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Thread: Roommate Problems Escalating!! I don't know who the problem is?

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    Default Roommate Problems Escalating!! I don't know who the problem is?

    It's 12:30 and I was making myself some pasta when my landlord comes down to 'chat.' (read: rant) She asked if I could possibly do things when everyone else is up, because me making food in the kitchen while she is trying to sleep is very annoying to her; so annoying, in fact, that while she admits that what I'm doing is not even loud, it still keeps her awake.

    This is her complaint: Every night from 11:30-1:30, she claims, she has observed that this is the time when I 'decide to start doing things' and she specified the 'things':

    1) Water turning on and off for about 20 minutes (this must be when I'm washing up for bed)
    2) Cooking
    3) Stepping outside for my 'nightly smoke', walking, moving, and generally any and all noises

    She even made it personal by saying "You don't DO anything during the day then at night you suddenly have a million things to do" (this was a thinly veiled dig at me, for sure)

    She has lectured me on this same topic before. I really am not loud and I usually go to sleep before 2 AM. They leave before me in the mornings (which is why she must assume I 'don't do anything')

    Neither of my roommates have complained to me; she admitted that they haven't complained to her either. Who do you think is the unreasonable one here?
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    Default Re: Roommate Problems Escalating!! I don't know who the problem is?

    Can't she get some sound proof walls in her room?! You already said how much of a "light sleeper" this woman is.





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    Default Re: Roommate Problems Escalating!! I don't know who the problem is?

    Quote Originally Posted by Jay12 View Post
    Can't she get some sound proof walls in her room?! You already said how much of a "light sleeper" this woman is.
    That's the problem- she really is not making much of an effort to adapt. She complains like it's all my problem and I'm the one who needs to change to work around her schedule and preferences. There is no effort on her part to work out solutions so that both of us, with our extremely different lifestyles and habits, can coexist. She thinks I need just stop doing things that bother her and that's the end of it.

    I am an insomniac with a smoking problem. I've been going outside to smoke before bed since I was 15. Anyone who smokes knows how compulsive it can be and how hard it is to stop.

    I've mentioned that screaming alarm system that shouts every time someone opens a door before. What she needs to do is turn that unnecessary crap off, invest in a fan, and sleep with her door closed.
    "These lumps- I know you wanna slump up on these lumps! But you can't cause you're a chump- a chuuuump."
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    Default Re: Roommate Problems Escalating!! I don't know who the problem is?

    Does she know you have a night job? If you think you can get away with it, offer her some earplugs and/or a cheap white noise machine. Lay it on thick and cheerfully just how helpful they are when you're trying to get some sleep after a long shift and you hear all her understandable noises during the day.

    Is sneak smoking inside an option? So far I've gotten away with it by using a really high power fan pointed out a far window, using a spoof like I'm 14, while lighting a candle and occasionally febreezing with a towel under the door.

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    Default Re: Roommate Problems Escalating!! I don't know who the problem is?

    Quote Originally Posted by lol1337a View Post

    Is sneak smoking inside an option? So far I've gotten away with it by using a really high power fan pointed out a far window, using a spoof like I'm 14, while lighting a candle and occasionally febreezing with a towel under the door.
    This.

    My husband used to do this with a great degree of success in the first house we lived (the one where he had separate rooms).





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    Default Re: Roommate Problems Escalating!! I don't know who the problem is?

    She sounds like an anal bitch to me, sorry..& to say what you do or don't do during the day? Waaa, waa, waa..Can you breathe, lol?
    To me, you sound fine & normal, OMG if she had to detail w/my former drunken, ignorant frat boy-like room mates (guys in their late 50's btw) she wd go ballistic.

    Idk what to tell you, but she sounds weird..any options of living somewhere else?


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    Default Re: Roommate Problems Escalating!! I don't know who the problem is?

    Honestly if this was me. I'd fake politely point out tenant regulations, including building codes for sound proofing if you have any in your area, then give her some fuzzy ear muffs with a big happy plastic shit eating grim then buy some cute tap dancing shoes to wear around the house.

    Make a point of ignoring her. If she's at your door don't answer, especially if she knows you're there.

