results. It's a bit like having the 'I'm a stripper/escort/camgirl' talk, bc mental illness is stigmatised like sex work is. If you're serious abt each other, I agree your partner should eventually be told, esp if you are or have had trouble managing your illness, but it's your choice as to when & how.

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    Default Re: I can be such a dummy sometimes

    There is nothing wrong at all with having a mental illness, disorder or otherwise, there is no reason for you to tell him you're bipolar at all at the current moment.


    I would personally wait until you have been dating like two months maybe and if you really like him then perhaps tell him. Some people can find the weaknesses of your mental illness and use it against you. I don't have a mental illness (though I have something else) and I can count on one hand how many people I have told outside of my family. I don't tell people (anyone even friends) because most people are ignorant and I become embarrassed due to their judgemental and ignorant assumptions. Also once an ex kind of used it against me… :/


    As it stands they have no need to know because it won't affect your relationship as it currently stands. However saying this is a bit too late as you've already told him hehe.

    Just watch out if you notice he asks lots of questions about it, or starts doing things that might be associated with your illness and what you said were your triggers. Also if he ever blames you and says 'its because of your bipolar' then that's a big warning sign there. Hopefully he is just kind, compassionate and understanding.
    Last edited by sexsells; 10-30-2014 at 06:43 PM.

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    Default Re: I can be such a dummy sometimes

    You are not a dummy - just human. We all need someone to connect with. If another person abuses the trust that you have given, then it makes that person the bad guy, not you. Whether he is worthy of what you have given him remains to be seen, but IMHO you are not dumb for taking a chance with someone who seemed to be kind and understanding.

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    Featured Member wish's Avatar
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    Default Re: I can be such a dummy sometimes

    Well it's been a week and I haven't heard from him. I keep repeating our conversation in my head and just wish I never told him. I'm hoping I'm just being paranoid but he said he had a job with the irs in my city. What's the likeliness I can be being investaged without knowing it. I don't think I'm doing anything wrong but I don't know the financial laws.

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    Default Re: I can be such a dummy sometimes

    Wtf are you worrying abt financial laws?! I think that's crossing over into paranoid territory. Most ppl are not going to dig that deep into your shit unless they think you are shady. All you did was tell him abt a mental illness. Was he also sm1 you had entered into sm kind of financial agreement?

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    Default Re: I can be such a dummy sometimes

    I think I'm being paranoid too. But we talked about so much. Some of it was about money but no I didn't enter into any agreement with him.

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    Default Re: I can be such a dummy sometimes

    If you didn't enter into any agreement w/ him (escort-esque, SB/SD or vanilla), & you weren't spilling potentially dangerous shit like 'I cheat on my taxes' then you shouldn't have anything to worry abt.

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