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Thread: SO probs

  1. #1
    Senior Member chickchick8182's Avatar
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    Default SO probs

    So I've been with the same dude for 18 yrs, married 13 of those yrs. All is good on most fronts. I'm currently a PSO and looking into camming. Discussed the PSO job at length with SO, we discussed, decided and he's been totally cool with it, as was he with my choice to look into camming. So with all this "coolness", imagine my surprise today when I get a nasty text from him. Apparently I had butt dialed him, while my BFF and I were laughing about a call I got. It was one of the ones that just strikes you as funny, no biggie. He was angry that I was discussing this call with her. She's my BFF, before I found SW who else was I going to talk to about it???? I mean some of the stuff you just have to laugh at or you'd go insane! I tell him this, and he keeps asking me, why anyone else needs to know what I do? I'm totally in shock here. So what is this an embarrassment thing??? Is it fine what I do as long as it's MY little secret???? Totally blown away here. Just needed to vent, and ask, how do any of you PSO girls or cam girls handle your job and your significant other?

  2. #2
    Banned Aniela's Avatar
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    Default Re: SO probs

    I have had the opposite problem, w/ SOs outing me after promising to keep it to themselves 'bc they don't think it should matter who knows'. Both situations infuriate me tbh, bc when you're in a field that's as stigmatised as sexwork is, what both of these mindsets do is take away the choice of the sexworker as to who knows abt their job. The person who is basically peripheràl to the job should not be the one dictating who in your/their circle does or does not know!

    How long have you been in the industry? I know you said that you & SO have been together for a long time. If his 'embarrassment' or whatever hés calling it is just surfacing now, it seems you have quite the communication hurdle to overcome. He needs to get over himself enough to sit down w/ you, explain where he is coming from, & hear you out on the subj so you can find a solution going forward that will make you both happy.

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    Senior Member chickchick8182's Avatar
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    Default Re: SO probs

    I've been in the industry like 5 months. I started out doing virtual sex work, which is pretty much a joke btw, Told him about it, showed him the site ect. he was okay with it. When I realized how much bs that was, I researched and signed up with two PSO sites, again I showed him, my profiles, yada yada, everything's been cool. So I'm just baffled. I mean I talk to him all the time about calls. I'm an open book, I'll never not tell him bc then it feels like I'm hiding something. Obviously I don't have these blow by blow convos of what guys want to do to me on the phone, but the normal " OMG you'll never believe my day" or " If you heard this hilarious dude today" kind of normal shit with any job.

    This just came so out of left field that I'm bewildered by it. By a follow up text, I'm getting that he's worried she'll tell her BF and he'll look for me specifically or something? To be a custy or something? I'm just not even sure. I need to get more out of him, as to what is really the issue here, or if he was just having a moment of insecurity.

    It's frustrating because you're right, this business is so stigmatized, you walk around feeling like you have to hide every damn thing. It's like you're sitting with a group of your friends, and they're telling funny work stories..I've got a few, but wait..can't say that. It's annoying. It's got to be ridiculous to have a SO suddenly decide HE'S going to tell people what you do. I'd be beside myself, bc like you said, it's OUR choice to decide who knows, and when.

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    Banned Aniela's Avatar
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    Default Re: SO probs

    No more txting! I admit I have a bit of a problem w/ txting, I think ppl tend to rely on it too much -- but this is too important of a thing to just leave it to a txt convo. Strap his ass down if you have to

    Seriously tho, I don't think there is a 'right or wrong' answer to this sort of thing, just bc every couple is different. Sm couples seem to do just fine w/ a 'don't ask, don't tell' approach; sm SOs are able to handle the thornier aspects of sexwork, etc. But you guys won't find the approach that works for you if he doesn't join you in discussing the problem. Maybe it turns out that, right or wrong, he can't handle your job, for whatever reason, & you will have to decide between it & him. Not trying to be overly pessimistic, but it may be a possibility.

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    Featured Member wednesday86's Avatar
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    Default Re: SO probs

    Some guys are embarrassed that their wife "has to do that kind of work" or even work AT ALL because it makes them feel like they can't support you, or whatever. It hurts their ego. My husband doesn't mind that our close friends know what I do, but he doesn't like hearing any details from my job at all other than "It was a good night. I made a lot of $$" or "It was a bad night, really boring and dead, didn't make much." He never wants to hear about "flirty" conversations I've had with customers or any details about lap dances or anything because it starts to make him jealous. Guys are weird.

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  7. #6
    Senior Member chickchick8182's Avatar
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    Default Re: SO probs

    Some guys are embarrassed that their wife "has to do that kind of work" or even work AT ALL because it makes them feel like they can't support you, or whatever. It hurts their ego.
    ^^^ This right here. After sitting him down this evening, and asking him what was really wrong, it was this. He said if my BFF were to tell her BF it would make him look bad. Look bad like he can't support his family, so his wife "has" to be a PSO. While he expressed that he doesn't doubt me, worry about the guys on the other end of the phone, or cam, he is worried that I will eventually resent him for having to do this type of work. It's all about the ego. I was prepared for jealousy, but he assures me it has nothing to do with jealousy or mistrust.

    Must be a weird guy thing to think they have to pull the majority of the weight all of the time. The man works close to 70 hours a week, I'm certainly not complaining, and it surely doesn't look like he's not supporting his own. I will say it is slightly endearing, but also frustrating. I don't mind PSO, its different, its a pain some days yeah, but it also makes me laugh and sometimes it's even fun. Hopefully he really heard me when I told him I don't mind it, and I don't "have' to do anything, I'm doing it because I want to.

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    Senior Member chickchick8182's Avatar
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    Default Re: SO probs

    Aniela- you're right about the texting. People do rely on it to much. I'm bad about not being able to wait. I couldn't call him bc he was working in a place he couldn't take calls, but I can't ever wait! If something is up I want to hash it out right then and there lol. I'm glad it didn't turn into a " him or the job" situation. From the beginning just discussing going into this line of work I couldn't believe how okay he was about it all. I've been constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop so to speak. I just wish he didn't beat himself up over him feeling like he's not providing, he is, circumstances just change sometimes. It'll all work it self out I think. Thanks for listening and the great advice girls, can I say again how much I love it here??!!!!

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    Featured Member wednesday86's Avatar
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    Default Re: SO probs

    Well I think a lot of men still have the "protector/provider" mentality and overall I think it's a good thing. It means you have a good man, not a lazy asshole. My husband supported me for years but I like dancing making my OWN money. I would rather him work less and be able to spend more time with me and our son (he used to work 6 days a week, 12 hours a day) than make more money.
    Once he realized that we are BOTH happier and less stressed out with me dancing he got over it, and he supports me 100%. I'm sure your S.O will as well. Just takes some time. He sounds like a good guy though.

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  11. #9
    Senior Member chickchick8182's Avatar
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    Default Re: SO probs

    He really is a good guy. That's exactly what I want out of my working too. He's supported me for the past four years, and I want to contribute and take some of the weight off his shoulders. I'd rather be a PSO or cam girl, than do nothing and never see him bc he's living at work. I think in time we'll both be happier for it as well.

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