    I can be one hell of a bitch when it comes to landlords/ladys trying to tell me what to do. I'm very quiet, so when they bitch about noise I show them just how quiet I "normally" am.
    Quote Originally Posted by Kyaaa View Post
    Oh, something i did tonight when a guy wanted to give me his number i said 'we can't accept numbers when there's so many people/cameras watching. i'll only accept it if you hide it in a tip.' So he gave me $10. Ha.
    Now that's thinking green!

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    Default Re: Roommate Problems Escalating!! I don't know who the problem is?

    ^^^ for better or worse, this is one of the trade-offs when renting from a 'mom & pop' private landlord ... the landlord usually lives in close proximity to the tenant(s), and can take ( way too much ) personal interest in the tenant(s) schedule, behavior, visitors etc. There really aren't a whole lot of options available given that self-employed people with income verification problems typically need 'mom & pop' landlords more than the 'mom & pop' landlords need self-employed tenants.

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    Default Re: Roommate Problems Escalating!! I don't know who the problem is?

    Quote Originally Posted by kissykins View Post
    Honestly if this was me. I'd fake politely point out tenant regulations, including building codes for sound proofing if you have any in your area, then give her some fuzzy ear muffs with a big happy plastic shit eating grim then buy some cute tap dancing shoes to wear around the house.

    Make a point of ignoring her. If she's at your door don't answer, especially if she knows you're there.

    I can be one hell of a bitch when it comes to landlords/ladys trying to tell me what to do. I'm very quiet, so when they bitch about noise I show them just how quiet I "normally" am.
    Haha. Lmao^!


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    Default Re: Roommate Problems Escalating!! I don't know who the problem is?

    I think she's being unreasonable, but that doesn't really matter. She doesn't seem to be willing to work with you on these issues so, who's right and who's wrong is sort of not the point. Are you on month by month or do you have a proper lease? If you have a proper lease and want to stay I would fight her with landlord regulations, but it sounds like it would be better to just move since you've had issues before.

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    Default Re: Roommate Problems Escalating!! I don't know who the problem is?

    I am way too paranoid to try sneak smoking... If I got caught she would probably sue me, I'm serious. She hates smoking so much and she absolutely resents me for being a smoker.

    ^ I have another 4 months on the lease. I'm willing to stick it out b/c moving would waste a lot of time I don't have right now. Plus, I am almost certain she would not return my security deposit if I left early, even if we agreed upon it; in fact, I am already worried that she will not hand it over just because 1) she's super cheap and 2) she can't stand me.

    There are 4 strangers living in this house together; she needs to realize it is not ideal for anyone and it's temporary. She has options to make it easier on herself, but she will not do them. So, I really think all I can do is just live my life and since I'm not doing anything wrong, she needs to just suck it up. I can't think of another approach that doesn't include moving out.
    "These lumps- I know you wanna slump up on these lumps! But you can't cause you're a chump- a chuuuump."
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    Default Re: Roommate Problems Escalating!! I don't know who the problem is?

    Have you ever tried electronic cigarettes?

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    Default Re: Roommate Problems Escalating!! I don't know who the problem is?

    RE: your worry of not getting the security deposit back -- did you guys sign a lease/contract/whatever-you-wanna-call-it stating the terms of you renting from her? Security deposit should be covered in that agreement. She would not be w/in any rights to refuse to give back your security deposit if you keep your side of the agreement.

    Now, playing devil's advocate here -- you've been on abt how she refuses to adapt to you being there i.e. refusing to get a fan or white-noise machine, refusing to disable the alarm, etc. I understand you have a nite job & you are basically on a complete opposite schedule from this lady. I have been 'that guy' b4 who keeps the crazy hrs & cooks dinner at 2am bc I go to sleep at 4am at the end of said crazy hrs I'm curious, what have you been doing to adapt to her? In another thread you said smtg abt an argument over the thermostat, right? She keeps it Chilly Fkng Cold? Have you considered an electric blanket? You can get sm that are for great prices, well-adjustable temperatures & you'd be surprised how much energy they DON'T eat up! Have you tried pumpkin seeds for your insomnia? My ex turned me onto that -- grind them up in the blender & mix a couple spoonfuls into sm applesauce, or smtg else mix-friendly, an hr or so b4 bedtime.

