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Thread: What's wrong with me?!!

  1. #1
    God/dess Elektra Luxx's Avatar
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    Default What's wrong with me?!!

    So Friday night I go to this Fall Festival at my little brothers school. There's food, sodas, games and music. It's a good turn out. I see lots of friends and neighbors I've know since I was a kid. I say hello to people I haven't seen in awhile, but I manage a quick conversion with everyone who says hello. Then I see someone I did not expect to see. A guy I had a thing for a while back. He spots, comes over and he literally pulls me off to the side to talk to me. It's obvious he's glad to see me and and I'm really glad to see him. He looks really good too. Dammit! He starts the small talk and my mind goes completely blank. I can't think of any small talk to save my life. Nothing except "how's school", "how's the family" and that takes about 2 minutes. Then nothing. Awkward silence. I'm trying to stay calm of the outside, but on the inside I'm dying. He's looking at me and smiling and I've got nothing. He sees a mutual friend and politely excuses himself. Fuck! I blew it! I'm kicking myself!! As "Escort Ava", I can totally handle this, but as myself I'm a stuttering idiot. What's wrong with me?!!

  2. #2
    Featured Member wish's Avatar
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    Default Re: What's wrong with me?!!

    Awww.. It's just the I like you jitters. Sometimes a quick hello and a smile is the way to go until you can clear your head and think of something to say. Better luck next time I'm sure.

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  4. #3
    God/dess miss.a.p1600's Avatar
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    Default Re: What's wrong with me?!!

    I personally don't think silence always equates to awkward, but since you like this guy then yeah I understand how there would be some pressure to keep the convo going smoothly.

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    God/dess audrey_k's Avatar
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    Default Re: What's wrong with me?!!

    I'm the same way. I can strike up a conversation and put at ease the most awkward and stand-offish client or SC customer, and I just want to slap myself up the head how awkward and quiet I am with meeting my boyfriend's friends.

    I think part of it is you kind of forget how to act like yourself when you do sex work, you spend so much time playing a part that you don't really know how to act nornal anymore. It's also a bit uncomfortable because unless they're people you trust, there's a huge part of your life you can't talk about.

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  8. #5
    Moderator Aurora_Sunset's Avatar
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    Default Re: What's wrong with me?!!

    Quote Originally Posted by audrey_k View Post
    I'm the same way. I can strike up a conversation and put at ease the most awkward and stand-offish client or SC customer, and I just want to slap myself up the head how awkward and quiet I am with meeting my boyfriend's friends.

    I think part of it is you kind of forget how to act like yourself when you do sex work, you spend so much time playing a part that you don't really know how to act nornal anymore. It's also a bit uncomfortable because unless they're people you trust, there's a huge part of your life you can't talk about.

    I think this hits the nail on the head. It's one thing to go into a fake persona for clients, but it feels... icky to do that for people who you want to know the real you. Sometimes I feel like that divide makes me more awkward than normal when talking to men "IRL" because I'm so concerned with not letting my escort persona leak into my interaction.

    Also, the secrecy thing. Sometimes, it's easier to talk to clients because they already know what is probably the biggest secret in your life, and they have no right to judge you. Not being able to talk about something so big, or to lie when asked about work or how you spend a good chunk of your time, makes you feel even more awkward.

    Don't beat yourself up over it.
    Don't try to win over the haters. You are not the Jerk Whisperer.

    Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.






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