(First I'm going to admit that I've been posting here for years and this is a throwaway acct. I don't want to use my main account because I know I'd feel mortified -- I'm usually a private person. Hope this is okay mods.)
So I've been doing great in general for the past few years. I have a wonderful boyfriend, am killing it at work, feeling more secure in myself, etc. But in the last week I feel like I'm fucking everything up, and I don't even know why because everything was going so well!
I've been drinking enough at work this week that I can't even tell with certainty if I was drugged last night. I just have hazy memories of going past my boundaries for the first time in almost 5 years, seriously slurred speech, needing the host to count my money for me while other employees said catty shit, and somehow winding up at home with a (surprisingly large considering!?) pile of cash and crying about how I was the town drunk to my boyfriend (this is what he told me). I apparently drank another glass of liquor and passed out on the couch. When I woke up I was so depressed that I took some Xanax and went back to sleep. Then again. After doing that a few times I'm running low so I've decided just to stay awake, but now I'm stuck with this feeling that's beyond depression or anxiety I've experienced in the past. It's more like crippling shame and feeling hopeless!?
I think a lot of it has to do with going past my boundaries. It wasn't even fireable offense level stuff, just specific things that make my skin crawl personally. I know its not talked about much here, but has anyone felt similarly destroyed by pushing their boundaries?
Or maybe if I was actually drugged (I've NEVER felt so wrecked from alcohol alone!) is this kind of next-level depression a normal hangover symptom? I also don't know if I should say anything about it the next time I see the host (we've had a great work relationship in the past). I don't want to cause any drama with a manager because it would be absurd to ask them to review hours of security footage on the off chance they could see someone put something in my drink, but if you were in my position would it just make matters worse to say, "Hey, did I act weird the other day? I think I might have been slipped something" to the host? Or should I just hope I blend in with other drunk coworkers and wait for everyone to forget about it? I can only guess I didn't get in trouble because my boyfriend says I got home a little earlier than normal and when you get in trouble at my club they keep you late.
I'd talk about this with a therapist but the last guy hit on me so that's not an option for now. I also really don't want to go to a hospital or anything because I wasn't raped and I'm still breathing. Obviously I have to work sober for a while and watch any nonalcoholic drinks like a hawk. Any other advice for coping in the short or long term?
If anyone's made it this far into my stupid post thanks just for reading. Hopefully this will blow over tomorrow.. I just feel so disoriented and not one bit like myself. And I can't believe how suddenly I started to feel this way.



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The extreme depression may be a side effect of being drugged; it could also have just been caused by the liquor+Xanax+liquor+Xanax+etc wreaking havoc on your body & your brain chemistry. That & the uncertainty of what happened at work would easily work off each other to make the whole thing a lot worse. Don't know if that makes you feel any better but it is another possibility.
Thanks again ladies.



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