    I agree that from what you've posted abt this lady, she's being a right bitch. But if you're going to stick it out til the lease ends, it might be in your interest to try to adapt a bit as well, not to make it easier on her, but to make it easier on yourself.

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    Default Re: Roommate Problems Escalating!! I don't know who the problem is?

    E-cigs I did not like, however vapes are wonderful and I am actually buying one on Wednesday so that will help a lot. I've been so depressed about not being able to quit, and this time w/ a vape I think will hopefully be the last time.

    Aniela- after the incident with the heat, I never brought it up again even though it took her almost 3 weeks after that to turn the heat on. I simply bought more blankets and waited it out. There are a couple things that bother me (the alarm, the short time on the hot water, the parking, and misc. minor things) that I don't complain about just for the sake of peace. She has no idea then that she has bothersome habits as well. So I guess my way of adapting has been just keeping my grievances to myself.

    As for the insomnia... pumpkin seeds sounds like a good idea. I like herbal remedies so I will give this a try. I also have a dr. appt. on Wednesday and I will request to be given Xanax again, my fave pharmaceutical sleep remedy.
    "These lumps- I know you wanna slump up on these lumps! But you can't cause you're a chump- a chuuuump."
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    Default Re: Roommate Problems Escalating!! I don't know who the problem is?

    I would read up on some tips on how to be passive aggressive to a roommate, and trust me it will drive her mighty insane.

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    Default Re: Roommate Problems Escalating!! I don't know who the problem is?

    (Rant alert)

    ^ That's not my style these days, but she has such a disdain for me and her constant bitching does make me want to go off on her next time she starts at it again. And like I said, she is starting to make personal comments to me and that is really uncool. The fact that I dread coming 'home' and feel so uncomfortable and restricted in a place I am paying a decent amount to occupy has made life suck a little more than it really has to.

    For example, I find it strange that she mentally records my every move. She recites to me times, and the actions I was doing at each time. That's weird. It makes me paranoid- the internet bill is in her name (included in the rent), she is in control of it- does she look to see what I do online? Who knows- I wouldn't put it past her.

    I had to go outside to get my phone from my car a few minutes ago- she is in for the night but I'm sure she's awake now. Am I gonna have to hear about that tomorrow? It's only 12:30 and I'm headed to bed soon, but I still need to go in the bathroom to get ready, and *gasp* run the water. Oh, and I still have to get water to drink from the kitchen. The sound of the fridge door might wake her up, God forbid that, *eyeroll*

    The lady is definitely a bit off- the fact that the house looks like a label maker threw up is testament to that. I'm just tired of walking on eggshells, it's not normal!
    "These lumps- I know you wanna slump up on these lumps! But you can't cause you're a chump- a chuuuump."
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    Default Re: Roommate Problems Escalating!! I don't know who the problem is?

    I'm a light sleeper myself and really enjoy my sleep. Even though your landlord is being completely unreasonable by refusing to sleep with ear plugs or a white noise machine, I can understand how shitty it is to be waken up in the middle of the night (and also in the morning as well). If you gotta stick it out for another 4 months, is there anyway you can mask your noise so she can shut up for a second? Maybe try cooking with the kitchen fan on or with the t.v. on? I can't speak for anyone else but the number one thing that makes me wake up is foot steps. If I hear foot steps, I'm bound to wake up. I don't know if doing your thing with a fan or with the t.v. will actually help her sleep, but you can at least say that you tried masking the noise. Maybe if she sees that you're putting in some effort, then maybe she can put in some effort too? I doubt she will because she sounds like an uber bitch, but it's worth a try!

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    Default Re: Roommate Problems Escalating!! I don't know who the problem is?

    Idk, it sounds like anything she will do, will bother this woman..I'm sorry KK it sounds really frustrating, & I hope you can find a better place soon.


