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Last edited by kaydee; 03-27-2022 at 10:09 AM. Reason: Deleted



My best friend was in a similar situation a couple of months ago.
Her boyfriend of a couple of years became moody, withdrawn, problems etc etc She cheated and broke up with him. She told him why too.
He confessed to mental illness/work problems etc and begged her to come back. She did. She is still venting about how much he annoys her and how she wishes he would be more affectionate and she could get laid with different people.
It seems like the problems these guys have aren't going anywhere. Whatever he told you -thats how its going to stay. They can't help it. Its a matter of whether its something your happy to deal with ongoing?





If you're going to break up with him... don't tell him, what would be the point.
If you want to stay together, then if the position were reversed would you want to know?
I personally have told a partner if I cheated and I wanted to continue our relationship; it has happened more than once (even if 'only' a kiss).





IMHO the need of some people to confess to cheating is more about relieving their own guilt than it is about truly doing what is best for their partners. In this case, you've already broken up with him. Why compound his pain further by telling him something like that?
As far as the break-up itself, it sounds like you did the right thing. Sometimes relationships just don't work out. If you weren't getting along, arguing every time you were together, and the affection was a thing of the past, then it sounds like things were over. He may love you and he may not be able to face the thought of losing you right now, so he's saying whatever he can to keep you, but that's not the same as being right for each other.
In any event, good luck as you sort through all of this.





I was in this exact same position a couple years ago... dated a great guy for two years, we were madly in love, talked about getting married... and then we started to grow apart. When we got together I was just putting my life back together and he was as well, but I managed to do it and he didn't. It became clear we just wanted different things. He became super dependent on me which was a huge turn off, and our sex life died, we fought a lot, and I ended up sleeping with someone else who I had been fighting an attraction for for months. I felt like shit about it and broke up with him, and it was ugly-- he begged me to stay, even called my father (who I moved in with after), refused to give me my things... he promised to change and I said he needed to change for himself. He said he would.
Two years now the line... he is the exact same person, nothing different. He also blamed his issues on mental illness, but the problem is that goes both ways-- the reason I'm like this is because I have a mental illness easily translated to "it's not y fault I'm like this" which translated to "I can't do anything to change." I tried to focus the break up on me and what was going on in my head rather than on him, since that gave him an opportunity to argue with me about how he could fix things between us. I believe that people change, just not for other people, only for themselves.
With the cheating thing, there is no reason to tell him. I have never told my ex and we are still in contact. It would have upset him and broken his heart even more, and for what? So I could say I did the right thing? How is telling someone something that will hurt them to make you feel better doing the right thing? It's unfortunately my burden to bear. If I had wanted to stay with him I might have had to think it out more, but breaking up with him, there's nothing to think about-- make it as painless as possible.





You sought out for somebody else because you weren't happy. Give yourself some time to forgive yourself. You are broken up already, don't confess that you cheated. You will only hurt him more.





I'm kinda in the same boat right now myself. I've been with this guy now for 4 months & all we do is fight when we're together for more than 3 days straight. He annoys me. period. He's extremely co dependent on me (which really turns me off) & also doesn't have anything going on in his life except for me. We were madly in love at the beginning but I'm just not as attracted to him as I was at first. He also has an alcohol problem which also turns me off. I find myself going out to the bars sometimes hoping I'll meet someone new bc I feel horrible for ditching him. I say don't tell him you cheated since you already broke up with him, I wouldn't want to know if I were him. Good luck <3
"Alot of people are afraid to say what they want, that's why they don't get what they want"~ Madonna
"Respect is a dying art"
"Philosophy is the talk on a cereal box"










I assumed she meant meds, no?
XoXo Gia
Danielle Fishell (the Dish): "If the Super-Star thing doesn't work out, Gia makes a great stripper name"




If you're not going to stay with him don't tell him. Honestly its just going to make you feel better, not him. Just let him go. Its really hard when they are super persistent so I suggest blocking all forms of communication (phone and email and social media).

You may or may not feel a little better by the confession, and he'll feel a whole lot worse. It sounds like the relationship was not on solid ground and he has some serious personal work to do. You reached out for some purely physical pleasure, and shouldn't spend too much energy beating yourself down over it. Regret sucks and eats up a huge amount of mental energy, and often for no good reason. I don't see a "wrong" or "right" here, just a learning opportunity.
I did this before. But yeah I definitely told that the cheating made it final, like, I cheated once I had decided I was done wight the relationship. I felt bad for them, but had to just remember the reasons why it wasn't gonna work. You can't go back in time now. So just let time move forward and I promise you will feel better. You don't actually WANT to feel ok with what you did right away because that's kind of sociopathic you know? Let yourself "grieve" for that innocence lost or whatever and time will erase the bad feelings, you still love you, you're still awesome, I promise. And best of all, even if you have cheated bad before, when you find someone you really love the thought or the fear that you will cheat will not be there at all.
"You wonder why the fuck I rap?
It's deez SeXaY BiAtCHeZ on mah lap!"
-peachplumpear
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