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    Default Re: Roommate Problems Escalating!! I don't know who the problem is?

    omg!!! I'm in a similar situation myself with my roomie. She's about 60 yrs old & is a snobby property manager who has had roommates most of her life. She lives a completely different lifestyle than me & makes small passive aggressive jabs at me about it 7 even to her friends who come over at times. She knows I work nights 7 do my thing mostly at night & knows I sleep in til about 1 or 2 pm & still goes about her crazy lifestyle wich onvolves getting up at 5 or 6 am stomping around when she walks upstairs & smashes ginger or garlic on the dam cutting board which wakes me up from time to time. I've told her about it & haven't heard her banging since but I still hear her stomping when she walks. Then she'll have little gatherings upstairs in the main room & without asking if I'm home sleeping or whatnot she'll talk loud as hell & so will her buddies. Ugh I'm sooo sick of living with a roommate that is on a different clock than me! It's sooo fucking annoying! I hate handing her my hard earned money every month knowing that she doesn't give a flip about making tons of noise when she's up & awake on her clock. I hate walking past her during the late afternoons when I go out & start my day around 4 -5 pm & she's just sitting there in "her" chair watching t.v. I hate having to fake being polite. I say find another room to rent if i were you, preferably someone on your schedule too. Good luck!
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    Default Re: Roommate Problems Escalating!! I don't know who the problem is?

    Quote Originally Posted by KikiGem View Post
    For example, I find it strange that she mentally records my every move. She recites to me times, and the actions I was doing at each time.
    Not really that weird. Most of the time when people are having issues... you'll hear others to advise them of the full extent of the issue via "make a list of all the times they do this thing so they'll know how frequently the disruptive behavior effects them. It's supposed to help people understand the full extent of the issue from your point of view or something.
    The reason it seems crazy here is because she's unwilling to do simple things to make her own life easier. Some people just love to have a reason to be upset with you for being so horrible and inconsiderate... even when you aren't really doing anything wrong.
    Honestly... you aren't doing anything crazy or loud. As long as you're not slamming things around or making excessive noise... I'd just sort of... do your thing. Unless catering to her schedule was written into your lease... you can be on any schedule you want. Next time she confronts you with a list... have one prepared of your own and list all the disruptive things SHE'S done and ask how you can BOTH resolve these problems.
    Quote Originally Posted by camille27 View Post
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    Default Re: Roommate Problems Escalating!! I don't know who the problem is?

    My upstairs neighbor complained a lot like this when I lived in the 2nd story level of a 3 story unit. IMO some people are just fussy. (BTW I know the noise we made at night was very little b/c my room mate & I were usually gone 1-2 weeks out of the month...How can an empty apartment make noise? Also they'd bitch about the crying baby in the apartment. Well kids cry, it's annoying but there's a wall or two between you and the kid. Gah.)

    Anyways, comply with her craziness for a minute & find somewhere else to live. There are plenty of mom & pop landlords to rent from, especially now. The primary upside of renting is getting to bail on a BS situation.

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    Default Re: Roommate Problems Escalating!! I don't know who the problem is?

    If your hours don't suit each other, then maybe it would be a good idea to look for a new place before things do escalate and it becomes a very negative environment to live in. Maybe you are being loud or she's a light sleeper, but if not her complaints will only get worse and more exaggerated. I've had neighbours like this (They wrote to the landlord and said that I was having "furniture moving parties all day long"...which was actually impossible, and the landlord knew this, because I wasn't home during the day then), some people just need someone and something to complain about.
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    Default Re: Roommate Problems Escalating!! I don't know who the problem is?

    Thanks for all the answers ladies. ^You're right in that some people are just fussy. I am going to do my best to adjust thought there isn't much I can do. If she brings it up again, I'm going to explain to her the things she should do do to make life easier for herself and if things do get hostile- I really don't want to but I will bring up breaking the lease if necessary.
    "These lumps- I know you wanna slump up on these lumps! But you can't cause you're a chump- a chuuuump."
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    Arrow Re: Roommate Problems Escalating!! I don't know who the problem is?

    Quote Originally Posted by xxxGothBarbie View Post
    omg!!! I'm in a similar situation myself with my roomie. She's about 60 yrs old & is a snobby property manager who has had roommates most of her life. She lives a completely different lifestyle than me & makes small passive aggressive jabs at me about it 7 even to her friends who come over at times. She knows I work nights 7 do my thing mostly at night & knows I sleep in til about 1 or 2 pm & still goes about her crazy lifestyle wich onvolves getting up at 5 or 6 am stomping around when she walks upstairs & smashes ginger or garlic on the dam cutting board which wakes me up from time to time. I've told her about it & haven't heard her banging since but I still hear her stomping when she walks. Then she'll have little gatherings upstairs in the main room & without asking if I'm home sleeping or whatnot she'll talk loud as hell & so will her buddies. Ugh I'm sooo sick of living with a roommate that is on a different clock than me! It's sooo fucking annoying! I hate handing her my hard earned money every month knowing that she doesn't give a flip about making tons of noise when she's up & awake on her clock. I hate walking past her during the late afternoons when I go out & start my day around 4 -5 pm & she's just sitting there in "her" chair watching t.v. I hate having to fake being polite. I say find another room to rent if i were you, preferably someone on your schedule too. Good luck!
    YES^! This was my former roomies, only they were loud, drunken, ignorant, greedy, (tryin' to get ME to pay for their movie channels when I nvr watch tv). Did I mention they almost ALWAYS disturbed me?

    Quote Originally Posted by DesuvsDeath View Post
    Not really that weird. Most of the time when people are having issues... you'll hear others to advise them of the full extent of the issue via "make a list of all the times they do this thing so they'll know how frequently the disruptive behavior effects them. It's supposed to help people understand the full extent of the issue from your point of view or something.
    The reason it seems crazy here is because she's unwilling to do simple things to make her own life easier. Some people just love to have a reason to be upset with you for being so horrible and inconsiderate... even when you aren't really doing anything wrong.
    Honestly... you aren't doing anything crazy or loud. As long as you're not slamming things around or making excessive noise... I'd just sort of... do your thing. Unless catering to her schedule was written into your lease... you can be on any schedule you want. Next time she confronts you with a list... have one prepared of your own and list all the disruptive things SHE'S done and ask how you can BOTH resolve these problems.
    Perfect!^

    Quote Originally Posted by SnuffleUffleGrass View Post
    My upstairs neighbor complained a lot like this when I lived in the 2nd story level of a 3 story unit. IMO some people are just fussy. (BTW I know the noise we made at night was very little b/c my room mate & I were usually gone 1-2 weeks out of the month...How can an empty apartment make noise? Also they'd bitch about the crying baby in the apartment. Well kids cry, it's annoying but there's a wall or two between you and the kid. Gah.)

    Anyways, comply with her craziness for a minute & find somewhere else to live. There are plenty of mom & pop landlords to rent from, especially now. The primary upside of renting is getting to bail on a BS situation.
    Yes!!!^

    Quote Originally Posted by OliveJardin View Post
    If your hours don't suit each other, then maybe it would be a good idea to look for a new place before things do escalate and it becomes a very negative environment to live in. Maybe you are being loud or she's a light sleeper, but if not her complaints will only get worse and more exaggerated. I've had neighbours like this (They wrote to the landlord and said that I was having "furniture moving parties all day long"...which was actually impossible, and the landlord knew this, because I wasn't home during the day then), some people just need someone and something to complain about.
    THIS^! &, Sure, b/c I mean yeah, 'furnature moving parties' that's what ppl do, right?

    Can I thank these posts, like 500 more times, lol.
    THIS & more, is one reason I choose to live in a motel. It may not be the greatest/cheapest solution (compared to renting/rooming) but I. am. left. the fuck alone.
    After my above mentioned roomies, just. no.
    Also, I find ppl in general reeeeallly f'n controlling, & to me that's a BIG factor behind all this bullshit, besides maybe they're crazy, ignorant fucks too?


    MANY MEN WANTED TO LAY ME DOWN, BUT FEW WANTED TO LIFT ME UP

    -Eartha Kitt

  37. #25
    God/dess xxxGothBarbie's Avatar
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    Default Re: Roommate Problems Escalating!! I don't know who the problem is?

    I agree completely !!! when I find a better solution I'm soo. out the fucking door
    "Alot of people are afraid to say what they want, that's why they don't get what they want"~ Madonna




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